TELEVISION: SUMMER COMPETITION SHOWS 2014 (Or how Rocky and Teddy got screwed!)


SUMMER COMPETITION SHOWS 2014 (Or how Rocky and Teddy got screwed!)


Summer is more than halfway over, and it’s been pointed-out to me that I have yet to review the summer competition shows. Sorry about that.

I’m behind several weeks on America’s Got Talent, so I have no comments on that one, at this point, other than it was keeping me entertained. My favorite audition was the mime clown who scared the bejesus out of the judging panel, only to be revealed as host Nick Cannon. He needs to win an Emmy for that bit alone!

And the inane Rising Star (if it’s even still on,) is so awful that I couldn’t get through even the first episode, in three sittings! Host Josh Groban should never be allowed to do anything on television ever again, except sing. Period. Dot, dash, end of story.

So, only the two shows below are getting the in-depth treatment this time.[Note: I didn’t mean for this write-up to be so long, but you know that I just get all riled-up when things are not fair. And I’m sorry it’s not that funny, either; I was just into the reporting of it.]




As I tweeted last week, Rocky Laporte, the funniest comedian, by far, on Last Comic Standing, got screwed by the judges. So I really didn’t even want to watch the last two episodes after he left.

Rocky LaPorte.

Rocky LaPorte.

Before I get to the remaining contestants in a second, I just have to laud Rocky for another minute here. I think a lot of people know how much I love to laugh, and you also might know that there are not a lot of people who induce that in me. Outside of Mr. X, my mother, and Ronnie Hazel, Jr., there are not many other people with the knack. The three comedians who’ve been able to do that, sustainedly, over all these years are Dame Edna, Chris Rock, and Jackie Mason. And now I’m adding Rocky Laporte to that hallowed list.

First of all, Last Comic Standing is hosted by an actor/comedian named J. B. Smoove. He seems like a nice enough guy, but I have to tell you that I can’t really tell if he’s funny or not because… I can’t understand a word he says! How did someone like this ever get any gig in show business, let alone being a host! I swear, I have to put on the closed-captioning when he talks, and those people can’t even make-out what he says, even though I’m sure they get the tape of the show way before it airs. His hiring is absolutely unexplainable. (There’s a guy who’s even less intelligible on the Fox show Gang-Related. I seriously cannot make out one word that RZA says, ever! Even his name is not understandable!)

The three judges of Last Comic Standing are Roseanne Barr, Keenan Ivory Wayans, and a guy name Russell Peters, who apparently has a lot of followers. I’ve never seen him anywhere before, and actually never even heard of him, but he seems like the nicest of that three. And it looked to me like he appreciated Rocky’s humor the most. Roseanne has always had a stick up her butt, (I’ve actually met her a few times, and observed her in person a few others, so I do know what I’m talking about,) but she seemed to have a particular one up there this time against Rocky. He must have rejected her somewhere along the line, because not any of her negative comments towards him were warranted in the least.

I’ve never seen anything that Keenan Ivory Wayans has done, either, but at least I’ve heard of him. He seems like a grown-up, fatherly-type man, so that’s okay, but he’s never said anything the least bit funny on this show, so I don’t know why he’s supposed to judge other comedians.

So here’s how the show worked this go-round: the producers invited one hundred comedians they were familiar with to audition in front of an audience, and the three judges have been paring them down ever since. (I do just have to say that on any of these competition shows, I really don’t think it’s just up to the judges; I’m pretty sure that the producers stick their two cents in, too, and probably even make the final decisions.) So far, the public hasn’t gotten to vote, and with only one more show to go this week, I doubt that we ever will.

Rod Man.

Rod Man.

So when it got down to the Top 10, there were four who were actually funny—Rocky and the three black dudes. I knew the producers were never going to let it come down to all these black guys, so two (Karlous Miller and Monroe Martin) got eliminated before the Top 5, even though they should have totally been in the Top 4.

The winner is going to definitely be a guy named Rod Man, who is actually very funny and seems like a really nice guy. He’s really grown on me, a lot, so I’ll be fine with that. I knew from the first time we saw him that he was going to win, and it looks like I’m going to be right.

But he really should have come in second to Rocky Laporte. I never saw Rocky before, but from the second he first opened his mouth on this show, Mr. X and I were on the floor. I actually recorded his first bit for us to watch over and over again, and even though we knew what was coming, Rocky’s delivery got us every time. How is this guy not already famous?

So the other three members of the Top 4 (now the Top 3,) are not really funny. There’s a guy named Lachlan Patterson who has grown on us, as well, but I still don’t look forward to hearing his routines. The other guy, Joe Machi, (who wound-up getting eliminated on last week’s episode,) has some funny writing, but his weird puppet-like delivery (with horrible voice to match) is very difficult to watch. I find myself feeling bad for him the whole time.

Nikki Carr.  See what I mean about her face-making?

Nikki Carr. See what I mean about her face-making?

And speaking of feeling bad for someone, the last woman standing, Nikki Carr, is just a joke. And not a funny one. I know they felt they needed a female on the show, so choosing a big black lesbian fits so many bills. She seems like a very nice woman, but she hasn’t made me laugh for even one second of this entire series. Her shtick is to lean over, stick her head out, and make weird faces while screaming her supposed jokes at you. I’m just so sad and uncomfortable the whole time she’s on stage.

