I’ve never missed even one second of this series, and I really wanted to this season. There was no one to root for, and one person I can’t stand, who I had a feeling might win. I was so excited to get that many hours back in life to do other things.

But, upon my return home last night from a lovely Beverly Hills charity event benefiting Children of the Night, I just couldn’t help myself. (And my friend Lucia was here and wanted to see it.) I, shockingly, enjoyed this new season! I think Mr. X, who watched under protest, sort-of did, too.


Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke: I didn't mention them until the end, so they get their picture here.

Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke: I didn't mention them until the end, so they get their picture here.

I have to preface this review by saying that this show is far from dancing with the “stars.” There has rarely ever been a true “star” on it! The show should actually be called Dancing With People Who Have Done A Little Something Of Note And Are Hoping This Show Will Make Them Stars.

I’m sure all the other sites are featuring the same thoughts/complaints: Nicole and Evan have an unfair advantage, Buzz is old, Pam is trampy, and everyone hates Kate, blah, blah, blah. So, here’s how I see it: (I just wish that I had written down my comments during the show last night. Mr. X couldn’t stop laughing, but, of course, I’ve forgotten them all.)

Poor Maks and Tony. They’ve both come close once, but are usually saddled with awful partners. Tony gets the old chicks and Maks gets the tall ones. Maks should have gotten Pamela Anderson–that would have been a reality show in itself! But instead, he gets that goony Erin Andrews who looks like some kind of bird with the super-skinny arms and legs that just flail everywhere. I have to give her credit, though, for making her appearance as good as she does; she’s not a pretty girl ,(except for great teeth, which I think are real, and nice eyes, close-up) but she’s made herself be in the attractive category, though Mr. X disagrees with my conclusion. He thinks she looks like Nia Vardalos, someone I’m not really familiar with, but maybe you are.

And that voice on her! OMG! I’ve rarely heard a worse one. Mr. X asked who she was to begin with, and the whole show, he kept saying, “I can’t believe that girl is a broadcaster! How is she a broadcaster with that horrible voice?” I don’t get it either. I’ve seen her a lot because I’m a sportsaholic, and I usually have to turn down the TV when she’s on. She almost ruins the games I’m watching when she comes on.

If a foreign power wanted to get all our secrets, all they’d have to do is make us listen to a conversation between Erin and Evan. His voice is awful, as well, which most people didn’t know because they’ve rarely heard him talk. I’d venture a guess that most Americans have rarely seen him skate, either, because they watch just the Olympics and no other competions in the four years in-between.

So, let me tell you, Evan is a creepy complainer and would have been an awful sport had he not, erroneously in my expert skating opinion, won. Mr. X still always asks if Evan on an IV yet, which was his excuse during the last Olympics, when he didn’t do so well. Johnny Weir would’ve been so much better on DWTS! His costumes would’ve rivaled those of the females! I would have actually loved to see him dance with Louis Van Amstel! (Probably so would have Louis.)

Even though I have a crush on Maks, who’s the only sexy one in the whole group, Derek is the most genius choreographer, so pairing him with Nicole makes them pretty much a lock for the title, and deservedly so. I just hope those stupid voting sites don’t mess with this one to ruin the results.

Buzz Aldrin was a revelation. Of course he can’t move like the others! He’s EIGHTY YEARS OLD!!! But he’s amazing and entertaining and this is an entertainment show, not a professional competition, people! Get over it. And we love his partner, Ashly Costa, so we hope they stick around for awhile. She’s an adorable girl and looks fabulous. She actually looks better after having kids than she did before. (I just wish they would have pointed out that her maiden name is DelGrosso, so people, like Mr. X, wouldn’t be confused. Not everyone has me around to break it all down for them while they watch.)

I also feel terrible for Edyta. She’s the best female pro, but usually gets bad guys to perform with. She seems so sweet. And, I’m saying this as the straightest chick you can imagine, that body! My mouth was hanging open from her unbelievable costume last night. I couldn’t take my eyes off it! She was almost naked! I’m sure there was skin-toned netting under the white fringe, but to the naked eye, it appeared she had one boob popping-out the whole time. If the powers-that-be let me choose my own body, Edyta’s would be it. Along with Audrey Hepburn’s face, Grace Kelly’s elegance, and Gene Tierney’s voice. (Can you tell I watch a lot of old movies?)

Anyway, she got some guy from England nobody knows, who was probably the worst dancer, but he’s kind-of handsome and very charming in the clips. I hope they stay around for awhile, despite his clunkiness. (I could pen a poem right here, and rhyme that with hunkiness. Maybe tomorrow, so you guys have something to look forward to.)

The bachelor dude and the mother of 8, both of whose shows I’ve never seen, were just wastes of space. But Shannen was a nice surprise. Maybe she’s not the bi-atch everyone thinks she is. I had never heard of Niecy Nash before, but I recognized her from guesting on Gary Unmarried for the past two weeks. I hadn’t liked her on that show, but I thought she was delightful on DWTS. She made us laugh, which few others did. Now, there’s a woman who rises above her looks, and good for her! The only thing that freaked me out was her tiny feet. I have them, too, and have always been really proud of them, but now that I’m a tad chubby, as well, hers made me worry about mine.

OMG–Chad! I almost forgot about Chad Ochocinco! Love him!!! I hope he’s in the final three with Nicole and Pam. As long as Evan’s not in there, I’ll be fine with anyone else. And since Chad is paired with Cheryl, a clever, clever choreographer, he should be fine. The producers just need to not make him dance first again, the spot that most viewers usually forget.

Okay, I’m going to go re-watch it now and see if I can remember my original bon mots to post tomorrow. I know–you can’t wait, can you?


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