This column is taking me some time to complete because I was just too depressed to write it after the game. The weird thing for me is that, when the day began, I didn’t even care who won, and then I wound-up sick over the outcome.
I was on the fence when I woke-up yesterday, because I hate the Patriots and also don’t like Richard Sherman of the Seahawks, but from watching all the pre-game features on some of the players on both teams, I was totally rooting for the Seahawks.
So, it was a very unsatisfying day for me.
If I can pull myself together to find a silver lining, as I’m always wont to do, I am happy for my friends and other poor New Englanders who just went through that horrible snowstorm. To have a little bit of sunshine amidst that frozen depression must be nice for them. I just hate that the thug Mark Wahlberg gets to be happy, too.
I had thought of live-tweeting it all, but I wanted to stay on-time with my own watching because I couldn’t fast-forward through the commercials, since they’re supposed to be the best part of the whole shebang. (That turned-out to be far from the case this year.)
So now, you know I have several thoughts to share on all of it, especially because I watched every single moment of the proceedings, from 10AM on!!! Let’s get right to them:
Mr. X noted that, “When Tara Lipinski looks better than a Victoria’s Secret model, something’s wrong.” He was referring to how goony Adrianna Lima looked. We were in shock! Who knew she looks so bad while smiling and talking? (I tried to get a worse pic to post here, but I guess she just can’t look bad in print. But, trust me, she was very goony-looking when she was talking and laughing. What awful teeth she has!)
Mark Wahlberg’s young sons already look like thugs. I guess the apples really don’t fall from the tree. (But what was he doing to their hair? He didn’t stop rubbing their heads through his entire interview!)
Was Johnny Weir dressed as a turtle? (I know it was supposed to be football pads, but it missed the mark this time. And his football side-yarmulka was just nutty!)
What a slime-bag Tom Brady is! When Bob Costas was questioning him about Deflate-gate, he looked like the old Martin Short character, from SNL, who was sweating while smoking a cigarette to the nub, and when caught in a lie, nervously asked, “Me? You think that I did that? Why would I do that?!”
Regarding the deflated footballs in the previous game, Costas literally asked Brady, “You had no prior knowledge of it?,” and, boy did he dodge! If he didn’t know about it, he would have said a flat out “no way!” But his answer was, “I’d like to just wait for the facts to come out.” Wait for the facts?! He knows the facts!!! A simple “no” would have sufficed, if he was, indeed, innocent, which we all know he’s not. (More on this topic at the end of this section.)
When Mr. X saw Marshawn Lynch walking around rocking gold headphones, (that I think he was jealous of,) multiple beads (that my mother would have been proud of,) and weird face scarf, he said, “He’s not afraid of color, this young man.” Mr. X should have been one of the pro commentators, don’t you think? (I think he was just emulating Johnny Weir on that one!)
Why did Russell Wilson get so pudgy?
And why was an on-field reporter interviewing Pete Carroll as the game is starting?
Okay, these ads are the reason that more than the half the viewers tune-in to begin with, and, on the whole, they were very disappointing this year. Here are my takes on them, in order that they aired:
Lindsay Lohan telling strange kids to get in her car, pretending to be their mom, was just wrong. I was so horrified that I totally missed the point of the ad; I was told that she was parodying that she’s a bad driver. But I was shocked that an ad agency would think trying to abduct children, no matter who you are, is funny. This may have been worse than the dead kid one, which at least was trying to give a warning!
The one with President Kennedy’s voice talking about the sea was pretty good. I just wish it wasn’t for a cruise line.
I thought the one with Kim Kardashian parodying herself was fun, but it almost got lost on me amid my shock that her face is almost totally plastic now!
The Budweiser one about the lost dog really got to me. In the middle of his long life, someone had stolen my precious Clarence, and getting him back just may have been the single happiest moment of my life. So, that’s what I was feeling when this little guy in the ad came home.
The Doritos one with the guy on a plane (doing some of the things, to discourage possible seat-mates, that I’m also guilty of,) is one of only two that made me laugh.
The Nissan one with a car-racing dad was just confusing. I thought it was for cereal for awhile. (I still don’t get it.)
All the ones I’m dubbing “dad ads” are just sad; not everyone has a dad, especially nowadays. Bad strategy.
The kid-dying-from-an-at-home-accident one was horrible, but I really hope that parents do take heed. I was reading about that very topic earlier that morning, and it’s something parents (and grandparents, nannies, aunts and uncles, etc.) should really be aware of. I guess Nationwide figured they should show it to the biggest TV audience of the year, and if it saves even one child’s life by doing so, the abuse they’re enduring in the aftermath of the showing will have been worth it.
The Fiat commercial featuring Viagra was amusing. I couldn’t figure where they going with it until the end. It’s the other one I laughed at.
