TELEVISION: THE X FACTOR MID-SEASON NOTES

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THE X FACTOR MID-SEASON NOTES

 

Some readers have sent me emails asking why I’ve written about The X Factor only once this season. It’s not that I’ve been ignoring it; it’s just that I hadn’t had time to watch it for awhile, but now I’m finally caught up. Actually, except for last night’s show because I was at the worst restaurant opening in recent memory. (The opening was the worst, not the restaurant. I wouldn’t know about that because all they served was spicy chicken skewers!!! And there was way too much smoke. From the idiot attendees, not the kitchen.)

This what we want to do, too, Simon, with more than half the show!

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts about the shows since the one before they finally announced the Final 17, mostly in order of what I witnessed on those shows.

Here’s a quote we’ve all heard way too often on this type of show: “If I go home, it’ll be devastating.” In this case, it was from a sixteen year old! That gave me an idea for a new show; how about throw these idiots into real devastating circumstances, like a tsunami, losing all their money, having their whole family killed in a car crash, (as happened to poor Abby, a Biggest Loser contestant from a few years ago, which was the reason for her weight gain to begin with…and she never complained!,) and the winner is the one who finally gets the message about just what is truly devastating!

Here’s another common lament: “This is my last chance.” I’m not really a fan of Chris Daughtry, but before American Idol, he married an older girl who already had kids, so he worked at a car rental place all day to support them, while working on his music with his band at night and on week-ends. Everyone can work or go to school or support a family while pursuing their passion. It’s never your last chance until your on your deathbed. That’s your only last chance on this level of life. I’m sick of hearing it from these contestants. Especially when they have so many other shows to try to get on if they don’t win this one! Give me a break.

Of the Top 32, that they had to cut down to sixteen, there were more than sixteen good ones. But I was sure that they’d pick bad ones anyway. And guess what??? They did! But they actually got several really good singers, as well, so that was good.

If the judges said, “I’m not convinced…” one more time, I was going to throw-up!

Simon Cowell actually said, “If you forget the lyrics on the live show, it’s catastrophic.” He needs to see my above section on devastation!

Some of these morons, like the older woman named Stacy, declare, (while crying hysterically, I might add,) “I just what it so badly.” Hey, pal–save the tears and stupidity for something really horrible!

Nicole channeling the Land O Lakes girl.

Why is judge Nicole Scherzinger greeting the contestants disguised as the Land O Lakes girl?

Yet another dumb quote: “This opportunity is not going to come again.” Yeah, honey, except for The Voice, The Sing-Off, American Idol, America’s Got Talent, and a bunch of others on cable, and now, even on the internet!!! So, cheer up—you have many more opportunities to be “devastated.”

I hate that every single contestant is so dissatisfied with their current life. Everyone says that they “need this.””

Strapping young guys say they need this to support their families. Hey, how about working at McDonald’s? I just met a college-educated engineer, who spent most of his adult life as a radio station engineer, and when those jobs went south, he worked at Radio Shack to make money for his family. And he was already in his sixties!!! Now that’s a man. So, buck up, you morons!

See what I mean? I wonder if you can do the boob trick with Nicole, too?

About originally not choosing fan favorite, and possible eventual winner, Melanie Amauro, for the Top 16, Simon said, “How do u explain that? She sang her heart out and you’ve got to say no.” He didn’t have to say no! It was his decision. And I think that whole not choosing her to begin with debacle was perhaps fake, just for the drama. (Not fake on Melanie’s part—on the part of Simon and the producers. She was just an unfortunate pawn.)

Now to the first live show:

At the end of young Brooklyn rapper Astro’s performance, I just gushed, “Oh my God, that was great!” And I’m far from a big rapping fan.

Paula Abdul told one of the contestants, “There’s a genuine truthfulness that’s authentic about you.” That should study that prime example of redundancy in English classes everywhere. Why didn’t she just say, “There’s a real realness about your realness”?

She also told Phillip Lomax, who performed a brutal version of the Monkees’ I’m A Believer, rather than crooning, which is way he was chosen in the first place, that “That was amazing.” He was worse than a lounge singer. He was actually causing me physical pain. And then the judges made a big fuss over him!!!

The girl group that the show put together out of single girl rejects, with some name like Lakoda Rayne, (it’s not worth my time to look it up,) is like a group of Mamma Mia understudies, yet the judges creamed over them. Not hard to figure out, though, since they were the producers’ creation. It’s like betsy Ross and her pals oohing and aahing over their own quilt! Which, of course, was deserved in that case.

When I told Mr. X that we should write a movie for Dexter Haygood about if Jimi Hendrix were alive today, he replied, “If he was alive today, he’d be dead.” So true. I still think the story is a good idea. (Remember, this is copy-written, if you’re thinking of purloining that idea.)

What were the mentors thinking with some of these song choices, like I Kissed A Girl for rocker Dexter, and I’m A Believer for crooner Phillip???

Crybaby Stacy Francis declared, “I’m fighting for my life,” the most ignorant contestant statement yet! Maybe she should ask Amanda Knox what that really feels like. Or a wrongfully convicted death row inmate. Or maybe she’s just confusing herself with a gladiator fighting a tiger.

About three readers will get this one, but Mr. X and I were envisioning an evolution chart from Dan Fogler to Josh Krajcik to Javier Bardem. Google them, if you’re curious.

Nicole says everyone is her little whatever, even the ones not on her team!!! How’s that for hubris?

Drew Ryniewicz is so not full of herself. I love it. She just sings so easily and doesn’t try to show every note she can hit.

That’s it for now. I’ll try to catch up with this week’s episodes and bring you my further musings next week.

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