TIGER WOODS CONTROVERSY

Okay, okay, I really didn’t want to weigh-in on this one–the whole scenario seems like a no-brainer as to the public’s new opinion of him. But I can’t believe that nowhere in print or on television, (and believe me, I’ve looked!) have I seen my theory of what will happen next. First, some thoughts on the background of the debacle, then my prediction:

 

There’s just so much wrong with the whole mess to begin with. One of the weird things about this whole she-bang for me is that I can’t even picture Tiger having sex to begin with…with anybody!!! He’s so blah and talks funny and has that big ol’ yellow tooth right in front. He talks like Richard Pryor’s impression of a white man! I just can’t picture him as a ladykiller!

Also, he has beaucoup bucks, so if he indeed wanted to have as much sex as possible, why didn’t he just go to professionals? He’s paying for it either way, and that would have probably been less expensive, though not cheaper, if you get my drift.

And what kind-of idiot leaves a voicemail to someone he’s cheating on his wife with by saying his name as identification??? Sounds like he was real close with these girls,

doesn’t it?

I know this will shock most people who know me, but I would’ve been okay with it if he happened to fall in love with somebody, but just didn’t want to hurt his wife or mess-up his life the way it was. Love I can always understand. But to just be bedding at least seven indiscriminate woman is mind-boggling.

Tiger will go into rehab for sex addiction. It seems that the public loves an admitted, recovering addict of any kind. Then all will be forgiven. As far as the masses and golf fans and sponsors go anyway.

As far as his poor wife goes, well, that’s a very different story. She’s in an entirely lose-lose situation. And I’m not talking about money. Either way, she’ll be set for life financially. But in every other way, she’s screwed. Let me count the ways.

If she stays with him:

1)she can never, ever trust her wandering husband again, not matter what he says or does.

2)she’ll basically have to keep him tethered to her at all times, which makes her own life extra hell.

3)she can never have sex with him without a condom because of all the dirty-looking skanks he allegedly was with! I actually believe most of them on that count.

4)how could she even get the urge to have sex with someone she should hate a ton by now?

5)she has to be always be embarrassed in front of family, friends, strangers–hell, the entire world!!!

6) she’ll be a laughing stock.

7) she’ll send the absolute wrong message out to all womankind.

8)she’ll always have the knowledge that her philandering husband paid-out millions of what would eventually be her children’s money, to these awful hos.

If she leaves Tiger:

1)see #s 8 and 5 above.

2)she breaks-up her family.

3)she deprives her children of seeing their dad on a daily basis, which ultimately changes their lives forever.

4)she’ll probably never be able to trust anyone ever again! Not good for future relationships. And she’s still young, with miles to go before she sleeps.

Either way, she’ll have to get tested for AIDS for the rest of her life. The only way I can see them staying together is if they move to a desert island, never to be heard from again. But I think she should just take the kids and move back to Sweden. If Tiger lifts a finger to make them legally stay in this country, then he’s even more of a cad than originally thought.

So, I predict sex rehab and a major move on at least one of their parts. Bets, anyone?