TOP BRGR
This is a “dining” experience I had this summer, when I was hanging with my little mo during her hospital and physical rehabilitation ordeal. It’s still kind-of pissing me off, so, with today being a slow news day, here it is. [Note: I wrote most of it while it was still fresh in my mind, so you can rest assured that all the info is correct.]
After a week of eating nothing but White Castle, which was right near the Brooklyn hospital my mother was in, (and, believe me, I was totally grateful for it!,) I knew I had to step up my culinary choices in New York, particularly in this happening foodie borough.
She was now in a rehab facility in Coney Island, (which is a whole story unto itself—look for my upcoming column of rehab tips,) so I had more dining choices. Several of my friends were kind enough to give me a much-needed break and take me out to real restaurants, (which I really can’t thank them enough for,) but when I was left on my own, I just needed to pick something up, or have it delivered, so I could go home and try to sleep. (I stayed overnight with my mother every night, as everyone should do for their loved ones in the same situation, even if they have to sleep on a mattress on the floor, as I did, and stay pretty much awake in case of emergency. Again, keep an eye out for my rehab tips column, which I hope will finally be ready soon.)
So, one day, I decided to head over to the near-by Sheepshead Bay “restaurant row” because I knew that they have several easy-to-pick-up-from choices. After a quick perusal of the eateries, I decided a burger sounded just perfect, so into the new-ish Top Brgr I ventured.
I was instantly perplexed by the menu. Basically, what they offered were outrageously expensive Kobe beef burgers! At a fast food, order-at-the-counter place in what’s essentially a strip mall!!! I thought it was just my sleep-deprived delirium kicking in, but, alas, it was not.
When I lamented that I don’t like Kobe, (the beef nor the Player!,) the counter-girl tried to talk me into the $13. black angus burger. Great alternative, eh??? The gross-sounding deep fried hot dog, at $5. made me want to puke, on both fronts, so I went with your basic chicken sandwich at $7. Remember, these prices were at a simple fast food place.
The fries presented yet another ordering debacle. They ran $4-$6 and were fat steak fries, which so don’t go with burgers. I had asked the unknowledgeable order-taker what they looked like, (as I always do with new fries,) and she didn’t know. She said they were regular, normal fries. I made sure to inquire, “They’re not fat, are they?,” since those are not my favorite potatoes and were labeled (correctly, as it turned-out,) as “steak fries,” and she assured me they were not.
When I received the order, and saw that they were indeed “fat,” ones, I pointed it out to her. Her answer? (You’re going to love this one!) She didn’t know that “fat” and “thick” were the same thing!!! I guess her boyfriend can call her “thick” and she’ll be fine with that! Especially since she is thick—in the head!!! By the way, I had even demonstrated “fat” with my hands, in relation to the fries, and she still didn’t get it!
Maybe she’s the one who wrote the “Toppings” on the board because it was full of mistakes. For one thing, they had “mayo” listed twice, and for another, they had “sour cream” and “chives” listed separately—even though you can’t have them as such! It’s bad enough that they can’t spell “brgr” with the vowels, but give me a break on the toppings.
I believe the main attraction here is the huge patio, looking out at the water. Perfect for summer days. Even for Spring and Fall ones, a bit. But I can’t wait to see who will eat here in the winter. When you’d have to sit inside, on one of the ten stools or eight table seats, looking outside at the near-by cold weather, chowing-down on burgers that will set you back part of your month’s rent, I can’t imagine it will be packed.
I kind-of hate to say this, but the food turned-out to be pretty good. Not delicious, but pretty good. I’m always willing to pay top dollar for amazing palette-pleasing fare, such as the best ice cream ever at Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, but not for just a pretty good chicken sandwich. So, unless every other eatery in Brooklyn is closed, and I’m starving, you can bet that I won’t be returning to Top Brgr.
2267 Emmons Ave. Brooklyn, NY 718-646-2747
