The idea for this column came to me as I was brushing my teeth one morning last week. And then I realized that I hadn’t published a “list” recently, (in over eight years, as a matter of fact,) which was one of my most popular categories back then. So I decided to go with it.

Me, while writing this!

Back in the day, I used to just enumerate the items on each list, but now that I’m a bit more of a writer, I’ve added some explanations for you.

So here are the ones that came to me at the sink that day; the small number here means that you should expect Things That Drive Me Crazy Part II in the near future.

Let’s get to them, just in the order I jotted them down:

1) When people think they’re classy to refer to “Afternoon Tea” as “High Tea.” Especially after I’ve explained the difference to them, so they should know better. If they only knew how classless that really makes them sound to people in the know. While Afternoon Tea is a lovely, classy repast of finger sandwiches, scones, and sweet treats, (sometimes accompanied by classical music,) served in the afternoon, (duh,) High Tea is a peasant supper, consisting of meat pies, sausage rolls, crusty bread, and the like, and eaten after 5PM. We Americans need to feel fortunate that Afternoon Tea is the one we offer in this country, and…know the difference and label it correctly!!! Enough with dummies already. (If you’re interested to learn more, here’s the link to a full article I wrote on the topic a couple of years ago: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/national-daydiningkarens-lessons-happy-national-tea-day.)

The tea meal differences, explained beautifully.

2) News people and sportscasters with awful voices and speech impediments! Who is hiring these people?! Hearing them is worse than nails on a chalkboard for me.

3) When people erroneously say, “Me and my friend,” as opposed to “My friend and I!” (The same for all terms like that—“me and my children,” “me and my husband,” “me and her”; you get it.) Who is teaching our children???  I’ve heard supposedly smart/educated people, (including producers and teachers!,) talking like that recently, and I’m shocked every time. If you’re someone who wants to better yourself, here’s the rule: Always put yourself last! Period. And referring to yourself as “me” or “I” is decided by how the sentence would read if you eliminated the other person or people.

4)  Actually, now that I’m getting riled-up about incorrect language for the umpteenth time, I get sick from all the other grammatical errors I hear on a daily basis. Especially the ones I hear on TV, at which I shout corrections from the couch! People thinking that “brought” and “bought” are the same word is particularly maddening. (If you don’t understand the difference yourself, and want to better yourself, this tutorial is for you: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/karens-lessons-the-difference-between-bought-and-brought.)

5)  The use of the word “they” for a single person, when “they” has referred to multiple people for thousands of years now! I’m absolutely fine with people referring to themselves as “non-binary”; I want everyone to be happy. If you feel like you’re neither male nor female, or both, great. But please, someone, come up with a new word for non-binary people already!!! One that indicates one person, not more than one, as “they” does. It should be something like “he,” “she,” or “me.”  There are seventeen other available letters to put in front of “e”!!! So please, everyone, anyone, come up with one of them, pronto.

The new tipping screens that are popping up everywhere!

6)  Relatively new almost-mandatory tipping at just about every place! I’m not talking about at restaurants—that must be done. Servers are running back and forth, juggling dishes and personalities, and really working to give you a good dining experience. They deserve compensation for all that. On the other hand, people who hand you a cookie at a bakery should not get tipped! But, if you pay with a credit card, you don’t seem to have a choice these days. Your “choice of tip” pops up on the screen, and you can’t sign your bill without choosing a percent or “custom tip,” or the dreaded, (and usually deserved,) “no tip.” With the personnel watching you the whole time! I was at an out-of-town bakery recently, where it was all the older woman owner could do to help me. She finally handed me a paper bag with a half dozen very old (tasting and smelling) cookies, and I added a very overpriced eclair that I had taken from the cabinet myself, and then I was supposed to tip her! For what? “Tip” actually means “to insure promptness,” so it had nothing at all to do with my experience in that bakery. I repeat—at all! On top of all that, these machines and receipts used to have tip amount choices of 10%, 15%, and 20%. Now they begin at 20%, and go up from there! The whole thing is ridiculous.

