After live-tweeting the Grammys and arrivals, I’m as exhausted as Sam Smith (in the pic above) must have been after running up to the stage so many times! Outside of his wins, not much else got to me on this year’s show. (I really did love Brandy Clark’s country song, Hold My Hand, though.)
Those idiots on the show need to stop announcing things like, “Coming up—A special Grammys moment that you’re sure to be talking about tomorrow!” Who are they to declare something special when it hasn’t even happened yet?! The only thing I’ll be talking about today is how truly un-special this year’s Grammys was! There wasn’t too much pizzazz about this one. It wasn’t like the times that we truly remember—like when a young Ricky Martin brought down the house. Or when Jennifer Lopez wore that green dress. This had nothing memorable about it.
I don’t like to reprint all my tweets, so if you’d like to see the ones I sent out last night, (or my daily ones,) please follow me @MajorCelebrity. If you do it right now (right after you finish reading this column, of course,) you’ll be all set for my live-tweets during the upcoming Oscars (and all awards shows.)
But, now, here are some thoughts I mostly didn’t tweet during the show, in the order that I had them (which is the order that they occurred, of course. Duh!):
E CHANNEL ARRIVALS
That was probably the best that host Giuliana Rancic ever looked. Maybe because she was hiding her arms and legs. But that was on the pre pre show. Why in the world did she change out of the better outfit for the arrivals show??? (Someone must have told her how Olive Oyl-esque she looked when she changed her hair into a low bun, because she quickly took it out, making some lame excuse for doing so.)
Gwen Stefani was so nice and appreciative and honest. She’s a real person.
I loved Ed Sheeran‘s honesty.
They showed Chris Brown‘s artwork at the Grammys Museum, and I must say, I was impressed. (When they first mentioned it, I guessed it would be graffiti, and it basically was! But this time it was commissioned graffiti.)
Katy Perry‘s outfit was wrong on every level. It was a strange midi length, which highlighted her piano stool legs, and it was half see-through, but on a mom-style dress, with a belt!
Nicki Minaj copied my ring finger junk nail! (That means it’s all blinged-out.)
Jessie J‘s slicked-back blunt cut was ugly, but at least it looked on purpose, unlike Katherine McPhee‘s dirty-looking do.
Zendaya looked gorgeous! And so grown-up. (But she’s still so phony.)
John Mayer looked sickly. Too skinny.
I still hate Taylor Swift. She did not have the cleanest hair, either. But her dress was pretty good. (I liked the purple shoes, but not with the green dress, unless she was doing purple jewelry, too.)
Jennifer Hudson is not as skinny as she thinks she is.
Everything about Kim Kardashian looks plastic. Her face, body, teeth. Her husband mentioned, “I just get bored with things really easily,” as he looked at his wife! Is the handwriting on the wall?
And didn’t she look a bit like a married-to-John-Warner-era (meaning “fat”) Elizabeth Taylor?
Wiz Kalifa didn’t even wait for the interviewer’s questions! He just let it all out! Good for him. This is the second year in a row that I liked him!
Anna Kendrick–nice rack.
Rihanna won for Most Hideous Dress. She looked pregnant. And her boobs had muffin tops. The whole presentation was worse than Lady’s Gaga’s egg back in the day.
CHANNEL 5 ARRIVALS
It was nice that they opened with Pentatonix, who had just won an award, singing for a second.
Sam Rubin’s co-host this time was a woman named Sisanie. How obnoxious of her to have just one name, like Cher.
Seriously, how does someone go to a big event as Hozier did? He can’t change his bad teeth that quickly, but he can wash his filthy, messy hair. [Note: I realized during the show that it may have been just wet. Not definitely, but maybe.]
This idiot co-host woman kept saying that everything is “amazing!” You cannot imagine how I detest that!!!
They interviewed completely different people than E did. That makes it more interesting. (At the end, it turned-out only three guests overlapped! Wow.)
Former Miss Universe, (and Nick Jonas‘ girlfriend,) Olivia Culpo was by far the most gorgeous, classy-looking person there!
I loved Barry Gibb‘s honesty.
Creepy Pauley Paulette finally changed her hair-do, but it was still the filthiest hair ever.
