OSCARS ARRIVALS 2014

 

Okay, I finally got to watch all the arrivals coverage yesterday. What a supreme waste of time, really. But how else can I bring you the skinny on everyone?

They didn’t seem to have the cache they usually do. There was just something missing; nothing looked right. I can’t write put my finger on it. (If you can, please share in the Comments section below.)

I knew it wouldn’t rain that day; the weather gods wouldn’t dare mess with Hollywood!!!

Even though every channel has the same people walking in, I noticed certain things first on different shows.

Sadly for me, but happily for the purpose of snark, there were four arrivals shows to weigh-in on, one more inane than the next. What I found curious is that both E! and local ABC claimed to have the “first position on the red carpet,” which just isn’t possible.

So, I’ll review them here in the order that I wasted time watched them.

 

LOCAL ABC

 

I was happy to see that Liza Minnelli looked great! I actually liked the blue outfit and matching hair streak on her.

And I love that she came with her sibs!

I can never tell if Viola Davis‘ husband is nice or a jerk.

Interesting back-loaded earrings on Portia de Rossi.

Amy Adams‘ earrings, that were pink surrounded by black and white, didn’t go with, or compliment, her navy dress. Very odd choice.

Who knew that Pharrell‘s wife looks like a tall, odd-looking man!

Bruce Dern is very talented, and Mr. X, who was once given a ride by him, says he’s very nice. But now that he’s finally trimmed his nose hair, (thank the Lord–how did he breathe through that forest?!,) I noticed his disgusting big yellow teeth even more. I’ve always hated his teeth, but now more than ever.

 

E!

 

Poor Idina Menzel is so not good-looking.

But her green dress matches Ryan Seacrest‘s eyes, so he should stand next to her all night!

How are chubbette, bad-looking Kelly Osbourne, and the most annoying Ross (don’t know his last name,) fashion experts? They looked like fools themselves!

I just realized why John Legend‘s wife is bad-looking–she has a flat, squished-in face and bad teeth.

Chrissy Teigen‘s gown and hair looked great. It’s just her face that’s bad.

Anna Kendrick‘s dress was horrible. Way too busy.

Just when you thought that Pharrell couldn’t dress worse than he did at the Grammys, with the Mounties hat, he shows up in Bermuda shorts! And I used to be his fan, the operative words being “used to.”

OMG—Pharrell thinks the public is voting for the oscars!!! Just for that, he doesn’t deserve the win.

Why hasn’t anyone helped Barkhad Abdi in the dental department? That’s not nice of the people around him. I don’t know what can even be done about his gums, but at least fix the teeth!

E! seems to have demoted Giuliani whatever-her-name-is. She didn’t do any interviews this time, (that she was dreadful at, by the way,) and she just was hidden someplace basically doing nothing, kind-of like my sorority sisters made me do one day when I showed up in a gown!!!

Olivia Wilde looked as gorgeous as she always does, and is perhaps the most beautiful pregnant woman ever! And she and Jason Sudekis seem so happy.

Chiwetel Ejiofor was “amazed” that he never heard of Solomon Northup??? He’s English, and no one here even had, prior to this film!!! That’s no source of amazement.

His sister, (seen in a taped clip,) is great-looking and seems so classy.

Pharrell was sort of rude to Bruce Dern’s wife for her dress touching his bare leg, while she and her husband waited politely for him to finish promoting his new album, which has nothing to do with the Oscars. Hey, jerk, it wouldn’t have happened if you had been polite enough to wear grown-up long pants, like everyone else!

How is skinny Laura Dern‘s stomach sticking out?! I think it’s because of her awful, hunched-over posture.

I know that everyone is lauding Lupita Nyong’o‘s look, but I don’t get the headband. And why on Earth would she wear an open-chested dress when she has absolutely no cleavage, bones sticking out, and chest acne, to boot?!

Mr. X commented that Benedict Cumberbatch is weird-looking. Duh. But, somehow, looks really don’t seem to matter in his case.

Kevin Spacey–if one more person mentions that Barkhad was a limo driver, and now took a limo, I’ll scream! It’s the end of awards season…I’m sure he’s been in many a limo at this point.

June Squibb is the nicest, most down-to-earth, least full-of-beans nominee ever in the history of the Academy!!!! She seems like such a lovely enthusiastic lady.

And I love that Jared Leto came over to hug her during her interview with Ryan.

I can’t believe that I’m such a Jared Leto fan now!

The interaction between Jared and June was the only real fun convo on the carpet, without any Hollywood baloney.

And I love a boy who loves his mother so much!!!

I would love Jessica Biel‘s outfit in person because I can see the subtle pinks and blues in the dress, and the blues in her jewelry. And I love the little buttons down the back of her dress.

But I was shocked to see that she has bad, hunched-over posture. On top of that, she’s the first person whose underwear line I saw on a red carpet!!!

