So much juicy stuff has been going on in the world of sports recently. And I’ve been watching it all!

It’s waaaay too much for me to type-out, so I figured it’s time for one of my YouTube videos to discuss it all.  So here’s the link to it, hot off the presses!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXlnN5DiK9k.

Karen Salkin deep in thought before beginnning her Sports Report on her YouTube channel.

This is the somewhat amusing story of how the thought of doing this particular video at this particular time came to me:

My long-time former sports radio partner, and friend, whose newer radio projects I occasionally appear on, asked me to do a guest spot on a new show of his last week. He suggested I talk about baseball and Tom Brady, two topics I’m not especially into at the moment, other than to laud my two MLB teams, the Yanks and the Mets, for being #1 in their respective leagues right now. (You go, guys!)

So, I gave it a lot of thought, and came up with a few more interesting subjects than those.

Notice French Open winner Iga Swiatek’s tribute to Ukraine on her cap.

And that’s what I was going to talk about on my pal’s show. I had agreed to do the guest spot as a favor to him, and requested that he please just introduce me the correct way.  I wanted to make sure because when I did a guest turn on a different show for him a few months ago, he made it sound like I was a caller, rather the guest I was, he never once mentioned this e-zine, and he said something about my career, though while a wonderful reference, he had agreed beforehand to not mention. Ergo, a trifecta of betrayal!

I joked with him about it a short time later, so when last week’s guest spot was requested, I became Charlie Brown with Lucy and the football, and decided to trust him just one more time. Good grief!

So when I said he had to really do it right this time, he asked how I wanted to be introduced. Since I know he gets nervous, I wrote-out an exact sentence for him. One exact sentence! I wanted to make sure he mentioned this e-zine, the publicity of which is the only reason I do any show business endeavors gratis. That’s how everyone in the biz does things!!! He’s done radio shows for over three decades, so he definitely understands how it works.

The Yanks and Mets–two sports topics near and dear to my heart!

Simple enough, right? But…he told me that he just wings his shows, (which every radio host does, by the way,) and he has only a few notes, so he can’t do that! I was in shock. He’s not able to read one sentence??? And introduce me as the guest I am, and not a friend who’s calling in??? And not mention that one thing in my very full resume, if that topic would even come up, which there would be no reason it would??? This stumped not only me, but Mr. X and everyone else I told about it, (to make sure that I was not the one who was being unreasonable.)

So, obviously, my spot on his show was no more. And then, with my topics now running through my head, (not to mention having make-up on yesterday from a brunch I had just attended that afternoon,) I figured it’s time to shoot a new video, and make it about the sports I’ve been obsessing over recently.

So, now, with all of you knowing that I, indeed, “helm the e-zine ItsNotAboutMe.TV,” (which is part of the sentence the radio host couldn’t guarantee he’d introduce me by,) here is the link to that video again:  www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXlnN5DiK9k.

Victor Oladipo and Thingamajig on The Masked Singer? Are they one and the same?

I think you’ll find at least some of it interesting, even if you’re not a sports fan; you know I delve deeper into the topics than just the wins and losses. I share my thoughts on such matters as which player was on The Masked Singer, and how did he do? And who was the only person who guessed him right from Day 1? Here’s a clue to that answer—it’s the same person who “helms the e-zine ItsNotAboutMe.TV!”

I also unveil the top member of my “All Little Bitch Team.” Unless you’re on it, you don’t want to miss that one!

Okay, I’ve already said too much. Just watch the vid, please, and I hope you enjoy it! Here’s the link one more time: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXlnN5DiK9k.

I’m thrilled to report that March Madness will begin today. Last Friday, March 11, was exactly two years since I returned home from a party at around 10PM, and watched the NBA shockingly close down because of Covid. That was heartbreakingly followed the next day by the college basketball tournament March Madness being cancelled. My heart bled for all concerned.

I can’t wait for the action to begin!

My feelings were the least of it, of course, although March Madness is one of my favorite events of each year! I watch just about every second of every game. (But even I can’t catch all of the action on the days that feature sixteen games each!)

There are always so many exciting games in the tourney; a lot of them even come down to the final shot, which is uber-exciting.

As always, I suggest that everyone watch March Madness. I know that some basketball fans like to think they’re superior by watching only professional games, but those who don’t bother with college ball are really missing out. Where do they think most of the future NBA stars come from? And even the kids who don’t go pro when they graduate play their hearts out now. It’s great to see guys who know that this will be it for their basketball careers play for just the love of the game, rather than to show-off their skills to NBA scouts.

Duke’s Coach K in his final game for the school.

This year’s proceedings will be especially interesting (and historic!,) and definitely bittersweet, because it’s the last time we’ll see Duke Head Coach, Mike Krzyzewski, in it! We didn’t have that penultimate pleasure last year because, shockingly, Duke didn’t make it into the tournament in that Covid-crazy year, so this one is extra-special on that front, as well. In case you don’t know why I say that, Coach K announced last year that this is to be his final season at Duke. (And most likely coaching anywhere, save for an occasional national team.) He’s been Head Coach of that team since 1983, and, at one point, had made twenty-four consecutive tourney appearances with them, which is a record*, so this will indeed be an auspicious occasion. I’m already welling-up with tears just writing this. *[Note: Michigan State head coach Tom Izzo has just tied that record. But this swan song for Coach K will be his thirty-sixth March Madness appearance, in general!]

Sister Jean of Loyola Marymount.

Also back, but very hopefully not even close to the last time, is Loyola Chicago‘s good luck charm, one-hundred-two-year-old chaplain Sister Jean, the person in this world I’d most like to be friends with. She’s the most positive person I’ve ever witnessed! There’s always a smile on her face, no matter what is happening. (The team also has a new coach, Drew Valentine, who, at only thirty, is the youngest coach in the tourney.)

I’m rooting for those two teams to go far, of course, but I’m mainly rooting for one of my four colleges, UCLA, (whose last Championship team I was friends with,) along with Providence College because it’s right across the way from another one of my former colleges, RIC, so I’ve always followed them a bit.

