HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, ON JANUARY 14TH!

Okay, everybody, I’m giving you a rare two-day notice that my birthday is almost here. That’s because January 14th falls on a Saturday this year, and, outside of extreme cases, ItsNotAboutMe.TV is a week-days-only e-zine. So that means that, right here, I cannot celebrate the day I was born on the actual date this time around.

Usually, if a holiday or “special day” falls on a week-end, I publish my article about it on that Friday. Can any of you guess why I’m not doing that in this case? Take a minute to see if you can figure it out, and then continue reading to see if you are correct.

Okay, here’s that answer—if Saturday is January 14, that makes the day before it…Friday the 13th!!! Ugh. You know that I’m too superstitious to do anything that day, let alone associate it with my precious birthday!!!

I don’t have much to say about my special day this year, mostly because I’m a tad apprehensive about how it will go. Since it’s on a Saturday, I should throw myself one of my epic bday soirees I used to be famous for. But the football play-offs begin that day, (of course—just my luck,) and then, (please don’t judge me by this next part,) Miss Universe is on that night! And I don’t want to miss any of those once-a-year events. [Note: But I can’t find-out how to watch the now-obscure telecast this year! If any of you know, I beg of you to let me know in the Comments section below! I’ll be eternally grateful.]

But that desire for watching something special on my birthday bit me in the butt once before, and it’s become sort-of a wonky memory for me. When I was in my early twenties, and lived in Rhode Island, my boyfriend and I went to New York to have my party at my parent’s house with all my Big Apple pals. But just as the fete got going, I realized that the Golden Globes telecast was on that night, so I ground the party to a halt by making us all just sit there watching it! I never want to have a re-dux of that debacle!

So, to bring the room up, I’ll tell you about last year’s birthday debacle—one that still has Mr. X chuckling.

I wanted the day to still be special while not being near anyone else; it had just been announced that Covid was getting stronger than ever, and celebrating with friends was not worth the risk. But I really wanted to be out and about for my birthday, in some capacity.

So Mr. X and I drove down to Malibu via Pacific Coast Highway, enjoying the gorgeous day. There were many eateries in one big upscale shopping center there from which we could order food and eat outside. I chose just a hole-in-the-wall window that serves burgers, (not good ones, as we found-out,) and we ate them at a picnic table in the small park area in the middle of all the shops. So far, so good.

Here’s a bit of background for the rest of the story. Many years ago, as one of my gazillion presents that Mr. X gave me each Christmas, he gave me a credit card with my name and…his number!!! As my fellow Brooklynite friend, Sherri, had marveled back then, “That’s like an engagement ring, only bettah!” So, when he’s too lazy to carry his wallet with him, it looks to the world like I’m actually paying for something!

So in 2022, I used the card to pay for my birthday lunch. We sat outside, took pix, laughed, and ate. After the meal, I threw all our debris–the burger boxes, used napkins, leftover gunk, etc.–into one of the tall outside trash cans, and we went into a little shop there to pick-up desserts to bring home and put a birthday candle in. And, of course, I went to pay. But…no credit card!

I was frantic! And Mr. X was pretty upset because if I lost the card, since we share the number, he would have had to cancel all of his auto-payments and the like. I scoured the little bag I was using as a purse that day, then ran around the grounds searching for where I could have dropped the card; I even took a peek into that big garbage receptacle! Yuck.

So we got into the car to leave, but I couldn’t have that long drive home with us being so miserable without giving it one more valiant effort to find the card. So, after searching through my bag again, I did what I had to do—I begged the men in the burger window, (and I do mean begged,) for rubber gloves to…search through all the garbage. You read that right—I became a dumpster diver that day! I’m sick just writing this.

The trash can came up to my waist, so I had to bend over and put half my body in there!  With all new birthday clothing on! Even new gorgeous turquoise and white sneakers. I had to go through the dregs of everyone’s meals, even chili. I almost threw up.

And all the patrons of the tables around the area were appalled. I think they thought I was a homeless person invading their fashionable environs. A table of kind women, though, asked if there was something they could help me with. (I should have said yes—they could do the dumpster diving for me!)

Of course, I did not find the credit card, and went back to the car to tell a very pissed-off Mr. X the bad news. (This is how upset he was that day—he didn’t think to take pix of me dumpster diving, an omission we both regret to this day. We even went back there a few months later to try to recreate that moment, but it didn’t hold a candle to the original.)

As we were calling the credit card company to cancel it, and were on hold, I went through my purse one more time. And, voila, I found it! Since I like to employ new items on my bdays, I had started using a new little zippered pouch that morning. I semi-filled it with a few items, including a mini lipstick in it, (even though I would be either wearing a mask or chowing down, so I would not be applying it at all that day.) The sac has three zippered sections on it, and I guess I had absentmindedly put the card in the bottom one, and I also guess I didn’t feel it, so I didn’t dig deep enough in there. Birthday brain.

So we won’t be doing that again on Saturday. Nor, as I said at the top of this article, any other kind of big celebrating. It will be very low-key. I’m just hoping that some of my friends will come through for me, in any kind of way. (I know one already is taking me to afternoon tea for it, which is my favorite thing to do, so that helps calm me down a bit.)

Now, if you would like to do something small and easy for me, and don’t already follow me on my various social media platforms, I’d be so appreciative if you do so now. [Note: For his recent birthday, creepy Alec Baldwin asked his “fans” to do the same for…his even creepier wife!!! That woman never has anything interesting to say on her platforms, except to pretend to be Spanish! I didn’t want to be like those creeps, so, even though that woman racked-up about a million Instagram followers because of it, I actually thought twice about doing my own request here. But I didn’t want to let the Baldwins deter me, so here I am. I just hope that I don’t have to fake an ethnicity to receive this little bit of love from you guys!]

Okay, here’s all the info you’ll need for my “big birthday following”:

Twitter: @MajorCelebrity
Facebook Fan Page: It’s Not About Me TV
Instagram: majorcelebrity
YouTube Channel:  www.youtube.com

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

And, of course, I wish myself another very Happy Birthday! (Goony, I know, but someone’s got to do it!)