MY RECENT HOSPITAL STAY (NO WORRIES—IT’S ALL GOOD NOW)

This happened about a month ago, so I was not planning on writing about my hospital stay. But then I realized that I had the time to do it this week, and I wanted to laud the Cedars-Sinai personnel who were particularly helpful. And maybe impart some wisdom to you for your own future hospital visits, (which I sincerely hope you never need,) as well.

Just to end the curiosity and not be mysterious about it, I had another TIA (mini-stroke.) It had been a decade and a half since my first one, so it was quite a shock. (But I think my health is status quo now—knock on wood—so please don’t worry about me.)

Like an idiot, (because I should have known better,) I did not go to the hospital right away, which I’ll warn you about in a bit. But, the next day, when I told my Stroke Neurologist what had happened, he basically insisted that I jump right up and go. The part I hate is that, even though the plan was already to admit me at least overnight, I had to go in through the Emergency Room, which is the part that gave me pause to begin with. Besides that I detest that experience for myself, I’ve been told that I’m an Empath, therefore seeing so many people be miserable and in great pain literally hurts my insides. It’s awful. I’m sad for everyone.

But once I got to my room, (four hours later!,) the experience picked-up, due to the personnel. Actually, the goodness began in the ER, with the guy who checked my vitals, the young female ER doctor, the girl who made sure to give me privacy amongst the crowd while she asked me all the important questions, and a caring nurse named Rachel, who even voluntarily accompanied me to my room, because that bit happened right after the trauma of them attempting to give me the wrong test!!!

I was put in a unit that was not the stroke wing; I was told it had something to do with the ER, and trust me, it featured much less luxurious accommodations. But luckily for me, it had so many kind people, who could really have reason to be crabby. Each person had something to offer. My faves were my daytime nurse Kaitlyn, (who put up with me the most,) my overnight nurse Darwin, and “Clinical Partner” Ruby, who gasped when she noticed my age on my “chart!” Wait—that should actually make her my #1 favorite! (And I looked brutally bad those two days! I told Mr. X that I looked like “a prune in a wrinkly sack.”) But really, they all took great care of me.

I even made a wonderful discovery, courtesy of Jael, the girl who did my very first diagnostic test, and the young chaplain, Joey. People just came in and out of my room all day and night, and Joey showed-up and told me he was “the chaplain.” After I calmed down from thinking that meant I was going to die, (as it does on all hospital TV shows,) I explained that I was Jewish. And, as it turned-out, so is he!!! I thought chaplains were always some other denomination. My bad.

So I started sharing with Joey how, when I had told Jael the night before that I always want to give people the respect of learning their names, she had talked to me about how each and every name has a meaning. So Joey asked if I knew my Jewish name, which, shockingly, I do! And when I told him that it’s “Chaya,” he excitedly told me that it means…life! I love that! Or course. But I should have known, and celebrated, that fact my entire life, (get it?,) because I’m so into the number 18 because it is the symbol for the word “chai,” which means—say it with me—life! (As in “l’chaim—to life!”) All this proves that it’s never too late to learn.

And then there was Lauren, the really fun girl who did my Transcranial Doppler test. She and I started writing a mystery movie on the spot when we spied a tiny little man icon on…the tape holding my IV needle in place!!! OMG. (It’s a good tale, so watch for it in a few years. From my mouth to God’s ears, right?) By the way—Lauren is the only person in the world who has ever heard my brain!!! I’m sure she’s honored. (That’s a pic of it at the top of this page.)

And let’s not forget my fabulous stroke doctor, Dr. Konrad Schlick. One of the reasons I chose him lo those many years ago is that…we have the same initials! No lie. But I truly lucked-out because he’s the best doctor ever! And when he knocked on my door that next morning, in regular person attire, I thought he was just a cute young guy who was coming to bring me something! But he was kindly there to assess my health. He could have just sent a member of his team to do it, so I really appreciate that he was the one to discuss my brain with me, especially because I did not at all care for the other two neurologists the hospital sent to talk to me. I had forgotten how un-charming many health care professionals can be.

There were actually only a quartet of less-than-fabulous aspects to my stay. The first was that I had to disappoint a friend by having to cancel on her for an event that second night. The docs had promised to try their best to get me out of there in time to go, but it wasn’t even close. (I was finally released at around 9PM the second night, and I can’t tell you how depressing it is to leave a hospital at night instead of in the daytime. Better than spending another night there, but still…)

The second not great thing was the food. Ugh! Cedars-Sinai is the most prestigious hospital in all of California, yet I had better food in the lunchroom of a poor little Rhode Island elementary school when I was first teaching!!! Unfortunately, that’s not even close to an exaggeration. This fare was literally disgusting. I was starving by the time I got to my room on the first day, but I could not even eat the mystery spaghetti that they brought me. I just know there has to be a separate kitchen for the many celebs who stay there. Right? I doubt that Elizabeth Taylor was given this slop. Thank goodness I was smart enough to buy a cookie on the way to the hospital!!!

The third thing was more weird than bad. It’s that in my room, right next to my bed, was…a toilet!!! It took me several hours to realize that there was a slight curtain you could pull around you when you had to go! I sort-of loved having the facilities literally one step away because I’m a lazy bugger. But it also reminded me of a prison cell, which was sort-of frightening.

But the worst thing for me was that I was there for both nights of the NBA Draft, and the TV did not have…ESPN! At tony Cedars-Sinai hospital!!! How was that even possible?! Even all the doctors were shocked by that development! So what’s a resourceful gal to do? What did I watch on my room’s television screen instead, you might ask? The answer is…the foodservice menus! Of course. Have ya met me??? Fortunately they were sort-of long, so it took me a while to get through them. And memorize them. And plan my lengthy orders!

Okay, now here’s my warning about health knowledge and action. If you’re experiencing something iffy, no matter how much you hate hospitals, especially emergency rooms, go to the hospital! Do not delay! They really are there to help. And don’t drive yourself. If you have time and are not going far, and have someone there with you, have them drive. But if it appears serious at all, call an ambulance! Your health is more important than whatever it costs. And if you think it’s a stroke, tell them that because each town has certain hospitals set up to deal with them correctly. (Here’s the article I wrote on stroke prevention, with more info that everyone should know: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/health-stroke-prevention.)

And here are several tips for you once you’re inside the hospital: Always wear a mask. Don’t worry about being a pain in the butt if you need to ring the nurse’s bell for assistance. Be nice. Learn people’s names. Order everything you possibly can in a meal. And then keep what you can’t eat because you may need it later. Ask for more pillows and blankets. You have a right to know everything about your own care. Ask for amenities because they most likely will not give them out voluntarily. Ask every question you can about your own health and care. Don’t settle for a doctor you do not care for; always ask for another one. And most of all—do not be hungry when you’re going to stay at Cedars!!!