But the school I want to win it all is Gonzaga! I’m thrilled to see that they’re the overall #1 seed again, just as they were last year, when, after going undefeated all season, (which is a just-about-impossible achievement in college hoops,) they lost in the Championship game. That broke the hearts of many of us, so I hope that situation is rectified this year.

Two other little notes: It’s always exciting to see new teams in the tournament each year. One of the surprises this time is Montana State, for the first time since 1996!

The other thing is that, after all these years, I still don’t know why some of the teams who play in the “First Four,” (ahead of the official First Round,) are #11 seeds, instead of all four teams being the lowly #16s. If any of you can explain that to me, please leave a comment to let us all in on the reasoning.

In a previous year, analyst Charles Barkley with one of his always-wrong brackets.

Other than that perennial little confusion, as you can tell, I’m mad about March Madness! I’ve been fascinated by this college basketball tournament for a few decades now. I’m probably the only person in the country, (outside of the commentators, but they get paid for that,) who watches at least parts of every game of the tournament; I don’t speed through them, (except for commercials, of course, and at the start of the tourney, when, as I said above, there are waaay too many games on one day to watch every second of each one.) I’m sure that most of you think I’m crazy, and I am—crazy about basketball!!!

But, of course, I’m not the only one who looks forward to March Madness all year. Sooo many others do, as well. The excitement of it all doesn’t just involve the viewers and players—it’s the coaches, cheerleaders, student body in general, fans, and even the bands and mascots!!! The NCAA tourney is so important to college life. And for most of these players, who won’t go pro after school, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime. Even for the athletes who don’t win, nor even make it all the way to the prestigious Final Four, it’s an experience that stays with them for life.

March Madness is truly a lesson in enjoying the journey. Sixty-eight teams are in the college basketball tournament, which means that sixty-seven will leave broken-hearted. But I always hope that the inevitable loss doesn’t diminish the fun the players, coaches, families, students, and fans in general have along the way. Just making it into the tournament is a major achievement! I love watching the teams go nuts when they hear their names announced on Selection Sunday, even when they know they’re already in “The Big Dance.” Their joy always puts a smile on my face and literally brings tears to my eyes.

Maybe Greg Gumbel should have consulted his show’s own graphic before declaring multiple schools to be the “overall #1 seed!” Photo by Karen Salkin.

Speaking of Selection Sunday, does the host of that show, Greg Gumbel, not know the meaning of the word “overall???” He named three schools as the “overall number one seed!” That’s just not possible, which he should know, even if the copy he was reading was the culprit.  But, as stated above, I’m thrilled to say that it is, indeed, the Zags.

Now, going back to what puts a smile on my face, a big one is always planted there by the hilarious comments from analyst Charles Barkley–he’s worth the price of admission alone!

Let me end by congratulating all the college men who are playing in this historic tournament. And remind them to just be proud and happy that they had the experience, win or lose. I send major kudos to all concerned.

There’s so much to discuss on this front! Every time I started to write an article about one bad sports behavior, another one popped-up!!!

So I’ve put a few of them together for you here.

DISRESPECTFUL FANS

First of all, is everyone still happy to have fans back at arenas, after all this awful behavior for the past couple of weeks??? I, for one, am not. (And I hate the sound, as well. The voices of the commentators need to be mixed better in production because it’s often hard to make out what they’re saying with all the crowd noise drowning them out. And the weird thing is—the broadcasters are rarely in the arenas anymore! They do their parts from either a remote studio or their own homes! No viewers are that crazy that they need to hear loud crowd noise to enjoy a televised game!!!)

Popcorn being thrown down on Russell Westbrook as he leaves the court in Philly.

I guess the many basketball analysts who have been lauding having the crowds back after the lockdown had forgotten about all the rude and disgusting behavior that fans exhibit. It usually gets worse as the drinking goes on. I know the venues make tons of money on selling alcohol, but it’s insane to do so. Just about every shot I’ve seen of the crowd since the NBA Play-offs began two weeks ago features gigantic beer cans in the hands of the rowdy fans.

In the past week alone, the family of opposing player, Ja Morant, was verbally abused in Utah; a fan of the Washington Wizards (and apparently by his attire, also of that city’s football team,) ran onto the court, (which I have never, ever seen before!); that same team’s star player, Russell Westbrook, was showered with popcorn as he left a game in Philadelphia; a bottle was hurled at opposing (and former hometown) player, Kyrie Irving, in Boston; and the most disgusting act of all—a “fan” of the Knicks spat at the Hawks’ star, Trae Young!!! Ugh. (But that hock actually landed on the woman in front of the perpetrator. That’s an even bigger ewww.)

Supposedly, all those creeps have been banned for life, with the Boston dude even being arrested, but more has to be done to protect the players. I don’t have a solution myself, but someone needs to come up with something, stat! (Charles Barkley says the offended player should be able to fight the violent fan right then and there! Maybe something short of that should be allowed.)

Two idiototic Lakers “fans” on the local news, giddily blaming LeBron James for the teams’ first round exit from the play-offs. Photo by Karen Salkin.

And here’s another instance of disrespectful fans, but this time of their own team!!! When the very hobbled Lakers failed to make it out of the first round last night, many supposed “fans” decided to blame it on…LeBron James! I promise you—even though I love the city of LA more than just about anyone else, I’ve never been a fan of the Lakers, even with LeBron James, of whom I am a fan. A big one. That man is amazing. He’s been injured this entire time, and at thirty-eight, is one of the oldest active players. And he’s still the best one, as well! Yet moronic Lakers fans are blaming the loss on him! How is that even possible?! He gave every ounce of himself to try to get at least one more win. It’s shocking that they even won two games of the series. The idiots in the picture to the left said he should have tried harder, and the guy added that he wants to go burn LeBron’s jersey that he’s wearing. That is so offensive. The fans in Madison Square Garden gave their New York Knicks a standing ovation when their season was over the other night, to thank them for their efforts this year. Who would have ever thought that the sports fans of LA would be so outdone in class by those in the Big Apple? As a resident of both places, I’m ashamed of some of the people here on the West Coast. They don’t deserve LeBron to play for them next year.