7) Drunk people. There’s no excuse for it. And it’s never funny, charming, or attractive. Period.

Because I’ve been unable to use my hands a lot for the past ten months, (but they’re getting much better now, knock on wood,) I had shaved my legs only once since early July. I couldn’t use my hands until November, and it was almost with great joy that I shaved them again that day.

It was still pretty much of an ordeal for my messed-up hands, and since it’s winter, I figured I could get away without doing it for another few months. Then a kind friend invited me out for a post-Christmas dinner, and we decided to shop a sale or two before, since I haven’t even done that in almost a year! So in the shower that morning, I realized, darn–I have to shave the legs again! (Not for the dinner, of course; for the shopping aspect of the evening! We were planning on going to just classy department stores, which means I’d be in my own room and no one would see the legs, shaved or otherwise, but a shopping girl should always be prepared for every eventuality. And we don’t know which dressing rooms have cameras nowadays! Or anyplace else for that matter.)

By the way–of course I know that I could have gone someplace to have my legs waxed during my hand ordeal, but I didn’t do it for two reasons. One is that poor Mr. X was driving me all over town every day—to doctors appointments, hand therapists, all kinds of health tests, surgery, you name it. So the last thing he needed to do was drive me out to get my legs waxed! The other reason is that getting legs waxed is killer pain, and the last thing I’ve needed for these past seven months is more pain.

So while I was in the shower shaving those babies, I thought of this list of the only reasons to ever shave them:

1) New boyfriend

2) Summer

3) Drag queen

4) Pool party

5) Shopping

6) Even if it’s not summer, if your legs are going to show

7) If twenty or more people are going to see your bare legs

Wow, that’s perhaps the shortest list I’ve ever written! If you can think of any others, please share them in the Comments section below.

In this week between Passover and Easter, two of my favorite foodie holidays, I can’t help but think about some of my favorite foods through the years. And being in Brooklyn again, where all of my favorite foods are located, just magnifies those thoughts.

Between gaining weight from meds for my hands, (never take prednisone if you want to stay thin!,) having to stop exercising because of my broken back, and finding out that I have super-high cholesterol, (which I never even knew what that word meant!,) I finally realize that I, a foodie from the get-go of life, have to change my crappy diet, which has been one of the great joys of my life.

In high school, when my posse and I spent many a night on our “hang-out” block, we had to go into an eatery for part of the night, to sit down, be out of whatever elements we were facing in New York, and recharge before we continued flirting with the boys. My friends, who were all of normal weight or a tad chubby shall we say, consumed just diet cokes and pickles, while skinny I had a hot fudge sundae. All by myself!

Hostess cupcakes.

My teenage diaries mention what delicious meals I ate every day, especially the ones at restaurants. And I lived on chocolate confections. For breakfast, daily, I had some chocolate cake creation, (Ring Dings, Hostess cupcakes, bakery brownies, and when I was really little–Ebinger’s famous chocolate black-out cake,) and the same thing again as an after-school snack and before bed one, too. How was I not obese??? And how kind of my parents to allow it! (Or just crazy of them.) I didn’t like breakfast food, and still sort-of don’t, but I can’t eat just chocolate for breakfast anymore. (Although a small stack of chocolate chip pancakes and whipped cream is my perennial favorite. I actually had that very same dish here in Brooklyn yesterday, at a place named after my own little mother!)

And when I was really young, like two to four years old, I wouldn’t eat anything other than hot dogs, watermelon, and cucumbers! What a diet, eh? For a real treat, I had chocolate milk and little round soup crackers. I can still taste that deliciousness as I write this. Mmm mmm mmm.

I even refused to eat pizza until I was close to twelve! And it was a rare occasion that I agreed to eat a cold sandwich. On school trips, when we were required to bring sandwiches for lunch, my mother had to invent one I would agree to: a “bread and butter sandwich.” The teachers must have thought I was poverty stricken because they had to conclude that my family couldn’t afford the filling! When one friend’s mother got me to eat a cheese sandwich, (to be polite mainly, but also because the white American cheese looked so exotic to me,) it was a source of pride for that family, and a source of amazement for mine!

