MARRIAGE THOUGHTS
I had started this article way back in April, but haven’t had time to finish and publish it since then; time-sensitive reviews, etc., took up all of my time. But these thoughts came up for me again when I saw the Derek Hough and his wife and Hayley dance together on Dancing With The Stars last week.
Derek and Hayley Hough dancing on Dancing With The Stars ten months after her health scare.
Because of what that couple has been through this past year, I’m now leaning towards reversing my long-held stance against marriage. Just about eleven months ago, Hayley collapsed backstage while on a dance tour with Derek, was rushed to the hospital, and had an emergency craniectomy! If they hadn’t been married, he couldn’t have made the immediate decisions that may have saved her life! After several years of living together, they had just gotten married a little over three months prior to this terrifying medical incident, a decision they must be grateful for every day since. Their ordeal really does need to give us marriage-eschews pause.
The back of Hayley Hough’s head after her emergency surgery.
More recently, I was reading an Am I The A**hole post, (which is my new obsession—I highly recommend it, to realize that your own problems are not that bad,) and it brought the whole thing home to me again.
In the post, a young guy was upset that his live-in girlfriend, who is the love of his life, has never wanted to get married because she says she’s not “ready,” and now she’s still refusing to, even though she desperately wants them to have a baby, which they’ve actively been trying to do. He wound-up breaking-up with her because he feels that if she’s ready to have his baby, she should feel the same about them being married. And, very shockingly, after spending my whole life never believing in marriage, (even though, as you know, I’m madly in love with Mr. X,) I now totally agree with this guy.
So, for that guy’s potential baby even more than for him, I beg her to reconsider and marry the guy, which I can’t believe I’m honesty saying now! I never think a couple needs to be married to be parents, but when it’s so important to one partner of a long-time couple, why not?
Before I continue with my new thoughts on marriage, here are some of my reasons for always being against the institution:
Who is a stranger to “pronounce” us husband and wife??? It’s up to do us to do so.
How does a piece of paper make the relationship other than what it is??? It’s the same, good or bad, either way.
If one of us wanted to leave, why does it have to be complicatedly by that legality? It will either be okay enough or a mess, no matter what.
Some couples may be happy like this.
Getting back to the positives, there are, of course, different ways to join together in “holy matrimony.” My wonderful friends, Gina and Aaron, have my favorite “wedding” story. They were young and living in Aspen, and simply walked over to the courthouse and said they want to get married. Gina told me that the only question they were asked is…if they were siblings!!! How weird. They assured the officiant they are not related, gave the guy $10., and that was that! I love that story. And now they’re three kids in, and still going strong more than two decades later.
In my own life, Mr. X wanted to have a “surprise wedding” a couple of years into our relationship. (I know—everyone has always thought that he won’t marry me!) I told him he can’t uprise me with a wedding, but he said the surprise was not for me, but for our guests! He said we’ll invite them to a party, but when they get there, it would actually be our wedding! They would have all been shocked, and now I wish we had done that. But I asked him, “What about the gifts? I’m not getting married without receiving at least some bowls.” He hated that I needed gifts to get married, but came up with a funny idea, (which he was really joking about, but I liked it.) He said that after the ceremony, the guests would each spin a wheel with our gift choices on it, and they’d have to get us the one they landed on! I asked, “But what about our financially-challenged guests?,” to which he replied, “What they land on is what we’ll buy for them!” How did I not marry him right then and there?
So I told this story on my TV show, and then guess what? Several celebrities began having surprise weddings!!! Everyone in LA watched my show back then, so I have no doubt that it was Mr. X’s creation they were using.
Many couples want this.
The funny thing is that his business manager has always begged us to get married for legal and financial reasons, and my fam and people of my ethnic persuasion seem to think it’s a shonda to just live together, but I guess I’ve always been somewhat of a rebel.
Of course, whether or not to marry is always a personal decision. But after seeing what the Houghs went through, with Derek being Hayley’s husband and therefore being able to make the split decisions on her behalf which may seriously have saved her life, even my diehard-against-marriage self is perhaps changing my opinion on the state of matrimony.
So maybe all marriage-adverse couples should learn from them and at least have legal papers about the couple-ship, and carry them with around at all times. I hope no one ever needs them, but it’s a good idea.
If you have any thoughts on this topic, I’d love to read them in the Comments section below.
