TELEVISON: RANDOM SHOW BUSINESS THOUGHTS

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RANDOM SHOW BUSINESS THOUGHTS

 

I think of things to tell you guys all the time. But, since I publish just one column a day, I have to save most of these random thoughts for the appropriate article. I know I should just start tweeting, so I can share with you all the time, but then that’s all I’d do all day!

So, here are some musings, on several topics, to get off my chest now. And they all probably contain too many characters for Twitter, anyway!

[Note: There were way too many originally, and I realized that the column was getting too long for most people’s attention spans. So, I split them into Sport Thoughts yesterday, Show Business Thoughts today, and everything else the next time there’s a slow news/gossip/sports/television day. If you missed the sports musings, and you’re interested in those, which you just might be because, if you know me, you know they’re not just strictly for sports fans, please check-out yesterday’s column.]

You can't really tell what I'm talking about in this pic, but I couldn't find any better ones. Just look closely at where the jacket hits his lower half. I remember noticing this last year, too.

–This musing looks like it’s about sports, because he hosted last night’s ESPY Awards, but it’s really in the show biz category: Seth Meyers killed again as host of the ESPYs. You go, boy!

–But why does he always wear jackets that open exactly on his manhood? It’s weird. And a bit distracting. Not in a good way. (Not in bad way, either. It’s just out there.) I can see why he sits behind the desk on SNL. (And I don’t even have hi-def!)

–I don’t think I had time to give you my thoughts on America’s Got Talent yet this season, so here are just a few that I jotted down as they announced which four of this week’s twelve contestants were moving on in the competition:

The judges and audience made such a fuss over the motorcycles-in-the-cage act; have they never seen a circus before???  That act is in every circus in every corner of then world!!!  Even the little Coney Island one-ringer!

When they got announced as going through, the guys who held the Russian Bar, which requires such precision, missed the high five!!!

And then they announced that next time, they’re going to do something completely different!!!  Why would they do that???? People voted for this act, not something unseen!

The comedian with the guitar and funny songs, J Chris Newberg, is a riot. I hope that Howie Mandel is correct about him already being able to work a lot.

Dezmond Meeks.

Dezmond Meeks, the singer who looks like the son of Little Richard and an angel, is fabulous and got screwed by whichever power-that-be made him sing Satisfaction to begin with, but even more by that horrible, corny presentation they came up with. What is wrong with them??? The producers constantly mess with the acts and ruin what they do that got them noticed in the first place! I wish the contestants would have the confidence to stand up to them and do what they want to. The same thing happened to the Fiddleheads, the group with a wonderful lead singer and fiddle musicians. They basically came out and said it on the air last night.

Anna Graceman, the eleven-year-old with the big voice, is this year’s Jackie Evancho.

Mr. X was pissed when Anna went through and Dezmond didn’t, not that it was a contest between those two, but they put them in the same elimination trio.  He said that Howie’s extreme lauding of Anna was “a little inflated.” He added, “That girl will never sing like Dezmond does, even in ten years.” She’s excellent, but I agree with him. Dezmond is wonderful. I hope that he can act, too, so he can star in a Little Richard biopic because he has the pipes and the look.

Dezmond is actually still in the American Idol age range, I believe, but I don’t think he can try-out for that show until this one is over, which would then make him too old. And he’s not really AI material now, is he? I’m still keeping my fingers crossed for him to be one of the Wild Cards, if they do that again this year.

[Note: right after I wrote this, I researched Dezmond, for a photo of him. Turns-out, he made it to the last round of Hollywood Week on AI in season four, after Paula Abdul had to fight for him at the beginning. I think he was a little too unmacho for them, if you get my drift. Shame. They missed-out.]

[Note #2 on this topic: I just realized that since he’s already on been on two of Simon Cowell’s shows now, (Simon produces AGT,) there’s not much hope for him to ever make it onto The X Factor. I guess there’s always The Voice. And his has definitely gotten much better over the last seven years, that’s for sure.]

When it got down to the Fiddleheads and a salsa dance group for the judges to decide between, I was very pleasantly surprised to hear both group’s spokesmen make intelligent, not pat, pleas to move on. Neither one said the usual “this is everything to us” or “we’ve worked our whole lives for this” or “we promise we’ll bring it next week if you put us through.” They should both be proud of themselves for that.

–Just a few quick updates on So You Think You Can Dance:

See what I mean about the discrepancy in their head sizes?

I don’t know which dancers are headed home tonight, but it’s not looking good for Ricky and Ryan. He’s the tall skinny black guy, who’s getting screwed week after week because of his very weak partner, Ryan. She’s way too big for him, especially her head. It’s twice the size of his, thus making them uncomfortable to look at as a pair. (Granted, his head is too small, but…)

They should have probably put him with the equally-strong Sasha, but they never pair two black dancers; I think that they think that, somehow, doing that would be politically incorrect. So, instead, they give him a white lummox. (And I’m sure that the only reason they keep letting her move on, even though she’s often been in the bottom three, is because they’ve known her personally for four years! She was choreographer Mia Michaels’ assistant a few seasons ago.)