When we went on family trips, (which was often; both my parents were teachers, so we all had the same time off from school,) my embarrassed ‘rents had to beg breakfast restaurants to fire-up the grill at the crack of dawn to make me a hot dog because I refused to eat anything else. (I wish my mother was still here to ask her what they were going through with me in those times. And that she was still here period, but that’s another topic.)

I wouldn’t even eat steak, salad, shrimp, or cheesecake until I came out to LA as a late teenager, and had no money, so I had to force myself to eat what was offered.

And now, as a semi-grown-up, I still have what some consider weird tastes. And strong dislikes. So the following is my list of the top picks of both of those, even though I may have to give some up soon. The last list is of food dichotomies for me. I know you all have some of those, too, so please feel free to share in the Comments section below.

LOVES

Chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream.

Whipped cream!!!

Chocolate chip pancakes

Proper scones

Chocolate ganache cake

Spaghetti and meatballs

Ice cream

Potatoes

Grilled hot dogs

Rye toast

Frozen custard

Vanilla sauce

Mexican hot chocolate

Dessert in general

LIKES

Most fruits

Steak

Burgers

Pizza

Salad

Most vegetables

Grilled sausages

Tea sandwiches

Grilled cheese sandwiches

Cheesecake

HATES

Coffee, the worst substance on earth!!!

E-words!

Truffle Oil

Olives

Lemon

The taste of all alcohols, especially vomit beer

Lima beans

Sushi

Capers

Mustard

DISLIKES

All seafood, except for shrimp, swordfish, and wahoo

Fruit pies

Curries

Tiramisu

Miso soup

DICHOTOMIES

Like regular strawberries, but hate strawberry ice cream

Love guacamole, but dislike avocado

Love real cherries, but can’t stand them as an ingredient in anything, like cakes, pies, ice cream

I dislike the taste of tea, in general, but love it during afternoon tea–go figure.

Now that I have hi-def TVs, I sometimes wish that I didn’t. We got them to be able to see last summer’s Olympics in all their glory, and that situation was great. The images of London were just spectacular. And I can’t wait to see all the fireworks shows next Fourth of July.

But now the reality sets in. We get to see every…single…person who’s on television the way they look in person, which is usually far from great, and even worse, we now have giant screens as well. In many cases, these people look terrible.

I’m not saying that I’d fare any better if I were still doing my show, but at least I have good teeth and hair and not many wrinkles. Yet.

Here’s my list of people I’ve seen so far in hi-def whom I wish I hadn’t, and the feature that got them on this list. [Note: as I’m writing this, I actually feel bad about it. Most are probably nice people, but I thought you’d enjoy a little snarking. And it’s not meant to be mean at all, or even funny, for that matter. It’s just honest.]

See if you agree, and if I missed anyone. [Note #2: I actually wrote most of this list about ten months ago, which explains the plethora of sports personalities on it, but have been sitting on it because I was worried that perhaps it’s a tad too honest. So, just take it with a grain of salt, and if you’re not an on-screen personality, count your blessings nowadays!]

Hope Solo.

Hope Solo—her skin is as rotten as her personality.

Will Ferrell–skin and teeth

Gabby Douglas—teeth, especially bottom ones, and skin and hair

Michael Keaton—wrinkles galore

Dennis Murphy (reporter on Dateline)—dandruff

Bobby Valentine (former Mets and Red Sox manager)– I used to think he was kind-of cute-looking, for an older, rough man, but when I saw his nose hair, and even worse, his ear hair, I almost threw-up!

Jordyn Wieber—I hate including her in here, because she already had all that sadness in the Olympics, but as bad as I feel for her, did you notice her uneven nostrils? I wonder if that can be fixed.

Serena Williams—take your pick here from among the plethora of things I didn’t want to see: sideburns, moustache, splotchy skin, and disheveled brows. But I do give her credit for losing weight. (At least she had when I first put her on this list many months ago. I haven’t seen her recently because I didn’t pay much attention to the recent French Open.)

