I apologize for being over a week behind in sharing my thoughts on the venerable Wimbledon tournament this year, but the NBA Draft, and life, interrupted my almost up-to-the-minute reporting on it!

So, I’m dividing my musings into two parts this week, so as to not overwhelm you all. (And creepy Stepford Wife Eugenie Bouchard gets her very own column!)

And, of course, it goes without saying that I’m sick that Roger Federer did not win the final, but that’s life. I’ll discuss that eventuality further in Part II because, as many of you know by now, I’m compelled by my brain to go in order of events, which is how I jotted them down. (And this time, for the most part, I’m leaving them in the tense I wrote them down at the time, kind-of like a journal.)

So here goes:

Camila Giorgi.

Camila Giorgi.



I’ve been watching for many hours, and finally have something to report. (But only because I don’t have the energy to keep reporting all the mis-everything from the commentators.)

I forgot all about player Camila Giorgio. But the second I saw her I remembered how adorable she is. And her fabulous fashions continued with her dress at this tourney. The lace-ruffled bottom, that had little eyelets, makes it the one I consider to be the best overall. (But I could barely take a photo for you because they showed her for just a minute or so.)

Why is young Heather Watson wearing a virtual maternity dress? Is it because she noticed that I was ragging on the girls’ stomachs sticking out, and she wanted to disguise hers?

Heather Watson's dumpy outfit.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Heather Watson’s dumpy outfit. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Heather’s almost-knee-length skirt is so weird. The top is tank, but her bottom looks like she’s playing in the fifties! Even weirder is that the sponsor name on her get-up is that of a cosmetics company! What a bad advertisement for them. And the skirt is pulled-up almost to her boobs, like old man pants are. Ugh. She looks like a nurse in a World War Two flick.

Mary Jo Fernandez is the best, most honest commentator. She’s still too pro-American for me, and far from perfect, but she’s the one I enjoy listening to the most. Plus–and this is a big one for me–she has by far the best hair on the set! You go, girl.




Patrick McEnroe was trying to put a spin on how good a tennis player Venus Williams still is, and told his brother John to not be a downer when he tried to let us know she wasn’t “playing all that good.” Too much.

ESPN Host Chris McKendry.  Am I wrong about the raptor resemblance?  Photo by Karen Salkin.

ESPN Host Chris McKendry. Am I wrong about the raptor resemblance? Photo by Karen Salkin.

I finally realized what segment host Chris McKendry looks like with that giant head and little forearms and hands–a raptor! (By the way–I would not be saying this if she had a real deformity.)

And McKendry kept interrupting panelists John and Patrick McEnroe and Chris Evert, which is the entertaining stuff we watch for! What a terrible show host!

I love Italian player Fabio Fognini!!! Now he’s the kind of colorful personality this sport needs! He’s hilarious.

Please, ESPN, take Pam Shriver off the air already! Now she called “Gilles” Simon “Geal.” (In case this doesn’t read right, it’s pronounced with soft “G,” as in “Jacques,” but she used a hard one, as in “Greg.”

Pam Shriver, looking the best she's ever looked!  I'm afraid I have to take credit for the transformation because I always write that she needs to wash her hair!  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Pam Shriver, looking the best she’s ever looked! I’m afraid I have to take credit for the transformation because I always write that she needs to wash her hair! Photo by Karen Salkin.

The powers-that-be at ESPN must be reading my site because Friday was the best that Pam Shriver ever looked! Her hair was finally really clean, and, dare I say, shiny. And–she was wearing a fake tan and make-up! I swear, I never knew she has blue eyes. And I always recognize fellow light-orbed folks. She possibly looked better than even Mary Jo! (See how fair I am? As much as I rag, I’m more happy to laud.)

Barbara Zahlavova Strycova–what an adorable girl! She reminds me of Kim Clijsters, both in looks and lovely demeanor. They could be sisters.

ESPN never shows us what celebs are in the audience there! Maybe you have to watch the Tennis Channel for that. [Note: ESPN finally did, but at the end of the tourney.]

Barbara Zahlavova Strycova. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Barbara Zahlavova Strycova. Photo by Karen Salkin.

When Venus lost to Petra Kvitova, Patrick said, “Gracious as always, Venus Williams.” Where does he get that from? A quick, tepid handshake and a congrats? That’s gracious? Perhaps he doesn’t know the definition the word.

Patrick called Amelie Mauresmo “Emily!” Oh no!—Non-correct-pronouncing must be catching over there!




The lame Breakfast at Wimbledon fare.  The strawberries and scones are correct, but the donuts and croissants (on the left) are pathetic. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The lame Breakfast at Wimbledon fare. The strawberries and scones are correct, but the donuts and croissants (on the left) are pathetic. Photo by Karen Salkin.

It’s the week-end, so ESPN calls their first hour of coverage “Breakfast at Wimbledon.” And they’re trying to dress-up the set by putting snacks out on the table in front of the commentators. So, of course they have bowls of strawberries, because strawberries and cream are very associated with England in general, and the Wimbledon tournament in specific. They also have one small plate of scones, which is de rigueur over the pond. But why are donuts and croissants on the table? Here’s my theory: The producers know that it’s supposed to be scones, but they didn’t have enough of them to make the presentation will look correct, so they just went to their craft service table and pulled out some doughnuts and croissants and stacked them up on a plate, assuming no one would really notice, nor care. (I guess they didn’t realize that eagle-eye Salkin it would be watching. How foolish of them!) [Note: the following week-end, they did the same thing, though with no scones, and more of the other pastries. Maybe they were just embarrassed that they did it wrong the first time, so they had to keep it going so it would look like they did it intentionally to begin with. But on behalf of British people everywhere, I say shame on them.]

