OSCARS 2020 WRAP-UP

I’m thrilled that just about all of my Oscars tweets were met with overwhelming positivity! I think, for the first time ever, they had only two negative comments! Wow.

Shockingly, my most popular tweet was about Keanu Reeves’…mother! Go figure.

I don’t have time to repeat my many tweeted thoughts, so, in addition to reading all the rest of my observations right here, (some because I felt they were too controversial for Twitter,) you might want to take a look at them on that site. My handle is @MajorCelebrity. Trust me, the uber-long Oscars and arrivals gave me a lot to say on both of these platforms!

For starters, that horrible cold wet weather was not fun for the guests to deal with. I guess the God of Weather must be a female director!

I watched all the coverage from 2PM all the way up to midnight, but because tweeting and writing both take time, I got a tad behind in the arrivals. So I missed the last bit of the E Channel arrivals and all the coverage on other channels. I’m way too exhausted from my own Oscars Week activities, (which you’ll read about here over the next two weeks,) to go back and watch them now, but there’s plenty to discuss about what I did witness.

So let’s get to all of it already, in chronological order, of course:

E ARRIVALS

Zazie Beetz looked great in every aspect—dress, (except for the bottom front,) figure, skin, jewelry, and hair (although I would not want to sit behind her high top!)

If Julia Butters’ face was on a bigger body, she’d look like a grown-up! What a stunning little girl she is.

Regina King was rocking a great gown. But she said that naked dress was warm! Crazy.

Movie star Jonathan Pryce, who was nominated for Best Actor, had to stand there and wait for the big forehead woman to interview TV actress America Ferrera! Shameful.

I have no idea who Kaitlyn Dever is, but she seems sweet.

Can you guess who the two male acting buddies I most want to meet are? You are wrong if you guessed Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio! The ones who would become My New Best Friends are (drumroll, please,)…Jojo Rabbit’s Roman Griffin Davis and Archie Yates! OMG–they are adorbs! That little Archie is a riot and a half!

Lin-Manuel Miranda just might be the loveliest, most genuine person in show business.

Billie Eilish looked like an idiot, with her way too long pants, talon nails, and sticking her black-tinged tongue out. At the Oscars!!! Ugh.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus looked so bad that it made me sad. It looks like she had a nose job and maybe an eye job, as well. I feel bad because it might just be that her recent cancer took its toll on her face, but it really does look like she’s had some (bad) work done.

Anthony Ramos, who will be a star by next year because of the upcoming film version of In The Heights, said that when he started-out, sounding so New York-y, Lin-Manuel Miranda told him, “You never have to change your speech; just make sure people understand you.” I love that! (It’s actually my philosophy, too! Obvi.)

Laura Dern was the happiest person on the red carpet! After spending her entire life in and around show business, she was finally about to win an Oscar! She wore a really good dress, too. It was just right—not too crazy, not too bland. It basically stayed out of the way of what she had to say.

Josh Gad looked like a grown-up Archie Yates! (So, note to Archie—stop eating now.)

Note to Beanie Feldstein—don’t wear white when your body is the same color as the dress!!!

The absolute most fun person there, without even a shadow of a doubt, is Jojo Rabbit’s Taika Waititi! That’s one guy who is so deserving of his success!  I love Kiwis!!! I was praying that he would win something so I could hear him talk some more. (And he did! Yay.) I especially loved that he said that every time little Archie Yates is on screen, he “just dazzles.” He is so correct about that. Who would have thought that a film about Nazis would have the most fun cast ever? I’d love to hang out with so many of them!

That was the best that Geena Davis has ever looked in her entire life!!!

I love that stunning Penelope Cruz was rocking my stick straight hair! So few of us have that ability these days, (unless they cheat and get extensions, of course.) And I loved the back of her gown, but detested the front.

Salma Hayek is beginning to look a tad like Elizabeth-Taylor-in-her-married-to-John-Warner days.

Natalie Portman was one of the very few females there who was smart enough to wear something warm over her naked dress.

I love that Joaquin Phoenix loves his girlfriend, Rooney Mara, so much.

I don’t know why I love them so much, but I’m always so happy to see Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost together.

Keanu Reeves’ mom was the most classily-dressed person there. I love that when she shook Ryan Seacrest’s hand, she mentioned that he is “someone else’s son,” referencing that she’s a mom there.

Brie Larson was smart, too; her dress had a built-in cape sort-of situation. She must be the only one who checked the weather way ahead of time.

I love Saoirse Ronan so much, but everything about her ensemble was wrong—her dress was downright hideous, her skin was waaay too white, her make-up and jewelry were awful, and it’s just creepy when women expose the whole middle of their chests like that.