John McEnroe–his white nose hairs are what inspired this column to begin with!  But, after suffering through having to look at his pasty-white skin, and dull white hair, during the Olympics, I was thrilled to discover that he got a spray tan and colored his hair for the US Open!  Trust me on how much those small changes helped! Let’s hope he’s kept them up for next week’s Wimbledon coverage.

Tracey Austin–wrinkled face and arms! I’m sure that’s all due to her many hours on the outdoor tennis courts, especially in the years before sunscreen. Let that be a lesson to all you sun lovers! Still has the lovely hands and nails, though.

Megan Hilty—I’ve seen her on every episode of Smash, and even in person at a show she did in town a few years ago, but I had never noticed that her arms and chest are full of very dark moles!!! So, I guess that hi-def could become a dermatologist’s dream!

Steve Buscemi–teeth, of course! I always wondered how his wife could kiss him, and then, on an awards show walk-ins, I noticed hers are bad, too!

Tina Fey—mouth scar. I didn’t know it was that bad. But it sure hasn’t kept her down! Good to know. But I hadn’t realized she had a nose job until hi-def!

Emily VanCamp—big nose, little teeth, no lips, and drooped eyelids. But somehow, she’s still attractive! You go, girl.

On the good side: tennis commentator Mary Jo Fernandez’s hair is even more shiny and gorgeous!

As you know, I recently got back from a month and a half in New York. I was in more people’s abodes there than I usual am in Los Angeles. And, since I sometimes stayed elsewhere than my own Brooklyn crib, I was at the mercy of others on the occasions that I forgot to bring an item I consider a necessity. (And vice versa for my overnight guests!)

Some necessities of life!

The whole process got me thinking of some of the things I can’t believe that people don’t have in their houses, items I absolutely could not live without on close to a daily basis. Some I discovered on my trip, and some I’ve noticed in L.A.

Either way, I’d love to know if I’m alone in my requirements, so please feel free to tell me what you need to use frequently in your own happy home.

Here’s my list of things I’m shocked that people don’t have in their houses. Most are self-explanatory, but I included a few personal stories:

Dish towels—I used to stay at a house for a few weeks a year, and couldn’t believe they had no dishtowels, especially with a rambunctious child around. I offered to buy them some, but the mom told me that she thinks they’re nasty to have around after one use. I can actually see that point. But we had to use more paper towels than is fair to the earth.

Trash can in the kitchen—The same mom wouldn’t allow a trash can in the kitchen because she thought we would miss when we threw things in, so we had to go all the way to the bathroom when we wanted to throw something out. That situation was odd.

Sugar—A pal thinks sugar is bad for us, so she has only the fake packets in her house—you know the stuff that is really bad for us!

Honey—The same friend has no honey, either. This one I can actually understand a house being without, if they don’t drink tea ever. (And don’t have guests who do!) But, being a natural antibiotic, it really does come in handy in so many ways that I could not live without it!

Pot holders—I don’t even cook, yet I have multiple pot holders in both my houses!!! You need them when things come out of the microwave, for goodness sake! And to place hot plates on, for personal use, and as emergency trivets!

QTips—Okay, please explain to me how some of you don’t have at least the cheap-o cotton swabs in your house! Don’t any of you groom??? I use them in multiple ways: for grooming, cuts, cleaning tiny household areas, for make-up emergencies—you name it. They’re the handiest things, yet few people I know, know that! Did they grow up in barns? And are none of them girls who need to remove eye make-up?

Cotton balls/pads—On the same tip, how does one get through a day without balls or pads of even fake cotton??? Even Mr. X finds uses for them. And when Clarence was alive, forget about it! Does everyone else leave that creepy crust by their dog’s eyes? And what about their own? Ugh.