I hate to say it, but the Pete Rose “Hall” ad was great.
I could see all of Liam Neeson’s make-up in his video game ad! Why?!
Hey, Dodge–where did you find so many hundred-year-olds who look and sound that good? Something’s fishy.
There were so may car commercials! I’m actually looking to buy one, but none of these ads made any of them appealing to me, at all.
I will never, ever order from Grub Hub because of that horrifyingly violent ad.
How does a bunch of very unattractive people dancing badly say “buy Loctite glue?!” Well, actually, it made me want to buy it…to glue my eyes shut so I don’t have to see that ad again!!! Maybe that’s what they were counting on.
There were very few amusing ones. Or even heart-tugging ones. Disappointing group.
I don’t get why so many people are hating on Katy Perry today. She actually put on an excellent show, especially for color-lovers like me!!! And it was colorful. I loved all the playful costumes on the dancers, and the glowing beach balls on the field. And, of course, the fireworks!
I know she’s far from a great singer, and she’s a big klutz who probably shouldn’t try to move so much, but she has fabulous songs!
There’s really nothing more we could want from a twelve-minute production. This one had it all, although Missy Elliott and Lenny Kravitz were wastes of time.
But today I read what her make-up artist said he put on her, in case we girly-girls (or Johnny Weir) wanted to copy. But he said she on “lots of mascara.” That well may be, but he neglected to say she was wearing false eyelashes, as well! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, and she would have been a fool to have not worn them to project out to millions, so why is he fibbing, especially for no reason. I hate that!
And I also hate having to address the stupidity of the people who are pointing-out the lack of choreography from one of the peeps in the shark costume, but I must. With sooooo much going on up there, do the steps of one cartoon character matter? The answer is a resounding nooooo!
That was the shortest first quarter I’ve ever seen.
And even though the game started-out decidedly slow, it turned into an excellent first half of football.
When he caught-up at the very end of the first half, I said that Russell Wilson has the biggest balls ever!!! I guess the Patriots couldn’t deflate those!
A “celebration penalty” is the dumbest one to get in a Super Bowl.
And why didn’t they show the offense? (Mr. X called it right away, even though we saw it for just a nano-second. It looked like a guy was emulating pulling down his pants. And Mr. X imagined the rest. He just may have been correct!)
That was the worst ending ever.
I’m with Chris Collinsworth (and everyone else who watched in shock!) I don’t believe that call on the part of the Seahawks. It made me sick. I chose them at the beginning of the day, and I hate the cheating Patriots. I seriously can’t believe how sick I still am over this.
The Pats are just a bunch of tricking thugs. I never saw thuggery like that at end. They embarrassed the sport.
The friggin fake-university stadium should have been a portent of things to come. (All week, I was wondering where the “University of Phoenix” is, and how a college stadium is hosting the Superbowl. Then, Mr. X asked how an on-line school has a campus. And then I realized the situation—that’s just the sponsor name of the stadium, like Staples Center or Honda Center. It’s not the name of a university field at all! How deceiving.)
Maybe now Patriots owner Robert Kraft can afford some teeth whitener. And some veneers for his grotesque bottom teeth. There’s no excuse for rich people to have gross teeth like that!
My prediction is that the NFL is going to complete the investigation into “Deflate-gate” by declaring that the Patriots didn’t do anything nefarious, because the powers-that-be over there don’t want to impugn their own sport.
Kraft cited that his Pats won the previous game (when the balls were deflated, making them easier to handle,) by thirty-eight points, and this one by only four, in an attempt to show that they didn’t cheat with the balls. But that stupid math only added to the widely-held notion that they did!
Since I believe in giving props when they’re due, I have to say that Brady spoke really well after the game.
If there’s one silver lining for me, I’m always happy for a Jewish athlete (in this case, Julian Edelman,) to win something. There are so few of them. (My nephew actual had a book of Jewish athletes. And–no joke–it’s the thinnest book I’ve ever seen!)
Yes, that last call of the Seahawks was the worst football decision ever, but if it had worked, coach Pete Carroll would have looked like a genius. So I wish he would let himself off the hook, at least somewhat.
It was weird that the broadcasters hardly mentioned Jeremy Lane’s injury, that turned-out to be a badly broken arm/wrist. They usually capitalize on gruesome injuries like that. They must not have realized just how horrific it was, or they surely would have done so. All they said at the time is that they were taking him into the locker room for x-rays. You didn’t need to be Superman to see the extent of that injury. But they surely must have missed it because they never showed it, and barely even mentioned it again!
I know that NBC wants to grab the huge Superbowl viewing audience to showcase one of its own prime-time shows, so they aired a new The Blacklist right after. But it’s hard to switch gears from sports to a drama series. Though, in this case, I was so depressed, seeing torture and tons of killings right away didn’t much phase me. And I had already seen carnage on the field.