This was the second worst Oscars telecast ever, right behind the Whoopi Goldberg one. I was surprised when the powers-that-be hired Seth MacFarlane to host, but I figured they knew something that we didn’t. But apparently not. I think he’s a pretty talented guy, but hosting something as iconic as the Academy Awards just isn’t his bag.

Ang Lee winning.

And while I found it interesting that all six major categories were won by a different movie, (four actors, director, and film,) the only result I was happy with is Ang Lee for Best Director, for Life Of Pi. So, the whole evening was basically one big disappointment for me.

And Mr. X just could not get over that they called it The Oscars, on-camera and in speech, because it’s always been titled The Academy Awards. That’s not only classier, but it’s exactly what it is! That’s the name of the awards; “Oscar” is the name of the actual statue. It’s fine to call it the “Oscars” at other times, but not on the actual show! I’m sure it was a sad attempt at making it friendlier to the masses they’re trying to attract. But it’s just wrong.

The producers need to stop trying to make the show the way they hope it will bring in bigger audience, which it usually doesn’t, and try harder to properly entertain the audience who is watching! Not only because it’s the right thing to do, but also to make sure they keep at least those viewers! It’s a once-a-year telecast; who cares if the ratings keep slipping? The show will always go on, at least in our lifetime, so they should try to make it wonderful.

Okay, so let’s get right to the rest of my musings, in the order they came to me while watching the proceedings, as always.


(I jumped around the stations for the coverage of the arrivals, so different hosts are referenced.)

First of all, I’m glad it was such nice weather for all these naked dresses!

Why would early arriver Kelly Rowland feature that bumpy, veiny, cellulite-riddled leg???

What Benh Zeitlin, Best Director nominee for Beasts of the Southern Wild, had to say was perfect! He was so grateful, well-spoken, and what everyone in the business should be.

Robin Roberts.

Good to see Robin Roberts back working. I loved her blue velvet dress, jewels, and eye make-up, too.

ABC head Anne Sweeney was lovely, as always.

Once again, Eddie Redmayne seems nice. And I loved that he agreed with me that the Les Miz cast had no choice but to sing live because it would have been too big an undertaking to lip-sync three hours of only songs.

I don’t know who Lori Singer is, or why she could possibly be there, but she’s sure a schlep-rock!

I hate saying this, but I feel that women who wear trains on their dresses at crowded events like this, (even gals I admire, like Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams,) are narcissistic. Why should everyone else have to worry about not stepping on what you’re wearing???!

I know you can't see Jenna Dewan's dress in this photo of her and hubby Channing Tatum, but it's my favorite of the night, so I thought you'd all like to see it.

I loved Jenna Dewan‘s sexy yet classy pregnant dress! And also that she gave Ryan Seacrest the ultimate air kiss!!! She and Channing Tatum seem like a nice couple.

Hey, Kerry Washington–adjust your boobs before you get on camera!

Octavia Spencer looked the best she possibly could. Mr. X said that she should preserve her look in amber!

Octavia said, “I don’t think you’re going to have any people up there for the first time tonight. There are a lot of multiple winner nominees.” Which means that she think creepy Anne Hathaway won’t win. Fingers crossed that she’s correct.

I’m afraid that Reese Witherspoon‘s odd-shaped face (with the pointy chin) is finally catching-up with her. (I feel for her because mine is a negative of hers, chin-wise.) And her teeth are really separating; I predict she’ll be wearing braces soon, mark my words. Maybe it’s all because she had a baby recently. I also didn’t like the strange boob area on her dress. But she and I totally agree on how remarkable Naomi Watts was in The Impossible.

I speed through anything Kelley Osbourne has to say, but I stopped by accident where she was calling young Best Actress nominee Quvenzhane Wallis “Little Q,” like she’s her best friend or something. That’s just rude and insulting. But I’d expect nothing more from a boor like that.

Speaking of Quvenzhane, that was some terrible make-up on her! It was so red. They need to leave the little kid’s looks alone. But how old is her sister to be exposing her long boobs like that?!

Zoe Saldana always looks miserable, doesn’t she? And her under-eye bags are the worst I’ve ever seen on Oscars night. Maybe she’s still been crying over Bradley Cooper.

I learned something interesting; it’s the first time in over thirty years that all four acting categories from one film, Silver Linings Playbook in this case, got nods!

I can’t believe that Melissa McCarthy actually gained weight! That’s so sad and disappointing. I was hoping that with all her money now, she’d hire a trainer and order a diet plan. We think she’s gained about fifty more pounds. She needs to think about her health and longevity for her kids.

