This is one awards show than I had planned on not reviewing here; I wanted to just relax and enjoy. As a matter of fact, I was just about to publish another column I had scheduled for today.

But upon finishing watching the American Music Awards telecast, and reflecting on the proceedings for the past hour, I realize there are just a few comments I have to make on the topic. So here we go, just off the top of my head, with no notes taken during the show.

– Even though with a few of the presenters, Mr. X and I were like WTF, (about what they were wearing, what they talked like, or just general wondering who they were,) this show was entertaining enough, due to the mainly very well done performances. You could tell a lot of thought and work went into most of them.

– And I was glad to see that most attendees actually dressed for the occasion, unlike in recent years when people thought to be cool and accepted in the music world, they had a dress like slobs. So, the attire was all good, as well as the performances.

– The only real fashion negative was Kelly Osbourne. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: how is this woman on any television show, even one as low-class as it is, commenting on what other people look like?! (She co-hosts a show called Fashion Police on a cable channel, with Joan Rivers, another beaut! If I looked, or dressed, like either one of them, I’d…well, I just never would!)

Kelly Osbourne.

Kelly Osbourne.

Kelly looked frumpier than ever last night! Her gray brocade-looking dress was just about the dowdiest fashion I’ve ever seen on a red carpet anywhere; even women in their 70s and 80s show-up looking better than that! And her faded lavender hair is always disgusting, but the color looked especially lackluster on top of that hideous frock. And she wore her hair in kielbasa sausages coming down the sides of the back. Her look was just putrid.

And she’s heavier than ever, to boot! So who is she to tell anybody how a look?! I’m sure she’ll be apprised of what so many of us have written about her awful last night, (because I can’t imagine that Mr. X and I are the only ones who noticed it,) so I imagine she’ll come up with some excuse for her fashion disaster, and try to laugh it away. But someone who tries to hold herself up as a fashionista shouldn’t have a disaster to begin with!

– Now, from the bottom of the barrel to the top. I’m sure everyone knows that for a few years now, I’ve been a fan of Maksim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing With The Stars. Besides that I love his dancing, I love his charm and personality and sense of humor, and the fact that he often sticks-up for himself and his partners. Being one of the sexiest man in the world doesn’t hurt either. Despite all that, for some reason unknown to me, my crush on him had waned in recent months. But what he did on the American Music Awards raised the level of respect I have for him to a new high. In case you don’t know what he did, let me tell you about it.

Maks Chmerkovskiy holding up JLo.  Strong man!!!

Maks Chmerkovskiy holding up JLo. Strong man!!!

Max took a job as a one of about two dozen salsa dancers in Jennifer Lopez’s number. Here he is, a celebrity himself, (and not just in my mind; he was interviewed on the red carpet as such, of course,) yet he took a job where he was just one of many, and not even featured, until the end when he was probably the only man there strong enough to lift JLo overhead and hold her there for a few seconds.

And I’ll tell you why he did it. (Part my explanation, part Maks’.) Because, as the line in the famous song The Music and The Mirror from A Chorus Line goes, he’s “a dancer, and a dancer dances.” I heard him being interviewed on his way into the theater, and when asked about something “surprising” he was about to do that night, he said something to the effect that he got some grief from some people for what he chose to do, which we found out later was just dancing in basically the chorus of a number.

But he explained that he’s thirty-three-years-old and not a salsa dancer, and he was thrilled to get the opportunity to do that style of dance with all people in their twenties. You have no idea how much credit I give him for doing something like that! This guy has starred in a few dance shows on Broadway, and has been one of the two most popular dancers on one of the most popular TV shows for all these years, to the point that they elevated him to guest judge last week, and everybody thinks that he has such a big ego. But last night’s move, in taking such a background job on such a big show, should prove to everybody what he’s all about. Now I’m proud that I’ve always been a fan of his, instead of constantly apologizing for my mini crush. Maks’ lack of ego was a highlight of the AMAs for me.

