I can’t let Christmas Day go by without first bringing the room down a little. I have to acknowledge that tomorrow (the actual day) marks two years since my mother left this level of life, and it still haunts me. (And I’m sure will continue to do so for the rest of my life.) So, last year I pretty much completely ignored the holiday, and was planning to do so again this year. As Mr. X so perfectly put it, “It’s difficult to re-ignite that celebratory spirit.”

But then a Christmas miracle happened! People started sending me cards, and a few kind pals even sent or brought me presents. I’ve been invited to many parties and events celebrating this time of year, and I even finally broke down and decorated a very tiny area of my house. Mr. X and I still can’t bring ourselves to put up a tree and lights, or take out all my fabulous holiday dishes and tchotchkes, because I’m still pretty much a wreck over this now-dichotomic day. (But we did get to rock some Ugly Christmas Sweaters! The one Mr. X has been wearing has been the hit of the season!)

The beautiful Rockefeller Center tree.

The beautiful Rockefeller Center tree.

I had DVRed a bunch of Christmas specials, including my mother and my favorite, A Charlie Brown Christmas, but I noticed I couldn’t force myself to start watching them yet. Then my friend Lyndsey came over on Sunday evening for some holiday tea and crumpets, and we were having such a good time that I put on the one where they light the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. All three of us were in New York in December last year, and we got to see the gorgeous tree then, so watching this show with Lyndsey and Mr. X made it extra-special and even more fun than usual. And a happy time rather than a painful one. (And seeing Mariah Carey’s back-up kid dancers doing fabulous, energetic, age-appropriate choreography by Debbie Allen was the best!)

And now Mr. X and I get to share a beautiful classy Christmas Day dinner with our especially kind friends, Fred and Jim, whom my mother also loved. So that should somewhat ease my pain regarding the new-ish significance of the day.

And who knows? Perhaps with the continued kindness of some of my special pals, I may even be able to decorate the whole house next Christmas! At this point, I still doubt it, but at least I have a little more hope than I did last year at this time.

And as Mr. X said in his eulogy for my mother, her departure on that day makes her forever a part of Christmas. I really do think that she would like that. Now if only I can get behind that happy concept, we’ll be all set.

So to now bring the room up a little, I WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY!



  1. Baby steps, Karen. It is especially difficult to lose a loved one, especially your mom, on Christmas Day. As Mr. X said, she will forever be a part of Christmas. I will be thinking about you and Ray tomorrow and, of course, about your little mother. I loved her, too.

  2. Pingback: HOLIDAY: MERRY CHRISTMAS 2014

Leave A Reply