DISRESPECTFUL KYRIE IRVING OF THE BROOKLYN NETS

While I absolutely abhor all those sickening “fan” behaviors, I also totally condemn the words and behavior of Brooklyn Nets star, Kyrie Irving.

I don’t remember ever liking Kyrie. Not even when I rooted hard for the LeBron-led Cleveland Cavaliers, the team Kyrie was a big part of.

For background of his horrible behavior this week, Kyrie was a Boston Celtic for two years, from 2017-2019. He had pledged to remain a Celtic for the remainder of his career, which he obviously didn’t live up to, since he’s now a Brooklyn Net. The Nets just beat his old team, badly, in the first round of the Play-offs.

Rotten Brooklyn Net Kyrie Irving rubbing his foot on the logo of his former team, the Boston Celtics.

And after winning a game in Boston the other night, as all the players walked off the floor, a**hole Kyrie walked back to mid-court, and rubbed his foot on the Celtics logo, like he was stomping-out a cigarette! It was a beyond-unnecessary move. He’s the one who left the Celtics, not the other way around. The Celtics should be rubbing the bottom of their shoes on an image of Kyrie!!!

What makes that episode even more pathetic is that for his entire life, he’s had a major connection to Boston! Since his father played college ball at Boston University, Kyrie spent tons of time in the Boston area growing-up. Talk about being a turncoat!

So right after that despicable little bit of theatrics from Kyrie is when the fan threw the bottle at him. As we all know, two wrongs don’t make a right, so that action was wrong, no matter how disrespectful Kyrie was to the Celtics organization that night. (And ever!) [You can see the bottle being thrown at Kyrie’s head in the pic at the top of this page.]

But then Kyrie talked about it in his post-game press conference, of course. And I was aghast at two of his statements. He said no one should throw things at the players because “we’re not animals,” and something else to the effect that “this isn’t the theatre” so people shouldn’t “throw tomatoes” at them. So…Kyrie thinks it’s okay to abuse animals and actors??? I was appalled. Either he’s an idiot who doesn’t know better, or he really feels that way about animals and actors. Either way, what insensitive sentences those were!

On top of all that, in a separate interview with a New York station, he idiotically declared, “We’re uniting the whole world with this championship run. So, I hope everybody with us. We’re uniting the whole world with this run. Stick with us, baby.” How does he think the whole world is rooting for the Brooklyn Nets??? As you may know, I’m from that beloved borough, and even I’m against that team!!! I’m with Mr. X who told me he hasn’t hated a team this much since the Detroit Pistons “Bad Boys” of old!!!

But Kyrie just may be correct on one level—he’s uniting the world of basketball fans…against the Nets! So there’s that.

DISRESPECTFUL NAOMI OSAKA

I’m about to say what most of us are thinking, but because it involves mental health, we’re not supposed to say it out loud.

So, World #2 tennis star, Naomi Osaka, refused to talk to the press after her first-round win at the French Open last week, citing that doing so negatively affects her mental health. When the tournament fined her, and said she must fulfill her media obligations, (which are required of all the players, win or lose,) she chose to withdraw from the tourney. And head home to her seven million dollar mansion in Los Angeles. (Which she bought from Nick Jonas, by the way.)

So yes, of course no one on earth should be forced to do anything to harm their mental health. But then you must not participate in any activity, professional or otherwise, that will do that to yourself! It doesn’t matter if you’re the world’s best at anything—if part of the job is speaking to the press, or anything else one is uncomfortable with, then you absolutely cannot do that as a job!!! Period. Dot, dash, end of story.

Naomi Osaka at her seven million dollar mansion, which she bought from Nick Jonas!

Naomi has been a pro tennis player for years; she knows the drill. Post-match press conferences are part of the job. If you want to play in events where they’re required, such as the four Majors, you must commit to speaking to the press.

At first, Mr. X thought Naomi was a teen-ager, so he agreed with her stance. But when he learned she’s not only twenty-three, but living in her own place with her rapper beau, he realized she’s old enough to know better.

Many of the long-time stars of the sport, like Billie Jean King and John McEnroe, said that the media is necessary to them. King wrote, “I have always believed that as professional athletes we have a responsibility to make ourselves available to the media.  The media still play an important role in telling our story.” And tennis champion Rafa Nadal said he respects Naomi’s decision, but “…we as sports people…need to be ready to accept the questions and to try to produce an answer, no? I understand her, but on the other hand, for me, I mean, without the press, without the people who normally travel, who are writing the news and achievements that we are having around the world, we probably will not be the athletes that we are today. We [wouldn’t] have the recognition that we have around the world, and we will not be that popular, no?” And World #1 female player, the lovely Ash Barty, simply stated, “We know what we sign up for as professional tennis players.”

But after what I’m sure was pressure from somewhere on the outside, some of them tried to walk their comments back. And then Chris Evert said their sport must take better care of their young players. But I feel they already do. There’s always an official in those pressers who cuts the questions short when they feel the players, especially after a loss, just need to get out of there. I’ve seen it many times.

So, how should tennis, and all sports, actually, proceed? Well, since Naomi is the only one complaining, she should just not enter any more tournaments if she doesn’t feel up to playing by the rules. And, for the sport itself to look sort-of compassionate, they can limit the media questions even more than they already do, especially for the teens on the tour. (And people who feel like Naomi does can always do the pressers and just say, “No comment on that one,” to any questions they don’t feel like answering.)

I’m proud of Wimbledon for recently stating that everyone must abide by the rules or not enter. But I’m sure I’m going to hear the situation discussed ad nauseum during that fortnight. And I can tell you right now—my mental health will suffer for having to listen to all those (mostly “politically correct”) opinions!

They may as well have billed this soiree “Two Things That Karen Loves” because it married attractive watches with a sports team!  Tag Heuer threw this celebration at Galerie Montaigne on Melrose to trumpet that they are sponsoring the upcoming bike race, the Amgen Tour of California.

