2017: SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS, AUSSIE OPEN, AND MISS UNIVERSE—WHEW!

This was such an emotional week-end for me.  First Orange Hitler made the whole world so much worse, and made so many of our fellow man’s lives so much harder.  I was freaked-out over that all week-end, and am trying not to lose hope for my fellow Americans, but it’s hard to keep positive.

Then there was finally some good news; great news actually—Roger Federer, The Stranger I Love Most, won his record eighteenth Grand Slam title!!! I could not even watch the Final of the Australian Open, between Roger and his arch-rival for over a decade, Rafael Nadal, because I was too nervous. Thank goodness it was played overnight in America, so I could just wake-up to the news. (But too bad I didn’t check the results until after I had done my make-up for a major fashion brunch I was on my way to!!! Of, course, I was a sobbing mess, so I had to re-do it all.)

Then the uber-long day and night, (after the brunch, the SAG arrivals, and then the SAG Awards themselves,) finally finished-up with Miss Universe, but the wrong girl won, so I was upset all over again.  The winner should have absolutely been Miss Haiti, and if not her, then Miss Colombia.  Based on their answers to the penultimate and then final questions, I did want Miss France to come in third, but a distant third.  So, after all those ups and downs of the week-end, it ended on a miserable note for me.  (And for all of Haiti, too, I’d assume.)

But Mr. X and I cheered ourselves up at midnight by watching the end of Roger’s match, to see his jubilant win, which no one thought he would ever again achieve. Everyone had written-off his chances of winning another Major, except for me. I thought he could do it, but even I was a bit worried since his knee injury last year. I was really afraid that that debacle had perhaps signaled the end of his illustrious career. So this win was extra-amazing to witness. I’m actually still crying this morning, just writing about it. So, major kudos to Roger Federer!  He’s the most mentally stable person I’ve ever known of.  I’m so grateful to be alive during his reign.

Okay, so now let’s finally get to the SAG Awards, which were a bit hard to concentrate on during this jam-packed week-end.  I’m thrilled that so many of the winners, and some presenters, as well, spoke out against the new Hitlerian laws that were made by the evil, dangerous ego-maniac in the White House. That was the best part of the show.

One note on this entire 2017 awards season–it seems to have absolutely flown by!  I finished seeing all the nominated flicks early on, and was never rushed, or behind, to get them viewed before our SAG voting deadline. The whole shebang really seemed kind of easy breezy this year.

Few of the people I voted for won, but que sera, sera. (That’s the old school Spanish version of “oh well,” or “whatevs.”)  My only winner in Film was the cast of Hidden Figures, and in the TV category, I had the ladies: Claire Foy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Sarah Paulson.

But, because I’m a proud member of SAG who always takes my voting seriously, (and am also a bit shallow,) I did jot down a few notes to share with you during the arrivals and show. As usual with awards shows, I had already tweeted most of my bon mots, but no worries–you can still read them on there @MajorCelebrity. My heart wasn’t totally in it this time, though.

So here are the rest of my thoughts on the proceedings, in the order that they happened.

 

ARRIVALS

 

E seemed to be the only channel doing the arrival interviews this time. Strange. I guess some people just don’t take the SAGs as seriously as others do. So, these are my thoughts on those, that didn’t make it into a tweet, for some reason or another:

Anna Chlumsky—oysh.  Poor girl is always a mess, and so goony.

I think that desperate Ariel Winter thinks she looks like Kylie Jenner. Sad.

How is James Marsden old enough to have a sixteen-year-old son???  They’re a cute father-son combo.  I’m not really familiar with James or his work, but I liked his message of being “decent human beings to each other.” Good dad. And person! (So handsome, too.)

Gwendoline Christie’s bright red lipstick was feathering all over the place.  And against her yellow teeth, not a good look.

I love that Naomie Harris doesn’t mind showing-off her non-rack. That’s a secure chick!

Octavia Spencer is always so sweet. She’s one person I’d like to be friends with.

Kaley Cuoco looked awful! That was a hideous dress, (it looked very much like one I wore to play dress-up in when I was little,) and she wore an awful, not-the-hip-kind messy bun, which looked like she was going to clean the house before washing her hair.

Jim Parsons, who was being interviewed alongside Kaley, kept trying to tell the story of how he wound-up sitting at the Hidden Figures table, rather than the expected Big Bang Theory one. And I was dying to hear it, as I’m sure many of us were. But Kaley kept interrupting him, thinking she was doing a funny bit, so we never got to hear the tale. Shame on her.

Talking about an anthology series she was in, Bryce Dallas Howard stated, “Every episode is an anthology.”  What an incorrect statement.  Someone needs to get that girl a dictionary!!!

I love that Evan Rachel Wood wore pants again.  She’s so classy looking.  How did she ever date Marilyn Manson?!

I’m saying this out loud only because they’re successful, so it won’t hurt them, but William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman are such an awful-looking couple, (who seem to think that they’re very attractive.)  I realized that seeing them always makes my face curl up.  Seriously.

Janelle Monae always dresses in only black and white, right down to her nails.  She has such a beautiful little face, with beautiful skin.  Her hair-do last night, though, with jeweled Mickey Mouse ears, was just crazy.

 

THE SHOW

 

The SAGs are always a cut-and-dry affair. There’s no witty banter, nor long entrances. No music or comedy. It’s just basically, the awards show version of wham, bang, thank you ma’am. So, there’s really not much to say about it. But I’ll try:

Jeff Bridges’ wife is still so pretty.  And I was glad to see that he finally looks better, too.

Sterling K. Brown looks so much better in glasses than without them. (Some people just do.)

When Ashton Kutcher stated at the outset, “I am a citizen of the world,” I thought he was going to rant on what’s happening in the world. He did, a bit, in his next little patter, but it was all just kind-of poorly planned. What he said was good, but he just seemed like the wrong one to deliver that message. But this was the best he’s looked in a long time.

