FOOTBALL: SUPERBOWL LI

0

SUPERBOWL LI

Because I’m so crushed by the outcome of this one, this will probably be my shortest Superbowl article ever. My heart just isn’t in reviewing it this year.  I really couldn’t stand to see the cheating New England Patriots, and Orange Hitler supporters Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and owner Robert Kraft, be happy.

Super_Bowl_LI_logo.svgBut, as a fan or history, I have to admire what they accomplished.  I saw the game with my own eyes, but the Patriots winning is still hard to believe.  The key was that, even though it’s a sports cliche, the Patriots kept their composure, while, sadly, the Atlanta Falcons did not.

So, since I wound-up hating the game, (even though I have to admit it turned-out to be an exciting second half,) I’m just going to concentrate on reviewing a little bit of everything else this time, beginning with the commercials, even though it was the least special crop ever. I do applaud the ones who focused on how immigration is a good thing, though, because you know they all were created to stick it to Trump and his puppeteers. I’m impressed that so many companies not only thought to center their scenarios around that theme, but actually brought them to fruition. You ad execs rock!

 

COMMERCIALS

 

I’m going in order that they were aired, not of my likes (or dislikes, which—wait a second—I just realized that I did not have this year!!! That’s a first!) (I also didn’t know what most of them were about; they were too complicated to get into, especially during the second half, when my heart was in my throat about the game.)

The Skittles one where the guy throws them into the girl’s bedroom was good.

Some of the Life Water colors.

Some of the Life Water colors.

I loved all the colors in the Life Water one, but the whole thing had nothing to do with water!

Loved the Buick one that starred Cam Newton, but I didn’t know that he was no longer persona non grata in football circles.

Justin Bieber actually starred in a fun T-Mobile “dance moves” ad!

Okay, Honda—were those really the celebrity’s actual high school yearbook pix? Mr. X is positive they are, but I think not, unless Robert Redford and Steve Carell looked like totally different people back then! And that would mean that Viola Davis’ current bulbous nose is a nose job! (But that did look exactly like Missy Elliott, so now I really don’t know what to think.)

The Alfa Romeo I want so badly!

The Alfa Romeo I want so badly!

I want to get an Alfa Romeo now, just because of its gorgeous commercials!  I’m serious.  If the length would fit in my garage, (and I could afford it–duh,) that would be my new baby. I seriously had not heard a word about Alfas since I was a teen-ager, so it was smart of them to spend so much money on this world wide exposure. (Not to get to me, of course, but to everyone!!!)

This next trio played last, in chronological order, but they were actually my three favorites, too!:

Humpty Dumpty.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Humpty Dumpty. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I loved, loved, loved the Turbo Tax Humpty Dumpty one!!!  It actually made me laugh out loud—several times.

The emotional winner is the Anheuser-Busch one which was totally about support of immigrants. Good for them. A genius came up with that one.

And the one about hair was good, too. I didn’t even get which shampoo it was for, (they flashed it too quickly at the end, and it was a long, not known name,) but I loved that it was against Trump, and hit him where he lives—his vanity about his vomititious looks!

 

PRE-GAME

 

I hate that they kept mentioning the evil Peyton Manning! (If you don’t know why I now label him as “evil,” you have got to read my column from Friday, which tells of his sexual harassment, and subsequent destroyal, of a female trainer. You can just click here to see it: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/footballkarens-rant-peyton-manning-scandal.)

The absolutely worst whatever he was (segment host?, commentator?, wannabe everything?,) in football history is Carter Manning! Just think if he would have this gig if he wasn’t a Manning! (The answer is a resounding NO!) He’s just dreadful, on every level. It appears that he thinks he’s a comedian, but he’s not amusing at all, (unless you count his funny looks, which is not what he was going for!) I’m absolutely positive that he has his gig on Fox solely for his access to his famous brothers!  I’ve never liked Gordon Ramsey, but I loved him during his “red carpet” interview with Carter because he let that creep know that he’s an idiot!!!

