TENNIS/SPORTS: WIMBLEDON 2015 FIRST WEEK UPDATES

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WIMBLEDON 2015 FIRST WEEK UPDATES

The second, and final, week of Wimbledon starts today after what was a very interesting first week.  And you know I just have to weigh-in! [Note: The pic above is of the roof on the only night that it’s been closed so far. All photos are by Karen Salkin.]

Before I get to my chronologically-ordered notes, I just have to say something about The Stranger I Love Most, Roger Federer, that came to me yesterday. I totally understand why we all love him so much; there’s so much good about him, both on and off the court. There’s just something about him that makes his fans more committed than usual. I’m so invested in his career that when I realized the other day that I’ve never actually met the guy, I was pretty surprised. I had been under the impression all along that he was my close, personal friend.

Christina McHale's nerdy schoolgirl attire, that I reference a bit further down.  Just wanted to give you a portent of things to come.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Christina McHale’s nerdy schoolgirl attire, that I reference a bit further down. Just wanted to give you a portent of things to come. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Now, here are some of my mostly-shallow observations, some of which I tweeted.  (If you want to read them in real time, just follow me on twitter @MajorCelebrity.) It may look a bit long, but, I promise, this goes pretty fast, so try to read them all, especially if you like honesty. (They go in order from opening day last Monday to the 4th of July):

It looks like Stan Wawrinka‘s skin has finally cleared up a bit.  He needs to share his trick to getting it done, for his fans who are similarly dermalogically-challenged.  (I may actually have some good news on that front in my next Beauty Products column–one of my assistants is trying out a few new products that she’s hopeful about.)  I wonder if Stan’s better looks (have you seen him naked in ESPN Magazine’s annual “body issue” yet?,) have anything to do with his recent divorce.

One of my favorite girls, 2014 Champion Petra Kvitova, has improved her looks by a million miles, as well.  She may have possibly read my tweets about her posture last year because now she’s finally standing-up straight, and no longer has her infamous pot belly.  I’m rooting for her, not just for the tournament win, but to continue looking good.

Commentator Pam Shriver finally stopped saying an “f” in “KVitova.”  I guess she reads my tweets, too.

But creepy studio host Chris McKendry still insists on saying “drawL” instead of “draw.”  What is wrong with her?!  And why doesn’t anyone around there correct her already?! She also adds that “l” to the end of “saw,” making it “sawL.” Oysh. Then she said “sofest,” with no middle “t,” instead of “sofTest,” and I’m pretty sure it was on purpose! I’m not so sure she should be on TV.

Speaking of Pam, (as I was two paragraphs ago,) I’m happy to see that this year, she is not only washing her hair, but doing good eye make-up, as well.  Big props to her for heeding my pleas.

The best news of the week was that creepy Genie Bouchard went out in the first round, to a qualifier, no less!!!  It was especially fun to watch Eugenie’s demise because it was to a girl who seemed so sweet, Duan Ying-Yang from China.  As I tweeted, now maybe Bouchard will take some time off…to become a little less full of herself!

Jeremy Chardy. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Jeremy Chardy. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Towards the end of Day 2, when they showed Gilles Simon, (who I just noticed was good-looking for the first time ever,) I wondered aloud, “Hey, where’s Jeremy Chardy?!”  And, less than a minute later, whose face gorgeous face flashed across the screen but Jeremy’s!  That guy is a stunner!  He’s not a major player, though, so they rarely show much of his matches, which is a shame for us fans of beauty.

It’s crazy that they make these guys play in the dark.  (Sundown is about 9:15PM local time, and they make them play till even after that, even though there are no lights!!! OMG! I hate that.) The players’ eyesight should be of paramount importance to the powers-that-be.

It's totally blurry, but look at how nice Ana Ivanovic (on the right) is in defeat.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

It’s totally blurry, but look at how nice Ana Ivanovic (on the right) is in defeat. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m always heralding the good-looking guys, but I have to give props to the gorgeous female #7 seed, Ana Ivanovic, too. She’s not only stunning to look at, but she’s even more beautiful on the inside.  She’s the class of the field on the women’s tennis tour.  She walked right over to the girl who had just beaten her, (in only the second round,) who really shouldn’t have, with a big smile on her face, and a warm embrace, to boot.

I hate the Ana got beaten in that round, but her opponent, Bethanie Mattek-Sands, gave the loveliest post-match interview, including saying how nice Ana is!  I told you they all love her.

Doesn't this look like a diaper on Yulia Putinseva? Is that why she's hiding her face?  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Doesn’t this look like a diaper on Yulia Putinseva? Is that why she’s hiding her face? Photo by Karen Salkin.

I was rooting for Yulia Putintseva to beat Venus Williams in the second round, but what was she wearing?!  It looked like a diaper!  And that came just one day after the women were all saying aloud how hard it is to play tennis when they have their periods!  I guess she didn’t have hers at this tourney.  Or we all would have known about it.

