With the recent spate of celebrity, (and in the case of Mr. X and me, friend,) deaths, I’ve been ruminating on a topic I’ve started to write about a few times in the past year or so. And that is that I implore everyone to please appreciate the living while we can.

Donald and Keifer Sutherland.

There are so many ways to do that, including with kindness, politeness, and making time for people. Even Kiefer Sutherland just said that he was sorry that he had not spent more time with his late father, Donald Sutherland. We always think there’s more time.

Of course, we should all be kind to everyone, but today I’m talking about being so to loved ones, especially our elders.

So my advice right now is mainly to take the time to ask them questions, both for your sake and theirs. When Mr. X and I would visit my little mother in her last few years, her favorite moments were when the three of us would sit in the living room, enjoying whatever snack I came up with, while she would regale us with tales from her younger years. Even if I had heard them before, I loved seeing the joy on her face as she remembered them.

Although I have little to regret when it comes to my treatment of my parents, (which according to both my parents’ friends and my own, was better than just about any other offspring they’ve ever seen,) I still often think of things I wish I had asked them when I had the chance.

One of the three times I had my little mother, May Rose Salkin, on my TV show. She was readign one of her famous poems, and one of her beautiful oil paintings was featured on the table. Photo by Mr. X.

I’m not saying I was perfect—my mother and I argued a lot after she was widowed, most likely because I spent so much time with her then. When I asked her why she often quibbled with me in those later years, she answered, “I’m just enjoying my favorite activity with my favorite child!” My parents had always bickered with each other, and when my father passed, a friend of mine pointed-out that I became his substitute as my mother’s sparring partner! My mother and I both knew we meant nothing by the quarreling; it was just our way.

But a few times, especially in recent years, I’ve noticed some of my younger pals being—how shall I put it?—a tad rude to their elders. And it chaps my hide. Besides that I abhor rudeness of any kind, in regard to impertinence to parents, my heart aches for both parties, but especially for the young ones, knowing that if they have any semblance of a heart, they will regret their behavior down the line.

May Rose and Karen Salkin in Aspen. Photo by INAM staff.

One more suggestion is to take tons of photos, with everyone who is even the least bit important to you. Several times in the past few years, people have offered to take a pic of me with someone, and I stupidly declined, either because I thought I didn’t look good or I just didn’t want to bother the picture-taker nor the other person who would be in the photo. I have so many regrets about those times. That’s a lesson learned the very hard way.

There’s not much more to say on this subject. I’m just imploring everyone to please take my words to heart, and try to keep yourself in check to act accordingly. Revere the ones who deserve it while you still can.

If I hear the word “snubbed” used erroneously one more time to describe people who don’t get award nominations, I’m going to scream. Actually, I have, but only in my house, not publicly.

Leonardo DiCaprio in Killers of the Flower Moon.

So I figured it’s time to share my rant on the topic.

Idiots both in and out of the biz like to dub some of the nominations “snubs and surprises” for the alliteration. But—and I cannot stress this enough—they are not snubs!!! Some may be surprises, (like that Leonardo DiCaprio’s brilliant performance in Killers of the Flower Moon did not get nominated; in my opinion, he should always be nominated, even when he doesn’t make a movie!,) but no one is snubbing anybody here. To “snub” is to “rebuff” or “spurn” or even when it is used to denote being ignored, it means to do so “disdainfully.”

In the case of awards nominations, all that’s happening is that the voting bodies feel that a handful or so of other performances (or directors or creative works) are better than others! That’s it. No one is snubbing anyone. Example: the Oscars choose five Best Actor nominees by a vote of their Academy members. The top five vote-getters are in. Period. Someone else may come in a close sixth, even by one vote, but five is all they take, so that’s it for that category of nominees.

Plus, each awards body has a different system of voting, both for the nominations and the winners themselves. Sometimes it’s flat-out one vote a person, and the entity with the most votes wins. Period. At other times, each member has to list their Top Five, say, and there’s a point system. Someone who has all second place votes may win out over someone who had more first place votes, but also some fifth place ones! (If you’re really interested in exactly how each awards-bestowing group works, look it up.)

If the Academy Awards voters were truly snubbing someone, they would have to get together and decide that, no matter what, they were going to ignore what that artist had done. And, as far as I know, they’ve never done that. To have “snubbed” Margot Robbie, for example, (as all these morons keep saying they did,) that’s what they would have had to do, which, of course they did not.

Yes, some of the omissions for all the major awards have been questionable. I can’t understand how the Oscars voters found five performances that are better than Leo’s. Or how the Golden Globes voted Lily Gladstone’s one-note performance better than Annette Benning’s brilliant portrayal of Diana Nyad. A lot of choices are head-scratching for me.

