ASPEN JAIL FOR CHARLIE SHEEN

When I read that Charlie Sheen will be going to jail in Aspen, Colorado as part of his plea deal, I just had to chuckle. Having spent most of my adult summers in that town, with my favorite group of guys being the cops, I can tell you how much of a no-brainer this was for him!

Because I’m claustrophobic, I’ve been fearful of jail my whole life. (I know, I know–no one would expect someone like me to even think of jail as a possibility, but I always worry about the worst scenarios.) So, when one of my cop buds asked me if I wanted a tour of the jail, I frightenedly declined. Of course, he talked me into it and said I’d actually like it!

So, figuring “this I’ve got to see,” I went along, knowing this particular officer would not play a trick on me. (I don’t put it past the others, though–one of them proposed to me the first night we met, and then a few of them sent me a crazy letter when I returned to Los Angeles, making believe that one of the less popular coppers got fired for staying out dancing with me till three in the morning. I felt guilty for a whole year, and then found-out it was a joke that they assumed I’d figure out right away. Actually, I think my favorite one, whom I shall just call M, was behind all the pranks.)

Back to the jail tour. It was like a mid-priced hotel! The group hanging-out room had more amenities that at most motels! I don’t know if it’s still the same, but I imagine so–they rarely have “guests” who are more felonious than just being drunk at a club. When I was there, it was co-ed, with a big communal living room with games, TVs, and…snacks! It even had a mini-gym and a semi-skylight. I was just waiting for my parents to kick me out so I could go stay there for a few days!

So, Charlie Sheen is due to spend thirty days there. Big whoop. And, we all know that that will be whittled down to just a week or so. And by that time, he and M will have made plans to scout the local talent upon his release. (If they don’t just bring some chicks into the clink!) Trust me, at this place, no one will be making Charlie Sheen his bitch. (He might make someone his, but that’s another story.)