Shower caps—I’m not talking about these for guests because the inside of the plastic touches one’s hair, and that’s not something anyone wants to share. But they don’t even have them for themselves! Does everyone wash their hair every day? I can understand for men and females with short hair. But hair techs always tell us to wait at least two days in-between, and boy, are they correct! I used to wash mine every day, until it looked awful, and then a new hair person made me wait a few days, and it came back looking great. And what did I use to shower on those non-hair-washing days? A shower cap, of course!!! (And guess what? I always have unopened ones for guests, just in case.)

Napkins—No lie. I’ve been to many a house where there’s nary a napkin to be found! This one I can’t fathom. I did inherit napkin-obsession from my parents, but we always went to many eateries where we took too many and didn’t want to throw them out. And they always come in handy. But, a giant pack of napkins is so inexpensive that I can’t imagine anyone eschewing them for home use!

Wash cloths—How do people wash their faces without using a washcloth to take off the cleanser? There must be a lot of people running around with really dirty faces!

Ice!—No fooling. Mr. X and I were at a party late last year, where, of course, soda was being served. I asked where the ice was, and the wife answered, “We don’t have any.” I can understand people not buying extra bags for their soiree, but what about just the cubes in the freezer, for daily use? They didn’t have those, either. On the way home, Mr. X commented, “They must be really healthy.” I asked why he thought that, and he answered, “Because they have no ice! They must not get any injuries.” We’re still scratching our heads over that one!

Pens!!!–This final story is one of my favorites. When Mr. X would leave town to work or see his family, I was always too scared to sleep home alone, so I stayed with different pals. One night, I stayed in the gorgeous, pristine, all-white house of my friend, D, one of the best-looking, best-dressed guys ever! Classy, as well. (I had met him shopping in Tiffany’s, and he was so immaculate-looking that I mistook him for a sales guy there! He was a fan of my show, and we became fast friends.)

The next morning, D went to work, and I stayed in my room, luxuriating in the cleanliness. I checked my machine (remember—it was the olden days,) and there was a message from a network that they needed to see me right away! I knew the message would delete when I hung-up (see previous aside,) and I had paper, but no pen. Frantically, I ran around his house looking for one, to no avail. Had I been in my own house, I would have had my choice of hundreds of them in a nano-second!

When he called later, I told him who had called me, but that I missed the gig because I couldn’t find a pen. He answered, “Oh, I have it with me.” I asked, “You have what with you?” And he said the famous words I always quote, “The pen.” The pen??? Shocked, I then asked, “You have only one pen???” To which he queried back, “How many do I need?” Mr. X sure wishes some of this guy’s philosophies had rubbed off on me!

Okay, that’s it for now. I’m sure more will come to me soon, and I’ll be happy to pass them on. But right now, I have to run out and get extra supplies to carry around with me!

Awhile ago, while watching an early Go On, Matthew Perry held his hand up, and I was shocked to see that the top of his middle was missing! Assuming it was just a weird optical illusion, I (as I do with most things in life nowadays,) researched it.

I was even more shocked to find out just how many very public figures have these situations, with the public never hearing about. Or me noticing them, which is even weirder.

So, here’s a list of the ones I just found-out about (six toes, anyone?,) followed by some of the very old school ones I “heard tell about” from my elders, in my formative years.

CURRENT

Megan Fox's thumb. I didn't want to freak you out, so I left her face in this photo.

Megan Fox—“clubbed” thumbs. But I’m sure, given the choice, most people would choose to live with those weird little piggies if they could also look like her everywhere else!

Matthew Perry—as I mentioned in the opening, he’s missing the tip of his right middle finger, due to an accident when he was young. I believe he got it caught in a door. That must have been traumatic. But I never once noticed it on Friends! How is that even possible? Especially when he gesticulated all the time!

Vince Vaughn—speaking of thumbs, have you ever seen the right one on this guy? He lost the tip of it when he was a teen, but it looks like the nail still grows.

Darryl Hannah—her left pointer finger is missing the tip due to an accident when she was really little.

Rahm Emanuel—as I just learned on a recent Rock Center, this dude is missing about half of his right middle finger. It looks like a punishment a third world country would dole out to a kid who gave some higher-up the finger!

