GOLDEN GLOBES 2017

This is going to be a shorter-than-usual awards show review because I basically shared most of my thoughts on Twitter. I hope you followed me there, because I don’t have time to repeat my tweets here.  (If you missed them, they’re still up in my profile, @MajorCelebrity, if you want to read them.)  And a gigantic “thank you” to everyone who supported me through the night. I loved connecting with all of you!

I have to admit that, because I was watching the football play-offs during the day, I missed the arrivals shows live, but I caught-up with them when the Golden Globes telecast was over. So, not only am I reviewing them in the order in which I watched them, but that situation rendered me unaware that Casey Affleck was wearing his ugly beard only for a role, and that he knew he looked awful. (So, sorry for my tweets against the beard.)

I have a few general announcements on the proceedings. First is that no one actually annoyed me too much this year, neither on the show nor walking in—not even the arrivals hosts!–which was a pleasant surprise. Most of my tweets were even nice ones!!! (Maybe I just have to rest up for the draining national experience that’s facing us in under two weeks, so I don’t want to use up my vitriol now.)

Secondly, the two worst trends of the night were beards on males, and exposed flat chests on the women.  They need to both get lost, pronto! Don’t these people have mirrors in their houses???

Thirdly, on the telecast itself: It was pretty good. And flowed smoothly enough. Jimmy Fallon was a really fun host.  But I missed the usual ragging on everyone, that’s been a huge part of the Globes for years now, first with Ricky Gervais, and continued by Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. We got none of that with Jimmy. He was still entertaining, though, the few times that he even appeared!!!

And lastly: I hated La La Land!!! But I knew it would win everything, anyway, because that’s the kind of year it’s been.

So, now, here are the rest of my (mostly non-tweeted) thoughts on the Golden Globes, in order of the show, followed by those on the two “arrivals” shows:

 

TELECAST

 

Nicole Kidman’s dress was downright awful! Perhaps the worst of the night. (Wait—no–that honor belonged to Sarah Jessica Parker. Maybe not the dress itself, but her actual look, with the kielbasa sausage hairdo!!! She’s one of the peeps who must definitely live in a mirror-less house!)

I think the happiest winners were the guys who won for their song.

I guess this is as good a time as any to tell u how much I hated La La Land!

Viola Davis won her award for licking her snot. (I mean it—watch her every time she cries on film; her nose starts running, and rather than wipe it away, she lets it run into her mouth. I hope that just means she thinks it’s more dramatic that way, and not that she was one of those booger-eating kids.)

I loved no actor more this season than Sunny Pawar, the kid from Lion.  I had not realized how affected by the film I was until I told Mr. X about it during the telecast, and I got hysterical crying.

I can’t believe that Amy Schumer thinks she’s not fat!  And could she have washed her hair for the show?  Even in the last week???

When I spotted the person who turned-out to be Goldie Hawn, I thought that it was a plastic surgeried-out old hag-type woman, who was most likely European, and was trying to be glamorous!!! When she later came out to present, I was in shock that it was she! That’s what living on a beach will do to you, I guess. So sad. (Her surgery must be recent, because she’s never worn her messy hair up before!  Now she’s brave enough to, because of her face lift.)

I absolutely adored Ryan Gosling’s speech. (Who didn’t?) His was second to Meryl Streep’s. People sometimes wonder what’s up with Ryan and Eva Mendes; they always keep their relationship private. Well, now we know. And either admire it or are extremely jealous of it.

Mr. X loved the presentation of the award for animated film by Steve Carrell and Kristen Wiig. He said it was one of the best presenter gigs ever. (So, they’ll probably be asked to host next year!)

But Kristen Wiig looked like a crazy old lady, with that awful short hair.  And her white lace dress was hideous–it looked like a plastic doily.  But, luckily for us, it covered her upper “hadassah” arms, which still could not escape my eagle eyes, as they flapped about.

I have not seen The Night Manager, but I have a feeling that Courtney B. Vance got robbed. (He played Johnny Cochran in the OJ mini-series, for which many of us felt he should have won. But, as Mr. X always points-out, these Golden Globes are awarded by the Hollywood Foreign Press.)

But I give Tom Hiddleston (who beat Courtney) credit for trying to bring attention to a sad world situation in his acceptance speech.

