MINI MOVIE REVIEWS 2023 PART III
This is the final installment of my Mini Movie Reviews for this year, just in time for the Oscars. [Note: The title above states “2023,” but they’re all actually films from 2022. That’s why they’re eligible for all the awards now, in actual 2023. I know—it can be confusing.]
I’m actually thrilled to be done with the topic because this was the absolute worst bunch of films one year has ever produced. My theory is that this situation is due to that all the movies had to be made during the pandemic, so they reflect our worldwide three-year depression.
But filmmakers always seem to think that sad or horrific films are more artistic than happy and/or amusing ones. I don’t get it. They all need to take a seminar in Sullivan’s Travels, as far as I’m concerned.
If you missed my previous three articles on the nominated films, and want to catch-up before this Sunday’s Oscars, here are those links: Part I (itsnotaboutme.tv/news/movie-reviews-mini-movie-reviews-2023,) Part II (itsnotaboutme.tv/news/movie-reviews-mini-movie-reviews-2023-part-ii,) and one stand-alone review (itsnotaboutme.tv/news/movie-review-everything-everywhere-all-at-once.)
Now let’s get to the rest of them, most of which I had to force myself to keep watching just to review them! Except for the wonderful Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris, so let’s begin with that one:
Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris—When we finished seeing this absolutely delightful, pain-free British film, Mr. X exclaimed, “I really needed that!” We both did! It’s nominated for only costumes, but that gave us an excuse to watch it with the very-limited time before the March 12 Oscars. We may just have to see it one more time after them, as well, to cheer ourselves up from everything we saw after this one!
All Quiet on the Western Front—As a story, this German tale of World War I is extremely difficult to watch. Even though I had read the novel in high school, I had to force myself to continue viewing this film. But as a work of art, it’s a masterpiece! Filmmaking at its best! So how were none of these actors, nor the director, nominated for an Oscar? The lead, Felix Kammerer, is wonderful! And it’s his first film or even television work!!! Unbelievable.
If it doesn’t win Best Picture and Best Cinematography, the Oscars have become a sham. (The British are smarter than we are; it recently had fourteen BAFTAs nominations, and won seven of them!!!) And I love the real-life story of screenwriter, and impetus behind this whole endeavor, World Champion triathlete Lesley Paterson. Look her up sometime, and prepare to be fascinated.
Triangle of Sadness—At all costs, stay away from this vomit-fest. It’s literally one! It’s not artistic—it’s just cruel. On top of that, it’s super-slow and seemingly without a point. How this was nominated for Best Director, but Edward Berger for All Quiet on the Western Front and James Cameron for Avatar: Way of Water didn’t get the nods, is beyond mind-boggling.
Causeway—This story is sad from start to finish, but it’s an interesting enough film. Cinematically, it’s super-slow, which makes it feel much longer than it’s ninety-seven minutes. And there are only about a thousand words* in the entire script, so you have to figure-out a lot of the narrative for yourselves, which I hate doing. Filmmakers–just tell me what’s going on, please! I don’t want to use my own brain power because you guys aren’t doing your jobs!!! *[Note: The average ninety-minute movie has about twelve thousand words of dialogue.]
Empire of Light—The actors are wonderful, especially Olivia Coleman, of course. And I assume the ending is supposed to be somewhat uplifting. But all in all, it’s just another depressing 2022 film.
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio—I think the famous director had to put his name on this film to distinguish it from the much-panned live-action Disney version, which stars Tom Hanks, and also came out in 2022. Although I totally recognize the merit of this one, especially the stunning animation, of course, and adore the little boy’s enthusiastic voice, this odd rendition is way too dark and sad for me. For example, we did not have to see Geppetto have a real son, who then gets killed in a bombing! Spare me.
Glass Onion—How stupid this movie is! I really enjoyed 2019’s Knives Out, so much so, in fact, that I even saw it a second time, just to watch it with Mr. X. But the worst part of that original is Daniel Craig’s detective, so that the producers are billing Glass Onion as “A Knives Out Mystery” is misleading. The only continuation is that detective! Not only is he annoying, but the entire film is! If you haven’t seen it yet, I caution: don’t waste your time!!!
The Menu—Thank goodness this wasn’t nominated for anything, but I figured I’d include it here, just to warn you all off it. It’s horrible, downright nauseating, and worth absolutely not even one second of anyone’s time, except for reprobates. I hope that lets all of you out!!!
And that’s it for my reviews of the 2022 films. I hope they’ve been helpful.
Now let’s all watch the Oscars on Sunday! I will try my hardest to live-tweet a bit of them. And then my full review will be on here early next week. May the best man, woman, and work win!!! (But I doubt that it will, this year more than ever.)