![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.itsnotaboutme.tv\/news\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/alg_james_franco.jpg\" "\\"James")
<\/a>As much as I dislike her is the amount that I love James Franco. He\u2019s perfect on every level–charming, intelligent, talented, and none of his moves are to make people look at him. So, the host thing was hard for me to take. While I was fruitlessly rooting for him, I was definitely not in Anne\u2019s corner. The interesting thing is that James doesn\u2019t care how his hosting gig is perceived; I\u2019ve seen him talk about it and he realizes that it is what it is and it\u2019s not going to affect his life one way or the other.<\/p>\nConversely, all Anne seems to care about is that people say wonderful things about her after. I remember when she showed-up at some show a few years ago with her soon-to-be-jailbird boyfriend, that Italian thief guy, and she kept telling all the interviewers how to pronounce his name, with that phony Italian accent flair. It made me want to throw-up even back then. (That\u2019s when she first started disgusting me–I really hate phonies.)<\/p>\n
When a cool, hip friend of mine came to see Anne speak after a screening a few months ago, she went in defending her and came out of there becoming a hater, as well, saying she sees what I mean about the phoniness. Mr. X always stuck-up for her, too, until last night. During the telecast, he said of her desperation, \u201cYou have to win<\/em> laughs, not expect <\/em>them,\u201d and after the show he mused that she had \u201cthe sincerity of an infomercial.\u201d He told me she \u201cshouldn\u2019t have changed her mind.\u201d When I asked about what, he replied, \u201cNot hosting the Academy Awards.\u201d<\/p>\n The celebs who were interviewed at parties after of course said nice things about her, but I felt that they were just being kind. Why can\u2019t anyone in show biz tell the truth? I guess it would be inappropriate in this case, but you can see that no one was offering these fibs with gusto.<\/p>\n So, with all that background, let\u2019s get to my play-by-play thoughts on the show itself, mostly in the order that I jotted them down as the show went on, with the Red Carpet musings later on in this column.<\/p>\n Anne was just terrible. Period.<\/p>\n And that they wasted our time with her inane song, in hopes of getting her some musical gig, rather than showing clips from the nominated films, was just nuts.<\/p>\n James was pretty bad, as well, but it seemed like he was trying to distance himself from Anne\u2019s artificiality by low-keying it. His eyes showed that perhaps he was herbalized. By ten minutes into the show, I was beginning to wish that I was, as well, to get through this bore-times-ten.<\/p>\n The only laugh in the first half hour or so came courtesy of James\u2019 grandma, who said, from the audience, that she was excited to see \u201cMarky Mark.\u201d (Mark Wahlberg, for those under forty.)<\/p>\n I still don\u2019t get that Gone With The Wind <\/em>situation near the top.<\/p>\n If Anne slapped her hands together one more time, or let-out another super-unclassy \u201cwhoo,\u201d I was going to scream. (And did!)<\/p>\n I actually do like that they broke tradition by not giving out a Supporting Oscar up-front, but rather began with technical ones. I like the acting ones later on in the show like this.<\/p>\n What kind-of ugly-ass ring was Tom Hanks wearing? Plus, we knew his trying-to-make-it-sound-off-the-cuff remark that \u201cthese envelopes are works of art,\u201d was definitely not <\/em>spontaneous, <\/em>because of the advance camera shot.<\/p>\n This show desperately needs a comedian host to give us a laugh after all these uncomfortable moments.<\/p>\n Now I know why they saved the In Memoriam section until later on–so they can include this show!!!<\/p>\n I love Javier Bardem!!! I\u2019m dying to know what he was laughing at, so if for some reason you know, please let me in on it.<\/p>\n I\u2019m so happy for David Seidler, author of The King\u2019s Speech<\/em>. I met him earlier this year, and he was as unassuming as they come.<\/p>\n It was an hour until the first (and, as it turned out, the only) Charlie Sheen joke of the evening.<\/p>\n Christian Bale\u2019s speech was the best one anyone has given this whole season!<\/p>\n Matthew McConaughey and Scarlett Johansson worked their bit about \u201csound\u201d pretty well.<\/p>\n The turning-movies-into-music-videos-via-auto-tune was fun. Actually, it was the only<\/em> planned bit that was!<\/p>\n Oprah couldn\u2019t have looked worse.<\/p>\n Good for Charles Ferguson, documentary producer winner, to point-put that since the beginning of this country\u2019s financial crisis, \u201cnot one single financial executive has gone to jail.\u201d<\/p>\n There\u2019s no one in the world who can say that If I Rise<\/em>, from 127 Hours<\/em>, is their favorite song, except maybe Bjork! (Listen to it for a few seconds and you\u2019ll know what I mean.)<\/p>\n What\u2019s up this years\u2019 crop of nominated songs??? The Academy couldn\u2019t find a \u201cworthy\u201d fifth song, yet these four sucked!