Why is everyone wearing shades of…beige?! As Dame Edna once said,” I forgot all about beige.”

I love Jennifer Lawrence’s long backwards necklace. And up-do. And her dress does look regal, like a fairy tale princess, even with the selfish train. (but why is no one mentioning that the front of it is really a faint pink?!)

Sally Field.

I also loved Sally Field‘s dress, for both the red color and the long sleeves.

Hey Ryan, we all know that Sally Field fought for her role! Why don’t you???

Dustin Hoffman always seems like the nicest, most down-to-earth guy, who knows a secret. And his wife’s hair is so shiny! So, good for them both.

Norah Jones’ teeth put me over the top for wishing I didn’t have hi-def last night.

Jennifer Hudson is rocking my hair! I like her gun metal/ navy dress and accessories. But she, Amanda Seyfried, and some others are in desperate need of some color on their lips. Just a little, but something! They must think the zombie look is in.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is looking great again. A touch of surgery, perhaps?

OMG. Ryan missed Catherine offering to do the mani-cam! How embarrassing!

Good jewelry on Helen Hunt.

Jane Fonda looked the best. Mr. X was going nuts. When I told him that she’s had a lot of surgery, he said, “It worked!!!” But she should not be showing her naked back! No one wants to see a seventy-five-year-old back!!!

Why would she wear this horror??? I guess it's more of her desperate need for attention.

Gee, I wonder where Anne Hathaway‘s nipples are? You can actually see her areolas through the dress! Creepy.

And, of course, she said her recent success is all due to her marriage. So, I predict that union won’t last another year.

Anne’s one of those full-of-it people who decided on her dress just “three hours ago.” Yeah, right.

Sadly, I hate the top of Naomi Watts’ dress. It’s confusing. It would have looked better with just the solid part. And her up-do is way too messy. All of the ones who are wearing that style are in danger of it falling apart like that, but Naomi’s is already there!

Good bracelets on Charlize Theron!!!

Not only can we tell that Bradley Cooper’s mom is his mom because they look alike, but she also looks like Jacki Weaver, who played his mother in Silver Linings Playbook! It was so cute the way he was looking at her with such love, as I did with mine. Now I finally get why people are attracted to him.

He mentioned that a few of them went to brunch that day. Who wants to go to brunch the morning of the Oscars?! Mr. X wouldn’t go to brunch before just watching them! (Okay, he wouldn’t go to brunch, period, but you know what I mean.)

What happened to Salma Hayek's gorgeous looks?

What happened to Salma Hayek's gorgeous looks?

Who chose Kristen Chenoweth as an interviewer? No one wants to hear her voice that much in a row! And she’s so weasel-ey-looking. She is so hunched-over, and at under five feet, it looks even more dreadful. Plus, she’s terrible at this job! (And Kelly Rowland, too. How about hiring people who’ve done assignments like this before?) Amanda Seyfried said of her own tight dress, “I feel like my organs are being pushed out of my body, slowly.” So idiot Kristen came back with, “Please, please don’t lose your organs. We need you.” What clever repartee. Not.

I’m not sure ABC’s Lara Spencer is phony enough.

What happened to voluptuous Salma Hayek??? We didn’t recognize her! She got way too skinny, giving her face wrinkles, and making her body look anorexic! I bet it’s that creepy husband. And I wouldn’t want to sit behind her crazy high hair.

Why can’t they just ask, “Who designed your dress?” Because nauseating Joan Rivers started that stupid phrase, everyone has to follow it?!

Good for Naomi Watts to not make like these interviewers are her best friends, like most others do.


The opening held my interest enough that I forgot to take notes. But it just didn’t feel Oscar-worthy.

It was good. We laughed a lot. I loved that Charlize Theron can dance! And I always love to see Channing Tatum move, (even though I missed Magic Mike. But I’ve seen the Step Up movies!)

But it was a half hour to the first award! And not all fun-filled.

It is so patronizing to bow to your loser fellow nominees, as winner Christoph Waltz did.

Due to the beyond-tepid applause for him, Mr. X said it seemed like an unpopular win. So who voted for him?!

Melissa McCarthy.

I like Melissa McCarthy, but I hope her next starring role is on The Biggest Loser. She clearly needs some help in that area.

The bit with the Avengers guys sucked, and was a huge waste of time.

I’m so upset that one of the few films I missed this season is Life of Pi, but it looks like it definitely deserved that award for cinematography. (And the one for visual effects, too.) The first guy didn’t have to tell us that he can’t speak; we were witnessing it for ourselves.

The Life of Pi wins seem very popular.