As awful as Saoirse looked, Rooney Mara took the Worst Dressed title! Her goth gown was downright creepy, her exposed stomach looked weird, (despite the probable washboard abs,) and that German Frau topknot—ugh! She looked like she was about to get into the shower, and come out…not too clean.

OSCARS TELECAST

Overall, there were few surprises, with a dearth of charming speeches. (They really needed Olivia Colman to win again this year, even though she wasn’t in any films!)

And I was upset that the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, (which is awarded to someone in the biz for “outstanding contributions to humanitarian causes,”) which went to Geena Davis, wasn’t awarded on air! It’s the most important award of any year, so that Geena didn’t receive it on air was just wrong. When they announced that she had received it, they could have at least had her be the presenter of the next award!!! The Humanitarian Award is not even awarded every year. This was only the fortieth one in ninety-three years, (and the first in four years!,) so they needed to do it better. I can’t get over how shameful that decision was.

Now here’s something shallow, as a bridge to my review of the actual Oscars telecast. I’m so surprised that it was never announced that there were going to be a few major “Super Bowl-quality” commercials, but geared towards the Oscars, this year. I loved the ones for M&Ms.

Now on to the show, in order:

That was the absolute worst opening number in history, and the worst anytime, anywhere number, in general, since the Shelley Long debacle on the 1986 Emmys! (In case you’ve never had the pleasure of seeing that one, you should now. Just not while you’re drinking or a spit take is guaranteed:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgTHLSEkXpY.)

And guess what, Janelle Monae? Nobody cares that you’re gay and black. You’re personal info does not belong in an Oscars opening number! (And actually, neither do you!)

Where was the funny opening movie spoof montage, or the like? This show really needed a host, badly. But then the Oscars telecast would most likely be even longer than it already was! (It went over a half hour longer than planned. It would have been just those thirty minutes long, had they not decided to let that Korean actress speak, which all of us are regretting now!)

Chris Rock and Steve Martin were pretty hilarious in their opening comments. They should have just kept on keeping on. (Which means—they should let them host! At least one of them!)

I’m so glad that Chris gently corrected Steve, who called Cynthia Erivo “Cynthia Ervio!” Shame on Steve for not knowing the name of an Academy Award-nominated actress, (who has already won a Grammy, Emmy, and Tony!,) whom he was about to mention on air!!! For me, that error is right up there with John Travolta’s “Adele Dazeem” flub! (I’m actually shocked that no black celebrities have shamed him for it themselves.)

I’m thrilled for Brad Pitt. I was sitting there crying with happiness for him, even though I never cared about him in my entire life until last month’s Golden Globes awards. That’s when I realized that he’s funny, intelligent, and most importantly, kind. He seems to be a great guy. I just wish that he’d get back together with Angelina Jolie, so they can continue to save the world together. Well, try to, anyway. (And I’m glad he remembered to mention his kids this time, too!)

I loved Josh Gad’s Idina Menzel comment, (which goes to my own comment two paragraphs above.)

That they interspersed the nominated songs throughout the show, instead of doing them all at once like they’ve often done in recent years, worked out so much better that way.

The number from Frozen II was lovely, with several other “Elsa”s, (who had dubbed the role in their own languages,) singing with Idina Menzel. It was just beautiful. Those women can all friggin’ sing! It was a gorgeous number. Interesting is that one of them was pregnant. And the Korean one could be Miss Universe in a heartbeat!

But I don’t get why Idina wore her hair up to walk the red carpet, and then down to perform. It’s not easy to make your hair straight after being up, trust me. (Mr. X thinks she wore it up to walk in because of the rain, which I get.)

Diane Keaton looked like an asshole, with a turtleneck, not one but two jackets, a hat, and a gigantic belt! Mr. X said that she never let go of being Annie Hall. But she needs to do it, pronto!

I’m so thrilled that Taika Waititi won for Best Adapted Screenplay for Jojo Rabbit! Not only did he totally deserve it, but I love him! I was hoping for him to give a riotous speech, but he was so blown away that he was just emotional instead. Have I mentioned that I love that guy?!

I now respect Shia LaBoeuf for the first time ever for how perfectly he handled Zack Gottsagen, the star of Peanut Butter Falcon. Zack has Down Syndrome, and Shia held back and gave Zack the time to do his bits by himself. Good job, on both their parts!

Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph looked like two idiots, both in attire and always thinking that they’re so funny, even the times that they are, which this was definitely not one of! I totally agreed with Billie Eilish’s grimace when they were “singing.”

