AWARDS SHOW/TELEVISION: EMMYS 2016

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EMMYS 2016

My Emmys review this year will be a bit shorter than my usual ones. That may be because I’ve never even heard of many of these shows.  Even though I don’t watch cable, (outside of The Affair, and sports, of course!,) I thought I was familiar with most of them, but I guess not.

Best Dress goes to Padma Lakshmi. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Best Dress goes to Padma Lakshmi. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Overall, though, I thought it was a good show. It moved fast enough. And no one really annoyed me. And, as always, I loved host Jimmy Kimmel. He always hits just the write notes for me. (Except for his very tasteless comments right after the In Memorium segment. They were awful.)

I was sort-of surprised that there were not more political statements, especially Hillary love. But the ones that were made were excellent.

I didn’t like that there were way too many nominees in each category this year. Why did they do away with the perfect five? There could not have been three-way ties for fifth placed in that many categories, so it must have been the TV academy’s decision to up the nominee number, possibly to attract more viewers. But it’s too inclusive.

Strangest Body goes to Emily Ratajkowski. Look at that weird torso! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Strangest Body goes to Emily Ratajkowski. Look at that weird torso! Photo by Karen Salkin.

As usual, I disliked all the hosts of the arrivals shows. They all try way too hard, and are therefore, annoying. And, in most cases, full of themselves. They’re more interested in hearing their own voices than in what the celebs have to say.

I live-tweeted most of my thoughts on Sunday night, as the evening went along. If you missed that fun, and don’t want to be left-out next time, please follow me now @MajorCelebrity, so you can be in with the in-crowd from here on out.

Okay, now let’s get to my brief thoughts on the proceedings, in the order that they happened. (For you astute readers—yes, of course I could not watch all four arrivals shows at one time! So, just for you guys, I went back and watched the rest laster! Oysh.)

LOCAL ABC ARRIVALS

It's bad enough that Jon Voight inissts on wearing that schmata constantly, but George Pennachio should know enough to not handle the celebs' clothing! Photo by Karen Salkin.

It’s bad enough that Jon Voight inissts on wearing that schmata constantly, but George Pennachio should know enough to not handle the celebs’ clothing! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Marcus Scribner, the older son on Black-ish, is a man now!  And he’s so well-spoken.  I predict big things for this kid.

Host George Pennaccio referenced Jon Voight’s neck schmata right after I tweeted about it! And it was a tad weird how different-colored those two men’s faces were. I’ve worked with Jon on several occasions, and he’s very weird, (and obviously an idiot since he’s a Trump supporter,) but at least he’s a grateful man.

Moronic George Pennaccio actually asked, “Is there a bigger star than Jenifer Lewis?”  WHO???  So, yes, George—there are a zillion bigger stars than an occasional guest actress on a network sitcom!  Zillions!

NATIONAL ABC ARRIVALS

Tracee Ellis Ross. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Tracee Ellis Ross. Photo by Karen Salkin.

How did Tracee Ellis Ross get her eyes to look normal and even for the first time ever?  Good make-up artist. And good for her!

Why did host Lara Spencer have to mention (again) that Tracee’s mom is Diana Ross?  That’s so rude.

Padma Lakshmi is not a good-looking woman, but she does have the best dress of the night.

Rami Malek always seems so nice.  And I love his blue eyes.  And good for him to correct idiot host Rachel Smith for proudly saying his character’s name wrong!

As I tweeted, not one of these idiots mentioned the Frankenstein spokes in Fred Armisen’s neck!  Observant of them.

That idiot Rachel interviewer chick said of Taraji P. Henson, “She needs no introduction,” and then introduced her!

E! ARRIVALS

Ariel Winter. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Ariel Winter. Photo by Karen Salkin.

It was one hundred degrees out, but host Giuliana Rancic was wearing a cape!  I’m glad she finally listened to me and covered her skeleton arms, but this was not the time to do it.