But again, no one was snubbed! Please keep in mind that in the concept of the first five or six or seven works being nominated, (each awards body has a different number of nominees that is set ahead of time,) the others, no matter how good they are, just don’t get in. Don’t be a fool yourself just because some writers, pundits, creatives, and members of the public are.

Two people who did not deserve Oscars nominations, so, therefore, did not get them: Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie. (I adore Margot, by the way, but this was not an award-worthy performance.)

And, by the way, Barbie does not deserve inclusion in most of the awards nominations. (If you missed my thoughts on that movie last August, just click here: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/movie-review-barbie-movie-do-not-take-the-kids-and-stay-away-yourself.) It’s a travesty, and an insult to films, for it to have received any nods outside of Best Set Design, for the beautiful colorful sections.

I adore Ryan Gosling, and he provided the only fun in this stupid movie, but for him to have received any nomination, let alone one for a formerly-prestigious Academy Award, for playing Ken, is just pure nonsense.

And don’t get me started on America Ferrera getting an Oscars nod. I’ve never seen Mr. X be so disgusted over a nomination. He keeps asking me every day how that happened. I actually keep checking the nominations because I can’t really believe that she really got one. What America basically did in Barbie is read a political speech, not act. Compare that to Jodie Foster’s gut-wrenching performance in Nyad. Ridiculous.

I actually feel that the voters for this 2024 awards season bestowed any nominations on Barbie because they felt pressure from the public. And the box office! They would look like a bunch of old out-of-touch fogies if they had ignored the financial success of the movie. And they also need the viewers to tune-in to their TV presentations, so they figured what the heck.

So, to sum-up, all the voting entities actually snubbed my feelings on all the film nominations this season! And that’s how you use the word “snubbed!!!”

I’m actually excited about this National Day! National Tea Day is giving me the opportunity to discuss the various tea meals that one can have over the course of the day, and make sure that everyone knows the correct monikers for each. No matter how much I know about any other subject in life, “taking tea” is one that I am a true expert in!

I adore this picture of Queeen Elizabeth looking so happy with her cuppa and bouquet!

National Tea Day is always celebrated on April 21st, which, coincidentally, (or not,) is Queen Elizabeth’s birthday. She’s ninety-five today. I wonder if she’ll be taking tea to celebrate it in this very sad and stressful time for her. If she does, I hope it soothes her soul, as it always does mine.

Before we get to my tea “lesson,” I want to share one little personal note. I’m always proud when a friend calls that they’re on the way over, and I have enough ingredients on hand to whip-up some semblance of tea meal to offer them at a moment’s notice. (Just not this past year, of course, and for the foreseeable future, as well.) One time a friend whose parents are British actually asked if she could come over for crumpets, of all things. And guess what? I had them! I had just bought my first (and only) batch of them the day before!

My favorite tea repast is Afternoon Tea. Unfortunately, very many people, who think they’re being classy, refer to this meal as “high” tea. They must have been high when they first heard about it because what we have as an afternoon treat is far from being “high tea.” I’ll get to the difference in a minute, because I have be very proper here and go in the order of the day.

Part of an Afternoon Tea I threw for a few of my friends several Easters ago. Photo by Karen Salkin.

But first, let me define a few tea terms for you:

Taking Tea—This is how the British refer to having one of the tea meals, as opposed to “having” tea.

Cuppa—Just the Brits’ way of saying “cup of,” but it makes it a bit more interesting.

I’d love to be at this Tea!

Clotted Cream—The most incredible substance on earth!!! And no, it’s not even close to whipped cream. It’s thick and spreadable and delicious. You can always make a version of your own, (as I have been known to do occasion,) but the official one is best. (Devonshire Cream and Double Cream are in the same category and are just about as heavenly.)

Crumpet—This is a small griddle cake, which is kind-of spongey in consistency, and is far different from a scone, which is much drier.

Teddy Bear Tea—A tea meal for children.

Two of the Royals, William and Kate, taking tea, most likely with honey and milk.

This last one is not a definition, but I’m advising that the Royals are known to take their tea with honey and milk, just as I do!

Now let’s get to the various times of day and what to partake of during them:

Elevenses—Guess when this one is taken? It’s at 11AM, of course! Duh. It’s just a short break with a tiny snack to get you through the day, when your energy may be waning a tad. It’s basically just a cuppa with a small snack, such as a biscuit or crumpet. Nothing fancy or heavy.