That was kind-of rude to play the theme from Jaws to signal the winners to get off.

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are so sweet to be upset that the winner had his mike shut while he was still speaking. Nicole sympathetically said, “Poor thing.”

At this point, I wrote, “So far, it just doesn’t feel special. Seth is doing all right, but…” Portent of things to come!

Good dress on Jennifer Aniston. I was happy to finally see some color. But why does her hair always have that horrible static? Can’t someone slick it down??? She’s a bad advertisement for her new hair care line! And give the poor girl some lipstick!

I just realized what’s been wrong with the show to this point! All the presenters are trying to do low-key bits, that just are not working. I know what this show needs…Roberto Benigni!!!

I guess that anyone who can make Hugh Jackman look bad deserves the make-up and hair award. The two women winners should spend a little time working on themselves, though.

It’s like everyone was too drained from the rest of the season to care about these awards. They all sat on their hands.

I loved Halle Berry‘s big-shouldered dress!!! Bring those babies back! I know that she’s nuts, but she sure is gorgeous.

Shirley Bassey, belting-out Goldfinger.

Shirley Bassey looked great, especially for seventy-six. I know a lot of people will be praising her performance tomorrow, but I thought it was brave of her to show-up to sing Goldfinger when she has not much voice left. She mostly just Rex Harrison-ed it. Mr. X loved it, though. I correctly guessed that the audience would finally come to life with that performance.

It was weird that Seth lauded the producers in the middle of the show.

The applause stopped way before Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington finished their slow sashay out to the mike.

My heart breaks every time I see Liam Neeson. His personal pain at losing his wife is still very evident on his face these four years later.

I didn’t see Searching For Sugar Man, but I know the story and it’s fascinating, so I’m glad it won for Best Documentary.

Okay, the Jaws theme has gotten really rude now. Worse yet, they just sent a guy out there to tap the speaker to get off!

I don’t like that Seth is the one to tell us who’s coming up. It’s just weird and uncomfortable. Did they think that was some special innovation?

Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain both looked good, separately and together.

Stunning Emmanuelle Riva. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The most gorgeous one there is eighty-six-year-old Emmanuelle Riva, the nominee for Amour. I mean it. Her hair, outfit, jewelry, even glasses are great. She’s now whom I aspire to be when I’m her age, knock on wood.

It’s nice that they acknowledged the orchestra.

I absolutely abhor Seth’s desperate, annoying clapping.

Jennifer Hudson was great, but I think she sang better when she was fat.

When Jack Nicholson stood up for her, letting out a, “Whew,” Mr. X said, “Yeah, and that’s just from getting-up!” Actually, could have been.

I asked why Jane Fonda wasn’t clapping and Mr. X said, “She doesn’t want to shake anything loose.”

I thought this musical section they kept talking up for weeks was going to be grander. (Same for the fizzled James Bond tribute.)

When Russell Crowe started singing, Mr. X instantly said, “That’s balls.” At least now we can admire Russell for something this season.

I was thrilled that people could see terrible Anne Hathaway sing almost back-to-back with Jennifer Hudson to see the weakness. Mr. X said Anne was “flat and belting.”

I could listen to Hugh Jackman sing all day. Or just look at him. Or better, both!

I just put my finger on why the show was such a bore! The audience doesn’t know Seth personally, like they did Billy Crystal. Seth is virtually a stranger to them, so there’s nothing to bring the room together. They need Billy, or at the very least, Jimmy Kimmel, who I’ve seen host a couple of events in person, and he’s just pitch perfect.

And Seth got worse as the night wore on.

I want to slap the Academy voters for voting for Anne Hathaway. What’s wrong with these people??? What were they watching? She was trying to get emotional in her speech, but she’s just that good an actress.

Can’t wait till she and he hubby break-up in the next year, after she’s been saying her recent success is all because of him.

I’m glad that other people, like Mr. X and many of my pals and others whose writings I read, are finally sick of Anne Hathaway and her phoniness, too. I’m sick over her very undeserved win, but I have to let it go.

Sandra Bullock, trying to open the envelope. Sorry, I like her, but I just couldn't help myself. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sandra Bullock was wearing an excellent dress, with a stupid hair barrette. I was sad to see that her face looks really old and worn and unhappy. Mr. X asked how she had won a few years ago for The Blind Side, and I answered because people like her.

I hadn’t even noticed how bad she looked struggling with the envelope, then Mr. X asked how many times this photo would be published, so when I looked up and saw it, I immediately said, “I’ll tell you one place it’s going to appear!” So, here it is, taken by yours truly, to the left.