So there you have it. One of the prizes for winning this competition is the chance for a development deal for your own sitcom. Rocky Laporte is the only person who should have that. I could totally see a sitcom starring him right now; I have a feeling it would be somewhere along the lines of Everybody Loves Raymond, and I really think it would be great. Again, I’ve never met the man in my life; I’m just a new fan because of the show. So, spending so much of my summer viewing-time on this show was a success for me in at least that way.

Not that we’ve ever heard of any of the contestants from the first seven seasons again, but I’m sure the win matters to the current contestants, especially because of the quarter of a million dollar prize. Since I get in pain when fairness doesn’t prevail, now that Rocky’s out, if Rod Man doesn’t win, I’ll be crushed. But I really don’t see how he can lose. We’ll find-out this week, so stay tuned for my victory lap.




Goony host Cat Deeley, with Rudy.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Goony host Cat Deeley, with Rudy. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Not much new to say about So You Think You Can Dance than what I’ve said in past seasons. Cat Deeley is still the most annoying, gooniest host in television history, executive producer Nigel Lythgoe is his usual show-promoting self, Nikki Parson‘s direction is still awful, and judge Mary Murphy is still sweet, and supportive of the contestants, which is nice to see.

Once again, there are great dancers on the show, and once again I’m sad for dancers, in general, that they get such short shrift in show business. But that’s the nature of the art.

Ricky Ubeda.  Do you see why he deserves to win?!  And he performs these moves like buttah!

Ricky Ubeda. Do you see why he deserves to win?! And he performs these moves like buttah!

If Ricky Ubeda doesn’t win, I’m going to be beyond upset. He’s one of the best dancers who has ever appeared on any season of this show; he can do anything! I can’t believe that this guy is only eighteen years old, and has been studying dance for just six years! It’s seriously amazing that he can dance at this level after studying for such a short period of time. It truly boggles this former dancer’s mind.

I’m glad that this year they went back to the format of having just one winner, rather than one guy and one girl, as they’ve been doing for the past few years. The girls on the show this year are all good enough, but there is not one who stands out as being above the rest. They’re all basically interchangeable.

I am upset about three things though. The first is that there is a male dancer on there who seems lovely, and is a beautiful dancer. But his teeth are beyond yellow. How can the make-up people not whiten his teeth for him?! I can’t believe that not one producer, make-up artist, or other dancer has suggested it to him. Don’t these people watch the shows back? vHe’s such a sweet kid, and then he smiles and I get queasy. Please, people over at Fox—whiten this kid’s teeth already!

The truly amazing Misty Copeland.

The truly amazing Misty Copeland.

The second thing I’m upset about is the last two guest judges they’ve used. The first one before those two, Misty Copeland, was fabulous! She’s a young, successful, famous ballet dancer, so whatever she has to say is important and has relevance. (And have you seen her new breathtaking commercial?) She did three shows in a row for them recently, but they need to have her on there all the time, especially because the two guest judges after her have sucked.

I never understand what Christina Applegate is doing on there to begin with. Yes, I know she’s performed on Broadway in a musical, but she is so absolutely phony that it’s nauseating. Seriously, Mr. X and I cant even listen to her. And it’s such a shame because we became big fans of hers when she was doing the sitcom Samantha Who. And then we saw her on So You Think You Can Dance, and we were instantly turned-off by how full-of-herself she is, and how amusing she thinks she is. Trust me, Christina, you’re not entertaining in the least, so get over yourself, pronto.

Then last week, they had Tara Lipinski on as a judge. This chick won the Olympic gold medal in figure skating when she was fifteen, which was seventeen years ago. It was a fluke back then, and she’s never done anything since. She lucked-out to get paired with Johnny Weir in the broadcast booth for this past Olympics, so that’s why anyone even knows her now. The chick cannot talk without using her hands in the same manner, no matter what she’s saying. She should not be a judge of anything, except maybe a sign language competition.

Teddy Coffey.  The judges screwed him so much that I couldn't even find a decent picture of him on the web!

Teddy Coffey. The judges screwed him so much that I couldn’t even find a decent picture of him on the web!

But the thing I’m most upset about is that the judges screwed Teddy Coffey out of making the Top 10, who are the people who go on tour. That guy can dance! He actually made me rethink Ricky a time or two, because I was so fascinated watching Teddy dance. And he’s adorable and has personality, too. It was up to the judges last week of which guy to save, and I correctly predicted who it was, and it was not Teddy. Mr. X kept arguing with me about it during the whole show, saying things like, “How could it not be Teddy?! He’s the best!” But I just knew they were going to screw him. I have a feeling they’ll bring him on tour anyhow, but it wasn’t right. He was seriously the second best dancer on there, and should have made the finals, for sure. (I don’t even know most of the other dancers names!)

So, we’re down to eight dancers. My prediction is that Ricky will win, as well he should, and the other members of the Top 4 will be goony Rudy, sweet Valerie, and forgettable Jessica, because the judges are pushing her so much recently. But, if you watch the show and are a fan of fairness, like I am, please vote for Ricky, even though the new voting system this year makes it so much more difficult to do.

May the best dancer win, which means Ricky! Yay!


Leave A Reply