Viola Davis’ introduction of the coveted Cecil B. DeMille Award to Meryl Streep was more about herself than about Meryl!  That was bad enough, but what she had to say was sort-of low class.  Where were Robert DeNiro, Robert Redford, or even Jeremy Irons to do the honors???  Or perhaps even Meryl’s own actress daughters?  Viola was the absolute wrong choice to pay lone tribute to someone as classy as Meryl.

But as soon as Meryl took the stage, we forgot about all that.  Even with laryngitis, she was mesmerizing! She gave perhaps the single most important speech in the history of the Golden globes. It was perfect! (And, I’m proud to say that what she said about how evil it was of Trump to mock that disabled reporter, which his stupid supporters seem to have forgotten about, I had admonished a Facebook “friend” about earlier in the day!!! Great minds…)

But on the shallowest of notes, I do have to admit that I hated her dress. Perhaps it’s time for her to hire a stylist already. (But definitely not the one whom Sarah Jessica Parker uses!!!)

I was very surprised at how weasel-esque Sienna Miller looks.  But I loved her multiple pieces of pearl jewelry.

Brie Larson looked great.  The best of the night, actually.

What fun surprises the two gorgeous men at the end, Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio, were!!! They were my favorite parts of the night, after Meryl Streep. (But you can tell that poor skinny Brad has been through the wringer recently. Shame. Brangelina was my favorite couple of all time, right after Sonny and Cher!) [Note: In case you’ve been living under a rock, that’s Brad Pitt, in the big picture at the top of the page. Photo by Karen Salkin.]

 

E! ARRIVALS SHOW

 

Lily Collins is always so sweet.

I loved Amy Adams’ normal straight hair.

But Drew Barrymore’s long ’do was a mess.

Michelle Williams look is the definition of a “gamin.” In a good way. But I never before noticed that she’s so nasal.

Mr. X has pointed-out to me that a big head, physically, is what actors need to succeed on the big screen. And, ever since, I’ve noticed how correct he is about that. But two major exceptions to that rule are the little-headed Andrew Garfield and Tom Hiddleston. Now you will start noticing it, too.

How far down is Jessica Biel’s little tiny boob??? Her chest situation was not good.

I hate Wynona Ryder’s high weird voice.  How did that woman become famous?  I’m also so surprised to see her get other chances after that shoplifting episode from back in the day.

I love how self-possessed Evan Rachel Wood is. It’s beautiful to see.

I don’t watch Scandal, so I can’t be positive about this, but I’m pretty sure that Kerry Washington has had recent plastic surgery.  There was something very different about her face last night.  (It could have just been her make-up, though.)

I’m always impressed with Anthony Anderson’s cute son.

Octavia Spencer always seems so nice.

I can’t believe what Janelle Monae did at the end of her interview. A sequin or bead or the like got caught on the dress of the woman interviewing her, so, she just reached-down and ripped the dresses apart!!! Dresses that are borrowed and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars! I get the urge to do it, but she should have waited until the camera was off, and then have a “handler” come over and do it, with some finesse. I could hear the designers’ teeth falling-out from here!

I can’t believe that Reese Witherspoon has had face surgery, too!!! What is this world coming to??? And what hope is there for the rest of us when even Reese feels the need to “upgrade” her face??? And do they not think we’ll notice?! I guess some of them have not met me. (But she has!)

 

ABC ARRIVALS

 

Sarah Jessica Parker looked awful, with her kielbasa sausage hair. She wins for Worst Look of the Night!

Jenna Bush Hager is a goon, who kept putting her hands on everybody’s shoulders.  And Pharrell should have corrected her when she called his film “Hidden Fences!” (It’s “Hidden Figures,” in case you, too, are unaware. And it’s the very best film of the year!!!)

And I had not realized that she is such a giant!!!  I have one word for her—flats!

And she should not have kept asking people if they’re going to have a drink! She mentioned alcohol in every interview she did. Maybe she should examine that. (With a counselor!)

I’m so sad that Hugh Laurie is going so bald on top.  In his case, I would go with a piece.

Why would Jessica Biel show those flat boobs to the world, and then keep touching them, to make sure a bit of her dress is covering them? If she was so uncomfortable with the dress, (as she should have been,) why choose to wear it???

But it was nice to finally see her and Justin Timberlake interact with each other. They’ve been together for years, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them appear together, anyplace! This was very interesting to witness.

On that happy note, I’m done with my Golden Globes review!!! But I’ll continue that theme for the next two days, with tales of the corresponding Gifting Suites I attended. And they were very juicy ones. So, stayed tuned!