Jennifer Garner—moving on from the hands, this poor chick has messed-up toes, especially the pinky one. Trust me on this one—I can almost guarantee that Ben Affleck has never sucked those babies!

Kate Hudson—she has six toes on her left foot! Years ago, I had seen a producer with that situation, and it actually freaked me out. Why would they choose to wear flip-flops?

OLD SCHOOL

Pat Hingle—lost his left pinky in a near-fatal accident in 1960.

Bill Cullen—I never noticed anything strange about this famous old game show host of my youth, outside of that my mother and nanny couldn’t stand him for some reason. But, he had polio as a kid, which left his lower body really messed-up, and gave him a lot of trouble walking. I wasn’t the only one in the dark,though, because all his producers had him sitting behind a desk as the show began, rather than the big deal entrances they do now.

Herbert Marshall—this wonderful star of so many black and white movies I have watched over the years was missing a leg. You could never tell in those films! He lost it when he served in the British Army during World War 1.

Gary Burghoff–Burghoff’s left hand is withered and misshapen, which I’ve never seen in all the MASH re-runs! But, someone close to me worked with him on a subsequent project and pointed it out. I was shocked that I had missed it!

Aren’t you glad I let you in on this?! Actually, if you’re a schadenfreude fan, you’re probably just a wee bit happy to learn that these famous and wealthy people have pain in their lives, too. Okay, I have to go admire my perfect thumbs now!

As I was sitting in the audience on opening night of One Night With Janis Joplin at the Pasadena Playhouse, I was thinking of how Adam Lambert’s incredible talent has ruined me for just about any other singer. The star of that musical, channeling Janis, was wonderful, but her co-star, who played a few old-time blues singers, did nothing for me, though the audience went wild for her.

Adam Lambert.

And I realized that since I first heard Adam sing in person in 2004, really no one else does it for me anymore. As a matter for fact, the third time I heard him, when I hadn’t seen him for a few years and didn’t recognize him, so his performance of I’m Changing from Dreamgirls was a surprise to me, was so much of a game-changer that I told him afterwards that it was a religious experience! (He’s so adorable that he just laughed and told me I’m so funny.)

So, I started trying to conjure up the other voices I’ve loved through the years, and I realized that, truly, all of them preceded Adam! Every single one. But their voices are all amazing, and they really touch my soul.

So, here’s that super-short list of my favorite voices of all time, in order:

Adam Lambert

Sammy Davis, Jr.

Johnny Mathis

Jennifer Holliday

Martin Short

Hugh Jackman

Clay Aiken

Patti LaBelle

Ray Buktenica (If you’re not familiar with that name, he’s mainly a televison and movie actor who’s also done professional musicals, and my soul gets soothed every time I hear him sing. I wish it were more often.)

I know that Martin Short is a surprise on the list, but listen to him sometime. I love that guy’s voice!

Okay, what singers do it for you? Please feel free to share in the Comments below.

Even after one hundred years with Mr. X, he still can’t keep my crazy rules for eating and drinking straight. They all seem so self-evident me to me, but I guess not to everyone else.

So, here are some of my basic ones. See if you share any with me, or apprise us of some of your own in the Comments section below.

Milk must be drunk out of glass glasses.

Water and soda must be from plastic glasses. (Like Tupperware plastic, not throw-away ones.)

Water must be super-cold from the refrigerator, unless it’s to just swallow one pill; then it can be room temp.

Hot foods must be really hot! (Temperature-wise.)

Soup and cereal must be eaten with big soup spoons; oatmeal and ice cream with normal size ones.

All plastic utensils must be thick, reusable plastic, not like for a picnic.

Soda must have ice in it and be drunk with a straw.

All beverage ice must be cubed, not crushed.

(Okay, even I think I sound kind-of nuts now!)

Cereal must be in a big bowl; oatmeal and pasta must be in a small, flat bowl.

All salads must be served in a giant flat bowl, and really chopped-up.

All peanut butter sandwiches must be on bread that’s either toasted or at least hot.

All tea must contain honey.

