{"id":51838,"date":"2022-09-12T07:02:03","date_gmt":"2022-09-12T07:02:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/?p=51838"},"modified":"2022-09-20T05:39:04","modified_gmt":"2022-09-20T05:39:04","slug":"television-dancing-with-no-stars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/television-dancing-with-no-stars\/","title":{"rendered":"TELEVISION: DANCING WITH NO STARS!"},"content":{"rendered":"

DANCING WITH NO<\/em> STARS!<\/h1>\n

Weeks ago, when I saw a small-ish unconfirmed-by-the-show list of this season’s\u00a0Dancing With the Stars<\/em>\u00a0contestants, my first thought was that there is seriously not one\u00a0star<\/em>\u00a0on there!!! And here we are, with the\u00a0official<\/em>\u00a0roster just announced at the end of last week, and it got even worse\u2014this is their least famous cast yet! There’s not even one athlete<\/em> on there\u2014and we’re down to a felon<\/em>!<\/p>\n

\"Last<\/a>

Last season’s fun DWTS cast.<\/p><\/div>\n

If, as\u00a0I<\/em>\u00a0did, you had thought they had hit rock bottom last year with a peloton instructor<\/em> as one of their \u201cstars,\u201d you would be mistaken. This<\/em> cast is so bad that, for the first time in its thirty-one seasons, I don\u2019t think I can waste my time on it, which is a shame because I adore\u00a0dance<\/em>. I\u2019m sort-of upset that I even wasted my time\u00a0writing<\/em>\u00a0this!!! (That\u2019s why I\u2019m not discussing most of the pro partner pairings, although I have thoughts on those, too, of course.)<\/p>\n

I sometimes joke that Dancing With the Stars<\/em> may get so desperate that they\u2019ll get down to\u00a0me<\/em>, a former local cable personality!!! And with\u00a0this<\/em>\u00a0cast announcement, I realize I may not be too far off in that assessment!<\/p>\n

Seriously, I had to look up many of them, proving that these people are not famous, except in perhaps small circles, and certainly not even close to enough to be classified as \u201cstars.\u201d I showed the list to Mr. X with just their pictures first, and he had no idea who over half of them are. Then I revealed their names, and it didn’t clear anything up for him.<\/p>\n

Several are reality show people, which explains why I’ve never heard of them. And some are just working actors, which doesn’t make them a star<\/em>, by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter fact, the show itself has been known to make their competitors<\/em> famous, which is the opposite of how it’s billed!<\/p>\n

Okay, here are my thoughts on these new contestants:<\/p>\n

ONLY ONES I KNOW WHO THEY ARE<\/strong><\/p>\n

~ The only one close to being a \u201cstar\u201d is Wayne Brady<\/strong>. He hosts the long-running TV game show,\u00a0Let\u2019s Make a Deal<\/em>, is one of the improv peeps on\u00a0Who\u2019s Line Is It Anyway<\/em>, and used to host his eponymous daytime talk show. I\u2019ve never seen any of those shows, but I feel like I\u2019ve always known who he is, which means he is famous! And he\u2019s a wonderful singer. (He already won a season of The Masked Singer<\/em>, so he’s going for the reality competition double here.) Wayne will try just about anything he\u2019s good at, and he\u2019s done Broadway, so I have a feeling he can dance. I recently saw him in Lin-Manuel-Miranda\u2019s\u00a0Freestyle Love Supreme<\/em>, and, of course, gave him a great review. So he\u2019s for whom I will be rooting.<\/p>\n

\"Three<\/a>

Three of only a handful of contestants this season I’ve ever heard of: (L-R) Bachelorette Gabby, Jordin Sparks, and Wayne Brady.<\/p><\/div>\n

~ Then there’s current\u00a0Bachelorette<\/em>\u00a0Gabby Windey<\/strong>. I\u2019m ashamed to say that I began watching this franchise during the pandemic, and now I can\u2019t help myself from continuing with this baloney train wreck. I\u2019ve even roped Mr. X into viewing most of the episodes with me, and we can\u2019t stop laughing; it\u2019s all so inane. But I semi-like Gabby. I had thought she would be dismissed early when she vied for last season\u2019s idiot guy, but when they finally showed her to be amusing, I was glad she made it to the final three. But we\u2019ve both noticed that she always just nods her head and utters, \u201cYeah,\u201d to everything anyone says to her, which has turned us off to her recently. But at least her penchant for wearing beyond-naked clothing will fit in with the wardrobe philosophy on\u00a0DWTS<\/em>!\u00a0 [Note: I\u2019m guessing that her inclusion on\u00a0DWTS<\/em>\u00a0means that she did\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0find love on\u00a0The Bachelorette<\/em>, which we\u2019ll be finding out the answer to\u00a0<\/em>next week.<\/em>\u00a0So I originally assumed they\u2019d be giving her a\u00a0single<\/em>\u00a0pro to work with, so they can make a thing out of it. But I found-out it will be Val Chmerikovskiy<\/strong>, who\u2019s madly in love with his pregnant wife, so that can\u2019t happen.]<\/p>\n

