{"id":56932,"date":"2024-01-30T16:28:53","date_gmt":"2024-01-30T16:28:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/?p=56932"},"modified":"2024-01-30T16:28:53","modified_gmt":"2024-01-30T16:28:53","slug":"movie-reviewsmini-reviews-mini-movie-reviews-2024-part-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/movie-reviewsmini-reviews-mini-movie-reviews-2024-part-i\/","title":{"rendered":"MOVIE REVIEWS\/MINI REVIEWS: MINI MOVIE REVIEWS 2024\u2014PART I"},"content":{"rendered":"

MINI MOVIE REVIEWS 2024\u2014PART I<\/h1>\n

Earlier this month, when the Golden Globes came around, I had not seen one film outside of the awful\u00a0Barbie<\/em>. (If you missed my thoughts on it when it came out in August, just click here: itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/movie-review-barbie-movie-do-not-take-the-kids-and-stay-away-yourself<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

But since I have to vote for the Screen Actors Guild Awards in a few weeks, and I do not think it’s fair to vote unless you’ve seen\u00a0all<\/em>\u00a0the nominated performances, I had to get cracking on my movie viewing recently.<\/p>\n

\"thumbnail_how-to-write-movie-review\"<\/a>So here’s my first batch of mini-reviews, even though some have no SAG or Oscars nods. (But they\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0have ones for the Golden Globes, Critics Choice, or from some other film award entity.)<\/p>\n

As always, I try not to know what a movie is about before I see it; I want to experience it for myself, with no preconceived notions. So I was surprised by most of them. And never in a good way.<\/p>\n

And let me say, and perhaps even\u00a0caution<\/em>, that I have seen more genitalia in them than I have seen\u00a0in total<\/em>\u00a0in my entire life up to this point! So, if that\u2019s your<\/em> kind of thing, this crop of films just may be for you.<\/p>\n

To show you what I’m talking about, I’m beginning my Mini Movie Reviews with what I call the \u201cGenitalia Group.\u201d So let’s get started on them, in no particular order:<\/p>\n

Saltburn<\/em><\/strong>\u2014What the F did I just watch??? Why does Hollywood celebrate this creepy screenwriter? (Emerald Fennell won an Oscar for writing last year’s horrible and decidedly\u00a0un<\/em>special Promising Young Woman<\/em>.) Saltburn<\/em>\u00a0is basically a low-rent rip-off of both\u00a0The<\/em> Talented Mr. Ripley\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0Primal\u00a0Fear<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"Saltburn<\/a>

Saltburn itself.<\/p><\/div>\n

Besides everything else bad about it, why did it take place in 2006? That designation was totally unnecessary. All but the very end takes place over that one year, so why mention it at all? Not to mention that the star, Barry\u00a0Keoghan, doesn’t look at all like a college kid\u2014he looks like the thirty-one that he is! His character is a little older in the few end scenes, but it’s not worth it to have him as the teen for ninety percent of the film! It’s easier to make someone look\u00a0older<\/em>\u00a0than\u00a0younger<\/em>. But they didn\u2019t even bother to try to make him look college-age, anyway!<\/p>\n

On the TV system Mr. X and I use at our house, you have to verbally<\/em>\u00a0ask for subtitles, which, trust me, you definitely need for this British film. (I had been lamenting that I missed all the screenings of it, so therefore we had to see it on our own big-screen television, which is not the same as in a theatre. But I’m so glad that I didn’t have to sit through this mess in public, and was able to use the closed captioning to help us understand what they were all saying!) At one point near the end of the film, when Barry Keoghan\u00a0was literally having sex with the dirt on his friend’s grave, I said, \u201cSubtitles off,\u201d (because the words were over that visual, and I needed confirmation of what I was seeing,) to which Mr. X immediately added, \u201cPicture<\/em>\u00a0off!\u201d That’s the only mirth I had in those two and a quarter hours, (which felt like\u00a0seven<\/em>!!!)<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The Saltburn weirdos, (except for gorgeous Jacob Elordi, of course!)<\/p><\/div>\n

But at least that Jacob Elordi is gorgeous! So there\u2019s that.<\/p>\n

Poor Things<\/em><\/strong>–I finally found a natural alternative to Ozempic! It\u2019s watching this film! I was nauseated the entire time and couldn\u2019t even\u00a0think<\/em>\u00a0of chowing-down during it! Since I saw it, every time I consider a snack, I just think of Poor Things<\/em>, and immediately get queasy. No lie.<\/p>\n

\"That<\/a>

That animal following her tells you all you need to know to stay away from Poor Things.<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s basically porn. (Great\u2014now many of you are going to run right out and see it!) And besides that all of those goings-on<\/em> are unattractive, so are all of the men Emma Stone\u2019s character have all that sex with. They would need to pay me at least a hundred billion<\/em>\u00a0dollars to simulate the act with even\u00a0one<\/em>\u00a0of them!!! \u00a0The looks of those characters in the Paris section of the movie\u00a0were even worse than those on the men in\u00a0The Name of the Rose<\/em>.<\/p>\n

And I know this is unpopular to say, but Emma looks pretty unattractive, as well. Her always-red nose tip, jet black uber-stringy way-too-long hair, and tiny rack are not what anyone wants to see on a big screen.<\/p>\n

And one weird thing about her acting is that she doesn\u2019t have her usual annoying little lisp when doing this British accent! Go figure.<\/p>\n

