NEW THOUGHTS ON THE X FACTOR

 

It sure took long enough, but I finally got caught up on the past four weeks of The X Factor! Whew! At least their results shows go semi-fast.

So, here are some thoughts on some happenings on those particular shows, and the season to date, in general. I went mostly in order of what I saw on the shows as the season has gone along. Let’s begin:

This show is so full of shit!

First of all, to all the idiot contestants who aver that they must continue in the competition because they “just can’t stop singing:” no one’s stopping you from singing; we’re just stopping you from making money at it…on this show! If singing is “everything” to you, it’s something you can do anytime, anywhere, so don’t make like you’ll have to stop because you’re off this stupid show!

This is what one young girl told another sixteen-year-old who didn’t make the cut for the live shows: “You can come back from this.” Are all these people insane??? They all need to visit veteran’s or children’s hospitals or the like, to see what real adversity is.

Why are most of the contestants, and judges, such bad sports? I don’t get that. What happened to stiff upper lips, sportsmanship, and general good behavior? Maybe it’s because they all treat these competition shows like they’re life and death. Shame. And shameful.

Why do they all make like singing these songs are such “risks?” High wire acts are risks, sky-diving is a risk, and gambling big bucks are risks; singing is not!!!

These people have all sung before, or they wouldn’t be on the show. So, why don’t they just pick songs they’re good at? The over-thirties group, especially, must have a repertoire by now.

The judges should not keep putting each other down. Didn’t Simon hire the other three because he respected their music biz abilities???

I feel behavior like this marks the end of civilization! Surely the end of civilized society. The general public emulates the behavior of celebrities (hence “role models,”) and this is just another reason people get ruder and ruder.

Several of the acts, like Lakoda Rayne and Marcus Canty, are not worthy of being on TV ever.

I’m sick of the constant squabbling among the judges.

They refuse to tell the contestants that do suck (Stacy Francis, Marcus Canty, and all the groups) that they do! But they make like some of the good ones (read “Drew”) that they do! I don’t get it. Seriously, my head spins from their strange, and misplaced, criticisms. They’re mainly really rude and nasty, but kiss the asses of the contestants who make my ears bleed.

The judges do sometimes cop to berating someone unjustly; but they also need to admit when they make mistakes in complimenting the bad ones. When I was in the fourth grade, my teacher, Mrs. Olson, went around the room stopping at each desk to listen closely to each of our singing voices, and then picked the best ones to go up and become the class chorus. Since my father had let me know that I definitely can’t sing, imagine my shock, and delight, when I got chosen! When the entire group was in front of the class, I sung out with great gusto! When we were done, she said something to the effect of, “Oh wait—something’s wrong.” And she listened to each of us again, pulling out the offender. It was me, of course! It was a horrible feeling, that I think I’ve never really gotten over, but I’ve always respected Mrs. Olson for realizing her mistake. Simon and company should do the same.

Seriously, these judges, especially Paula and Nicole, barely even make sense anymore!!! They tell everyone that they’re “superstars.” Trust me, no one on these shows is a superstar. Most stars aren’t even superstars!!!

And “convinced” is their new word. It’s like when I was a dance club promoter, and I came up with the first “Thanksgiving Eve Bash.” None of these club peeps had ever even heard the old-fashioned term “bash” before, yet they’re still using it today!! In all clubs. So, someone on some show somewhere once said “convinced,” and now they’re all using it, the same as they do with “artist.”

And what’s up with the fire effect during so many of the performances? It’s like they’re a community theater and someone gave them the fire, so they have to constantly use it, like costumes.

And what was up with L.A. Reid not standing for Jessie J??? Or even politely applauding? No matter his reason, it was unbelievably rude, and that sweet girl did not deserve that treatment! I lost all respect for him with that one asshole act.

There is something so not fair about wonderful dancer Allison Holker, who’s a star on So You Think You Can Dance, past and present, dancing anonymously behind the untalented Marcus Canty! Dancers really get short shrift in show business.

The contestants got sent to a pro photog, Brian Smith, for glamour shots. He proudly stated, “I’ve shot everyone from Eve to Missy Elliott to Shakira.” That’s like saying he’s shot every color in the rainbow, from red to orange-red to pink-red. There’s no range there!

No one has benefitted more from the crew’s hair and make-up skills than Melanie!

This show has the sorest losers of all the shows, like Stacy Francis.

Nicole gets more full of shit by the week. She should have a website kind-of like this one, but it would be ItsAllAboutMe, rather than ItsNotAboutMe. If she was on Dancing With The Stars now, instead of three seasons ago, I’d vote for anyone else, even though she was the best.

