LYING GERRY TURNER (THE GOLDEN BACHELOR) IS MAKING ME SEE RED RIGHT NOW!

I realize that I should have just done one of my YouTube videos on this topic, (especially because I was rocking full make-up while I was writing this,) but I’m so disgusted with both this guy and the next liar I’m going to dissect for you in a day or two, (hint: it’s Felicity Huffman,) that I might have cursed like a truck driver in it!

So here’s the lowdown on this creep. I promise, even if you’ve never seen even one second of any show in the Bachelor franchise, the tale of this man is riveting, so please read on.

As skin-crawling as the regular versions of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are, this rendition featuring senior citizens was downright uncomfortable to watch. Yes, people over seventy do make-out and have sex, but we don’t have to witness it. Over and over and over again. On giant screens in our living rooms, (in our bedrooms would be even worse!,) up-close and personal.

So that entire scenario was bad enough, but all season, I kept declaring that the man they chose to be the Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, was perfect for the assignment, (despite the fact that he never explained why his name is spelled “Gerry,” but is pronounced “Gary.”  It’s really supposed to be pronounced “Gair-y,” which is Irish. It would have been nice if the show had explained it even once.) Even though he’s basically a nerd, he’s attractive and non-intimidating enough, while being far from sexy. He seemed willing to make-out with all those strange, wrinkly women, while not appearing to be a horn dog. And he’s more than willing to cry his guts out at the drop of a hat, which the producers long for.

We’ll discuss the cast of poor unfortunate desperate old women somewhere down the line. Or never. Because this diatribe is just about the many lies of Gerry—Gary—Gairy.

He’s been declaring all season that he had never had a first date since the one with his late wife, way back in high school! (He’s seventy-two now, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention.) And our collective hearts bled for him. Until last Wednesday, the day before the live finale of the show.

That’s the day that the very reputable Hollywood Reporter did an in-depth expose on Gerry’s lies, which featured the story of the woman who…lived with him for almost two years after his wife died!!! (I can’t give you every detail as well as they did, so here’s the link to that complete article: www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-features/golden-bachelor-gerry-turner-ex-girlfriend-speaks-out-1235683869.)

In case you don’t have time to read all the tale’s juiciness right now, here are the highlights: Gerry asked the woman out two months after his wife of forty-three years died! (Some people have even been suggesting that the wife’s sudden death from a mysterious infection is suspicious.) And then he stayed with the new, much younger woman for just about three years!!! That’s one major big fat lie, don’t ya think?

And the situation gets worse. His wife was pretty plump, as are his two daughters and pair of granddaughters, but he refused to let his live-in girlfriend accompany him to his high school reunion because…she had gained ten pounds!!! And he charged her for what I assume are household expenses, (which I assume everyone would be happy to chip in what they can, anyway, unless they were living with the uber-generous Mr. X, who has never let me pay for anything since Day 1, when he was a poor struggling actor!) And when the couple ate at a restaurant, she had to slip him the money beforehand so he could pay the bill and look like he was treating.

But, in my opinion, his biggest lies were the ones he told to poor Leslie, the “runner-up” to Theresa, the woman who “won” the engagement with Gerry. For several weeks of the series, (which most likely all took place in just a week or two,) we witnessed him telling Leslie that she was “his girl” and “the one.” Repeatedly. And giving her significant glances and winks with those declarations. And laying the mack on her whenever he could, including against the wall of a building like a teen-age guy who lives with his parents.

The morning after Gerry and Leslie spent the one private night together in the stupid “Fantasy Suite,” he seemed to assure her that she was the only one for him. And she told the finale audience that he had said even more intimate things to her that night, that she was too classy to share with the viewers.

Gerry even declared on camera that after that night with Leslie, he didn’t want to go to a Fantasy Suite with Theresa the very next night because he had made up his mind that Leslie was his girl. But, since that’s how the show works, he had to do it. Unless he was lying to all of us about that situation, as well, which is a definite possibility, now that we’re all onto him.

So at dinner with Theresa the next night, before their “private time,” he finally asked her what she did for a living. And when she said that she was still working, at seventy years of age, as a very successful money manager, his attitude totally changed. After he put his eyes back in his head, they spent the night together; the next morning, they were intimating to each other, (and to the audience, who was now back in on it again,) that something secret had happened between them.

And then he chose to propose to Theresa instead of Leslie. Until I learned of his cheapness towards that former love partner, choosing little nerdy weasley-looking Theresa over sexpot, six-years-younger Leslie made zero sense. To anybody. (Mr. X is still scratching his head over it, even though he now knows of Gerry’s love of money, which money manager Theresa has.)

After the finale, I read that Theresa said that she and Gerry have the same financial philosophy, which is to be frugal. On live TV, she also declared that she had “knocked his boots off” in the suite! To that statement, and in honor of the contestants’ median age, I reach way back and say, “Gag me with a spoon!”

She also has spilled that Gerry told her that very night that he was going to propose to her! You’re not supposed to tell the audience that, (and no contestants ever have before!,) so therefore, that bit of privacy-sharing public declaration seemed designed to hurt Leslie’s feelings. So perhaps Theresa is fake, as well, because she made like she was so sweet the entire series.

And now Gerry and Theresa are not only going to Italy on a honeymoon financed by The Bachelor producers, but they’re getting married in less than a month, on TV!!! So that way, they won’t have to spend a dime on the reception themselves, and will probably even pocket a pretty penny for the television rights!

There’s another smaller fib about him, (most likely perpetuated by the show rather than by Gerry himself,) is that they listed him as a retired restaurant owner. But it was actually a small shake shop, not a restaurant, per se, and that was almost forty years ago!!! He’s been a hot tub repairman for most of his life. There’s nothing wrong with that honest work, (well, often not that honest,) so that’s just one more unnecessary lie on his side of the board.

Knowing he was caught in his lie about the ex-girlfriend, and without the show to try to spin it for him, (if that could have even been done, they would have addressed the situation on the finale,) he realized he has to face the music to the press and public. So in interviews, he’s been trying to laugh off his serious post-wife relationship as something didn’t count! What a supreme creep! (You have got to find and watch Katie Couric’s interview with him! You go, girl!)

Gerry Turner, (if that is, indeed, even his real name!,) had been one of the few people associated with the Bachelor franchise for whom I had even a modicum of respect, and now I view him as the lowest of the low.

So the lone honest person from the entirety of “Bachelor Nation” is Clare Crawley, the Bachelorette from a few seasons ago. She knew that she loved Dale Moss right away, so just a few days into shooting her season, she told the producers she was quitting because she couldn’t fake-date people when she knew with whom she was in love. Even though she and Dale eventually broke up, twice, at least she was honest about it and didn’t string potential suitors, and the audience, along.

So there you have it—why the lying Golden Bachelor is making me see red this week! Next up in my new “Liars” series will be the creepiest of them all, unapologetic felon Felicity Huffman, with my secret info about her nauseating husband. Keep an eye out for it.