I absolutely love that Tatyana Maslany told Giuliana that she put her on the spot.  Good for her! These hosts seem to think the celebs are trained monkeys!

I guess that now that Ryan Seacrest has worked on big boy NBC, (for the Olympics,) he’s done with lowly cable.

Ariel Winter thinks she looks so good since she reduced her boobs, but she gained even more weight and looks awful.

Kristen Bell. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kristen Bell. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The new guy interviewer on there asked someone, “How nervous, how competitive are you?,” like those two concepts are the same thing.

There’s something about Felicity Huffman and William Macy that actually makes me physically nauseated, especially him.  He’s so creepy, even his phony way of talking.

Caleb McLaughlin, from Stranger Things, is great. That kid is mature!

Giuliana said to Emilia Clarke, “Go on, you can go, Emilia,” to make room for bigger celeb Heidi Klum, and practically pushed her off!!!  How rude!

Claire Danse rocking her awful fake tan! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Claire Danse rocking her awful fake tan! Photo by Karen Salkin.

The only good part of any of these arrivals shows was hearing Titus Burgess sing for a second!  Wow.  He blew me away in those few notes.

As nutty as Terrance Howard is, he made great sense about why to choose you kids’ names carefully.  (He pointed-out that their names will last longer than their lives. Mind blown.)

Kristen Bell looked really good.  Glowy skin, and her dress would make her stay cool on top, yet the bottom is very dressy and princess-y.

Claire Danes looked like an Oompa Loompa.  Maybe it was her little tribute to Gene Wilder.

LOCAL CHANNEL 5 ARRIVALS

Judith Light. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Judith Light. Photo by Karen Salkin.

These two hosts, Sam Rubin and Jessica something, are exactly an SNL skit.   They’re basically telling each interviewee, “Get out of here!” I think they’re Cheri Oteri and “Jiminy Glick” in disguise. (Mr. X came in to watch for a second, and likened them to those very two same people!)

My advice to Judith Light, (and several others,) is: lipstick, honey, lipstick!

Matt LeBlanc is actually quite charming. And handsome.

Sarah Hyland’s stupid outfit is the worst.  It’s like she ripped the bottom of her dress by accident, and threw on leggings so she would’t be naked. And the leggings don’t even fit well!  I’ve worn better-fitting ones to the gym!

Sarah Hyland. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sarah Hyland. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Keegan-Michael Key did females backwards—he left the good-looking wife for a miskite girlfriend.  I don’t get it.

I just realized something—I think that Regina King has the best, most natural jewelry there.

Emily Ratajkowski has the weirdest body!  She looks almost like something is wrong.  I’m hoping it’s just that bad dress.

Padma Lakshmi has the best dress, by far.  And the most plastic surgery!

Roma Downey looks gorgeous!!!!

Liev Schreiber. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Liev Schreiber. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I saw a very ugly dress they were showing from the bottom up, and wondered what very unfashionable person could be wearing it.  Then they got to the face, and it was a bad-looking older woman I had never seen before, so I figured it was a producer type, who just didn’t know better.  And then later, she showed up with Heidi Klum, and it turns-out, she’s Nina Garcia, who’s a judge on Project Runway!!!  How is that even possible?!

Anna Chlumsky looked like a buffoon.

Naomi Watts’ son looks just like her.

OMG—Liev Schreiber—clean out your pores!!!

I’m shocked who my favorite interviewee is!  Jerry Seinfeld.  He’s like me—he let everyone know how boorish they are with their inane questions!  Love it!

TELECAST

Poor Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  My condolences on losing her dad. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Poor Julia Louis-Dreyfus. My condolences on losing her dad. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Jimmy Kimmel was wonderful!  With him, there was no pushing, just low-key funniness, (except for his disrespectful bit about the In Memorium segment.)