Nicole intro-ed Leroy as “the one and only, one-of-a-kind, Mr. Leroy Bell.” Yeah—one-of-a-kind…unless you’re counting Michael Bolton, whom Leroy sounds just like.

My mouth just hangs open when I see Astro perform. He is truly friggin’ amazing. His performances have actually made me cry! On more than one occasion! I found myself closing my iPad and paying him rapt attention. He’s incredible.

Paula said of Astro, in regards to people calling him “our future,” “He’s also our past and present.” Smartest thing she ever said!

Outside of Astro’s one meltdown, which I feel was out of his youth not knowing how to handle the possible rejection like a man, I think he’s pretty respectful. He always says “sir” and “thank you,” with sincerity.

The stupid evil relations among the judges is making the singers be just pawns in their own competition, which is so not fair. And many of them are too young to realize what’s going on, and they can’t handle it.

Steve Jones, the host, thinks “lol” in tweets means “lots of laughs!” How embarrassing for him. (Though, if he’s not humiliated by some of the crazy, hammy faces he makes, then maybe he just doesn’t have that emotion.)

I love grooving to Chris Rene’s music. I sing his original song, Young Homey, What You Trippin’ On, all the time in my head! And he’s the only one who ever acknowledges the host! You go, boy.

Paula told someone (it doesn’t even matter whom because it makes no sense, but it was Chris,) “You manifest with abundance in the heart department.” Simon even called her on it, too. It’s still shocking to me that she doesn’t know what many basic words mean.

I liked all the contestants better before they started showing us “who they are.” Way better.

And why does everyone have to have a sob story? Can’t anyone just be a wonderful singer who’s trying hard, and also has a good life???

Okay, I have to address the weirdest recent development: Melanie Amauro’s island accent! When I heard her say she grew up in the Virgin Islands until high school, I remarked that I was surprised she didn’t have an accent. But right away, I remembered that most people lose theirs if they come to the United States before the age of fifteen, which she did. Then, on the next show, in the middle of regular speech, she busted out a heavy accent, worthy of my mother’s Jamaican aides! She turned into a scary Ed Norton character before our eyes! Simon said he didn’t even know about it! And he’s been mentoring her for months!!! It is just so weird. She said that she just wants to show people “who she really is.” So, she was just bamboozling us from the beginning? Why couldn’t she have talked with her real, honest accent all along? It’s just creepy that she spoke without one for all her prior months on the show. And did anyone else notice that the accent showed up right after Rihanna was there? Hmmm. I think the change turned people off. I know it did me. I think maybe I’ll start speaking with an English one myself. Or in Brooklynese. Or in tongues. Which is the same thing as Brooklynese, actually.

Drew went from being the sweetest girl to a major bad sport. Yet Marcus, whom I don’t like as a singer, is always pleasant and upbeat, no matter what.

And Drew turned into a Jesus freak at the very end there, which I’m sure didn’t help her any for the future. I don’t even have to be a mentor to give the contestants a quick bit of advice: keep that sort of thing to yourselves!

I’ve actually come to think that Steve Jones is a nice, caring host. (My original first note for this column was that he’s full if it, but as the shows wore on—and “wore on” they did!–I realized how good he is to everyone.) He’s more than a tad over-dramatic and goony. (And I can’t figure out if he’s, as they say in Legally Blonde, The Musical, gay or European!) But he doesn’t try to make the show about himself, as many hosts do. He never says anyone is his “little “anything, like Cat Deeley does. Or torture them to make himself look important. Or joke with the judges, like Ryan Seacrest. He just stays out of the way, and lets the show unfold. And he actually moves the judges along from their rambling assessments.

Marcus is nice, but how did he make it into the top four guys to begin with??? And now he’s in the top five!!! My head’s going to bleed from how often I’ve scratched it over him.

As Nicole was screwing Drew, by choosing her to leave before the inferior Marcus Canty, she told her, “You’re so young already still.” She thinks she’s so profound and she’s really an idiot! And, by the way, what happened to her belief in “girl empowerment” that she invoked when she saved the worse-than-awful, made-for-the-show girl group, Lakoda Rayne? Why wouldn’t she “save” Drew over Marcus?

Okay, that’s it, most likely until my thoughts on the final results surface. I wasn’t really rooting for anyone all along, because there were six of the Top 12 I thought were worthy. But now I find myself leaning towards Chris, Josh, and Rachel. I always thought Melanie was going to win, and I kind-of wanted her to. But her craziness from Thanksgiving Week was too much for me. I think Rachel can already have a career, especially with Disney, so I think I’d be happiest if Josh or Chris win, because I don’t see as much in their futures otherwise, being a little bit older, hick guys who’ve already gone through a lot in life. So, Nicole, I guess I’m all for guy empowerment!