Cream Tea—This one is a more filling snack than Elevenses, but not even close to being full Afternoon Tea. It’s usually taken as an afternoon snack, when one is going to have an early dinner later. It consists of a cuppa, (of course,) and a scone with clotted cream and jam, preserves, or marmalade. I could have this semi-meal every day of my life! I don’t even love tea itself, but use it as an excuse to feast on the best substance on earth—true clotted cream! OMG!

The dessert portion of a very big tea party I attended at a swanky hotel. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Afternoon Tea–This is an absolutely glorious meal! If ever you want to do something special for yourself, having Afternoon Tea is the way to go. It’s absolutely scrumptious and soooo relaxing. (When done correctly, of course.) It’s served ideally between 2-4PM, but can really stretch from 1-5, if need be. My favorite way to be served this one is in courses, but, because it involves soooo much preparation, most tearooms just serve all the courses on a three-tiered tray. First up is finger sandwiches, followed by (hopefully warm) scones with clotted cream and some sort of preserve or lemon curd or both, finishing up with either small desserts or one or two slices of cake. (I once also served giant strawberries, with vanilla and cinnamon whipped cream that I made from scratch!) And, of course, at least one pot of hot tea, usually in a variety of flavors. On occasion, it can be served with a glass of champagne or sherry, and be made even more sumptuous by including a soup and/or salad, and perhaps a bite-size quiche or other hot tidbit. Even though it’s usually considered to be a bridge to dinner, I’ve never been able to consume even one more morsel after dining on all this loveliness. And, if you’re having it all at a classy establishment, such as an upscale hotel, the repast might be accompanied by a harpist or pianist. At the very least, there should be recorded peaceful classical music playing.

Some of the desserts from my same Easter Afternoon Tea. Photo by Lucia Singer.

High Tea—We finally get to this one, that most people in America are unaware of.
High Tea is basically a hearty supper that’s eaten after 5PM, and consists of mainly “peasant” dishes, such as sausage rolls, crusty bread, and meat pies. It also features stronger, more basic teas themselves; no frou-frou white grapefruit-vanilla type choices.

The overhead view of a colorful late night tea party I whipped-up for Mr. X and me to watch one of the Royal Weddings. Photo by Mr. X.

So there you have it! Your tea education is now complete! Well, almost. When I finally finish and publish my Tea Book, you’ll find-out about the different kinds of tea themselves. And I’ll tell you how all these meals came about, and offer some awesome recipes and serving suggestions.

But this is more than enough info for you to celebrate National Tea Day, don’t you think? And no matter how you take yours, I wish you enjoyment!

Happy National Tea Day, lovies! And Happy Birthday, Your Majesty!

I can’t believe that grammar gets just one day to be celebrated—I wish it occurred every day, for all of us! It certainly does for me.

So here’s the deal—for about a year, (the entire time I’ve been in the house for the duration of the pandemic,) I have watched more TV and talked to more people on the phone than ever before. So I’ve been making a list of some of the most egregious and/or common grammatical errors I’ve heard. I’m actually sooo shocked that soooo many people are sooooo uneducated! It’s torture for me, who grew up with parents who were English and Speech teachers. (Yes, I realize that people do not have to speak correctly in every instance, but it boggles my mind that some don’t get any of it right!)

I was saving that sadly-long list to turn into an article here on INAM at some later date, as the errors, both spoken and in print, kept piling-up. But the problem is that I was writing it on my laptop, as I watched television, and then a few weeks ago, my laptop crashed! Totally. It’s now deceased. And, until the world is normal again, I have no plans to get a new one, at which time I believe my work can be transferred over.

I wasn’t too concerned about the lack of all that writing at this time until I realized that today is…National Grammar Day! It would have been the perfect time to break-out my article on the topic. So I’m saving that loooong list for another occasion, (when I can get it off my laptop.) There’s never not a good time to school people on grammar, am I right?

A little sample from my previous article.

So, for now, let me tell you that there are soooo many grammar mistakes that really bother me, but there are two especially, about which I’ve corrected people, to no avail. They’re like nails on a chalkboard to me. Here’s the link to a major one I discussed in this e-zine last year; it was important enough to receive its own column: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/karens-lessons-the-difference-between-bought-and-brought.

Now let’s discuss the other, which I was thrilled to see Jane Lynch correct a contestant about on The Weakest Link a few weeks ago. (You really do sound like a moron if you use this one, so you may want to learn the rules here.) It’s when someone puts him-or-herself before the other person or person in the sentence, such as, “Me and him!” First of all, as in much of life, you should always put yourself second!!! Period. Dot, dash, end of story. Some people who actually do that part of the sentence correctly then mess it up by thinking they sound smarter if they use “I” instead of “me.”

