I think that everybody knows by now that I would never watch a “reality” show, but talent competitions are a different story. And even though most of the supposed talent on these shows is far from what we should be wasting our time on viewing, I can’t help myself. I love seeing the pros dance on the dance shows, and I do like seeing singing personalities develop, so I will be continuing with these, for at least this season.

But I’m absolutely thrilled that The X Factor got canceled! Boy, was that show a bunch of manure.

So before American Idol and The Voice get too much further into the season, and with Dancing With The Stars just starting this week, I figured I’d better start weighing-in right now.

[Note: Because I didn’t want to bombard you with all of them at one time, my thoughts on American Idol will be published tomorrow, with The Voice musings coming sometime in the next two weeks.]

DWTS Season 18 cast, minus Amy Purdy because she was busy…winning a medal at the Paralymics in Sochi!!!

DWTS Season 18 cast, minus Amy Purdy because she was busy…winning a medal at the Paralymics in Sochi!!!

So, here we go with Dancing With The Stars—Season 18. First up, my general thoughts, before the first episode had aired.

Boy, have they mucked-up this show! I realize that viewer interest must be waning by now, but with all the changes they made (or are planning to make) this season, they’re sure to drop many more, possibly even including me!

What is with this show??? I could fix the whole shebang for them in about a minute! They need to make the charming and popular Drew Lachey the co-host, it needs to be on its original two nights, (but with the second night just a half hour, for the elimination and not much filler, paired with a sitcom to bring the room up after the always-depressing elimination,) and stop asking the contestants how they feel every second! And–here’s a novel idea—book some actual stars!!!

They have two dreadful new components this year. The first, and absolute worst thing that’s ever happened to the show, is that they hired the absolutely nauseating Erin Andrews to be the cohost. No one liked her when she was a contestant, (except for Maks, who was banging her at the time, but even he got rid of her pretty soon after that season wrapped,) and to have to hear her every week is such a daunting prospect. Her horribly nasal voice is the closest thing to nails on a chalkboard I’ve ever heard.

And it’s not just me who feels this way. Nor even Mr. X, who can’t stand her as much as I can’t. Every message board, or fan board, or whatever else that I’m reading about this show, has at least ninety percent of the people expressing dismay at her hiring. I seriously can’t imagine what was on someone’s mind to even think of it, let alone see the whole process through to fruition. As much as I wasn’t a fan of the woman they just fired, Brooke Burke, she never really bothered me. She just basically stood there, looked good, and tried her hardest. She was nice enough to the contestants, and basically just didn’t get in anybody’s way. She didn’t seem too bright, didn’t have any good questions, and seemed like she was getting every word she said fed to her in her earpiece, but a least she didn’t get in the way. I can’t stress that enough. And now I really almost don’t even want to watch this season with that creepy creep taking her place.

The second way-less-than-bright idea is the stupid “new twist.” Supposedly, somewhere are along the way this season, they’re planning on letting the audience vote to change the contestants’ partners. That not only screws the contestants themselves, who are already in an uncomfortable situation, and at that point will have gotten used to the professional partner they have, but it screws the pros, as well! Does that mean that no pro will be the winner?!

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis.

Let’s say that Maks finally had a chance at winning, because his partner is Olympic Champion ice dancer Meryl Davis, who’s probably the best one on there, and now he might have to hand her off to Derek Hough? So does that mean that Derek would be the winner again, instead of Maks, who at that point would have worked so hard on Meryl to begin with? It just makes no sense.

Now to my thoughts as we watched the season premiere:

Right from the get-go, as predicted, Erin Andrews is really ruining it. Not only with her torturous voice and nasally pronunciations, (has anyone every heard it called “De-ancing” With The Stars?,) but with her horrible interviews, thinking she’s so clever.

While I’m just trying to ignore it, repeatedly Mr. X said he can’t take her voice. He said, “Oh God, I can’t take this nasal sh**!” He said he may have to just not watch this season, which would be sad because we just love dance, and it would not be fun for me to watch without him.

I finally figured-out why they fired Harold Wheeler and his band! I thought they were going exclusively to recordings, but now that I see that’s not the case, I realize that, with all changes over there, they’re trying for a younger demographic. So they hired American Idol‘s recently-rejected bandleader, Ray Chew, who they think has a hipper vibe, coming off a show with all younger contestants. (That problem also explains this co-host change nonsense, but that’s weird because Brooke Burke actually seems younger than Erin, even though I believe she’s about seven years older.)

But the powers-that-be over there should have realized that the show sucked last season because of the changes, not because of Brooke or the band.

I’m so relieved that they changed the judges back to the original side of the stage, to what host Tom Bergeron deemed “the right side of the room.”

Did Carrie Anne Inaba have a nose job? I never noticed it to be so tiny before.

James someone from some boy band is cute-looking enough, but pairing him with pro Peta Murgatroyd, with whom he had a recent date and never called her again, was so rude to Peta. That was really not nice of them. And it was downright disgusting of Erin to bust their balls over it. She’s an embarrassment to the show.

Danica McKellar is adorable. I loved her joy during her number.

They definitely should not have shown hockey player Sean Avery being a d*** years ago, about his former flames. That already prejudiced the voters against him.

Poor pro Emma Slater; this is her second season, and she’s saddled once again with an old man who can’t dance…at all!!! (Last season was creepy Bill Engvall, and this season is almost-eight-year-old Billy Dee Williams.)

Speaking of Billy Dee, why would he do this show? Doesn’t he know he can’t dance? It was just embarrassing. The fives he received from the judges were way generous.

I’m so glad Maksim Chmerkovskiy is back!!! The show sorely needed him.

Maks seems thrilled, too, now that they finally gave him a real contender in Meryl Davis. I’m so happy for him that he finally has a perfect partner.

Candace Cameron Bure looks great for having such old kids. I never saw her before, but she looks good. She did a great number with her partner, Mark Ballas, too!

How is Cody Simpson a star? That poor kid looks like Frankenstein!

Erin thinks she’s so clever, but she’s just annoying, and in more than just her voice.

Derek Hough and Amy Purdy.

Derek Hough and Amy Purdy.

It was insulting to the others that the judges gave Drew Carey sevens instead of sixes. His number was a tad entertaining, but that’s not the point.

I’m so thrilled to see Paralympian Amy Purdy on the show! I’ve known who she is for a while now, and I can’t think of a more inspiring person. What a great attitude!!! I think the producers were trying to saddle perennial DWTS Champion, Derek Hough ,with a girl with no legs, to ensure that he wouldn’t win yet again, but they were wrong; this couple is great together. When you pair two wonderful, kind, talented, and determined people, it’s as magical as I thought it would be. You go, Amy and Derek!!!

Long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad was so much more charming than I expected. I’m shocked how much I liked her!!!

Charlie White and

Charlie White and Shana Burgess.

Charlie White‘s dance with gorgeous pro Shana Burgess was the only one I wish had gone on longer. Much, much longer. He’s adorable and charming. I love him. Judge Bruno Tonioli said his dance was “astonishing;” that’s the best thing he ever said! Charlie deserved the highest score of the night that he received. And he keeps giving his partner the credit, genuinely. That chest hair isn’t cutting it for me, though.

At the end of the show, when we were saying who should be the one eliminated next week, Mr. X rightly said, “Warm-up the Millennium Falcon.” [Note: I’m not really familiar with Star Wars, so I don’t know the lingo, but it was funny to me anyway.]

Now, tomorrow, on to ripping into American Idol. And, boy, there’s a lot to dish!!!


1 Comment

  1. You are hilarious!!! I’m surprised you didn’t rip into NeNe. She is horrible. I would love to know what you think of her.

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