TELEVISION: PETER PAN REVIEW–PART II—SO DID I PREDICT IT CORRECTLY?

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PETER PAN REVIEW–PART II—SO DID I PREDICT IT CORRECTLY?

We continue with the review of the second half of last week’s live telecast of Peter Pan on NBC. (If you missed Part I, you can read it here: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/television-peter-pan-review-part-i-so-did-i-predict-it-correctly-yesterday.)

Before I become too negative, I realized yesterday that, despite this being a terrible production of the classic musical, on so many levels, there was one overwhelming positive: the music itself!!!  Not only was this new generation of children introduced to one of the most wonderful scores in history, but we already-life-long-fans of these glorious tunes were treated to it again.  And the musicians sounded great!  So, major kudos to them!

I found myself belting out song after song all week-end.  I just could not help myself.  And, trust me, even with my less-than-dulcet tones, I performed each one with more feeling and gusto than both Allison Williams and Christopher Walken combined!!!

Allison Willaims' Peter Pan had about as much personality as she showed in this poster!

Allison Willaims’ Peter Pan had about as much personality as she showed in this poster!

But back to the negative for a second. (Well, really, just to the analysis of it.) Going to bed last night, singing yet another song from this magical show, (the show itself, not this production in specific,) (and it was the lullaby this time,) I finally realized what it is that made Mary Martin’s portrayal of Peter Pan so special, and Allison Williams’ so not.

As Peter, Mary made us feel secure, knowing that she’s the leader. Yet, at the same time, she was like all little boys; she could be hurt, but she refused to show it. She exuded fun, playfulness, confidence, bravado. We had every good reason to believe that she was brave, and strong enough to defeat Captain Hook. We kids loved him (Peter) and her (Mary.)

But Allison exhibited none of those qualities. On-camera, she was never Peter. She was always an actress, trying to do what she had been told by the director. It was actually sort-of painful to watch.

Now let’s get back to the review of the rest:

The first half was so tedious that Mr. X and I, major Peter Pan fans, had to stop halfway through the first viewing, so we picked it up the next night.

Re-starting the show was harder than I would have thought; I actually had to force myself, which was kind-of sad, because my whole life, (well, only as far back as I can remember, which is at two-years-old) I’ve been all about the story of Peter Pan. Mary Martin’s is the definitive portrayal to me, but I’ve learned to accept them all, including the 1924 silent film starring Betty Bronson!!! (I’ve seen all of the versions over the years, on tape, film, on TV, and in theatres.)

But to continue to watch Allison Williams totally insincere, plodding rendition of my hero (and role model!,) not to mention Christopher Walken’s phone-it-in-as-a-parody-of-himself performance, was hard to do.

So, here are my notes on the second half of this train-wreck, in order of the story:

We started with the stupid new song done in the boat that Peter and Wendy were tooling around the lagoon in.

Williams was worse the second time around.

Mr. X just couldn’t buy Allison as a boy, and pondered, “Where’s Hilary Swank when you need her?”

That thought got me started on re-casting the show with perhaps Peter having been played by Justin Bieber. Or at least Kate McKinnon, who parodies him on SNL. Or Cicely Strong, who did the part justice on SNL‘s parody this past Saturday night. Or Ellen Page. Of course, outside of Justin, we don’t know if any of these people can sing. But lacking that particular talent, (or any talents, for that matter,) did not stop them from casting Allison Williams!!!

I know I ragged on Christian Borle’s portrayal of Mr. Darling on Friday, but I’m so sorry that I neglected to mention that he was very good as Smee. He certainly tried to give it all, despite having nothing really to work off, in this cast of lummoxes. And who knew he had those Popeye arms in real life?! You go, boy!

[Digression here on what Christian, and also Taylor Louderman as Wendy, had to go through on this project: When I first started acting, a wise, successful actor pointed-out to me that even when you’re saying your lines off-camera because another actor is the one being filmed, you have to give it your all so that your scene partner has something to work with. Poor Christian and Taylor had to work with no one giving back. What a thankless task.]

Taylor was selling it, though. She even made it seem like she didn’t know how bad the others were.  She did make some crazy eyes, though.  And she was way too old for the role. But still excellent. And so Broadway-perfect.

