MINI MOVIE REVIEWS 2026–PART I

Once Christmas was over, and with it went all the Hallmark holiday films that Mr. X and I had watched almost exclusively for over a month, we were free to finally start seeing some of this awards season’s contenders.

And we actually have to watch some of them so that we can vote fairly in a month for the Actor Awards, which is the dumb new moniker for the former SAGs.

So here is my first batch of mini reviews. (I have sooo many more, but I wanted to get this crop out before the Golden Globes this coming Sunday, without over-burdening you.)

And let me tell you—I wasted waaaay too many hours on these. I’m so glad that I’ve chosen to watch most films at home this year, rather than at industry screenings. It’s bad enough taking those hours to see the films, (most are very long this season, though I can’t figure out why,) but since the pandemic lockdown, I can’t abide spending those extra hours surrounding the screenings—getting ready, having to arrive at least one hour early, (and standing in line for the privilege of doing so!,) listening to some of the actors talk after, (I’ve even turned-down ones with Hugh Jackman, my now-only celebrity crush, speaking!,) and then traveling home. And most importantly, we have closed captions at home, which trust me, we need for most of the mumbling actors these days!

I haven’t seen even one performance that’s worthy of even a nomination for anything so far! And I had not one drop of interest in seeing any of these. (I was a tad curious to see the new Knives Out, which has no nods that I know of, but even that was a big disappointment, which I’ll tell you about next week in Part II.)

I’ll begin with giving each one a one-word review, and then follow that up with a few more thoughts. But my word for them overall is definitely “uninspiring.”

One Battle After Another—Unwatchable.

As much as I adore Leonardo DiCaprio, I couldn’t get past the first fifteen minutes of this nauseating dud. When Teyana Taylor’s character insisted that Sean Penn’s character get a boner for no reason, with no one touching him, not even himself, I almost threw-up. And gave up.

I learned later that it’s directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, whose work I usually detest, (especially his most recent, the inane Licorice Pizza,) and this one is no different. (But I will have to force myself to see the rest of it before voting for the Actor Awards because the actors in it received nods in all five of those categories! And you know how into fairness I am. So I won’t allow myself to vote until I see all the nominated performances, no matter how nauseating the films.)

Jay Kelly—Cliche-city.

Or “draining”; it’s your choice for which one word describes this one the most.

And there are so many continuity issues. For example, at one point George Clooney has a blue gift box with a new sweater in it, and he takes it with him when he leaves a dinner party. But in the very next contiguous scene, he’s instead carrying some form of big, flat, artwork container instead of the gift box! And then—poof, it totally disappears altogether!

There’s also some weird craziness, such as the character choosing to walk through not only a forest, but an unfamiliar one, at that, by himself at night, which is crazy to begin with, but he also got cell phone reception in it!

I hadn’t known before I saw it that it was directed by another man whose work I’m not a fan of—Noah Baumbach. Ugh. I should have realized it as soon as I realized that his wife, Great Gerwig, plays Jay’s manager’s wife in it.

After the Hunt—Confusing.

This was my fourth dud in a row, which made me decide that I’d probably do better with *KPop Demon Hunters!!! And once again, I didn’t realize that this was directed by yet another one I’m not a fan of—Luca Guadiagnino, who previously helmed the very creepy Call Me By My Name. Another critic, Peter Bradshaw, wrote of it, “Luca Guadagnino misfires with this bafflingly overlong, overwrought #MeToo campus accusation drama,” and labeled the screenwriting “worryingly muddled and contrived,” and the characterizations “unfocused.” I wish I had thought of those perfect descriptors!

*[Note: I could not get through the animated KPop Demon Hunters, either. Mr. X begged to stop about ten minutes in, just as I was trying to understand it. I wanted to at least hear its song, Golden, which I have a feeling will win some awards. I actually love it!]

Frankenstein—Stunning.

But, to continue on an “s” theme, sort-of studied and surely slow.

However, I still see several Oscars coming their way.

And I must say that I was almost astounded by the fabulous physicality of Jacob Elordi. Who would have thought that that cute, young guy was capable of that performance??? Well, I guess that Guillermo del Toro did! You go, boys!

I could tell the score was composed by Alexandre Desplat because the music was so beautiful and distinguished.

Outside of those pluses, and the gorgeous sets and cinematography, The story itself is pretty muddled and hard to follow at times. I had never seen any version of Frankenstein, outside of “Young,” so I actually had to research it later that night.

Sorry, Baby—Creepy.

This is supposed to be a comedy, yet I had to watch a Dateline after it to cheer myself up! There’s not one laugh, nor even a chuckle, in it. It’s just totally depressing.

Perhaps they think my name is “Baby,” because they really do owe me an apology for wasting my time!

I guess the writer, Eva Victor, (who’s also the director and star,) gets off on saying the f-word in its sexual meaning, (as opposed to us New Yorkers who just say it every other word, as a filler,) and foisting it on others. There are other ways to express that act, such as “did you sleep with him,” instead of using that one word ad nauseam.

But that’s just one little complaint about the movie—it’s a bore-fest to begin with, and so much of it is left way too unclear, such as if the two women were sexual partners during their graduate school years. Plus, Eva delivers every single line in the same boring flatlining style that it was very hard to watch. Mr. X fell fast asleep during it, which is the only good thing about it—he really needed that rest!!!

Train Dreams—Purposeless.

Mr. X and I kept asking each other what’s it’s about!!! And still never got the answer by the end. So I’m saving you the time.

And lastly, I will try my best to tweet my thoughts on the Golden Globes on Sunday as they go along, because I may not have time to review them officially in my upcoming birthday week! However, the show is on against the football play-offs, so I haven’t yet decided which to give up watching live. Just in case, my Twitter handle is still @MajorCelebrity.