– Now to yet another fabulous male. Justin Timberlake is just liquid music it. I’m so glad that he won so many awards for that incredible album of his from the last year. And his performance on the show, with his group of musicians he’s just thrilled to play with, was beautiful. I especially love that every time he accepted an award, he had something witty to say.

But how come his wife, Jessica Biel, is never with him at these shows? I don’t think anything’s going on there, but doesn’t she want to see her husband perform in all his glory? I just don’t get her absences. Unless perhaps she’s preggers, and they don’t want that to take the focus away from Justin’s laudings right now.

– This is the first music awards show I can remember where every performance was either excellent or at least interesting on some level.

– I loved that during the walk-in interviews, several new groups, (like The Ceremonies and A Great Big World,) were really thrilled to be there! None of them were a-holes about their newfound success.

Ariana Grande's performance.

Ariana Grande’s performance.

– Perhaps the best performance of the night was from Ariana Grande, whose voice definitely lives up to her last name, even though it’s incongruous with her petite stature. That was unexpected, by Mr. X and me, at least. And we loved that she went right over to her background singers to celebrate with them after it. She was literally jumping for joy!

So we were thrilled when she won Best New Artist. Her ascension of the steps was adorable, as well. We became fans of hers in just the span of those three hours of the show!

–Did anyone else notice that host Pitbull talked using the same hand movements that he does when he sings? It was hilarious!

And he and Christina Aguilera both have weird double-jointed (or something like it) thumbs. Perhaps it means they were destined for success in the music business!!!

Katy Perry's colorful opening number.

Katy Perry’s colorful opening number.

– I liked the very colorful Katy Perry opening of the show, even though I didn’t get why it was geishas. What did that have to do with the lyrics? At least when she’s done Roar, she was a boxer or a lion, both of which made sense. This one did not.

– Did anyone else catch the irony* of Rihanna being on-stage at the Nokia Theatre, winning the first Icon Award, while Chris Brown in in anger management rehab someplace, and wanted in court in another case, as well? [*Note: “Irony” is not exactly the correct term here, but I’m just too tired to come up with the correct one. And I have a feeling that you all know what I mean, which is what linguistics says is the most important part of language—to be understood. So, since ninety percent of this country misuses the word, I’m going to accept it in myself just this once, even though it’s really bothering me.]

– This time, there were only two people on-stage the whole time whom I cannot stand, which is such a small total for me: the aforementioned Kelly Osbourne and the obnoxious, entitled Jaden Smith, who’s one of the “celebrities” who’s most undeserving of his fame.

– That being said, there were two who made me a tad queasy: Ke$sha and Miley. Doesn’t Ke$ha always look like she smells? And those dreadful cut-off shorts featured her weird crotch area. She looked awful. (But doesn’t she always?)

– Speaking of weird crotch areas, Miley Cyrus was featuring hers, as well. Why would a girl want to do that? It’s the opposite of sexy! I just don’t get it. Wouldn’t you want people to say nice things about your performance? Isn’t she tired of being mocked and ragged on???

And what was up with that stupid cat behind her? It was like something out of an Ed Woods film! Mr. X thought it was a message to look at her crotch more, if you get my drift, but I’m sure that it was distracting to even feline lovers.

Miley Cyrus' jealous-a** sister, smirking at Taylor Swift's celebration.

Miley Cyrus’ jealous-a** sister, smirking at Taylor Swift’s celebration.

And did you notice how sour her fam was every time Taylor Swift won, especially Miley’s sister? They were sitting next to each other, and Miley’s mother and sister were the only two who never stood for Taylor. And the sis had a sneer on her face every time. You could at least be respectful and fake it in the front row!

–I think that’s pretty much all the comments I feel are necessary to make right now. I hadn’t realized I had so much to say on a show I wasn’t even paying strict attention to! But even so, the American Music Awards this year were so much easier to write-up than the other awards shows! That’s a relief. But I will give them another mention next week when I tell you about the excellent GBK lounge that honored them this past week-end.


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