Chrissy Metz was already gasping for air at the beginning of her song, just by walking a few steps. When This Is Up wraps, she needs to get on another show ASAP—The Biggest Loser. She’s probably the reason they had all the nominated songs be performed separately on this show–if they put her near Idina Menzel and the Elsas, everybody would hear how weak Chrissy’s singing is.

Mark Ruffalo presented perfectly. Every little moment of his was spot-on, even the way in which he walked up to the mike.

Laura Dern gave a great, lovely, sincere, emotional speech. She turned me into a blubbering mess.

Eminem’s performance of his Oscar-winning song, Lose Yourself, was some surprise! I can’t believe that anything was able to be kept under wraps these days, so good for the Oscars producers for this one. I’ve never been a fan of his, but this was really a great surprise. He was excellent, and totally energized the audience. (Well, everyone except for sleepy Martin Scorsese, that is.) When his song won the Oscar in 2003, Eminem did not show up, so they decided to give him another chance, just when the need for that performance was mutual. He got a tad pudgy and grown-up, though, which was hard for a Peter Pan like me to witness.

Latino presenter Oscar Isaac said, “Oscars not so white now.” Hilarious!

Who knew Bradley Cooper’s hand was so young? (And yes–this is the answer to my tweeted question last night.)

This was utterly rude–Utkarsh Ambudkar, (whom I had never heard of before,) did a “recap rap,” of what had happened so far that night, and it was really good. But…they never told us who he is!!! Why didn’t they have the very next presenters give us his name, and say something like, “Wasn’t that fun?” (I think they need me to produce or direct the Oscars next year, right? Or maybe even host, so that I can correct whatever misstep the presenters make!)

Some very grateful winners, such as the

should make us all realize just how big a deal winning an Oscar is. It really, really is.

I love the calm manner in which Cynthia Erivo sings.

Sandra Oh is a good walker.

Every speech by Bong Joon-ho, who won everything for Parasite, was fabulous.

Elton John’s voice finally sounds old. So I was really praying that he would win. (And…he did!) I’m happy for his lyricist, Bernie Taupin, as well, for hanging in there with him through all these decades!

Gal Gadot is so magnificent, that she can even carry-off that hideous outfit.

How stupid of Sigourney Weaver to declare, “All women are superheroes.” No they are not!  Have you ever heard of killers??? And wife-stealers? What about Ivanka Trump? Or Betsy DeVos? Or Kellyanne Conway? Or that woman who just killed her best friend for her baby??? Not all women are good! So enough with this woman shit already!!!

Mr. X loved the Joker music. He said, “That music made Joker nuts,” which is exactly what the director was going for. Hildur Guðnadóttir actually composed the music before the film was shot, (which is a rarity,) so Joaquin had it to react to along the way, which he has said really helped him. So we’re glad she won. She appears to be the sweetest girl ever, so I’m extra happy for her!

Bong Joon-ho gave one of the best acceptance speeches (for Best Director) that I’ve ever heard! I was verklempt over it.

Olivia Colman was a bright spot. But why did they shoot her from below?

Mr. X said that Joaquin Phoenix “used the platform for an elevated purpose.” But I really wanted him to talk about his Joker journey, and thank his loved ones instead of ruining milk for me!

Renee Zellweger tried so hard to give a profound speech, but it was just a mess. And why would she let herself look so bad? She was all greasy, her hair was dirty and stringy, and she was in desperate need of lipstick and earrings.

And why would Jane Fonda allow herself to have white hair??? She’s had so much surgery to try to look young, but her hair says otherwise. And the coat slung over her shoulder was just pretentious. Why would she bring it out with her? I don’t get it.

Parasite wining Best Picture was a shock. I didn’t even see 1917, but I feel awful for Sam Mendes. And to have one of the actresses talk so long for no reason was awful. They should have left the lights off and just let Jane Fonda end the show.

To sum up, those last two Parasite awards were the only surprises.

And I have news for all you idiots out there who just need something to complain about—no one was “snubbed.” That’s what whiners people keep saying about female directors. But I have news for them—no one was snubbed—other people, who just happen to be male, got more votes than they did! And they deserved them. Greta Gerwig’s film, Little Women, was not great, so who should have been bumped for her weak work? Scorsese? Bong? Phillips? Tarantino? Mendes???  Please, give me a break.

And that’s it for the 2020 Oscars! Whew. But wait—not so fast! All my Oscars Week events—parties and gifting suites—are upcoming in the next week or two. I just hope that writing about them will not be as exhausting as living them was!