What was up with Serena Williams‘ creepy klutzy twirls when she was waving to the crowd after a win?  It was like she was a two-year-old.

I must say, Venus looks a million times better than she did at the French Open where she looked like an eighty-year-old washwoman.

As much as I hate missing even a second of Wimbledon, (and have been known to repeat some passages, much to Mr. X’s annoyance,) I noticed that I sped through the Williams sisters’ matches. As much as I hate to see them be victorious, it’s more that I can’t stomach the ESPN commentators kissing their butts.  Have they forgotten that Serena not only threatened to “shove the ball” down a lineswoman’s throat a few years ago at the US Open, she also made up some crazy foot injury (from supposedly stepping on glass at a restaurant she couldn’t remember any details about, including its name,) to deflect attention away from her heinousness.

What's up with Serena Williams' eyebrows?  Photo by Karen Salkin.

What’s up with Serena Williams’ eyebrows? Photo by Karen Salkin.

And I guess they also don’t notice that the crowd is always rooting vociferously for their opponents, no matter who they are, where they’re from, or if they ever heard of them before.

But I do give the sisters, and all the stars of the sport who are over thirty, for still playing.  They have enough money and fame, so I can’t imagine where they get the drive and desire from.  And even though she’s still only twenty-eight, Maria Sharapova is the must mind-boggling to me. She never has to step on a tennis court ever again; she’ll maintain her wealth and fame, no matter what, but she chooses to put herself through all the stress and pain. Wow.

The ESPN analysts kept wondering what will happen if the Williams play each other, with Venus having the opportunity to ruin Serena’s four Majors wins in a row.  Are they crazy?!  The family will make Venus throw it, of course!!! [Note: They will be playing each other today! I’ve never rooted for Venus before, but I will be now, hoping that I’m wrong about her throwing it. But I doubt that I am.)

Why was Christina McHale dressed like she’s a tween Catholic school girl?

Does Christina McHale's sister (on the left) look happy to you when Christina won the first set? I don't think so.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Does Christina McHale’s sister (on the left) look happy to you when Christina won the first set? I don’t think so. Photo by Karen Salkin.

When Christina won the first set of her second round match, commentator Patrick McEnroe said, “Mom and sis happy.”  I think not, on the sister’s part.  Just look at that bitter face.

I watched the whole day after that fire near Centre Court, (as I do every day, actually,) and they never once mentioned it!  I had expected it to be the first story of the ESPN broadcast!

I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing with Dustin Brown, but I had just said two days before that he had a good chance of beating Rafael Nadal.  I had seen him play only once before, but I knew what he’s capable of.

This was the fourth year in a row that Rafa went out early to a guy outside the top hundred! Wow.

Best interview ever!: Dustin Brown.  He’s so honest and personable.  And he let us know he was far from as calm as he looked.  I have to find out what music he was listening to on the way out to the court, so I can also make like I’m not stressed!!!

I’ve been watching tennis for at least half my life, and I’ve finally realized–those “Aussie fanatics” are sooo annoying!!!  Especially at Wimbledon, where decorum is supposed to prevail.  Someone there needs to tell them to shut the f**k up already!!!

With all her money, Serena Williams can’t fix her awful eyebrows?

Serena is an equally bad loser and winner.  She’s a horrible bad sport.

Chris Evert.  See what I mean about her lower face?   Photo by Karen Salkin.

Chris Evert. See what I mean about her lower face? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Why is the lower half of Chris Evert‘s face all puffy. It looks pretty clear that she had some work done on that area, but why would she do the lower face and not the wrinkly neck? I can’t figure that one out.

American teen-age girl Madison Keys is playing mixed doubles with Aussie star Nick Krygios, and in talking about him, she could not stop blushing. I think we’re talking crush.

I’m absolutely sick for defending champion Petra Kvitova going out in the third round, after making incredibly quick work of her previous two matches, but she was such a lady in defeat.  She was one of the girls who recently talked about how hard it is to play with your period, so maybe she had hers.  They said she seemed inexplicably sick during this last match.

Frenchmen Gilles Simon and Gael Monfils walking off the court together after Gilles had just beaten Gael.  Great guys, both!  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Frenchmen Gilles Simon and Gael Monfils walking off the court together after Gilles had just beaten Gael. Great guys, both! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m so glad the week ended on the high note of watching the most entertaining player of them all, Gael Monfils, play against one of his best friends, Gilles Simon, (who wound-up winning.) I’ve never seen such a friendly match, from start to finish, and it was really uplifting to witness.

Now, all thirty-two people who are left in the singles draws play today. This ought to be good. And, of course, I’ll be sharing my impressions of it all right here next Monday.

And, go, Roger!!!

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