Adele is so pretty. But her pointy nails are just gross. New mothers shouldn’t have them like that; it’s way too dangerous to your infant.

The Best Song section was not well executed, at all. How rude and unfair to leave out two of the five songs from the performances!!!

I loved Adele’s shiny performance shoes, but didn’t love the shape of her dress.

Nicole Kidman always seems so nice, doesn’t she?

Kristen Stewart and her filthy hair.

I’m actually offended by Kirsten Stewart‘s filthy, beyond-messy hair! She couldn’t walk-out in her crutches, but that mess was okay???

Lincoln is the last one I would have thought would win for production design.

I’m seriously outraged that they didn’t do the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award on the actual show. It’s always been the most important one, that they rarely even give-out, so leave it out of the show is a shonda!

At this late point, the whole show just didn’t feel right.

Does George Clooney think that beard is attractive?

Barbara Streisand was friggin’ great! Now, that’s a star, no matter what we think of her personally. (And, boy, do I have stories!) She always has had the most gorgeous fingers and nails, but this time they were too long (the nails, not the fingers,) and the muted gold color looked like vomit.

The “joke” that Seth did about Rex Reed and Adele wasn’t a Rex Reed slam– it was saying that Adele is fat! Who were those writers???

I hated Seth’s laughing after every joke he attempted.

And it was awful that he said something like “as if the show isn’t gay enough yet…,” and then Queen Latifah steps onstage! She clearly looked uncomfortable. Did no one catch that in rehearsals???

I haven’t seen Renee Zellweger in years, but she still has that stupid pout and broken back sashay. She needed jewelry, especially earrings, and lipstick. Did she not know she was going to be on camera?

And it was hilarious when Richard Gere tried to be nice and showed her the winner to announce. She had to decline because she couldn’t see the paper! God forbid Renee would put her glasses on.

I’m happy for Adele for her win, but Scarlett Johansson’s song, that they didn’t even have performed on the show, sounded better.

I wanted to hear Adele talk more. But I love that she left the stage by saying, “You’re all amazing, as well!” What a sweet girl.

Perhaps the most slovenly winner ever is Quentin Tarantino. He gave a good enough speech, though.

Jane Fonda.

Jane Fonda sure knows how to carry herself, boy!

What a surprise win for Ang Lee! But it looks like he deserved it! Best win and best speech.

What a screw-up for the show to not have David O. Russell in his box during the winner announcement! They showed that eighty-six-year-old actress instead!

Jennifer Lawrence’s win at such a young age is pretty astonishing. I’ve liked her for quite awhile now, but Naomi Watts or Emmanuelle Riva should have won. Hands down. My guess is that voters just want to get on the Jen bandwagon early.

Who would have thought that Daniel Day-Lewis would give the funniest speech? I really do admire him, but Hugh Jackman got robbed.

Jack Nicholson has gotten even more penguin-looking. I wonder if he’s still attracting those skanky chicks.

Michelle Obama just doesn’t want to give up those bangs.

Ben Affleck was in shock. He looked like he was going to pass out.

All in all not my favorite show. Not as bad as Whoopee’s, but not good.

That inane song at the end was trying to be emulate what Neil Patrick Harris does on the Tonys, but it didn’t even come close. It just sucked, plain and simple.


It was not appropriate to have Michelle Obama announce the final award. She has nothing to do with show business. And she wasn’t even there in person! I’m a Barack fan, but this event should not have politics enter into it in any way. We definitely didn’t need her preaching to us. That whole presentation was just too weird, on so many levels. And that dress that showed her wide hips was not doing her any favors.

All in all, it just felt like a very unimportant Academy Awards show.



  1. Great review! I never watch award shows, so I rely on your reviews and clips on TV the day after. Roberto Benigni – whatever happened to him? I agree about Michelle Obama. From the clips I saw, Naomi Watts looked just beautiful. Was she there with Liev? So glad you mentioned that a lot of the women needed some color on their lips. The no-lipstick, light beige lip gloss-look is not going away, I guess. Thanks for sharing your always insightful and witty thoughts!

  2. Sheila Tracy on

    Let’s see, Jewish jokes, gay jokes, loser jokes. NOT funny. He was like a smart aleck kid on the school bus in junior high taking pot shots at someone who couldn’t defend himself.

  3. Karen, you’d better be my BFF. But for as long as I watched the show (couldn’t handle all of it), you are right on! The only thing you didn’t mention was the We Saw Your Boobs song. That was SOOOOOO wrong! Didn’t know who Seth McFarland was before the show; hope I don’t have to watch his poorly delivered lines ever again. Keep your great insight coming! (Mr. X’s, too.)

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