THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST WEEK OF THE 2024 US OPEN

I wasn’t planning on writing about the first week of this Major tennis tournament, but it’s all been so juicy that I’m compelled to weigh-in. So here are some of my random thoughts on the proceedings:

When I decided to write this, my very first thought was how creepy hunched-over Taylor Fritz is. But he’s not nearly as bad as his nauseating, plastic-faced girlfriend! (And that even worse-looking fish-pouted loudmouth older woman, who I assume is her mother, is the worst of them!) I root against him all the time just so that I don’t have to see those females anymore.

As I tweeted last week, (@MajorCelebrity,) there must be an Olympics tennis curse! For the males, at least. All three men’s medalists in Paris—Novak Djokovic, Carlos Alcaraz, and Lorenzo Musetti—lost early in this US Open, (Carlos in the second round, the other two in the third round,) and within twenty-four hours of each other! Wow. Just wow. I’m assuming they were all exhausted from that extra physicality and stress just a few weeks earlier.

This is the first time since 2002 that none of the “Big Three,” (Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal, and Novak Djokovic,) has won a title at the Majors! What a changing of the guards.

But I predict that Novak will keep plugging on until he wins a record-setting one more. And by the way, he now has the distinction of being the earliest-eliminated defending US Open Men’s Champion since 2000.

One of the most jaw-dropping moments was unknown Clara Burel’s comeback from nine games to none down against former Champion here, Sloane Stephens. Of further interest in Clara’s saga was Victoria Azarenka’s subsequent win over her, which Vida did while suffering a blinding migraine, (which, unfortunately for me, I’ve had a few years experience with, so I know she meant it when she said she could not see the ball!)

The always-entertaining Gael Monfils made me laugh out loud when he took a bow after winning a particularly dramatic point in the second round against Casper Ruud.

I could not believe how absolutely schleppy commentator Pam Shriver looked one day when she was conducting on-court interviews with players after their victories. As I tweeted, I guess she didn’t know that she was going to be on TV that day. She looked like a ragamuffin who just ran out of the stands onto the court!

Here it is, years after I first begged ESPN tennis host Chris McKendry to stop saying “sawL” and “drawL” for “saw” and “draw,” (which are only two of her many speaking errors,) via *Twitter, yet the creepy woman still inexplicably adds an “L” onto the ends of those words! *(Instead of taking my correction to heart, and learning from it, since she was obviously absent in school that day—and ever since!—she…blocked me! That made me laugh.)

If anyone knows why the singer-actor Leon, (who played David Ruffin in the mini-series about The Temptations,) is always in Coco Gauff’s box, and/or why Station 19’s Boris Kodjoe is in Frances Tiafoe’s, I beg of you to let me know the reason, in the Comments below.

Coco Gauff was a terrible sport at Wimbledon, even yelling at her coaches. She was also a bad sport at the Olympics, and in an early round here when she appeared to be losing.

It was so rude of commentator Chris Evert to implore the crowd, (who listen to the broadcasts through special free headphones in their seats,) to cheer for Coco to get her going against Elina Svitolina, (who is one of the kindest most well-liked people in tennis!) The spectators that day didn’t really seem to care about Coco, and Elina was winning, but the sudden crazy cheering for Coco seemed to rattle Elina and she wound-up losing. Shame.

Botic van de Zandschulp, (whose last name, of course, none of the ESPN people can pronounce, except for grown-up South African Cliff Drysdale,) beat Novak Djokovic, one of the three favorites to win the whole thing, without screaming or pumping his fists or telling the crowd to cheer for him even once! And when he came away with that enormous win, he just gave a minuscule fist pump to his team, without making Novak feel bad about his brutal defeat. I wish everyone was like that. That’s basically how Roger Federer always was, which is just a part of the reason he’s still The Stranger I Love Most.

