AMERICA’S GOT TALENT’S DECEPTIONS

I wrote “deceptions” in the title because I didn’t want to put “outright lies” in big letters. But that’s exactly what this show is guilty of.

I have to first let you know that I’m a big fan of America’s Got Talent. I’ve never missed an episode in the entire length of its existence. It’s one of the very few series that I even rope Mr. X into watching.

I appreciate the talent, a lot of the humor, and even some of the human interest stories, except for when the show verges on being the modern-day Queen For a Day. (In case you’re not a fan of television history, as I am, it’s a show from the ’50s and ’60s where the biggest sob story won. Seriously!) In case you haven’t ever noticed the similarity, no one has ever gone on AGT and said things like, “My life is good,” “I was performing my talent somewhere else, anyway,” “I wanted to do it on TV just for fun,” “I make enough of a living doing it already.” Of course not! They make everyone on there say that they’re poverty-stricken, or lost their job, or have a sick relative, etc. [Note: They actually have at least one of each of those stories this season! And it’s not fair because how can voters really choose an act with a good life over, say, the girl whose father is dying, or the poor girl who’s body was burned in a plane crash, where she was the only survivor? I’m a firm believer in fairness, but even I would find it hard to not vote for those two.]

So, to that end, the producers (and contestants) never tell us their exact stories, and from what I do know, the bios are often not honest ones.

Some of the contestants are even pros! Yet they try to lead us to believe they just do their talent in their bedrooms. Maybe that is the case with some of the singers and comedians, but are we really supposed to believe that all the circus acts don’t ply their trade professionally??? As Johnny Carson said to me on his Tonight Show, when I was a young restaurant critic who didn’t know anything about food–give me a break here!

I’ll tell you some of the true tales that I know in a minute, but first I have to bust the person who’s lied the most on this show ever, because she’s so annoying. And such a faker. And I really hate dishonesty! (Unless it’s to tell me that no, I don’t look fat!) And I really want to make sure that you don’t vote for her act tonight. Her name is Sarah, and she’s the creepy woman who does an act with her dog, Hero. They’re still on the show only because Simon Cowell loves the dog, which is just crazy. He’s put them through all three rounds now, even though his fellow judges didn’t vote the weak act through even after her first audition! He begged them to change their votes, and since he’s their boss, they did.

So, here’s the thing about Sarah: She comes on the show and cries and claims that she and her dogs have to live in her van because her family doesn’t support her dream to be a dog trainer. But guess what? She not only is a dog trainer, she’s a top one!!! So, her real talent is being a big fat liar! And she cries profusely while totally lying to our faces. On top of that fabrication, she’s also been a guest on plenty of other television shows! You don’t have to believe me on this issue; here’s her site where she brags about it all!: www.thesupercollies.com/about. How insulting is it that she thinks we believe the sob story she puts out?! (And she currently lives in a van only because she drives around the country, performing and training other people’s dogs! That little truth really changes her story now, doesn’t it?)

Sarah is the worst offender I’ve ever seen on the show, but there are more. Here’s an example of one of the biggest lies they’ve been telling us this season: Billy and Emily, the brother-sister roller skating duo from England, have been pros for years. Mr. X and I even saw them a few months ago in the show Absinthe at LA Live! And they’ve been starring in the original version in Vegas for years now!!! And not only has Emily appeared on Big Brother in their native country, but they’ve also competed on Britain’s Got Talent! So we know that at least Simon has seen them before, since he’s a judge on that show, too, and its producer! Yet, after the sibs first audition on AGT this season, he declared, “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.” Yes you have, Simon! You’ve seen exactly something like it before because this very act appeared on your other show!!! So, no wonder he likes Sarah—they’re fellow big fat liars!!!

Here are three very quick lies I’ve personally caught America’s Got Talent in. First up, they never once mentioned that the athletic clown they had on this season, Bello, was the star of the Ringling Bros. circus for years!!! They made like he whipped-up his daredevil acts just for AGT! Are viewers so dumb that they don’t realize that the apparatuses he uses are super-professional equipment that cost millions of dollars? And that someone would have to have been working at their craft for decades to be able to do what he can? Bello is the most prolific circus performer I’ve ever seen, (and remember that I was in circus,) so why keep that achievement a secret? He even comes complete with a true sob story–that the circus has closed shop for good, and now he has to find another outlet for his talent! So why make believe he’s just a family man trying to be a clown?

Secondly, there was a finalist last year, Brian Crum, who sang really well. Since he’s gay, they made like he’s a guy who had to sing alone in his room because his family rejected him, and they were amazed by his singing talent. But guess what? I had reviewed him two years before that—when he starred in the touring company of We Will Rock You at the Ahmanson Theatre! Why couldn’t they have been honest and tell us that?! (Here’s my review of that musical, in case you’re curious: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/theatre-we-will-rock-you.) You know what? There were famous dancers competing on this season’s World of Dance, (even on the very same network, and following AGT in the schedule,) and the show told the audience exactly what their credits are, which many viewers weren’t aware of because dancers rarely get mainstream fame. It made it more interesting to know who these competitors are. (Of course, I already knew, but so many others did not.) Sure, there was the occasional sob story mixed in, but that wasn’t really the focus—their talent was. And that’s the way it should be. [ Note: By the way—I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being a pro on AGT–everyone deserves a chance.  I’m just saying the show should admit it!]

Lastly, years ago, the Gay Men’s Chorus of New York was put through to the second round, but we never heard of them again. Turns out that my friend is in that group, and he said the whole thing was baloney, and that they were told which members could still be in the group as they continued on, and then cancelled them from the next round when they wanted to compete intact.

That last tale doesn’t matter to this year’s competition, but phonies Sarah and Hero, and Billy and Emily need to be eliminated as soon as possible.

So please remember all this when you’re voting tonight because those two acts are due to compete in this semi-final. The idiots of America already voted for one big fat liar this year, if you get my drift; let’s not do it ever again, on any level.