I don’t know who Brandy Clark is, but she seems nice. (But it turned-out, her song was my favorite part of the night!)
Zendaya’s dress was hideous. It reminded me of the Carol Burnett Gone with the Wind skit dress. She’s so phony, though, and full of beans. She acted like a kid doing the interview in her bedroom, dropping nick-names of everyone like they were her close personal pals.
Best interviewees on both channels: Tom Jones, Nile Rodgers, Ed Sheeran, Gwen Stefani.
Jane Seymour finally looks old. Yay!
I still don’t know who Antonique Smith is, but I love her now!
Ariana Grande‘s feet looked like she was playing dress-up in her mother’s shoes.
More filthy hair, this time on Charli XCX.
Great Big World seems so nice.
Weird Al Yankovic found his look, and stuck with it.
Outside of that co-host woman saying everything is “amazing,” she actually did a good job.
I’m a bit surprised that Josh Duhamel seemed so nice. (But why was he a presenter?)
Paris Hilton must be so relieved for Kim Kardashian’s existence because now so many fewer people make fun of her.
This hit me later, so I went back for the exact quote: Sam Rubin stated, “This is the awards show where the awards don’t even matter,” to which Sisanie confirmed, “Exactly.” Are they insane???
I hated the opening number from AC/DC. Why them?!
Ariana Grande had the best make-up ever. And great nails, last night, too. But why the ever-present ponytail? Her hands were shaking at the end of her number. Wow. Who would ever picture her to be nervous performing?!
Jessie J must have been thrilled to sing with Tom Jones!!!
Little Red Wagon is a horrible song. It’s just all noise! And Miranda Lambert‘s make-up was awful. Neither she nor her hubby looked that happy last night. (Mr. X mentioned it first, when they were on the carpet.)
I love Sam Smith. (As does everyone else, it seems.) I first heard him on SNL earlier this season, and I just could not delete the show from my DVR because of him.
I have loved Paul McCartney my entire life, but he was wearing way too much make-up in the audience.
What ever made Gwen Stefani want to become a singer? She can’t sing! Mr. X said, “It doesn’t seem to have gotten in her way.”
So glad they fixed Hozier’s hair for his performance! So his walk-in hair was possibly just wet from the shower, and not dirty. But how do you not have the sensibility to not walk in looking like that?!
When I was younger, I think that I got Annie Lennox and Gwen Stefani confused.
Usher and a harp, doing a pretty Stevie Wonder song; nice. Stevie’s surprise appearance at the end, on harmonica, made me cry.
I loved the song Hold My Hand so much I couldn’t even tweet during it! I never heard it before, and now I have to hear it again right away.
Fun song by Paul McCartney, Kanye West, and Rihanna. And Rihanna kept her baggy clothes on during it!
I really liked Gina Rodriquez‘ different-looking dress.
Why was Sam Smith wearing orthopedic shoes? He changed outfits about four times, but kept that same footwear all night.
Kristen Wiig did a good job of moving in Sia‘s always-strange presentation, but just seeing her in it made us think the number was going to be a spoof. So, it was just sort-of strange to have her do it with the little girl, instead of a dancer, like in the video.
What a weird ending to the show. It’s like they couldn’t find host LL Cool J to go out on stage and say goodnight, so they put on an earlier clip of Sam and Mary J Blige.
Kanye is an idiot!!! I take back my nice tweet about what I thought was a comedy bit from him! He had made like he was going on-stage to take away Beck‘s statue for winning Album of the Year, as he had done to Taylor Swift at a different awards show a few years back. (Who can forget?!) So, I thought he was making fun of himself! But, after the show, he made some horrible statement to the effect of, if Beck cared anything about artistry, he would have given his award to Beyonce! Kanye’s disgusting.
Also, guess what? If the show cared anything about artistry, they would have had a gospel singer do that penultimate song, which was a hymn, instead of Beyonce! Bey has fun songs, but she’s not the best singer, and her version of that hymn just fell flat. Or maybe they should have had Beck do it! Take that, Kanye!
And on that lovely note, I’m done with the Grammys. I now have only less than two weeks to sharpen my claws for the Oscars. (So, please remember to follow me on Twitter before then. @MajorCelebrity)