I had not seen Bette Midler walking-in before, and now I saw that she had a different dress on than on-stage, (which I lauded yesterday,) so good for her for changing to sing a somber song. She looked simple and elegant for arriving. And for the future, I want to know who her face doc is because she looks the same, but refreshed.

I’m a fan of Sally Hawkins, who really deserved to win for Supporting Actress, but her dress looked terrible, and her hair was worse. She kept pushing the messy bangs away.

Now I saw Cate Blanchett‘s underwear line, as well!!! What’s up with that?

I was shocked by something–Matthew McConaughey was making like he was the one who got turned-down for twenty year while pitching Dallas Buyers Club. But his wife busted him by accident to Ryan, and he tried to cover. That’s a bit pretentious of him. It got turned-down for seventeen years before he even got involved!!! And then he worked on it for three years. But why not tell the whole truth to the TV audience?! I saw him speak at a screening early in the process, and he told the truth then, so why not now, publicly?

 

NATIONAL ABC

 

Robin Roberts was wearing an excellent dress, better than those of some of the attendees!

It was great to see Sidney Poitier, but sad that he seems like a shadow of himself. But, at eighty-seven, he still had such intelligent observations.

Even though Jared Leto thinks of himself as a musician first, he does seem to be having a blast as a nominee.

The little man interviewer, (I think his name is Jess,) is an idiot! He asked Viola Davis if it’s different being there as a presenter rather than a nominee! And he asked who her date is! How did he not know she’s been married forever and that was her husband. Doesn’t ABC brief these jerks?!

I’m so happy for June Squibb. She’s having the time of her life, and is so inspiring. And I love her distinct voice.

Bruce Dern’s wife looked great, for an older woman.

Robin Roberts and Lara Spencer should have spoken louder to the older peeps. When Bruce Dern said he couldn’t hear Robin, she very stupidly came back with, “That’s your story and you’re sticking to it.” I guess she figured he couldn’t hear her stupidity anyway…but she forgot that we could!!!

OMG…that little interviewer man is shorter than Anna Kendrick! That’s short.

I was never a fan of Anna’s, but I loved that, when asked about a work experience, she’s said it was “insane and magical,” rather than the stupid pat “amazing” that everyone else says. Big props to her for that.

Lady Gaga looked the most normal she ever has, and event-appropriate, but the dress made her hips unbelievably wide!!

How nice does Amy Adams seem??? I love her. I also love that she readily admitted she put her hair up because of the rain.

I’m always a fan of Sally Hawkins, and I’m so glad she got a nod here. I nominated her for the SAGs, but apparently my fellow Nom Com members are idiots who didn’t follow suit.

I love that she wore long sleeves, especially in this bad weather, but her dress was way too heavy for her tiny frame.

I absolutely love Olivia Wilde’s dress, and even moreso, her bracelets and ring. The earrings were correct, as well.

Naomi Watts‘ white dress was stunning, especially on her.

Matthew McConaughey’s mother looked great, but why would she wear a dress with a cutout right on her old, wrinkly, crepey chest? Why didn’t his fashionable wife stop her mother-in-law from doing that??? It’s like drawing a big circle on your worst feature!

Outside of that, that fam made a great-looking trio.

I finally saw Jennifer Lawrence. But I was speeding through the arrivals show then, and I thought it was an older woman. I think it must have been her hair.

Cate Blanchett’s dress was way too busy and overwhelming, but for her, it was still the best she ever looked at an awards show.

I love that Jonah Hill brought his mom, whose dress was excellent. Her pride just glowed.

Okay, nobody talk…Leo is on!!! Oh no…he has something hanging-out of his left nostril.

I could listen to Chiwetel Ejiofor speak in his real accent for a long time.

I didn’t realize that Jamie Foxx is so short.

Hey Robin, the term for anyone who has ever won is “Oscar winner,” not “former Oscar winner!” Once a winner, in this case, always a winner.

OMG…even jaded moi gets excited to see Angelina and Brad!!! And I don’t care about celebs. At all.

If a dentist wants to get some fame, he should work on poor Barkhad Abdi, pro bono.

Julia Roberts–ever hear of a bra??? She is so matronly. If I were a kid, I wouldn’t know that she used to be good-looking, like I felt about Ingrid Bergman back then.

Robin didn’t know what to ask Bill Murray, so she talked like Fred Armisen’s Nicholas Fehn character on SNL. She asked him, so sincerely, “What is it like? Who makes you laugh?” What is what like??? She changed questions in the middle! Why aren’t these people prepared??? Ryan Seacrest, as unlikeable as he is, is really the best at it.

Bill was so unfunny without a script!!! I was shocked.

Lara Spencer’s face is all puffy. She’s not attractive to begin with, but she looked worse than ever. Maybe it was surgeried-out. Her teeth are pretty dreadful, as well. Why wouldn’t she have those puppies fixed? She can certainly afford it.