~ Still-pretty Cheryl Ladd<\/strong> is mainly known for being one of Charlie’s Angels<\/em> waaaay back in the day. But at least she’s famous! Sort-of.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The trophy for which they’re all competing.<\/p><\/div>\n

~ Now, who can tell me who Joseph Baena<\/strong> is? No one<\/em>, I\u2019m sure, without his bio. So how is he a \u201cstar?\u201d His sole claim to fame is that he\u2019s the illegitimate son of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who impregnated his not young nor even close to hot housekeeper, when he was still married to his now-former wife, Maria Shriver. This situation is particularly weird to me because of this: I\u2019ve always wondered why wives\/mothers keep hiring young, good-looking nannies and caregivers. How do they not see the very likely potential for their husbands\/boyfriends to cheat on them with the pretty newcomer?! I always say that couples need to hire old, chubby, bad-looking women instead. And then, what do you know? Arnold cheated with their housekeeper of exactly that description!!! (That actually made me feel a tad better because he was a major fan of my show, but never once hit on me. Of course, I would have been disgusted if he had, but now I see that it was because I was young and attractive, ergo not his type at all!)<\/p>\n

~ Jordin Sparks<\/strong> is a singer who won Season 6 of\u00a0American Idol\u00a0<\/em>way back in the day. (Over fifteen years ago, actually!) I believe she had one hit after that, a duet with Chris Brown, and then it seems the general public hasn\u2019t heard much from her again. The main thing I\u2019ve known about her since then is that she was saving herself for marriage, which I guess her former bae, Jason Derulo, didn\u2019t want to deal with, hence their break-up. But I do consider her to be sort-of famous still.<\/p>\n

WORKING ACTORS<\/strong><\/p>\n

~ Selma Blair<\/strong> is an actress with several big movies to her name, most notably Legally Blonde<\/em>, (which I don’t even remember her in, although it’s one of my faves,) and Cruel Intentions<\/em>. She’s unfortunately had multiple sclerosis for about four years now, and I’ve only seen pictures of her with a cane, so I can’t figure out how she’s going to be able to dance. At least she should get the sympathy vote.<\/p>\n

\"What<\/a>

What do a game show host, three actors, and a drag queen have in common? They’re all contestants on this season of Dancing With NO Stars! (I’ll let you figure out who is what for yourselves.)<\/p><\/div>\n

~ I never heard this guy\u2019s name, either, but I do love the movie he was in last year. Daniel Durant<\/strong> is a deaf actor who played the brother of the main character in the movie\u00a0Coda<\/em>, which won the Oscar for Best Picture. On a side note, he\u2019s partnered with professional dancer Britt Stewart<\/strong>, who is probably the worst choreographer among the current group of pros, which usually means he\u2019d be gone early. But, whether he\u2019s good or not, viewers seem to feel compelled to vote for the physically-challenged contestants, so he may be around for awhile. And he seems pleasant enough.<\/p>\n

~ Jason Lewis<\/strong> is an actor who was on the sixth season of\u00a0Sex and the City<\/em>, (a show I\u2019ve never seen,)\u2026almost two decades ago!!! How does that qualify him as a\u00a0star<\/em>???<\/p>\n

~ Scraping the bottom of the actor barrel is\u00a0Trevor Donovan<\/strong>,\u00a0who was on the reboot of\u00a090210<\/em>, which I don\u2019t think anyone even watched. I had to check to see what year and what channel it was even on, and even though I\u2019m the only CW fan I know, I<\/em> never saw this short-lived series.<\/p>\n

REALITY PEOPLE<\/strong><\/p>\n

~ Sam Champion<\/strong> is the weatherman for the local New York ABC station, which is owned by the same company as DWTS<\/em>. ‘Nuff said!<\/p>\n

\"Just<\/a>

Just a few of the possibly-odd pairngs. I’ll be rooting for Wayne and Witney, (in the center.) But poor Cheryl Burke (on the very left) will be miserable when she sees this picture! I thought divorce is supposed to make you LOSE weight, not GAIN a ton of it. Even the drag queen is thinner than Cheryl is!<\/p><\/div>\n

~ Charli D\u2019Amelio<\/strong> is a TikTok person, so she\u2019ll most likely do well because, a) if I understand correctly, she\u2019s known for dancing on the platform, and b) since DWTS<\/em> has moved to streaming, very old people won’t be watching because that set of viewers barely has satellite<\/em> services, let alone Apple TV or the like! Hence, they won’t be voting. [Note: My mother would have never heard of even one<\/em> of these people!]<\/p>\n

~ And that girl’s mother<\/em>, Heidi D\u2019Amelio<\/strong>! Don’t ask.<\/p>\n

~ This is yet another contestant I never heard of. But I don\u2019t know\u00a0any<\/em>\u00a0drag queens, which \u201cShangela<\/strong>\u201d is. She (or he; I honestly don\u2019t know the proper drag queen vernacular,) became known on RuPaul’s Drag Race<\/em>, which can make someone popular if they\u2019re into that kind-of thing, so he\/she may do well here.<\/p>\n