All scones must be served with real clotted cream.

All sweet treats must be accompanied by ice cold milk.

Hot chocolate must be accompanied by something that’s not chocolate, like cinnamon toast or a toasted bagel.

Which reminds me, all bagels must be toasted!!!

Hot dogs must have ketchup and onions on them, preferably with the bun toasted.

Okay, that’s it…for now. Is anybody out there as crazy as I in this area? I hope not, for everybody’s sake.

This list came to me as I was writing yet another column. Duh.

I’ve been noticing that there are certain words I absolutely hate typing. I don’t know why. But every time I come to one, I notice that I stop in my tracks, and try to come up with an easier-to-type synonym. Like I notice I often substitute “pal” for “friend,” even though I feel those two have very different meanings. I actually agonize over it, but the lesser word usually wins out.

On a side note, I hate typing in general, and actually use only three fingers! Weird for someone who typed all my old boyfriend’s papers in college and law school! (A lot that got me, by the way!) And equally strange for someone who types every single word that appears in this E-zine!

So, here’s the list, which I had to force myself to type!!! The things I do for the entertainment of others.

Friends

Together—I usually type it so badly that spellcheck doesn’t even recognize it!!!

Boyfriend

From—so simple, yet I always write “form,” which never gets corrected by spell-check because it’s a word! They don’t know what I mean to write.

Want—the same with this word. I always wind-up with “wnat” on the desktop and laptop, and the crazy iPad changes it to “what.” So annoying.

Included—I always miss the “l.”

Appreciate

Definitely

Recommend

Unfortunately—the worst one ever!!! I got it wrong again right now!

Absolutely

Choreographer—ugh!

Mr.

Television

Substitute

The 2012 Summer Olympics are finally over! Woo-woo! I definitely won the gold medal for Olympics watching! I saw just about every second of the games, including the several team events that I sped through because I wasn’t particularly interested in them. But at least I got a taste of those and stopped here and there to check them out, too.

I showed excellent skills with my apparatuses, (such as the TV remote, DVD controls, camera, and iPad,) although I did have several problems with my new Dish Network Hoppers. (More about that in an upcoming column if they don’t make it right for me.)

I have to catch my breath before I share my final impressions of the whole spectacle, (which will be a bit of a lengthy column,) so look for that column tomorrow.

In my crazy love of all things Olympics, I’ve been lucky enough to meet many Olympians over the years. I’ve been impressed with many, some not so much.

Even though the list of the ones I’ve encountered is way long, please keep in mind that this one is about the nicest athletes.

The majority of Olympics participants I’ve met are basketball players and figure skaters, a few of whom have made this list, but there are many other sports being represented here. The athletes are not in any particular order, except for the first two, and about half have no commentary from me. But the circumstances that warrant explanation are noted.

Muhammad Ali!!!–This was one of the shining moments of my career. It’s the second greatest thing my show did for me, right up there with my Tonight Show appearances. I had beaten out a ton of other girls to be the celebrity interviewer for the Los Angeles Marathon telecast. (Most of them were either really famous, or were former Miss Something’s, btw.) That meant I was in the VIP tent during the race, interviewing whatever celebs my producer chose. I pointed out the Champ, and even though he couldn’t talk much anymore, he said I could do a bit with him!!! While I was quelling over him, he asked my name, and signed a book for me. On air! Meeting him made all the previous hard work on my career worth it.

Usain Bolt and Karen Salkin. Photo by Scot Hampton.

Usain Bolt–Ali was definitely the biggest highlight for me, but interviewing the World’s Fastest Man was next. It was a sweltering day, everyone was uncomfortable, and yet he stood there doing interview after interview, answering the same dumb questions for every journalist. During the ten or fifteen that he and I spoke privately, I found him to be adorable, charming, and not full of himself at all. And the best part is that he laughed at everything I said! What a guy! So, of course I was extra thrilled with his tremendous success at these London games.