As much as I like Jimmy Kimmel, his bit, admonishing tweeters against dissing celebs, fell flat. That’s what civilians want to use the service for, so let them. People in the public eye are fair game, especially with them all telling each other how gorgeous they all are.

I was shocked at how bad Robin Roberts was at these brief interviews.

OMG…Lara Spencer just scratched her underarm during an interview with Jeremy Renner! I’ve truly never seen that before!

That little man Jess—what a goon!!! He had absolutely nothing to ask Sandra Bullock. She even sarcastically asked, “Anything else you want to know?”

This is what Robin asked Kevin Spacey: “Tell me what’s so special about this night.” Is she an idiot??? At least he had a good intelligent answer.

 

LOCAL KTLA IN LA

 

Slave writer John Ridley had such intelligent things to say. I never heard of him before, but now I’m a fan. And his face looks so severe. I shocked he’s so nice and smart. He wrote it on spec! Wow.

Everyone from Slave just loves Brad Pitt.

Sam Rubin and the blonde were still idiots, but their interviews weren’t as inane as usual.

But what us up with Sam’s face? His heavy make-up emphasized every wrinkle, and it looked like they applied mud to his face and forgot to remove it.

How is Leonard Maltin an on-camera person? His bottom teeth are nauseating.

Those women from 20 Feet From Stardom sure can sing! It was totally rude of Sam to impose upon them to break into song on the carpet, but, boy, did they come through, big time.

Judith Hill did seem a bit uncomfortable though, among the very-much-older-than-she other background singers. Maybe it’s also because she should have won The Voice two seasons ago, and she doesn’t want to be thought of as a background singer anymore.

Some old man with long white hair brought an Oscar to the show! That’s so weird because it’s not like the Grammys, where some are handed-out that day, in advance of the show. He had to have won it some other year. Or in the Fall at the science awards. Either way, it wasn’t a cool thing to do.

Viola Davis said this was a “wonderful year for African-American movies. And I hope to never say that agin. Just movies in general that we’re a part of.” Guess what?…No one forced you to say it now!!!

And no one wants to hear her husband talk; he’s not a celeb, or especially clever or informative, but he always tries to take over.

It’s now confirmed. The answer to my earlier question is yes, he’s an a-hole.

OMG…Viola pronounced the word “bio-pic,” as “bi-app-ic,” rhyming it sort-of with “myopic!!!” And she claims to be making one now, so someone connected with the project should have told her she was soooo wrong! I’m now ashamed that we went to the same college, both in the theatre department. Obviously the topic didn’t come up then, or you know I would have done the correcting honors myself.

How desperate are Sam and the blonde? They interviewed Al Roker and Kathie Lee Gifford, who were working on the red carpet themselves. Al was so anxious to get away from them.

Sam called her Idina “Menzel!” Has he been hanging out with John Travolta? What didn’t the producer of Frozen, to whom he was speaking at the time, correct him???

But I have to give them props for being the only live ones who interviewed the real Philomena Lee.

She, and her daughter, were the two loveliest people there. She actually made me cry just listening to her honest gratitude.

And it really was the best film. I think the voters just felt they had to vote for the film depicting a real American struggle, rather than a British one.

This team didn’t get any of the heavy hitters, but I was happy to not see the same old, same old.

Slave director Steve McQueen couldn’t get away from their inane questions fast enough. But at least I found what he had to say, about getting a movie done, educational.

The awful-looking woman with Stacy Keach was desperate to get on-camera. I’ve rarely seen someone try so hard. And her teeth were gross!!! Her wearing stupid loud sunglasses made us notice her teeth even more.

The main people walked right by them, and didn’t stop.

Barkhad Abdi’s cast-mate, who accompanied him, has such beautiful teeth. Wouldn’t that give Barkhad a clue?

Hearing that blonde interviewer and Kristin Chenoweth talk to each other was like listening to the chipmunks. Or nails on a chalkboard.

I liked Kristin’s boyfriend, Captain Phillips producer Dana Brunetti, who was very honest about his film’s chances, with no bitterness. He did some excellent handicapping, as well.

Alfonso Cuaron‘s teeth are gross, too. Ugh. So many of the people on the red carpet made me think we were in England!

Finally, someone interviewed Kim Novak!!! But her handlers should have told her to wipe her runny nose before she talked to anybody.

Poor Idina Menzel…her sister is so good-looking that everyone was interviewing her instead! Oy.

Julie Delpy seemed a bit obnoxious. And she’s bad-looking, with a strange body.

Charlize Theron outdid herself in the stunning category.

And let’s end my massive Oscars coverage there, on a positive note. One of the few I could muster amid all the inanity, pretentiousness, and stupidity.

Now on to a week of Oscars suites, preceded tomorrow by a review of a show about a Hollywood legend, to keep with the movie theme.