THE 2024 SUMMER OLYMPICS BEGINS TODAY!

In case you’re not aware of my sports obsession, I plan to do nothing for the next two weeks but watch the Summer Olympics. It used to be every second of them for me, but, as the coverage is now about twenty-four hours a day, literally, (because of all the different channels showing the various sports,) I understand that something will have to give.

So, I’ll still be watching during my every waking moment, but, no matter how hard I try, I just won’t be able to watch every second of every sport shown.

I know that I’ll have to give up most of a few of the categories. I assume that dearth will include all of the soccer, golf, rugby, baseball and softball, judo, karate, taekwondo, field hockey, lacrosse, squash, surfing, and cricket, (which I really don’t even know what that one entails!,) along with most of the weightlifting, wrestling, and climbing. And perhaps shockingly for even myself, the tennis and basketball; there’s just not enough time for sports that usually take up all of my day by themselves, when I have literally dozens of others to watch in this way-too-brief time. [Note: I wouldn’t watch the women’s version of basketball, anyway, especially because the Americans screwed Caitlin Clark. But I am curious to see how the US men will mesh as a team, and how they’ll fare against the strong French team. So I guess I’ll just have to make-up time somewhere along the line.]

But you know that I will not be missing the Big Three—swimming, gymnastics, and especially track and field, (which is now idiotically referred to as “athletics! How nonsensical! All of these sports are athletics!!!) And you will never guess what other Olympic sports I love—BMX Bike Racing and, even moreso, the obscure Modern Pentathlon! I mean it.

Besides being interested in all the actual sports themselves, there are several athletes for whom I’m rooting. I know for sure that I’ll be cheering for Simone Biles in gymnastics, (along with the rest of the country, I’m pretty sure,) and a pair of absolutely adorbs tennis-playing Italians—Jasmine Paolini Band the most gorgeous player ever, Matteo Berrettini. The rest I’ll have to decide as the Games go along.

As far as the pageantry of the two weeks goes, I’m betting that the Opening and Closing Ceremonies in Paris will be stunning. The French, am I right?

One thing about any Olympics, in general, for me is that I’m glad there are three medals involved, (Gold, Silver, and Bronze, of course,) so not winning an event isn’t as bad as it is in their sport for the rest of the four years, actually.

We sports lovers should also spare a thought for the Paralympians, whose competitions come up a little over two weeks after the regular Olympics ends. Those athletes are the most amazing to me. Despite whatever their issues are in life, they all persevere and are able to accomplish what most able-bodied people cannot. Major kudos, and best of luck, to all of them.

Of course, I’m wishing the best for everyone concerned. I always worry about worldwide safety these days, and an event of this global magnitude has me staying up nights. I always remember the horror of what happened in Munich from when I was a youngster, and it still freaks me out. And the entire world has gotten so much crazier since then. I just hope that the security measures have also greatly improved, and that we all experience a beautiful Games.

Now on to a bit of business. Even though I’ll be focusing most of my attention on the Olympics for the next two weeks, I’ll still be writing regular columns in this e-zine, perhaps even about the goings-on in France. So please make sure to still check them out.

And, of course, I’ll be tweeting, @MajorCelebrity, many of my more important thoughts on all the proceedings as they go along. So if you don’t already follow me, this will be a great time to begin. I’ll meet you over there as soon as I have something fun, (or snarky,) to say about my favorite quadrennial happening.

Because Paris is eight hours ahead of Los Angeles, the coverage will really be round-the-clock for me. But I won’t be depriving myself of sleep, (which I barely get enough of, anyway.) That means that I might be behind from the second the competitions begin tomorrow. So I beg of everyone to not mention any results to me—here, in person, in emails, or in phone messages—until the entire Olympics is over. Or until after I’ve written or tweeted about some of them. Then it’s all fair game.

Besides everything that the world will experience for the next two+ weeks, the other thing this Games signifies for us Angelenos is that…in just four short years, we will be hosting them! So get ready for that! I’m already planning my outfits!!!

And, speaking of LA, tomorrow is my anniversary with this fair city…again! So, this year I’ll be celebrating by just staying all comfy on my couch, and worrying about all the athletes I admire. But I do wish a very Happy Anniversary to LA and me! Next year it will be back to my crazy ritual, which, of course, I’ll share with all of you.

Now, I hate to say this, but Go, USA! (Mostly.)