Here’s the rule for that one: Drop the other person, and see which pronoun fits the sentence. For having gone to the store, for example, which would you say: “I went to the store” or “Me went to the store”? Then add the other person in, putting yourself second. So, of course, the correct sentence is, “He and I went to the store.” (Do the same thing if you want to know whether to use “him” or “he.”) It’s that simple.

Here’s another example of that rule. If, for example, you want to say that someone gave a present to you and a member of your family, the correct sentence is, “So-and-so gave Mike and me a microwave,” because if you left Mike out of it, you’d say, “So-and-so gave me a microwave,” not, “So-and-so gave I a microwave.” Using “I” does not make you sound classier! It makes you sound stupid when it’s incorrect!

This Scott Metzger cartoon perfectly demonstrates my thoughts!

That was going to wrap-up my grammar lesson for today, but I have to mention two more that drive me nuts.

“Less” is for something that cannot be counted, as a liquid, as in, “I drank less orange juice than I did yesterday.” “Fewer” is for something that is counted, as in, “I drank three fewer ounces of orange juice than I did yesterday.” See the difference? Ounces can be counted, hence the use of “fewer,” while just liquid in general cannot, so you use “less.” Also, fewer minutes, but less time.

There are specific uses for “who” and “that,” as well, and they’re uber-easy to remember. “Who” is for people, while “that” is for objects. I hate when people say sentences such as, “Tom Brady is the athlete that won the most Superbowls.” He’s a person, so the sentence should be “Tom Brady is the athlete who won the most Superbowls.”

Okay, there are tons more grammatical errors I hear on a daily basis, but I’ll let you guys digest these lessons for now.

If you have one that gets on your nerves, or want to ask me the correct usage for anything, please share your thoughts in the Comments section below. I promise to get back to you.

And to everyone who celebrates any language, I wish you a Happy National Grammar Day! My wish for this day is that we all make the effort to speak correctly at least today. And who knows? Maybe it will stick!

I’m sure that most of you are scratching your heads about why I would have to tell anybody the difference between these two very disparate words. Yes, most people don’t even put them together in their minds, because they know that these two words, though one letter apart, have totally different meanings.

But I’m doing an entire column on it for the people who don’t know, and are smart enough to want to learn.

I first became aware of this egregious error a couple of years ago, when I had a good pal with whom I had the following convo one day, after she had not been feeling well. (I’ll call her “Ami.” Get it? “Ami” means “friend” in French!)

Me—How are you feeling now?

Ami—Better. A friend bought me dinner last night.

Me—I thought you were too sick to go out.

Ami—I didn’t go out.

Me—Then how did he buy you dinner?

Ami—He bought it over to me!

Me—You mean he brought it over to you?

Ami—Yes, he bought it over.

I was, of course, horrified. We had been besties for about a year at that point, so I assumed she’d want to be corrected, so she wouldn’t sound so inarticulate to anyone else. So I gently explained the difference to her. And I assumed that that would be the end of the topic.

But no such luck. She continued to use “bought” for “brought.” And I continued to correct her, more and more urgently as the years went on. Yes—years!

Misuse of language, especially when one has been schooled on her mistake, is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

And now Mr. X and I have noticed a few famous people who also don’t know better. They’re all successful, but far from mental giants. (Think athletes and dancers.) I’ve used Twitter to let some of them know the difference between these two unrelated words, to no avail. I really can’t understand that ignorance because I would be mortified if I had been using the wrong word, and would always welcome the correction.

So, for those of you who are guilty of this same grammatical infraction, but don’t want to continue to sound uneducated, here’s the same explanation that I gave to Ami:

Do you think that “buy” and “bring” are the same word? No, of course you don’t! Well, “bought” is the past tense of “buy,” while “brought” is the past tense of “bring.” See? Two totally different words! Just because they’re spelled almost the same, they do not have the same meaning. That’s because…they’re totally different words!!!

So, I hate to say this, but if now that you know the difference, you continue to misuse “bought,” you are, to put it kindly, a dunce!!! And every person of normal intelligence will know it.

If others’ opinions of you do not matter to you, let’s break it down to some real world applications. You might be rejected from a job just for saying that, or, worse to some, you might lose out on dates! Or intelligent friends. I for one, could not take hearing Ami not change it. Here she had me as a friend, with my 147IQ, (if I do say so myself,) and my English and Speech teacher parents, and she did not take advantage of my brain. I seriously cannot understand that. The rest of my friends always noticed her incorrect word usage, and asked why I wasn’t helping her to sound smarter. They were as appalled as Mr. X and I were at this one infraction.

So, I hope that if you’ve also been misusing “bought” and “brought,” you’re more willing to learn than Ami was, and that you’ll change your ways asap.

You don’t even have to thank me. Someone learning is all the thanks I need.