The buzzing crowd, featuring Karen Salkin, (down front, on the left, in the blue sweater,) and Michael Roth (in the front middle, with the fabulous thick hair!) Photo by Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images, as is the big one at the top of the page.

They also unveiled their new colorful jerseys, which were designed by a young artist named Alec Monopoly.  There were four models on stage during the official announcement, and Alec went along and sprayed-painted one letter from his first name on each shirt, coming up with A-L-E-C.  (I wonder if that’s why Tag Heuer chose him for the job—because he’s a tagger! I’m not even sure that I’m joking.)

In the actual race, these shirts will serve as the “Best Young Rider” jerseys, one of which is awarded at the end of each day to the—guess what?—best young rider!  (In this case, “young” translates to “under 25.”)  What a carrot to make you ride faster!  I can’t even ride a bike, but I’d try really hard, if I knew one of these artistic tops was my prize at the finish!

Kilian Muller, Alec Monopoly, and Kristin Klein. (With a special guest appearance by moi, in the background.) Photo by Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images.

Kilian Muller, (President of TAG Heuer North America,) welcomed the crowd, and then Kristin Klein, (so many “K”s—I love it!,) (who is both the President of Amgen Tour of California and Executive Vice President of AEG Sports,) explained the new partnership to the assemblage, (of which I was front and center—I wanted to get as close-up a look as possible at everyone’s timepieces—I’m a nut for good watches!)

After the brief speeches, the attractive crowd partied on either the back patio or inside the art gallery.  Or, as my friend and I, in both areas!  (And I’m happy to report that in the entire time I spent outside, there were only a handful of smokers!  Los Angeles has finally gotten hip to how disgusting that habit is.  Good for those revelers!)

The DJ. Photo by Alice Farinas.

I’m sure you all know that my favorite component of the party was the delicious, creative hor d’oeuvres from Vucacious Catering.  The tiny tidbits were so unusual that I can’t even describe most of them for you, actually.  (I do know that one was a crispy potato cake topped with salmon, crème fraiche, and caviar.) And they kept them coming all night long!

Speaking of all night, the DJ was so good that no one seemed to be anxious to leave, even when the festivities had been over for awhile.  That’s the sign of a successful event!

The only thing that would have made it better is if we had each left with a mock-up of the feted jersey of our own, so I can make believe I’m an athlete myself! And a young one, at that!!!

With the 2015 Figure Skating National Championships taking place this week, (and being televised this week-end,) I’m finally forcing myself to make some time to weigh-in on what everyone who knows how involved I am with ice skating keeps asking me for all season—my opinions on Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski replacing the former NBC analysts, Scott Hamilton and Sandra Bezic (who is, in actuality, my cousin-in-law, although we’ve met each other just a couple of times.) They worked on most of the seven competitions in this season’s Grand Pix Series, so I got that many chances to see what they brought to the table. (Or the rink, as the case may be.)

First of all, sadly, I’m not as into the sport as I was before Champions On Ice folded a few years ago, when I knew so many people on that tour. I just don’t have the time anymore. (And Stars On Ice is simply not the fun show that Champions was.)

So, I almost had to force myself to watch this year’s Grand Prix series. I still love watching skating, but it seems that a lot of the competitors are virtual strangers. No one seems to have that spark that drew us to them in years (and decades) past.

Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir.

Perhaps the popular duo of Johnny and Tara can somewhat remedy that situation.

So, here are my scoops on them: I was really sick of Scott and Sandra, who are always biased, so this new team is a big improvement to me. Even though I’m not a fan of Tara, I love Johnny, personally and professionally. (More on the personal side in a minute.)  I love his basic intellect, even if every now and then he misuses a word, like saying the skater’s arms are “astute.” [Note: I guess, in a weird way, you could say that, but you’d have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do. I’m sure that was not the word he meant.]

But Tracy Wilson, who called this season’s Cup of China, is better than all of them!  She’s peaceful and calm about it, with no superfluous words, which the rest do for the sake of talking.  She hangs back, speaks low, (as it should be,) and doesn’t make it about her.  No jokes nor personal stories. She’s the perfect commentator.

I do appreciate that Johnny is pretty honest. He pointed-out that one Japanese girl “wears her shoulders as earrings,” which is horrible posture. He also said that somebody’s jumps (or something) were dreadful. And he was correct. So, good for him. He’s like an openly gay Dick Button. (But, Johnny does dial it down for his broadcast career, which is good.)

Tara is only along because Johnny brought her along. He would’ve been just as good with any other partner…especially moi!

So, speaking of both of us, here’s our connection. I met Johnny Weir several times when he was skating with Champions On Ice. He was always nice, but on one occasion, (which turned-put to be the last ever year of that tour,) I was cracking him up with some of Mr. X’s bon mots. He asked for my card, which made me happy enough to begin with. But then he called me a few days later!!! Johnny Weir called me! I could not believe it! I really wish I had been home to receive the call, and get to talk to him, but sadly I was not. And by the time I had time to call him back, I figured he wouldn’t remember, so we just never connected.

But we ran into each other at the big Macy’s fashion show here in LA a few years ago, and he was the same as ever, even though he was much more famous at that point. It was fun to see him again.

So, back to my critique of this crew. Tara Lipinski, while improving, doesn’t really bring much to the equation. She’s kind of like Johnny Weir’s little puppet. She’s the second luckiest girl in the sports world right now, right after the creepy Erin Andrews.

But, when she had to do the analysis by herself on the penultimate competition of the series, (they didn’t tell us why, but Johnny was MIA that week,) she handled it better than in tandem! I was actually sort-of impressed. (That happened to me once. I was doing a new radio show with a partner who, though being an equal host with me, was the main guy, so I hung back a bit, and let him do the heavy lifting. But when he got suddenly sick a week into the broadcasts, I had to step up to the plate and do the whole show on my own. Frightened at first, the experience gave me wings. That may be Tara’s sitch, as well.)

