HARRY AND MARKLE’S MOVE BACK TO JOLLY OLD

The second I read that Prince Harry and his creepy wife Megan Markle were about to move back to England, I told Mr. X, “Something has to be in it for her.” I just hadn’t figured-out her angle yet.

My very first thought upon reading the info was a kind one—that perhaps Harry realized that he did not want to keep depriving his children of growing-up with their cousins, and wanted to make it right. Even though he has got to be the most pu**y-whipped husband in history, (or would that be his great-great-uncle Edward, who gave up the throne for love of American divorcee Wallis Simpson?,) I always think that he misses his brother and Princess Kate, and that he wishes he had not been coerced by his evil wife to basically shun his family. So I was actually rooting a bit for Harry to sort-of be creating a second chance for himself to make things right, even at this late date.

But I kept wondering why the she-devil that is Markle would be allowing it. I knew part of it was that she finally realizes that Americans are not her fans, and she figured that it’s time to vamoose out of here. But I felt that wasn’t all there was to it. I just knew that she wasn’t doing it for her kids or husband—there had to be something major in it for her. And trying to become a working royal again just would not cut it for her narcissistic self.

And then it came to me—she figured she’d have a better chance at acting roles in England! She thinks maybe she can fool people there. I’m desperately hoping that she cannot.

Since I have my own very-full life, I forgot about them shortly after their exit announcement, and then there it was—she was in talks to act in a British TV series helmed by Guy Ritchie!!! I could not believe that he would be that stupid, but I really don’t know much about him, outside of that he was once married to Madonna.

So the day after that revelation, I was out with a couple of friends, one of whom works at Netflix, the channel that Richie’s drama series is on. It’s also the one that presented a cooking show that Markle tried to get going in America this year, which I understand failed miserably. So I jokingly told my pal that she needs to talk to someone at work and tell them to absolutely not let that awful woman be in their show! I had to explain the entire situation to my pals because both of them are in coding, and neither one of them is up on show biz and Royal Family minutia, as I proudly am! And we all had a good laugh.

But, somehow, my negativity worked! (Or my friend actually did talk to someone over there.) Because the very next day it was announced that Netflix rescinded the offer to Markle due to “backlash.” Someone in the know, long-time major journalist Tina Brown, explained, “The backlash in the UK was so intense, it became untenable to go forward.” Good on the producers for recognizing that! (However, some people felt that the “offer” was a lie to begin with, used for publicity, either on Markle’s end for herself, or on the part of the production because not enough people have ever even heard of the show!)

I never saw Markle’s one acting gig—the old TV show Suits. So I have no idea if she has any talent. But I’m assuming not because if she were any good, she would have gotten more roles by now, regardless of her worldwide most-hated status. (And then she would not have needed to go after Harry for her sole purpose of becoming famous!)

So now the pariah-esque duo is saying that they may stay in England for just one year, and then move to either Canada or Australia, where Markle thinks people like her! Yeesh.

But wait—now there’s even more!!! Harry’s wife isn’t the only one with an ulterior motive for moving back to England! He has one, too. So get this: he’s planning to make a movie about his mother, Princess Diana, there! And I thought my siblings are bad. Poor William, to have to deal with all this drama now. I really feel for him.

I understand a bit why William feels the way he does about Harry, especially after the latter wrote his self-serving, not-necessarily-factual book, Spare, a few years ago. I experienced a semi-similar situation, of someone lying about me, in the past, so I can offer a tiny bit of advice in that category. I had a creepy friend, J, who in turn had an even creepier friend, R, who was either very jealous of me or just plain rotten. I learned, through J’s husband, that, whenever I’d bump into R, she would lie to J about everything I said. And then, for some unknown reason, J seated me with R at some special event luncheon. R tried to talk to me, but I wouldn’t say even one word to her. So she reported to J that I was so rude to not talk to her, and, of course J confronted me about it. So I explained that, this way, R couldn’t twist my words if I didn’t say any!

So, William should copy my philosophy when it comes to Harry—don’t say a word to him and then he and his evil wifey cannot write another book with words you never said! Mum’s the word, (in more ways than one for these guys.)