 

FASHION

 

I’ve never discussed this topic before in my Superbowl reviews, but it needs to be addressed this time.

Charissa Thomson and Taraji P. Henson, two of the worst fashion disasters in Superbowl history!  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Charissa Thomson and Taraji P. Henson, two of the worst fashion disasters in Superbowl history! Photo by Karen Salkin.

What was that woman on Fox, whom I’ve never seen before, wearing to do the “red carpet” interviews??? (I just looked her up—her name is Charissa Thompson.) She’s pretty, but has no fashion sense whatsoever! She looked like Morticia Addams! Not only was that a horrible dress for anytime, (and her bare back in it accentuated her hunched-over posture,) but it was totally inappropriate for the occasion! This is a Sunday afternoon sporting event, for goodness sake, not an awards show!!! Absolutely no one was dressed-up, and they would have looked as idiotic as she did if they were! (I have a feeling that weird, insecure Carter Manning wanted to wear a tux, so the powers-that-be told her to match his attire. At least I hope that’s what happened.) Mr. X walked into the room when she was on the screen, and asked, “What is she wearing??? Is she dressed for Halloween?!”

Pam Oliver, another one who doesn't own a mirror! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Pam Oliver, another one who doesn’t own a mirror! Photo by Karen Salkin.

And Taraji P. Henson’s outfit was foolish, too. I love her, and know what she was going for, but it made her look dowdy. I felt for her, though, because, even in my cute, skinny, younger days, I was guilty of wearing a much less-than-attractive crazy outfit to match an event. She was dressed in a long Adidas skirt! Oysh. But I beat her, sports-attire-sponsorship-wise. I once made my entrance on my former television show, Karen’s Restaurant Revue, wearing a giant Reebok shoe! On my whole body!!! Double oysh to that one!

And what the heck was reporter Pam Oliver wearing??? Do these people have no mirrors in their dressing rooms??? Mr. X took one look at her nerdy red one-piece, and asked, “What is she doing?!”

 

HALFTIME SHOW

 

Lady Gaga's muffin top.  This is far from the worst picture of it, but I decided to spare her, a bit. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Lady Gaga’s muffin top. This is far from the worst picture of it, but I decided to spare her, a bit. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I was glad that for once, a performer did the halftime show alone, and didn’t feel the need to share their spot with “special guests.” Lady Gaga seemed to be the only one who was secure enough to feel that she’s enough, (which she was.)

I admire her, and think she’s a genius for how she’s built her career, but I’m far from being a “fan.” Still, I thought it was a good halftime show. None of them ever really get to me anymore, though. For me, they peaked with Janet Jackson’s exposed breast.

Speaking of exposed, why oh why would Lady Gaga wear those little bottoms, when she had to know that she was muffin-topping over them?! Yet another case of someone needing a mirror in her dressing room.

How did she get those sparkles off in just a few seconds?!  I have got to know the answer!!!

How did she get those sparkles off in just a few seconds?! I have got to know the answer!!!

But I’m still wondering how in the world Lady Gaga got those elaborate eye sparkles off in just sixteen seconds???  That happened just when I was about to write that I love them. Since then, several on-line beauty mags have analyzed that situation, (of them coming off, not of me loving them, of course,) so I was not alone in my amazement over the “make-up change,” which I’m sure that not one straight male noticed!!! (Mr. X was getting annoyed at my obsession with it, as a matter of fact. He hated that I kept going back to see if I could discover exactly how the jewels got removed, without leaving behind even a trace.) I think they must have been taped-on, and then just peeled off. But how that removal didn’t mess-up her make-up beneath is still a mystery to me.

But her commercial for Tiffany, which looked like a Saturday Night Live skit, (and I’m sure will be one next week, mark my words,) made me want to never shop there ever again. It was so pretentious!!!

And that’s it for 2017’s Superbowl. I told you it would be brief! Now hopefully I can stop being depressed about this sports outcome, and get back to being depressed about the new state of this country!

Share.

Leave A Reply