\"At<\/a>

At least the judging panel is staying the same!<\/p><\/div>\n

~\u00a0Vinny Guadagnino<\/strong> was on\u00a0Jersey Shore<\/em>, which makes him one of the few people Mr. X recognized, although I did not. My bae is from Jersey, so I forgive him for having watched that show from time to time.<\/p>\n

~\u00a0Teresa Giudice<\/strong> was or is one of\u00a0The Real Housewives of New Jersey<\/em>. I have no idea which it is because, of course, I don\u2019t watch classless shows like that one. But I have\u00a0seen<\/em>\u00a0her name, (although not\u00a0heard<\/em>\u00a0it\u2014I have no idea how to pronounce her last one,)\u00a0because she\u2019s a felon who went to prison on multiple fraud charges. Lovely choice to be on\u00a0DWTS<\/em>, don\u2019t you think? Who’s next\u2014Jeffrey Dahmer???<\/p>\n

~ I sooo never heard of Jessie James Decker<\/strong>\u00a0that I didn\u2019t even know if it was a man or woman by the name! Turns-out, she\u2019s a female who\u2019s \u201cfamous\u201d because she married a retired football player, Eric Decker, (of whom I\u2019ve never heard, either, which you know is saying something because of my sports obsession!) And they had a short-lived reality show. Of course.<\/p>\n

Other news on this weird season of Dancing With NO Stars<\/em>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"(L-R)<\/a>

(L-R) Koko and Kiki.<\/p><\/div>\n

Koko Iwasaki<\/strong>, (who’s real name is Koine,) is a new pro this year. She was the runner-up on\u00a0So You Think You Can Dance<\/em>\u00a0a few years ago. She\u2019s really cute, so it will be fun to see her, if I could stomach the rest of the show. But her specialty is contemporary<\/em> dance, not ballroom<\/em>, so I don’t understand her casting here. [Note: Her hopefully-still* boyfriend, *(I can’t find any current info on them,) Kiki Nyemchek, is<\/em> a ballroom dancer, so maybe he can help her. But he’s<\/em> the one who should really be a pro on this show to begin with!!!]<\/p>\n

Pro Louis Van Amstel<\/strong> will be returning to\u00a0DWTS<\/em>\u00a0after about a decade off. That signals that there\u2019s an old woman competing. So I assumed that meant he would be paired with that TikTok girl’s mother, but it turns out it will be Cheryl Ladd.<\/p>\n

Since it\u2019s on a streaming service, the show won\u2019t have any commercials! (Hence, the sixteen competitors instead of the usual ten-twelve.) I\u2019ve read that some people are perplexed as to how the participants will change outfits, if need be, and how the scenery will be changed. They must be stupid because those are far from mysteries. The dancers will change as they always have\u2014in their dressing rooms!!! That doesn\u2019t even deserve a \u201cduh.\u201d And I\u2019m assuming that while the sets are being changed, they\u2019ll either run taped pieces or interview the contestants in some other area of the studio, like a backstage room, as they did for at least half of the show\u2019s run! Or have off-stage performances by their auxiliary \u201ctroupe.\u201d What morons can\u2019t figure that out? Or even care about it???<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be interested to see how the voting works this time. I\u2019m assuming we all<\/em> get to join in this time, (since I\u2019m also assuming we\u2019ll all get to watch the show live, as opposed to recent years without a \u201cresults show,\u201d so only the east coast could vote.) But I\u2019m far from a streaming expert, so we\u2019ll all find-out together.<\/p>\n

\"Creepy<\/a>

Creepy Tyra Banks and new co-host Alfonso Ribeiro. That ought to be uncomfortable…for everyone!<\/p><\/div>\n

And, as it has been for the past two seasons, the worst part of the entire presentation will be the creepy host, Tyra Banks<\/strong>. The producers seem to be well aware that the public detests her, but I have a feeling they can\u2019t get rid of her; it\u2019s probably way less expensive to keep her than to part ways. Ah, airtight show business contracts. They tried to soften the blow for us a bit by engaging popular former winner of the show, Alfonso Ribeiro<\/strong>, to co-host with her.\u00a0 I have a feeling they\u2019ll allow him to do the heavy lifting, but I, as most of us few viewers they have left do, wish they could just hide Tyra someplace. She really annoys most of us.<\/p>\n

Okay, now you have a week until the Season 31 premiere of\u00a0Dancing With The Stars<\/em>, or how it should now be correctly known,\u00a0Dancing With NO Stars<\/em>! So consider yourselves warned.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DANCING WITH NO STARS! Weeks ago, when I saw a small-ish unconfirmed-by-the-show list of this season’s\u00a0Dancing With the Stars\u00a0contestants, my first thought was that there is seriously not one\u00a0star\u00a0on there!!! And here we are, with the\u00a0official\u00a0roster just announced at the end of last week, and it got even worse\u2014this is their least famous cast yet!<\/p>\n

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