<\/p>\n When Gwyneth sang her pitiful song, Mr. X said, \u201cGwyneth is beginning to overreach.\u201d<\/p>\n When they showed the clip of Lena Horn singing, Mr. X said that everyone on American<\/em> Idol <\/em>should watch her to see how to sell the song<\/em>, and not his\/herself<\/em>.<\/p>\n Best end line ever–after winning director Tom Hooper told us that it was his mother who found The King\u2019s Speech <\/em>as a play and told him to produce it as a film: \u201cAnd the moral of this story is: Listen to your mother.\u201d Loved it!<\/p>\n I wonder if Anne Hathaway has ever had a non-phony moment ever, even when she\u2019s alone.<\/p>\n Natalie Portman gave the absolutely perfect Oscar speech!!!<\/p>\n Anne\u2019s way-over-the-top intro of Sandra Bullock was just crazy! We were expecting Indira Gandhi or someone!<\/p>\n Colin Firth\u2019s acceptance speech was just great, but I expected no less from him, having heard him speak after an industry screening this season.<\/p>\n As was everyone, I was thrilled to see Billy Crystal perk-up the crowd a bit. I pray that he returns to host next year because the Oscars show hit a new low with these hosts this year. I always feel like I don\u2019t like him because, years ago, when Ellen Degeneres and I did a sitcom together, she told me that he had been rude to her when they were on tour, but no matter–he\u2019s funny and knows how to run a show.<\/p>\n I realized after the show that Natalie Portman and I have something in common, besides our heritage. You\u2019ll never guess it–we both died at the end of the last film we appeared in! Only, she killed herself<\/em>, and I got gunned-down in a bank robbery gone bad. Who\u2019d a thunk it?<\/p>\n Now, backwards to the Red Carpet:<\/p>\n Firstly, there were just too many grammatical and pronunciation errors to report, so I\u2019m going to let them go this year.<\/p>\n The first rule of doing red carpet interviews should be–don\u2019t touch anyone!!!!! Creepy local ABC host George Penacchio grabbed the necklace on the woman who wound-up winning Best Foreign Language Film, (and therefore, got her actual neck as well!,) and even worse, perhaps, the idiot female interviewer on Channel 5 in LA grabbed nominee Jennifer Lawrence\u2019s hand and arm and lifted it in the air!!! Mr. X and I were absolutely appalled!<\/p>\n Melissa Leo lied about \u201choping that they will call some other girl\u2019s name, and I can applaud and enjoy their speech,\u201d as a preventive measure, in case she lost because of the supposed \u201cbacklash\u201d against her self-promotional ads. She didn\u2019t fool anyone, by the way. (She also lied when she told Chris Harrison, \u201cI guess if they call my name, I\u2019ll wing it–I don\u2019t even have a bag with me tonight.\u201d When all the winners came on-stage for the finale, there she was–clutching her purse! I don\u2019t get all this subterfuge on her part.)<\/p>\n While I\u2019m on Melissa, that was one horrible hair-do for the most sparkly of the awards shows. It was for cleaning the house with, not for the possibly biggest night of her life. And that dress was downright hideous.<\/p>\n Armie Hammer is really mature and manly for being just twenty-four. I\u2019m really impressed with him.<\/p>\n Jacki Weaver, Supporting Actress nominee, was just lovely. She\u2019s very real and likeable. And we have a historical love of swimmer Esther Williams in common.<\/p>\n Christian Bale is really lovely. I think I\u2019m always surprised by that because of the bad rep he got from his on-set tirade last year, which, btw, I can totally understand him having under the circumstances. And, he had something different to say to each interviewer, which, trust me as someone who watches it all to know what to write about the event, is an absolute rarity.<\/p>\n Hailee Steinfeld looked great, but needed little diamond studs to complete the look. I hate when girls don\u2019t wear earrings. She\u2019s a really sweet young lady, though. And, in person, she doesn\u2019t move her lips in that weird Gary Coleman-esque way she did all through True Grit<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/a>While it was great to see Kirk Douglas out there, his routine was brutal. I\u2019m glad Melissa Leo did win because she\u2019s the only one who would love that he tortured them first. I\u2019m glad she won anyhow, because she deserved it, but, as usual, her speech was atrocious. It may make me stop rooting for her, in general.<\/p>\n<\/a>How bad did Josh Brolin look in his teeny white tuxedo jacket?<\/p>\n<\/a>Reese Witherspoon looked the best. But I feel that I\u2019ve seen that dress before. Was it perhaps a vintage one, and had perhaps someone worn it before, perhaps Julia Roberts? I really don\u2019t know–I\u2019m just asking.<\/p>\n<\/a>Halle Berry is the most gorgeous woman with short hair! (She\u2019s second in history in that category to Audrey Hepburn.)<\/p>\n<\/a>Speaking of Jennifer, she was perfect<\/em> on the carpet–natural, smart, fun, clever, unpretentious, and nice. I hope she stays that way as her career goes on. I think she will.<\/p>\n<\/a>My favorite couple of not just the evening, but always, Javier and Penelope. They\u2019re exquisite, not just looking, but even more so as human beings.<\/p>\n