I’ve been so busy living life, now that I’m somewhat mobile again, that I haven’t had much time to report on it! Plus, Mr. X has been in Toronto for over a month now, so I’ve been taking care of Clarence and the house, which I shamefully admit that I never do when he’s here. (But I do kiss and hug Clarence all the time!) I have some fun reviews of restaurants and plays coming up, so hopefully we’ll be back on the daily track with his imminent return. Whew.


doucheOkay, so here we are. A couple of last week’s shenanigans presented a perfect time to explain the difference between “douche” and “douchbag,” something we New Yorkers are very familiar with, if not the originators of! The creepy guy from The Bachelor, who’s on Dancing With The Stars currently, Jake Pavelka, is the perfect example of a “douche.” He just makes you want to retch looking at him. And when he opens his mouth, it gets worse. He’s the supreme douche!

On the other hand, Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls is the ultimate doucheBAG! What a [slang word for a male unit]! His team is losing to the Cleveland Cavaliers, so he attacks the city!!! This is what happened, for those of you who aren’t glued to sports channels and pages like I am: His team was losing, so in an interview, he maligned Cleveland–yes, that’s correct–the entire city!!! “I don’t know about Cleveland, man. There’s nothing going on,” he said last Saturday night when asked by reporters what he planned to do while in the city. “Cleveland sucks.”

Then, in a follow-up interview with TNT’s David Aldridge, when he was given the chance to apologize, he only made things worse. They finally cut away as he was saying, “It’s all factories!,” in a mocking fashion, to explain why he doesn’t bother going out there. Nothing like being mean to workers who slave in factories for a living.

Then, in a post-game press conference, Noah was asked, “Do you regret anything that you said about Cleveland?” He answered, defiantly, “Not at all,” in the spoiled brat manner that he often adopts. Then, he added, to the assemblage, “You like it??? You think Cleveland’s cool? I mean, I never heard anybody say ‘I’m going to Cleveland on vacation.’ I mean, what’s so good about Cleveland?” How about LeBron James, and his Cavs who are beating the pants off your Bulls??? That’s one of the things that’s so good about Cleveland, you soul-less fool!

I try not to malign people’s looks, except to my friends or about full-of-themselves-ers who deserve it, and I very rarely use the word “ugly,” but that’s exactly what Noah is, on every level. Someone needs to take this douchebag aside, and break life down for him. And put some braces on the millionaire while they’re at it! Now, that’s a douche-bag!!!

And, one last word to him, not that I particularly care about either city, but I’ve been to both and I would rather spend time in Cleveland any day over the awful Chicago! But I’d handle either for the few days that he has to, while keeping my stupid thoughts to myself. What a jerk.

Just two more TV notations here. One is that that nerdy complainer Siobhan on American Idol keeps trying to justify her more-than-weak performances each week by spewing inanities such as that she loves the song! What a moron. I love Stevie Wonder’s Ribbons In The Sky, but that doesn’t mean I can sing it!!! (I can’t, just in case you’re wondering. My only big number is Take Back Your Mink from Guys and Dolls. And that’s only because it’s basically talking in an awful Brooklyn accent, which is my forte!)

The last observation is about Kate Gosselin. I had never seen her on anything, and knew nothing about her, so when I read countless negative comments about her at-that-time-upcoming Dancing With The Stars appearance, I thought, “How bad can she be?” OMG!!! From those few weeks ago to now, I really have to label her the c-word, the one that rhymes with punt. I’m absolutely floored by just what a bad sport she is! And how self-unaware. I can’t believe that she kept complaining about her bad marks! Has she ever watched herself??? She was brutal! And rude and surly, and just an overall horrible person. How is this creature famous???

Okay, I have to go meditate now, to get all these sad excuses for human beings out of my memory. We’ll get to more pleasant events the rest of the week, after I scrub my mind with pumice!


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