Iveta, the tall, thin Lithuanian ballroom dancer, would have been okay for Ricky, as well, but they had to pair her with the tallest dancer, Nick, so her face wouldn’t be close to her partner’s because she looks so much older than her thirty years, making it look like a mother and son are dancing, which would just be icky with the moves they do. (Actually, Ryan looks way older than her twenty! Way.)

A bigger problem is that they retained the same awful director as last season, Nikki Parsons. She can never just let us see the dances and experience them as the studio audience does. She always does nauseating 360s, which are also confusing, and commits the worst offense ever for a dance show—she often cuts off their feet!!! That’s the most important part of them. They really need someone better next year.

The one new thing that’s good about this season tis hat they occasionally have a funny actor guest, like the legendary Debbie Reynolds and last night’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson. But, they kept saying that Jesse has been on Broadway, but neglected to tell us his credits. Big omission.

–Update on The Voice: I forgot to put this in my original review of the Finale because this occurred during the Semis, and by the Finale, I was all about Javier.

But, in the Semis, when a member of CeeLo’s team sang What Do You Want From Me, Adam Lambert’s big hit, Adam Levine said,  “I’m actually not familiar with that song, but you forced me to like it!” And then, “I’m pretty sure that, although I haven’t heard that song before, that you probably sang it better than the person who sang it originally.” So, he’s claiming he never heard of this big hit song???  Nor Adam Lambert??? Calling him the person who sang it originally? CeeLo even said it was Lambert’s song!  What’s up with that, Adam Levine???? Jealous much? Guess you don’t want another Jewish boy, who sings a million times better than you, has the same first name, and is sooooo much better-looking, to boot, in the music biz with you.

–How could Blake Shelton not know the significance of a barbed wire tattoo? I finally had to research if he’d been to jail, which is what it means, and the explanation is that it was supposed to be animal tracks, but looked nothing like them, so he added a “fence.”  I don’t think you can be a boy from Oklahoma and not know that a barbed wire tattoo means you’ve been to jail.

In case you’re wondering just how a girl like me would have that particular knowledge, here’s the story: I met a gorgeous, macho guy in Aspen years ago, who, unfortunately, has tattoos. Plenty of them. (I hate tattoos, in case you didn’t know. Why would someone do that to themselves?) Anyway, he’s the one who broke it down for me. I was immediately concerned about what he could have gone through in his short time in the pen. (Which was for beating-up a guy he found in bed with his wife, btw.)

So, I worked-up courage and asked this 6’4” builder with the abs of life if someone had made him his bitch. He totally deadpanned, “No…I think I’d get my own bitch.” Touche.

This pic of Francis McDormand looks more like a mug shot than a Tonys acceptance!

–Upon further reflection of Francis McDormand at last month’s Tony Awards, (which just happened because I have dirty hair at the moment and can’t imagine leaving the house like this, even just to go to the store,) maybe she was pulling a “Joaquin Phoenix” when she showed-up to accept her Tony in a jean jacket with filthy hair. As you can see, it’s still bothering me a month later. Piggy people like that don’t deserve fame.

–I can’t believe I’m putting this in the category of “Show Business,” so please forgive me, and I’m ashamed to no longer be able to say that I’ve never seen even a small part of any Bachelor/Bachelorette show. I, unfortunately, got hooked on this season several weeks ago, when I saw the promos with that awful Bentley cad. I couldn’t believe that the producers would a) allow someone on the show who’s so devious, b) broadcast the vile things he said, and c) not warn the poor girl about him. They’re actually the ones who should be ashamed of themselves! What they did is just plain nasty.

But now that I have been watching since then, I must say that I’m surprised they did come up with attractive enough and successful enough choices for her. But, if she doesn’t choose J.P. (I think that’s his name—the guy from Long Island,) she’s crazy. Maybe he’d become the first Jewish bachelor then, which could be fun. But my series watching stops here.

–And what was up with that stupid interview with Emily, the one who “won” the last season? It was supposed to be some in-depth interview where she explains why she and Brad broke-up. But all she did was cry and say how hurt she is! She didn’t give any inkling at all as to what happened with them!!!

She said she did the interview so that everyone would stop hounding her once and for all, and that she was there to clear it up for everyone at the same time. But she said nothing. Excuse me–less than nothing!

And they made her fly all the way out there for it, too. Wouldn’t it have been easier to go to wherever it is that she lives? Especially since she has a young daughter. Or maybe the producers got her out here by paying for her to take her daughter to Disneyland. Isn’t that what they do on all these shows?

Or were they just hoping to elicit more tears from her by bringing her back to the house where “it all began.”

These people are all nauseous. [At least I have this opportunity to point out the proper use of the word here, (even though the mis-use is so common that it’s now included in some newer dictionaries.) “Nauseous” is not the feeling you have when you’re queasy; that would be “nauseated.” “Nauseous” is when something outside of yourself is disgusting.]

Okay, now, after splitting this column up three times, I’m both nauseated and nauseous, so I’m outta here for now.

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