One thing that Mr. X actually pointed-out is: How much does Tara even know about skating?  She won once, when she was fifteen!!!  That was almost two decades ago! And she’s been out of the sport since then! So, I feel that she’s not so much of an up-to-date expert now.

And, when they appear on camera for a minute or two on each show, Tara looks like just a giant head.

SOME OTHER NEW-SEASON NOTES

I hate that those NBC broadcasts showed us just the singles competitions. They barely even mentioned the pairs and dancers!!!  Shame on them!

And they needed to bring us up to date on the first show of season.  I always feel that I’m behind in my knowledge because the broadcast team (no matter who they are each season) act like we all know what’s happened since the Spring contests! And even die-hard fans, such as I, don’t know about piddling little competitions, or coaching changes, etc.

I absolutely hate lyrics being allowed this season, in all four disciplines. (Last year, the ice dancers were allowed to use them.) It’s so distracting. I know the sport is trying to attract younger audiences, but this is crazy.  People are so moved, both ways, by music, and when you add lyrics into the mix, it’s even more swaying of opinions. If a judge dislikes someone’s voice, or the message in the song, it’s easier to hold that against the skater, without even realizing it.

And lastly, here’s a thought that occurred to me this season, (I don’t know why) that I hope is okay to share with you: Some of these girls were just really off their game in this series of competitions, and it got me to thinking of something, that I’m shocked never, ever occurred to me before! Here it is: is it possible that being a woman at that time of month could have something to do with it? I know that I could barely do my show under those monthly conditions, and I was just talking! So, shouldn’t these young ladies be affected by cramps, bloating, mood swings, etc., like the rest of us?

Great note to leave you on, eh? But I have a feeling Johnny would appreciate it.

[Note: I hope that Mirai Nagasu and Jeremy Abbott win the Nationals.]

I hope you read my little tribute to Derek Jeter last week. I had been working on it earlier in the year, but decided to wait to finish the column until the end of the season. Little did I know how magical that ending would be! (You can read it here, if you missed it: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/sports-thoughts-derek-jeter.)

But now there’s so much new information, on his post-baseball-playing career, that I just had to do some quick updates on him.

Derek Jeter on The Tonight Show last week.

I love Derek Jeter’s new endeavors! Not only did he start a website for athletes to communicate directly with their fans, but he’s also now a book publisher! And the first two works are books he wrote!

I am a tad disappointed in him, though, because he told the reporter who interviewed him on the field, after his last game, that his post-retirement plan “is no plan.” That’s the first instance I’ve known of him fudging the truth; he’s had to be working on these projects all along! I can’t figure out a reason for that non-truth. Perhaps he didn’t want to muddy his on-field career with talking about what’s next, but he should at least have said something like, “Stay tuned.” (But that little white fib did not deter me from dreaming that he proposed to me, right after his recent appearance on The Tonight Show!*) [Note: On that show, Jimmy Fallon did all the talking! He basically just recapped to Derek what Derek had done in that last home game! I like Jimmy, but let the guest speak, for goodness sake! Especially if it’s a just-retired Derek Jeter!]

I was telling Mr. X about tDerek’s new situation, and it sounded somewhat familiar. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it, and then I realized from whence it came–it was like one of my favorite scenes from perhaps my all-time favorite movie, Gidget Goes Hawaiian! For those of you not as well-versed in this fabulous film as I am, here are the scoops: On vacation is Hawaii with their families, Gidget tells Abby, her arch-rival at the resort, that she’s too depressed over the break-up with her steady, Moondoggie, to even leave her room for the duration of the trip. So, Abby’s thrilled that she has all the cute young guys they met on the plane to herself. All of a sudden, Gidget decides to join them in the nightclub that night, and does a perfect dance with the professional dancer guy. Abby is, of course, livid. When she goes to see Gidget the next day, Abby tells her that she’s full of surprises, and asks her if there is anything else she can do. Gidget answers, “Not a thing!!!” We immediately cut to a scene of her surfing like a pro!

So that’s kind-of what I feel that Derek did; he told us that he had absolutely no plans for his life after his last game, and within three days, he had published two books and put up a professional website! He totally Gidget Goes Hawaiian-ed us!

But I’m absolutely thrilled for him! And for all the people who can benefit from reading his books, and talking to the pro athletes he put together for us. Derek Jeter continues to be a everything a man should be. You go, boy!

P. S. Despite stupid, speculative reports to the contrary, I knew he wasn’t getting married on Sunday, as every website had incorrectly predicted! After such a controlled, disciplined existence for his entire forty years of life, I didn’t think there was any chance that he would rush into something as big as marriage the second he had some freedom from all that restraint. I’m not saying that he’ll never marry his current girlfriend; I’m just saying that it wasn’t going to be the week-end after he retired from baseball.

And did you notice that, after whipping everyone into a frenzy about it, the rumors perpetrated by the press just faded away on Sunday? Derek was probably just having a retirement party. Jeez–give the guy a break!

*(In case you’re interested in what happened when Derek proposed to me in my dream, I woke-up before I answered him! So, I guess we’ll never know what my answer would have been. Yeah, right.)

I’m thrilled to be able to begin my next thousand columns with one about Derek Jeter. What a way to start!

Nothing that I write about Derek Jeter can even begin to capture the glory of this man. But he deserves every tribute that he gets, big or small, so I have to at least add my two cents.

For my readers who still think that the only people who care about Derek Jeter are sports fans, get a load of this: In March, he was #11 on Fortune Magazine’s Fifty Greatest Leaders list!  He was just two behind the Dalai Lama, for goodness sake!!!  (In case you’re curious, the Pope was first.)

Even my sports-challenged pals (like the one who once asked me, word for word, I swear, “What’s this Super-bowl you’re always talking about?,”) know who Derek Jeter is!  And it’s not even from the gossip pages, since he’s never on them!