As someone who studied Cinema as part of my college\u00a0major, (and excelled in the class, I must say,) I could really break this whole thing down for you, like that it\u2019s on purpose that the black guy character, (played really badly by comedian Jerrod Carmichael,) is the only one she didn\u2019t<\/em> have sex with. But I don\u2019t have that kind of energy. I will<\/em> say, though, that when I was analyzing the film in the middle of the night and in the subsequent days, it\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0get more interesting.<\/p>\n

\"Willem<\/a>

Willem Defoe and Emma Stone in Poor Things. His face is only part of the Frankenstien component!!!<\/p><\/div>\n

The Golden Globes organization classifies films as either \u201cDramas\u201d or \u201cMusicals or Comedies\u201d so they can give out double the number of awards, and thus get more famous nominees on their broadcast. So they put\u00a0Poor Things<\/em>\u00a0in the Comedy<\/em> category, when it\u2019s far from that. It\u2019s more of a low-level horror<\/em> movie. That’s not an exaggeration; it even has a major Frankenstein<\/em> component to it! So please do not be fooled by the Golden Globes purposefully-erroneous categorization.<\/p>\n

Mr. X said that it\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0\u201chigh-quality filmmaking,\u201d with which I agree. But then he added, \u201cBut the content is hard to swallow,\u201d which is a much nicer way than what\u00a0I\u2019m<\/em>\u00a0saying, which is that\u00a0Poor Things<\/em>\u00a0sucks the big one. (Which, by the way, we never saw in the film\u2014a big one. Oh no\u2014these films are rubbing off on me! Ewww.)<\/p>\n

The two positives are that Marc Ruffalo is really good, and the Scenic Design is unbelievably stunning.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The set design is gorgeous, though.<\/p><\/div>\n

But the end credits are absolutely offensive, to the audience, but mainly to the people who did all that work, no matter how big a screen you\u2019re seeing it on. And God forbid you\u2019re seeing this movie on your phone; you\u2019ll be rushing to the optometrist the next day.<\/p>\n

To sum-up Poor Things<\/em> in one sentence, I wish a Memory-Erase pill had already been invented!!!<\/p>\n

May\/December<\/em><\/strong>\u2014This is another bummer. I don’t understand the fuss about it, before the SAGs and Oscars just about shunned it. (It\u00a0did<\/em>\u00a0get one Oscar nom, for writing, though I don’t understand that<\/em>, either.)<\/p>\n

But it’s so slow, it will be a great one to help you fall asleep.<\/p>\n

I honestly do not understand why this movie was made. Nor how it even got the greenlight! It’s a total rip-off of someone’s life, with no credit nor even consultation! Julianne Moore should be ashamed of herself for being involved in it.<\/p>\n

\"Julianne<\/a>

Julianne Moore and Charles Melton in May\/December.<\/p><\/div>\n

The second I saw Julianne Moore\u2019s character kiss the young exotic *ethnic guy, (played by Charles Melton of\u00a0Riverdale<\/em>,) near the beginning, I said, \u201cMary Kay Letourneau and\u00a0Vili Fualaau!\u201d I love being right. *[Note: The actor is Korean while the real-life guy is Samoan. Therefore, many people are upset about that erroneous representation, even though this is not supposed to be Mary Kay and Vili’s true<\/em> story.]<\/p>\n

But I sure hope that Villi can sue this film company. He\u2019s acknowledged that they did not even reach-out to him about it, and called the film a \u201crip-off of my original story,\u201d adding, \u201cI\u2019m offended by the entire project and the lack of respect given to me, who lived through a real story and is\u00a0still<\/em>\u00a0living it.\u201d I agree with\u2014I was upset the whole time I was watching this super-slow film. If they wanted to make that infamous couple\u2019s story, just tell the\u00a0real<\/em>\u00a0one! Or at least ask his permission. And perhaps involve him in the process. Or disguise the tale much more than just changing what the grown-up woman\u2019s job is. The filmmakers are actually victimizing Vili\u2019s children. (Very sadly, Mary Kay died from cancer\u00a0four years ago.)<\/p>\n

Besides all of that annoying-ness, May\/December<\/em> is a snoozefest and a half! Instead of concentrating on the tale of that fam, the powers-that-be made it about an actress shadowing them to play the woman in a movie! So boring. And creepy. I kept waiting for a murder to happen.<\/p>\n

I really want my time back on this one.<\/p>\n

These films, (plus\u00a0Barbie<\/em>, of course,) are all that I\u2019ve seen so far this season. At over two hours each, (some over three<\/em> hours!,) there’s just not enough time in life to get to them all right away. (Especially when there were so many special sporting events\u2014NFL conference finals, Aussie Open finals, and all<\/em> of the National Ice Skating competitions!–on this week-end!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

But the SAGs aren\u2019t until the end of February, and then the Oscars come in early March, so I’ll get to my second group of Mini Movie Reviews next week, no matter how awful some of them may be. You’re welcome for watching them for you.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MINI MOVIE REVIEWS 2024\u2014PART I Earlier this month, when the Golden Globes came around, I had not seen one film outside of the awful\u00a0Barbie. (If you missed my thoughts on it when it came out in August, just click here: itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/movie-review-barbie-movie-do-not-take-the-kids-and-stay-away-yourself.) But since I have to vote for the Screen Actors Guild Awards in a<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":56930,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-mini-reviews","category-movie-reviews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56932","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56932"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56932\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56948,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56932\/revisions\/56948"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/56930"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56932"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56932"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56932"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}