Hannah Storm is so goony. That’s one thing that never changes.

Andy Murray really seems like such a nice level-headed guy. And he’s so much better-looking off the court. Nice to see him smile nowadays.

Speaking of Andy Murray, there’s been a lot of controversies surrounding his choice of Amelie Mauresmo as his new coach, not because of she herself, but because she’s a female. I don’t know if there are any other males who have a female as their coach, unless it’s their mother. But I applaud the cross-gender working relationship, especially because it proves that I was way ahead of my time in this category. When I was in sixth grade, and in the “one” class, (of course,) a girl in my class named Marjorie was running against my next door neighbor, Mark, who was in the “two” class. To everyone’s shock and amazement, (including my own,) he asked me to be his campaign manager, rather than one of his guy pals! My parents said that Mark’s parents must have told him to do it because, at that time, I was probably the smartest kid in my grade. [Note: One of my elementary school pals, whom I still know, showed me our sixth grade picture, where you have to enter who is the “est” of everything, and she showed me that she had me as the brainiest, and she said that everyone she knew at the time put me down as that, too. Boy, have times changed!] It was a total controversy for a boy to have a girl as his campaign manager, especially from a different classroom. But guess what? We won! And that’s exactly what Andy Murray was trying to do with Ms. Mauresmo.

Beckham is still gorgeous, even though he's practically gurning in this pic! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Beckham is still gorgeous, even though he’s practically gurning in this pic! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Has David Beckham ever looked bad? Ever? Even with wrinkles and a sometimes “gurning” smile.

Finally, on the sixth day, one commentator corrected another! But it was Cliff Drysdale to Chris Evert, and God knows, Cliff has perhaps the most blunders of them all!

Regarding Maria Sharapova owning a candy line: How can an athlete hawk sugar? That’s just not right!

Patrick said “smorgaSHborrG!” OMG! (He meant “smorgasbord,” of course.)

After Serena Williams saved a break point against Alize Cornet, (the wonderful girl who wound-up defeating her,) she went right up to the net, shaking her fist at Cornet! Commentator Chris Fowler pointed it out, but did not say what a bad sport she is. Props to him for at least mentioning it, (I think he was so shocked that he had no choice but to comment on it,) but shame on Mary Jo Fernandez for just brushing it under the rug. If it was any other player, they would have made the biggest fuss about the beyond-bad sportsmanship. (I have a feeling that Mary Carrillo wouldn’t have let that dreadful behavior slide, and perhaps did so on the Tennis Channel’s coverage.)

Serena Williams, almost crying because she's losing.  Or is it because her fake brows are wearing off? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Serena Williams, almost crying because she’s losing. Or is it because her fake brows are wearing off? Photo by Karen Salkin.

I wonder if other countries tell it like it is about the Williams.

Serena is the worst sport ever. She almost cries when she’s down.

When Alize defeated her, Serena did something so uncalled for that even I, a Serena hater, could not fathom it. I believe that the tournament organizers ask all competitors to walk off the court together at the end of matches, but very few ever listen to it that rule. Usually, the loser just wants to get off the court, which is totally understandable. Also, in that way, by walking off first, the defeated player gets to wave to the crowd and have his or her own applause. It is usually nice of that player to wait until the winner is finished packing their stuff, and walk off together, but it’s just really not expected anymore. So for some reason, (which I believe was to make herself look like some semblance of a good sport, though it definitely didn’t come across that way,) Serena decided to walk off with her opponent. But, this being the greatest victory of the Alize Cornet’s tennis career, she was sitting in her chair and thoroughly enjoying the feeling of having just beaten the number one seed, who mall the commentators say is unbeatable. The crowd was still cheering for her and she was hardly able to control her newfound euphoria. Serena came up behind her and rudely tapped her on the shoulder and told her that they have to walk off together. Alize was surprised, but cooperative, so she jumped right up to leave. If Serena had really been a good sport, she would’ve just walked off by herself and let Alize continue enjoying her victory. That was indeed really horrible of Serena.

I'm sorry I didn't get a clearer snap of the fist-clenching incident, but even so, you can clearly see that Serena is making that obnoxious gesture to her opponent.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m sorry I didn’t get a clearer snap of the fist-clenching incident, but even so, you can clearly see that Serena is making that obnoxious gesture to her opponent. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The ESPN analysts should be ashamed of themselves for not even mentioning Serena’s fist-shaking, at any point in the many-hours-long coverage! If anybody else had done that, they would have made such a fuss.

And they kept making excuses for her. Even usually nice Darren Cahill said that she has a big target on her back. Well duh, every number one has a target on his or her back; that’s saying nothing.

When Wozniacki was #1 without winning anything, Serena had snarky things to say about it, but now she’s #1 without even making a quarterfinal this whole year!

[Note: If you missed my column about more of Serena’s recent shenanigans you can read it here:]

Okay, listen up! This is to every single sportscaster out there, and most of the general public as well: “fewer” and “less” are not interchangeable!!! Since you all obviously what absent the day this was taught in elementary school, here is the difference, (even though it’s shameful that nobody seems to be able to figure this simple thing out on their own): “fewer” is applied to things that can be counted. I.e. points, individuals, dollars, pages, etc. “Less” is for things that cannot be counted. I.e. liquid, self-esteem, shaving cream, etc. [Note: if you really don’t understand this, feel free to leave me a comment, and I’ll explain it further, possibly in its own column.]

Hearing Roger Federer speak still makes me cry because I love him so much. He’s just perfect. [And I wrote this the week before he lost, so I certainly wasn’t crying for a sad reason.]

That’s it for now. I’ll finish up the last week’s thoughts tomorrow.


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