On the national broadcast of Derek’s last game on Sunday, baseball announcer Ron Darling said that DJ was handsome, which I keep forgetting about.  I’ve always said he has the best body in baseball, and has for the entire twenty years!!!  And I also always forget to put him on my list of crushes, which is strange, for me.  I do have a small one on him, but it’s so much more than that.  I love, respect, admire, and revere him.  I wouldn’t even want to be his girlfriend because it would never be an equal relationship for me; he’s the pinnacle in sports. And men! (But Mr. X is still better, especially in the humor category. And in the putting-up-with-me one!)

But Derek Jeter transcends sports; he’s actually what every human should be–lovely, kind, conscientious, not full-of-himself, (although he has every right to be,) respectful, loving of his family, fun, intelligent, hard-working, disciplined, a great friend, and supportive teammate–shall I go on?

He’s always been one to provide thrills for Yankee fans, and his final home game of his career gave us more of the same. I had never seen him like that before. He was twitching, breathing out, and squeezing between his eyes to keep from crying. We can all sympathize, but none but a tiny few of past greats can empathize with the emotions he was feeling his last time on the field at Yankee Stadium.

How did he not cry, though?! I sobbed, loudly!, through the entire game. (Heck, I did that through the whole season!) I could not bear for his career to end. I don’t know how he kept it together. What a guy!

And then, just when we thought the game was all over, and Yanks manager Joe Girardi was going to take him out of the game with two outs in the top of the ninth inning, to what would most likely be the most intense ovation any of us has ever heard, the other team tied the game up. Against one of the most successful closing pitchers this season. So, the Yanks had to play the bottom of the inning, and someone had to get on base for Derek to come up to bat again. And that’s exactly what happened. (I’m explaining this for the few people who aren’t already aware of the drama, by the way.)

And just like that, Derek Jeter hit a walk-off base hit to win the game! His very last one in pinstripes! (And he celebrated like he was a little kid, who had just won his very first game!) OMG! Field of Dreams has nothing on this guys! If this scenario was written in a script, it would have been dismissed as hokey and not believable.

But, we all saw it with our own eyes. And I predict that it’s going to be one of those events where everyone will remember where they were when it happened. Mark my words.

There’s nothing left to say about Derek Jeter, and, at the same time, everything left to say. But even I need some time to process his career.

I just hope that there are no Hall of Fame voters who are idiotic, or contrarian, enough to not vote him in on the first ballot. He deserves to be the first unanimous electee in the history of the Hall.

On a personal note, I have two infinitesimal connections to him right now.  The first is in the “ending the major part of our New York lives” category; both of us just ended our tenures there this summer.  His is obvious, and mine is what I’ve written about a bit previously–my childhood home is no longer in my life.  So, we’re both done with half-living in New York, at the same time.  I’m as sick over him retiring from his regular life there as I am about my own situation, which, trust me, I’m pretty busted-up about.  Although, for both of us, I guess we feel relief that it’s finally over because waiting for the end, on both counts, has been uber-stressful. He’s spent twenty years there, and I spent more than twice that.  But I feel it was equally productive, and informed our presents and futures.

The second tiny thing we have in common now is that this week is a new beginning for both of us—me with my new site design, (which is still a bit of a work in progress at this point, so don’t judge quite yet,) and Derek with the rest of his post-playing life.

On that endeavor, I wish him the best of luck, and all the happiness and success, and rest!, in the world. Few people are as deserving of all of those as he.

The US Open tennis tournament seemed especially long this year. I’m sick for Roger Federer over his loss in the semi-final, but thrilled to see how great he played throughout. He can hold his head high—he lost to Marin Cilic, the young guy who won the whole thing in the next round.

So, big congrats to Marin. He really was impressive in his last four rounds. And Mr. X’s father was full Croatian, too, so it’s nice to keep it in the fam.

Goran Ivanisevic being proud of his charge for winning the whole thing. Photo by Karen Salkin.

If you’ve been following me on twitter, (@MajorCelebrity,) you know that I’ve become a big fan of Marin’s new coach, the stunningly gorgeous (and former Wimbledon Champion) Goran Ivanisevic. I never saw him play that much, but I sure paid lots of attention to him in the stands these past two weeks!

So, let’s wrap-up this tourney with first a re-cap of some of my tweets about it, and then my final thoughts on it that I saved for today. I didn’t write them down in exact order of play, so I apologize for not doing things in my usually linear-thinking way. (And the new ones are basically just about the last few rounds.)

[Note: I put the rest of the pix at the bottom this time because there are too many to share the space with the text.]

First, the most recent tweets:

How rude of @espn to not show us the interview with @EVesnina001 and #EkaterinaMakarova after their defeat of the #WilliamsSisters!

Thrilled that @EVesnina001 and #EkaterinaMakarova beat the full-of-themselves #WilliamsSisters!  Great job, ladies!

I don’t know which lady to root for now!  I like 6 of the 7 left; all except #SerenaWilliams. So I’m going to be sad a few times.

@Pengshuai1 is the loveliest winner since @KimClijstersPro!  So happy for her.

Love that @vika7 is so classy. She gave full credit to the girl who beat her, and didn’t even mention she had food poisoning.  Serena Williams needs to take lessons from her.  Serena not only doesn’t give anyone else credit when she gets beaten, but she makes-up fake illnesses!!!

Now, here are my non-tweeted second week thoughts:

Roger Federer has the most gorgeous hands I’ve ever seen!!! (Sorry—they move so fast, I have no pix of them for you.)

Conversely, why does creepy Genie Bouchard wear kabuki make-up on her face? It’s just so weird—it really stands-out from her tan skin.

And what is up with Boris Becker’s elbow? Mr. X pointed it out to me, and I assumed he had just bumped it, but it appears permanent. Talk about tennis elbow!!!

I love that Vika Azarenka and Gael Monfils are best friends!!!  That’s so perf.

Once the team of Ekaterina Makarova and Elena Vesnina beat the Williams sisters in the quarters of the doubles, we never heard of them again!!! I swear, I watched every second of the coverage on ESPN and CBS, and even some on the Tennis Channel, and they never mentioned the Ladies Doubles after the Williams’ got eliminated. Disgusting of them. I actually had to just look up the final results right now! And guess what—Makarova/Vesnina won the whole thing! I’m so happy for them, even if ESPN and CBS are not!