As I alluded to above, they get right to it at the SAGs. It is a bit jarring, actually.

Gina Rodriguez looked good. Her dress, hair, and make-up were all pretty basic, but it worked.

That was the absolute best that Sarah Paulson ever looked!

Taraji P. Henson got so screwed in the nominations. She didn’t receive a nod for either Hidden Figures in the Film category, nor Empire in the Television one, but she deserved them both! How was that even possible??? (Thank goodness that the film’s Ensemble won later, so we got to hear her good speech at the end of the night.) She looked great, too. I loved that her muted lipstick exactly matched her dress!

Orange is the New Black has the strangest looking cast.

Why would Kate Hudson feature her “Dopey” ears??? (I have the same ones, so I can say it, but I would never let them stick-out like that, if I can help it.) And I noticed that she squints a lot, so just put on some glasses! Why do some people still think they’re taboo??? Eyeglasses are actually a wonderful fashion accessory!

I have one word for Marcia Clark—sleeves.  (Please refer to the photo near the top of this page.)

It’s a bit hard for me to look at Viola Davis this year, now that I keep noticing that in every role she plays, she lets her snot run into her mouth, and does not even attempt to wipe it! No one does that while crying in real life, unless they’re a slob! And she also seems to spit a bit when pronouncing her initial “p”s. She needs to clean it all up. (Actually, she’s doing fine the way she is. We nose-wipers should be so lucky!)

How adorable is Dolly Parton? Enough with the tired old boob jokes already, but that doesn’t really matter; she always brings a smile to all of our faces.

But this was funny—she told Lifetime Achievement award recipient, Lily Tomlin, “Come on up and get your award!” Such a strange way to present something with such gravitas. But so Dolly.

[Note: At this point, on Twitter, I promised to share my two personal stories of Lily Tomlin. I’ll do that at the very end of this column.]

I was upset that a guy was so rude to be sitting there in a baseball cap. He turned-out to be a Stranger Things cast member. So, shame on him for not having better manners than to do that!

Claire Foy is beautiful, but that dress was downright hideous. Who dresses these people???

Winona Ryder’s strange faces have become a meme, but I really do think that I was the first to tweet about them! Mr. X tried to get me to not do that, but it appears that I was far from alone in my choice.

Jonah Hill had the line of the night. Upon entering the stage after a passionate political rant by a member of the cast of Stranger Things, he deadpanned, “Glad I followed that.”

Okay, here it is–Emma Stone does not deserve any awards for that absolutely bland, nothing performance in La La Land!!! What are these other voters looking at??? Are their families being held hostage by Emma’s people??? She seems like a nice girl, but that’s it. Compare her performance to that of Meryl Streep’s or Emily Blunt’s. Or anyone’s! Taraji P. Henson wasn’t even nominated for a SAG for Hidden Figures, but Emma lisps her way through very weak singing and dancing, (if you can even call it that,) and acts a little miserable over her love life and career, (which doesn’t even come close to the real pain I’ve witnessed in those areas of life,) and she wins everything??? How is this fair?! Or even possible?!

When Denzel Washington won for Fences, he said that the award was really “for the rest of the cast, who don’t get recognized.”  Get over yourself, boyfriend–they were all nominated for the Ensemble award!  You can’t get more recognized than that, except for being the ones who win!!!

And that is all I wrote, folks. I sort-of ran out of steam as the show itself did. But in the next month, we get first the Grammys and then the Oscars. Those are both always the juiciest shows. So, if you don’t already follow me on Twitter, now would be the time. @MajorCelebrity. And then, if you’re not a daily-checker-inner on that site, make sure to do so on those award show days.

Okay, as promised above, (and on Twitter,) here they are–quick versions of my two Lily Tomlin stories:

First up, many years ago, when I was doing my TV show, Karen’s Restaurant Revue, Lily and I attended the same theater opening night. When it was over, she and her friend Kenny Solms were standing outside for a bit, and everybody and his brother was going over to pay homage to her. My friend and I finally worked-up my courage to do the same. As I blurted out, “Excuse me, Lily, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you,” Kenny asked, “Aren’t you Karen?” At that point, I wasn’t even sure who I was, but my friend, Nancylee, reminded me that yes, I am Karen. So Kenny turned to Lily and said, “Look, Lily, it’s Karen!” Lily Tomlin then grabbed my hands, and said, “Karen from cable?! I love you! You’re the funniest girl on TV!” My life could have ended at that very moment, and I would have been satisfied. (But I’m so glad that it did not, of course.) Every time I see Nancylee, I ask her to tell me the story again, to make sure I have it right.

The addendum to that story is that years later, when I met Lily again, she didn’t remember me! (A lot happens in her life.) But at least we’ll always have that first encounter. (The funny thing is, she knew Mr. X! And was excited to see him. Several years before, they had both starred at theatres that are right across the street from each other in Boston, so she remembered, and remained a fan, which was even more exciting to me than that she originally was my fan.)

My second great Lily Tomlin story is that we flew to New York “together” just four and a half years ago. We were in the front row, with no one between us. I didn’t say anything at first, but then we started chatting, and did it for the rest of the flight! We talked about our mothers, (who have the same name!,) that we both had Buick LeSabres for a bit, all of our mutual pals, (Bruce Vilanch and Kenny Solms—were your ears burning?,) the movie she was flying there to do, and so much more. It was wonderful! I hate flying, but I didn’t even notice that I was! The time is what flew that day. And, to my delight, Lily laughed at everything I said! (Except the sad parts, about my deceased mother, of course.)

And those are the short versions, for now. The longer ones will be in the memoir I keep threatening promising to write one day!