Here are some random thoughts I had as I watched last night’s Golden Globes Awards coverage, from the rain-soaked red carpet all the way through to the end of the parties:

How could the show organizers and/or Hilton Hotel executives not have provided rain cover for the red carpet? We’ve all known that inclement weather was on the way for weeks, so how about at least a partial canopy with a see-through side-curtain, so the fans would still be satisfied? That was just insanity out there.

Vanessa Minnillo, one of the hosts of NBC’s pre-show, was downright awful. She mis-spoke faster than I could jot down the comical quotes. And she had inappropriate enthusiasm for several things, including complimenting Tracy Morgan on the Haitian-support ribbon that he was “rocking!” As awful as most of these vapid red carpet hosts are, she’s the worst. And, when she asked Mad Men’s January Jones, (not exactly a rocket scientist, either) if her show had inspired her outfit, complete with Vanessa doing a sweeping gesture to the dress, and January said, with a mocking laugh, that she could not wear 60s clothing all the time (which this dress clearly was not), Vanessa said, “I meant your make-up,” which appeared to be a fib. It was like a Saturday Night Live skit!

How rude of E! to cut away from Glee’s Lea Michele answering a question that they posed, to start talking to Sandra Bullock.

Ricky Gervais did a great job hosting. I just wish that he had made a quick reference to the tragic Haiti situation at the beginning and the end, because we were all thinking about it.

Just as I was making a note that Drew Barrymore had grown-up well, after all, she started her phony speech. If only she had had Mariah Carey’s recent excuse of being drunk. And she told Monique, “You’re the most eloquent, beautiful human being.” Monique!!! So what is Maya Angelou???

Why do so many of the winners gasp and pant during their speeches? I feel most of them are putting it on for effect. Except for maybe John Lithgow who seems to talk that weird affected way all the time, which I’m not saying is a bad thing; it’s just an observation.

The category of best Supporting Actor and Actress in a Television Series is soooo stupid! It mixes comedies, dramas, and TV movies! You just can’t compare those performances to each other. Why don’t they throw in animated performances, while they’re at it? (I’m sure they will now.)

Not even taking into account how hideous Chloe Sevigny’s dress was (beige just does not flatter on TV, or ANYWHERE, no matter what your stylist tells you,) she was so rude to the poor volunteer guy who walked her up the stairs. If you wear a stupid dress…WITH A TRAIN…expect to have it stepped-on and don’t abuse the volunteer in your speech! (Or otherwise, of course.)

For two of the absolute most brilliant filmmakers of all time, Robert DeNiro and Martin Scorsese are a double-snooze-fest when it comes to public speaking.

The line of the night for me belonged to Jeff Bridges, in his acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Drama for Crazy Heart: “You’re really screwing-up my underappreciated status here.” Loved it.

Penelope Cruz is the closest to a perfect person whom I can think of! She’s beautiful, lovely, seems intelligent, is a great actress, never does that phony Hollywood chatter, AND is aging naturally. I can’t think of anyone else who matches that description.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a lovely, well-spoken, thoughtful young man. And I’ve just officially turned into my own mother!

Helen Mirren had the classiest entrance. She just stood there until the room quieted down. Kind-of like a school principal. Arnold Schwarzenegger could learn a lesson from her; once we were at a big party of his, and the assemblage was chatting while he was on stage trying to give a little welcome speech. He leaned into the microphone and sternly admonished us, “You are being very rude, and I don’t appreciate it!” Sent chills down our spines. Helen’s silent treatment worked just as well, if not better.

The Hangover winning for Best Comedy or Musical kind-of low-classed the whole shebang.

Is there a more boring person in show business than Harrison Ford? I think I just figured out how to solve my insomnia!

Who was Morgan Freeman’s date? His estranged wife, the woman he was in that car accident with while he was still married to the aforementioned wife, or someone new entirely? As an old friend said to me when a guy we knew chose to date me over her, I’m so confused.

Am I the only one who notices just how annoying and full of-herself Julia Roberts is???

I’m sorry that my following thoughts are on looks, but that’s a big part of awards show coverage, so I’m not the only one who’s shallow. And the speeches were a tad boring this year, so appearances are what I’m left with. I apologize in advance.

simon-baker2Gorgeous: Courtney Cox, (though she looked like she had recent cosmetic “assistance,”) Halle Berry, Marion Cotillard, Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Pierce Brosnan (even as a grown-up,) and the most stunning of all, Simon Baker.

Gorgeous, for them: Edie Falco and Kate Winslet.

Nicole Kidman had two completely different boobs! Both in size and placement. Very odd.

While we’re on the subject, Ginnifer Godwin of Big Love, had hers hanging down to her waist! And she’s kind-of young. Weird choice.
Keith Urban is adorable.

Monique actually looked good, though I hate sanctimonious speeches.

Modern Family’s gorgeous Sofia Vergara was the nicest person on the red carpet. She had no complaints about the rain, and was just totally grateful for her life in general. And looked absolutely beautiful, even with low-key make-up. I hope she stays this way, and my money’s on her.

Paul McCartney just does not go for good-looking women! Which means I really did have a chance with him! Darn. Glad to see him looking so good again, and love that he’s still so charming. Hated that he was wearing a stupid scarf, though. It looked like a sash of medals.

sophia2Sophia Loren has a great body and hour-glass figure. And was rocking bare arms and décolleté! At 75-years-old! Wow. And she’s the reason I never had a nose job–I thought all actresses could carry it off. My bad. I didn’t realize that she’s the only one who can! And where can I get one of her hide-the-neck-pretty-well chokers?

Neil Patrick Harris, whom I used to find just annoying, has gotten much cuter to me, maybe because of his great Tony Awards hosting this year. He’s someone I’d actually like to be friends with now. That’s a really big turn-around for me.

William Macy and Felicity Huffman win the award for “couple that even success and beaucoup bucks can’t help in the physical attractiveness department.”

cher-2Cher’s hair was what I have mine fixed from looking like! And it was probably a wig anyway, so why choose that one? I swear, I thought that they were doing a bit, and that she was really a female impersonator doing Cher.

Meryl Streep, on the other hand, looked great, was wearing the perfect dress for her and the occasion, and gave a great speech, which hit on all cylinders.

Worst posture award goes to not even Martin Scorsese, but rather Zoe Saldana.

“Smartest Attractive Hair-do In The Rain Award” goes to Heather Graham’s sleek high ponytail. Brilliant!

Ivan Reitman’s wife appears to have had lots of plastic surgery, in what I’m assuming is an attempt to look younger, then tops it off with white hair! In an up-do, no less. And then topped that off with a touch of “grandma-yellow” on top.

boobs-2There was a red-headed woman in a beige dress who had the biggest chest I’ve ever seen, which cried-out for a reduction. It was actually uncomfortable to look at. I don’t know her name, but someone said that she’s on Mad Men. I don’t have a joke-y comment here; just marveling. (I’m not making fun of her situation; just wondering why she’s featuring it with a pop-those-babies-out strapless gown.)

While we’re on Mad Men, has anyone ever seen its helm-er, Matthew Weiner, with Jason Alexander? Just saying.

In a sea of basically unattractive dresses, the worst outfit was on Kristin Bell. She paired a very unattractive, un-flattering pouffy, short white dress with black pumps! Hopefully, this was just a rainy-day choice. I’m sure that Téa Leoni’s button-down shirt and basic skirt had to be. She looked like she was just off to an office party at an insurance firm!

That’s it for the show itself. Tomorrow we get to the real fun–I give you the low-down on the Golden Globes Gifting Suites!!!


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