Okay, I know I didn’t comment or tweet about Kei Nishikori’s bad teeth, but when I first noticed them, (in his colossal win against Milos Raonic,) I was too exhausted to debate with myself as to whether that would be helpful or unkind. Now that I’ve had several days to think about it, I realize it would, indeed, be helpful to him. If his team doesn’t care about his marketability to tell him to at least whiten them, someone has to, and I guess it falls to me. He’s a cute young guy otherwise, but when he smiles, it’s just gross.

(And now that I know that Kei’s the fifth biggest money-earner on the men’s tour, mainly due to his Japanese endorsements, I’m shocked that he never fixed his teeth before! He can definitely afford veneers!!! Or, at the very least, braces and whitener! They could be whole new endorsements for him, too!)

And while we’re on looks, what is up with Serena’s tattooed brows? Doesn’t she have enough money to get them looking better than that?! It’s been awhile now.

At the end of Roger’s stunning loss in their semi-final match, Roger told Marin at the net, “I’m happy for you.”  And he meant it.  What a guy.

I never realized that Goran Ivanisevic was so gorgeous when he was playing. I think it’s because he beefed-up a bit now, which is sexier. And I’ve never, ever thought a guy with a beard is attractive before. Ever. Really.

At the depressing end of the women’s final, how rude of Serena to lie there in her victory, keeping her opponent, and supposed best friend, waiting at the net for almost a minute.
That was a nice, sweet, classy speech from runner-up Caroline Wozniacki.

Did anyone else notice that the crowd always lowers their cheering when Serena is announced or talks? It’s very obvious.

I think the only honest thing I’ve ever heard come out of Serena’s mouth was her getting emotional at her win.

I don’t think anyone could have handled this loss better than Caroline did.

Why do the commentators refuse to say that Serena’s “coach” is her boyfriend?  They out everyone else’s private life, but won’t mention this because he was a married man when she started up with him.

How can they say that Serena is the greatest, when Steffi Graf has four more Majors titles, and could have kept going? And Steffi had much tougher opponents than Serena’s had over the years.

And most shocking about the analysts is that they still laud Serena, even after that evil (and criminal, in my opinion,) abuse of the lines-woman here five years ago!  She threatened to “shove the ball” down the lines-woman’s throat, for goodness sake! Over a correct call! And she never even apologized and repented! She should have received a lifetime ban from tennis for that! And the woman should have filed criminal charges against Serena! Maybe the ITP should take a lesson from the NFL over this Ray Rice situation!

Okay, that topic riled me up so much that I have to go calm down now.

But, if you missed my bon mots on the first week of the US Open, you can always check them out here: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/sports-thoughts-us-open-2014-updates

And, that should be it for my tennis reporting…until next June! I usually sit-out the Australian and French Opens for some reason. Maybe because I just don’t have the time to watch every second of them, and I wouldn’t do it any other way.

I seriously did nothing this past holiday week-end outside of watch the US Open! It took me forever, but I’m finally caught-up. So, I’m too bleary-eyed to transcribe my notes into coherent sentences.

I can’t even tell you on which days I wrote each one. But I didb;t want to let more days go by without weighing in on my second favorite tennis tourney, so here they are, as incoherent as some (or many) of them may be.

They’ll be followed by some of my tweets from throughout the tournament, which I’ll continue to do for the duration, so, if you’d like to see them, please follow me @MajorCelebrity.

And I’ll publish a whole wrap-up next week, after the Monday Men’s Final, of course, with better (and more) photos, as well.

I’m so sorry, but even though I’ve taken hundreds (literally) of photos during this tourney, to go with my “reviews,” we just couldn’t get them in here in time for publictaion today. We’ll add them all to next week’s US Open Wrap-up.

Here goes:

The best part of the Bellis long match is that ESPN almost totally ignored the Eugenie Bouchard one. Ha!

Hey announcers–Genie Bouchard is not the “it girl!” You’re trying desperately to make her so, for some indecipherable reason, but she’s not. The stadium was practically empty for her night match that night!!! All she is is pretty.

I wish the ESPN peeps would stop making excuses for Venus Williams. Everyone has physical crosses to bear, but they don’t announce those every second. In the past, Roger Federer has had a bad back, mono, etc., but they never talk about that.

The ESPN announcers obviously don’t know the meaning of the word “gracious” to always say that Venus Williams is it!

Why do they never show the celebs??? Finally, on night four, they showed a quick montage of them, which included Clinton and the Timberlakes. It would have been fun to see which matches they were actually at. But they did show Michael Jordan ad nauseam, and Alec Baldwin the same.

I love that Novak Djokovic is so honest; I’ve seen him give away points in the past, and this time, he told on himself that he challenged a point, when he already won it and then would lose it. He’ll be a great dad.

With hi-def television, maybe these women should look into mustache removal.  Even Maria Sharapova was not exempt!

I love all the blue and pink outfits!  It looks like the wardrobe sponsors raided my wardrobe!

I love Mirjana Lubic-Baroni’s story, as everyone does.

Even though I was torn in her matches against Lubic-Baroni and Wozniaki, I’m a fan of Sara Errani.

Why does Genie Bouchard constabnly wear white kabuki make-up? I hope she doesn’t get any cosmetics sponsors!

I really appreciate that Caroline Wozniacki and Victoria Azarenka make the effort to wear eye make-up.  The sport needs some glamour.

The two funniest things I’ve ever seen in the sport were Caroline Wozniacki trying to hit the ball with her hair caught in her racket, and Roger Federer hitting his opponent by accident, and then joining in the laugh when he realized.

How gorgeous is former champion Goran Ivanisevic?!  The answer–very!!!

CBS anchor Adam Zucker is kind-of cute. But just kind-of.

Caroline Wozniacki handled her victory over Maria Sharapova, and handshake, absolutely correctly.  She was thrilled, smiled and took it all in, but didn’t overdo it nor keep her opponent waiting at the net.  She put on a genuinely apologetic face for the handshake, and then let her happiness shine through. Good for her!  You go, girl!