Steve Lundquist–I met gold medalist swimmer Steve at a party many years ago, introduced by Olympic gymnast Kathy Johnson. I was shocked when he told me that he had not been in a pool since his victory years before! Now, as I watch the current crop of fish, I wonder if all of the guys feel like that.

Karen Salkin and Nastia Liukin. Photo by Lauren Bennett.

Nastia Liukin–we did a celeb event together in New York a couple of years ago, for Isaac Mizrahi, (who was also nice, btw,) and she was as sweet as could be. She was so quiet that I didn’t even realize it was the Olympic champion at first! After we got our hair and make-up done during the day, we started chatting, and then it dawned on me, and we giggled as we left. When we saw each other at the soiree that night, it was like we were old friends.

Bob Seagren—this one was exciting for me; I met pole vaulting champion Bob when he and I received Marvy Awards in Los Angeles, about a year into the run of Karen’s Restaurant Revue. While it was great fun to receive an award for my show, (it was awarded to people who were “marvelous” in his or her field, hence the moniker “Marvy,”) it was made even more special by meeting an Olympic gold medalist! The fact the he was a handsome man didn’t hurt, either.

Rafer Johnson—when I was a celebrity at Special Olympics for many years, (perhaps the best thing I ever did in my career,) I was always so uplifted to see the Olympic decathlon champion, (who was the head of the organization in L.A.,) greet everyone, and be a constant presence on campus each and every year. Props to him for extra kindness!

Bart Connor

Willie Gault

In the basketball category, there are many players I’ve met, but these few are the nicest:

Karen Salkin and Jason Kidd. Photo by Lauren Bennett.

Jason Kidd–another one who surprised me with his niceness and accessibility. And I thought it was cute how he kept rubbing my arm while we talked, but in a father-like way, not in the pawing manner that so many guys try.

Magic Johnson—I never appreciated him at the time, being the opposite of a Lakers fan, but in retrospect, it always hits me how nice he was to me every time I saw him.

And in the skating category, we have:

Johnny Weir–perhaps the only guy who ever called me when he said he would!!! Gay schmay.

Philippe Candeloro and Karen Salkin.

Philippe Candeloro–this one almost isn’t fair because we’re old pals. He’s the main athlete I wanted to meet, and through another friend, Michael Collins, (who was president of Champions On Ice,) I did! As excited as I was to spend the evening with him, when he tried to cop a feel as we hugged at the end of the night, I was appalled. At first. But then I decided to let it go, (because he’s French!,) and we’ve been pals ever since. (But don’t any of you other guys get any ideas; don’t even think of trying it, unless you’re also a two-time Olympic medalist.) He rarely comes to America anymore, so we’re long-distance pals now, but pals none the less. His pet name for me is “Miss Talksalot.” Charming. My pet name for him should be “Hands.”

Kurt Browning–when he was a young skater, I wasn’t a fan. But my mother was, so when I eventually met him and told him, he instantly melted my heart with kindness. And he turned-out to be one of the best skaters ever, too!

Karen Salkin and Dorothy Hamill.

Dorothy Hamill

Christopher Dean

Ben Agosto

Victor Petrenko

John Zimmerman

Michael Weiss

Peter Tchernyshev

Gwendal Peizerat

Last, but certainly not least, is a swimmer whose name I’ve spent hours searching for. Even with my phenomenal memory, I can’t conjure up her name, I think because I never knew it. I was a teenager, just out here, and working for a catering company. I was doing a week-day ladies luncheon at a house above Sunset near Doheny. The owner was a European Olympic swimming medalist, and when she was showing her guests her medal, she invited me to see it, too. That was so kind of her to include me. To this day, it’s the only Olympic medal I’ve seen in person!!! I know exactly what we were both wearing, what she sounded like, her face, and the menu. But my boss never mentioned her name, and as a teen-age worker, I wouldn’t even think to ask. So, when I finally figure out her name somehow, (and trust me, I’ll keep trying until I do,) I’ll definitely post the update. In my book, kindness is so rare that it shouldn’t go unrewarded.

Tomorrow, my thoughts on these games of the thirtieth Olympiad. Get some rest.