Late Friday night, ESPN commentator Brad Gilbert looked like he had either pinkeye or, at the very least, a very bad cold. He always mispronounces words and players’ names, so him saying “PRopyrin” for “Popyrin” and “SundRay” for “Sunday” weren’t clues to his health, but his eyes were very red and he was also coughing and choking. He should not have been near his colleagues. Or he should have at least explained to the viewing audience that all of that apparent un-wellness was due to something else, like an allergy.

The schedule at the US Open is always so unfair. The people who play the second night matches on the main TV court are always at such a disadvantage, especially when the match before them goes long. And it’s even worse for the guys because they have the potential to go five sets, as opposed to three. On Friday night, the ladies started after midnight!!! That’s just crazy!

The announcing team of Chris Fowler and Chris Evert were sooooo rude to Emma Navarro during her win against Coco Gauff. They were so busy blowing smoke up Coco’s butt that they completely ignored that Emma is also American, and therefore, might have fans in this “home” slam. And Emma was even born in New York!!! The constant extreme jingoism of the ESPN commentators is always pretty nauseating, but this time it was downright disgusting. Since the girls are both American, they should have given them equal treatment in their comments. They just kept lamenting that Coco was losing rather than celebrating that Emma was winning! (Near the end, they all of a sudden started trying to laud Emma. I have a feeling that ESPN was getting a bunch of angry tweets about the creepy commentating, because the duo turned on a dime. I know that I would have tweeted about it if I had been watching live! And I know firsthand that Chris Fowler is amenable to what we fans have to say; a few years ago, I tweeted to him that something he said was not right in some way, and he wrote right back that I was correct and he was sorry about it.) And now that she’s in the Quarterfinals, those ESPN peeps will be gushingly on the Emma bandwagon.

I love that new-ish play-by-play guy, Mike Monaco, corrected Rennae Stubbs on her saying “apparently” when she meant “allegedly.” I had been iffy about a new guy joining the announcing team up until that point. (And, by the way, Rennae is my favorite of that gang—she’s so honest and fair and correct about all her observations—so this is not a slam on her at all. I just appreciate corrections!)

Donna Vekic always looks like she’s losing. It’s not fun to watch.

I really like Karolina Muchova, but why is she fashioning her shorts like a diaper? Her clothing sponsor cannot be happy about that little peccadillo.

Young Russian Diana Shnaider has been wearing a headscarf the entire time. I had never seen her before, so the look was shocking at first; I immediately felt terrible because I thought she had cancer. But it turns-out there’s a strange story to it, which I can semi relate to. Her parents made her wear hats or visors when she was little because her hair and skin are so fair, and they wanted to protect her from the sun. She’s twenty now, so she can decide whether or not to continue that very odd-looking practice, but she says she’s the most comfortable with a *schmata on her head. *(My word, not hers.) So she now has them custom-made! (Although no one can tell that from looking at them.)

So here’s my own story pertaining to her look: When I was little, after my hair was just washed, my mother made me wear…underpants on my head! To not get a cold from wet hair. Oysh. But at least I didn’t wear it in front of fans and TV audiences of millions, as Diana does!

Here’s an addendum to my experience: When I was in my 20s, and I guess considered somewhat hot, a good friend had a new boyfriend she wanted me to meet. But when she called to say that they were on their way over, she requested that I not look good that night. So all I could think to do on such short notice was to—you guessed it—put underwear on my head, like in the old days. And I’m not talking about cute or sexy ones, either. That couple has been married for decades now, but still, every time I see them, the husband mentions that that’s what I looked like the first time he ever saw me! So I guess it worked—he’s never seen me as attractive!

And lastly, as a former chubster myself, (throughout my life and as lately as a year ago,) I’m politically allowed to say this: I’m very surprised by how many hefty girls can play this game at such a high level! One of them even has got to be over two hundred pounds! Yet she can run around the court like someone half a body lighter! I do not get it. But more power to them. I think it’s wonderful that tennis accommodates so many different body types.