DON’T GIVE OURSELVES ANYTHING TO REGRET REGARDING OUR LOVED ONES

With the recent spate of celebrity, (and in the case of Mr. X and me, friend,) deaths, I’ve been ruminating on a topic I’ve started to write about a few times in the past year or so. And that is that I implore everyone to please appreciate the living while we can.

Donald and Keifer Sutherland.

There are so many ways to do that, including with kindness, politeness, and making time for people. Even Kiefer Sutherland just said that he was sorry that he had not spent more time with his late father, Donald Sutherland. We always think there’s more time.

Of course, we should all be kind to everyone, but today I’m talking about being so to loved ones, especially our elders.

So my advice right now is mainly to take the time to ask them questions, both for your sake and theirs. When Mr. X and I would visit my little mother in her last few years, her favorite moments were when the three of us would sit in the living room, enjoying whatever snack I came up with, while she would regale us with tales from her younger years. Even if I had heard them before, I loved seeing the joy on her face as she remembered them.

Although I have little to regret when it comes to my treatment of my parents, (which according to both my parents’ friends and my own, was better than just about any other offspring they’ve ever seen,) I still often think of things I wish I had asked them when I had the chance.

One of the three times I had my little mother, May Rose Salkin, on my TV show. She was readign one of her famous poems, and one of her beautiful oil paintings was featured on the table. Photo by Mr. X.

I’m not saying I was perfect—my mother and I argued a lot after she was widowed, most likely because I spent so much time with her then. When I asked her why she often quibbled with me in those later years, she answered, “I’m just enjoying my favorite activity with my favorite child!” My parents had always bickered with each other, and when my father passed, a friend of mine pointed-out that I became his substitute as my mother’s sparring partner! My mother and I both knew we meant nothing by the quarreling; it was just our way.

But a few times, especially in recent years, I’ve noticed some of my younger pals being—how shall I put it?—a tad rude to their elders. And it chaps my hide. Besides that I abhor rudeness of any kind, in regard to impertinence to parents, my heart aches for both parties, but especially for the young ones, knowing that if they have any semblance of a heart, they will regret their behavior down the line.

May Rose and Karen Salkin in Aspen. Photo by INAM staff.

One more suggestion is to take tons of photos, with everyone who is even the least bit important to you. Several times in the past few years, people have offered to take a pic of me with someone, and I stupidly declined, either because I thought I didn’t look good or I just didn’t want to bother the picture-taker nor the other person who would be in the photo. I have so many regrets about those times. That’s a lesson learned the very hard way.

There’s not much more to say on this subject. I’m just imploring everyone to please take my words to heart, and try to keep yourself in check to act accordingly. Revere the ones who deserve it while you still can.