Louie Anderson can barely walk!!!  I always wondered why he doesn’t fix his teeth already, but he has a much more serious problem.  He needs to lose over two hundred pounds!  He can barely breathe.  How could someone take a chance on hiring him???  He’s more than morbidly obese.  And he said “stoled” instead of “stole!” On purpose!!!

Alan Yang, who won for writing Master Of None, had a really funny line about that Asian kids should put down their violins and pick-up cameras. (So they can grow-up to work in TV.)

Kate McKinnon. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kate McKinnon. Photo by Karen Salkin.

And right after that, Jimmy said, “It’s almost like there’s too much diversity in this show now.” (He had referenced diversity earlier.) Hilarious.

Niecy Nash is the first one I’ve ever seen who let it be known she’s not happy to have lost.

Kate McKinnon looked good! And her speech, or more accurately, the emotional way she delivered it, made me cry.

Constance Woo looked gorgeous! She never looked like that on Fresh Off the Boat! The tiny tweaks in hair and make-up made all the difference.

Constance Woo. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Constance Woo. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m glad for Peter Scolari to finally have some success.  He must usually feel like Brian Dunkleman.  (At the same time I said that, Mr. X said, “Pete Best.”)

The way these nominations are going, (all cable,) the networks will soon need an awards show of their own! (Like the former Cable Ace Awards, when cable was the lonely step-child.)

To the writers of this show—“share” means “in common”; you should not put them in the same sentence!

That’s so sad for Julia Louis-Dreyfus to have lost her father just two days before.  That’s why she looked so awful, and her hands were shaking.

Kerry Washington. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kerry Washington. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kerry Washington‘s hair looked awful—like me in Florida!

This was the absolute best Kathy Bates has ever looked in her life!  Just last week, on Stand Up To Cancer, she looked the worst.  She should put her Emmys make-up artist on retainer!

Regina King’s mother looks classy.

Sadly, Amy Poehler is turning into Shelly Winters.  As Mr. X tells people (not to their faces, of course)–Hey Amy—mix in a salad!

Amy Poehler. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Amy Poehler. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Whoever did everyone’s fake tans was dreadful! They all looked like Tan Mom!!!

Could Liev Schreiber have announced the winner any more low-key?

What a great band, and especially John Mayer.  What a treat for that audience!

I was so happy for Patton Oswalt. I don’t know what his win was for, but after the shocking death of his wife earlier this year, I wanted him to have even a moment of happiness.

Kathy Bates. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kathy Bates. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I was also happy for John Oliver, even though I’ve seen his show just once. But I was amazed by it—previous to John, I had been the only person on TV to ever just talk by myself for a half hour, with no commercials or guests! And trust me, it’s not the easiest thing to do. I was entertaining, but John is brilliant! (I know—it’s been pointed-out to me that his show is written, while I just talked off the top of my head for all that time, but his writing is so spot-on that I still give the edge to him. Not that’s a contest.)

I loved that brief section with the head of the whole shebang lauding the oh so important technical people in the industry!  It was short, sweet, informative, and the man was attractive enough.

Henry Winkler is so full of himself.  And it was rude that he didn’t intro Tori Kelly. He was so into his phony baloney speech that he totally didn’t even think of anyone else. At least John Travolta’s “Adele Dazeem” disaster was an attempt at a name!

Worst Dress goes to Anna Chlumsky. What the heck was she wearing??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Worst Dress goes to Anna Chlumsky. What the heck was she wearing??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

I did watch the whole show, but I guess nothing else interesting enough happened after that point for me to make note of it! (I did tweet until the bitter end, though.) So, all-in-all, I enjoyed the Emmys, and was glad they ended on time, so I could get back to things I cared about more.

Speaking of caring about, this show did let me know about the death of someone I hate having lost. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.

And, in case you’d missed the show, and would like to know what some of Jimmy Kimmel’s best jokes were, I didn’t have the time to write them all down for you, so here’s a link to read them elsewhere: www.ew.com/article/2016/09/18/emmys-2016-jimmy-kimmel-best-jokes

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