Mr. X said of Williams, “She’s just doing blocking. She’s getting into positions.” Yup, that was about it. He was upset about it the whole time, and kept wondering aloud how she got this iconic role to begin with! (As did we all!)

The duet between Hook and Pan that they wrote to replace the classic Oh My Mysterious Lady, which is always a fun number, was brutal.

The best part of the show for me was watching So You Think You Can Dance alum Alex Wong dancing in it. Actually, most of the dancers were excellent, and at least they were all performing to their utmost.

I was thrilled to see that they did do Ugg-a-wugg, but changed that word to other grunting sounds. I have a feeling it was authentic Indian words, but it annoyed me anyway. (This one I’m sure I’m just being petulant about.)

(In the closing credits, there was the title of “Native American Consultant.” What has this world come to??? What’s next? “Fairy” and “Pirate” Consultants???)

The performance of the girl who played Tiger Lily was so nothing that it was like they were just marking a space, rather than having a real character in it. (Maybe she should have consulted the peeps I mentioned in the sentence above!)

The Lost Boys washed their bodies through their clothing!  How stupidly done.

And having one of the boys constantly pick his nose, (and then wipe it on another boy, to boot!,) was not only disgusting, but a really dumb directing choice.

The lullaby is supposed to be sung by Peter, not Wendy, but this is the one change I didn’t mind because we got to hear someone who can actually sing.

OMG–They’re  killing me again!  This time they wrote on the screen, “Tweet to save Tinkerbell.”  Tweet!!! That is wrong on sooooo many levels!! God forbid they’d let kids do something as magical as clapping!!!  Or taking their eyes off their phones while they watch the show.  And what does this teach the little kids, who shouldn’t have phones and handheld technological devices to begin with!  (Peter finally did give us that option, but just as a “maybe.” Ugh.) [Digression here:  Even though I haven’t seen the new film version of Annie yet, I finally realized, from the trailers, it’s an updated version;  they’re just using the original story and songs, but making it take place now.  If that’s what they were doing with Peter Pan, it would be a different story.  But that would be near impossible to do.  And, anyway, it was my idea, so don’t steal it.]

I didn’t even want to save Tink this time. I did it quarter-heartedly. But it wasn’t her fault that this show stank, so I had to participate.

They made Christopher Walken's face look so great for the part in this poster, but on the show, he looked all crazily smooth, like he had just had it all botoxed right before the show!

They made Christopher Walken’s face look so great for the part in this poster, but on the show, he looked all crazily smooth, like he had just had it all botoxed right before the show!

Christopher Walken had about as much interest in being there as we did in seeing his utterly lackluster performance.

I forget to mention in Part I that the only time Walken’s Hook referred to his head henchman by name, he called him “Schmee,” instead of “Smee!” For that unforgivable infraction alone, he should have been forced to walk the plank!!!

Mr. X summed-up this production thusly, referring to Allison Williams’ Peter: “She had zero magic. That’s the worst part.”

And he was correct.

He was marveling at the casting of her for the entire show, (both halves,) and at the end, he just quietly said, “I can’t imagine what the process was that they ended up with her. I just can’t imagine.” I have a feeling none of us, except for Brian Williams, can.

There was a very telling moment during the closing credits. They showed Allison and a few others running off stage when their number was over. And we saw no change between her being Peter and being herself. At all! Mr. X observed, “She’s barely in character. There was no change when she ran off backstage!”

He also mentioned that her acting is like she’s the star in high school.

But I did cry at the end, as I always do when I even think about the ending! (I never said that I’m normal.) It just wasn’t the usual gut-wrenching sobs because I just couldn’t get into this telling of the tale, due to all of the above elements that constantly pulled me out of the story.

The one-sentence summation that quietly left my lips at the end of the show: “Well, that is beyond disappointing.”

NBC’s money would have been much better spent by doing a fabulous restoration of one of the original Mary Martin productions, and airing that. It’s a classic that everyone would have benefitted by seeing. And it doesn’t matter if some of it is outdated; it’s the same thing as all the classic old films that need no re-doing, like Casablanca and Gone With The Wind.

I have a feeling that Mary Martin is too nice to be rolling over in her grave over this, but she should be!!!

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