Roger Federer’s former coach, Paul Annacone, said of him, “He’s able to dig into that pool of relentless optimism.”  Great statement.

Sunday night was the absolute first time I’ve ever seen Roger sweat.  And his shirt wasn’t even that wet, though everyone else was dripping.

But it’s hard to look at these guys sweat.  It actually makes me more than a little queasy, even, dare I say it, when it’s Roger.

I feel awful that Dick Enberg got so screwed by the rain. CBS brought him back to call Roger’s match on Sunday, but after just a few games, it poured, and then CBS went off the air! It was great to hear him call tennis again, though, even for just those few games.

The Tennis Channel people don’t shut up during the points!!!  How rude!  And they’re the actual channel of the sport!!! I definitely tweeted this one! At them!

I swear, within about a a half hour of my tweeting it, the Tennis Channel guys actually did stop talking a little!!!  Finally, I felt the power of Twitter!

I think the only person who wasn’t the least bit concerned when Fed was so far down in the first set, and then lost it, was Fed!!!

Martina Hingis got so great-looking!!!  Who would thunk it?

I think I really like Jelena Jankovic’s loose-fitting purple and blue dress.

Why would so many players choose to wear black clothing?!  Didn’t they know about the weather report, with the heat and humidity?

Stop asking Novak to dance! He doesn’t need the extra work-out, and he’s awful at it!

Victoria Azarenka is my favorite female player, for so many reasons.  She’s always so good on the court, nice, and grateful.  Last night, when being interviewed on-set, she said, “Sometimes you forget that life is beautiful; it’s as simple as that.  You’re blessed to do what u want.” “Sometimes, in the tough moments, you forget that [about being grateful,] but if you keep reminding yourself that there’s a new day and you can do something better, I think it’s great.”

I hate saying this, but Heidi Klum was an idiot last night. She was sitting in one of the players’ boxes during a tense match, and kept joking around, feeling guys’ chests and arms, lying on one of their shoulders, and generally fooling around while the player’s coaches and relatives were totally stressing. So very, very rude of her. She should be ashamed of herself. I’d tweet at her, but someone who’s that age should know how to act already, and shouldn’t need me to point-out her dreadful behavior.

MY US OPEN TWEETS

In case you missed them live, here are just a few of my tweets about the US Open, including the hashtags and “@”s because I’m too exhausted to remove them right now.

I’m telling you one out of order, for a reason. Last night, an ESPN commentator, Chris Fowler, said something on-air that he shouldn’t have, and I tweeted at him about it. Guess what? He actually answered me, apologizing for it, and saying he regretted it right away. Having done lots of live television myself, I felt his pain. And I give him tons of props for tweeting back at me to let me know he was very aware of his error. Very classy move.

If you want to see my upcoming tweets this week, please follow me @MajorCelebrity.

Now, here are my tweets from this first week of the US Open, with no further description:

Pervak’s outfit is the single worst-looking one I’ve ever seen! Maybe she’s trying to distract her opponents with it. The ugly outfit looks like her mother made it!

Why would #DanielleCollins wear a black dress in that NY heat?! And it looks sort-of plastic, too! Ugh.

Back to the #USOpen2014. Doesn’t it look like @JoWillyTsonga lost a lot of weight? He looks like a different guy to me.

I love @cicibellis99’s adorable blue & white outfit! If it looked as cute on me as it does on her, I would wear it every day! [Note: CiCi Bellis favorited it!!!]

I can’t wait for the hybrid #RogerFederer-#michaeljordan sneaker! Emphasis on the #RogerFederer part.

I’m upset that #AggieRadwanska is out bc I loved her black, white, and yellow polka-dotted outfit! So cute.

I think I’m going to cry–that was the nicest post-hard-fought-match hug between winner @andreapetkovic and opponent @MonicaAce93.

Why is #HannahStorm allowed to cover #tennis? She just proudly called @stanwawrinka “Dan” instead of “Stan!” What an idiot she is!

If looks counted, (and they do with me!,) @ryanharrison92 would beat #Grigordimitrov every time.

Good to see #PamShriver finally caring about her looks! So, good for her!

Funniest thing I’ve seen in years: @CaroWozniacki trying to hit the ball with her hair stuck in her racquet! I needed that laugh.

Look how cute @ChrissieEvert looks with a #Ponytail!

Love @vika7 She expresses herself so well, much better than most of the Americans! You go, girl! Thrilled she’s back and winning.

OMG!!! #PamShriver just finally pronounced @Petra_Kvitova’s last name right! It just took her about 8 years, but better late…

Why would anyone in the world root for #geniebouchard? She’s not nice, full of herself, and overall nasty. What a supreme creep.

#USOpen I cannot even express how much I love @rogerfederer. And not like a crush; just as the loveliest, most talented person ever! Wow.

I love @DjokerNole’s honesty; he said he challenged a point he already won, even tho that made him lose it. He’ll be a great dad.

What a great win for @CaroWozniacki! I’m so happy for her. #rorymcilroy who?!

OMG! @rogerfederer’s blue outfit today is mouth-watering!!!

One of my two favorite tennis tournaments, the US Open, is starting on Monday. (The other is, of course, Wimbledon, by the way.)

Usually I begin my write-up of it that morning, to let everyone know that I’m going to be out of commission for the next two weeks. (Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate at this time to be able to do that this go-round.)

But this year, the Emmys came really early, disrupting my sports watching. So I’m giving you early notice about the tennis next week, in case you’re a fan, as well, and wanted the reminder that it’s on. Tomorrow will begin my Emmys coverage, including news of the attendant gifting suites.

But never fear, tennis fans–now that I’m finally getting into the swing of using Twitter, (@MajorCelebrity,) I have a feeling I’ll be tweeting about some of the players’ (and announcers’–remember, nobody’s safe with me!,) looks, outfits, and behavior. And of course, my daily love and admiration of Roger Federer. (Not to mention my relief that defending champ Rafael Nadal will be sitting this one out!)

Let the games begin!