TELEVISION/DANCE: DANCING WITH THE STARS—SEASON 24!

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DANCING WITH THE STARS—SEASON 24!

To those of you who inquired about it last year, I’m so sorry that I sat out reviewing the entire previous season of Dancing With The Stars. There’s just so much that one girl can do, for goodness’ sake! But, as I watched this new season’s premiere the other night, I immediately knew that I would have to weigh-in on this one. The show was actually very entertaining, and there were so many surprises!!!

dancingstars24_castongma_950wNot surprising, though, was just how few of the contestants are actually “stars.” They rarely have anyone even close to being a “celebrity” (which is way lower than a “star” to begin with) anymore, but this season, they absolutely scraped the bottom of the barrel. Four of them are downright has-beens, and Mr. X and I hadn’t even ever heard of five of them!!! I think that’s a record. (And we both do peruse gossip sites from time to time. I got in the habit when I wrote for People.com, since it was part of my job.)

In the “politically correct” category, it’s a tad strange that they put three of the quartet of black competitors in a row at the end. They usually mix-up the performances by race, gender, age, and experience, and not group any of those categories together, so this order was a tad strange.

But it was great that they saved Simone Biles for last. You know she was the one everyone was dying to see!

Emma Slater and Sasha Farber.

Emma Slater and Sasha Farber.

One point of interest is that, for the first time ever, among the pro dancers, there will be two engaged couples! Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Peta Murgatroyd, and Emma Slater and Sasha Farber. At this point, I actually think that those last two will be going against each other as the final two pros this season! (At least I hope so.) I was a tad surprised that they brought back all four because the show usually tries to make it seem like every pro is hooking up with their partner each season, and this negates four of those possibilities. Good thing they brought back Sharna!!! (You’ll read one in a few minutes.)

The only thing really ruining the show, as usual, is horrible co-host Erin Andrews. Mr. X and I are not the only two viewers who detest her; everyone who comments on message boards can’t stand her, either. So, with her rubbing so many people the wrong way, why oh why do the producers continue to foist her on us?! She’s not nice or funny or even attractive, and she tries to make everything about herself. How can the powers-that-be at the show not notice all that??? It’s getting harder and harder to ignore her and just enjoy the show. She’s really a blight on the proceedings.

But, putting that cretin aside for now, let’s get to my very quick impressions of the competitors and duos, in the order that I liked their first dances, from best to worst. And since many of you aren’t familiar with this crop of contestants either, they’re the ones listed before their pro partners, who are the real celebs, in my book.

Rashad and Emma.

Rashad and Emma.

Rashad Jennings and Emma Slater—It’s about time that poor Emma got paired with a real contender! She’s always saddled with clumsy old men. (Like Michael Waltrip, Billy Dee Williams, and Rick Perry, for goodness sake!) But I had no idea who this guy was! Turns-out, he’s a football player without a team right now. So, I know he’s hoping to go really far. And he had the best, loosest, most likable style of the night for me.

Heather Morris and Maksim Chmerkovskiy—Yes, it is not fair that Heather is really a professional dancer. Really one! She danced back-up for Beyonce, for goodness sake! But, that’s never stopped people from winning before. (Uh, Nicole Scherzinger and Alfonso Ribeiro, anyone?) Maks deserved someone who can dance. This is only the second real contender he’s ever been assigned to, and he won with the other one! (Ice dancer Meryl Davis.) He should have a chance again this season, though the judges are already putting Heather down, so that it will appear like she’s not a ringer. (Oh, she was a regular on Glee, if you didn’t know.)

Simone Biles and Sasha Farber—Simone would have totally won last season, if she had competed then. Her much less-famous, (and much less-decorated) fellow Olympic gymnast, Laurie Hernandez, won then, so viewers might not want to vote for another one this season. That’s really a shame because she’s the best gymnast ever. (And that’s not my assessment—it’s just a fact.)

Normani Kordei and Val Chmerkovskiy—This is one of the luckiest girls in the world! Absolutely nobody knows who she is, but here she is, dancing with adorable Val! She was a girl who tried-out for X Factor, Simon Cowell’s only American television bomb, several years ago. She didn’t make it, but, as Simon is wont to do, he made a group out of five girls who weren’t good enough on their own, (as he had done for One Direction on the English version of the show.) And voila–Fifth Harmony was born! And now she gets to do this! Some people just have all the luck. We had no idea what she does that landed her a spot on the show, but she and Val did get screwed with their scores, so she deserves at least another week on there. Fair is fair.

Nancy and Artem.  (I swear--she's wearing one of my old dresses!!!)

Nancy and Artem. (I swear–she’s wearing one of my old dresses!!!)

Nancy Kerrigan and Artem Chigvintsev—I was shocked at how nice and upbeat Nancy is! I’ve met tons of skaters over the years, but somehow, I missed her. And I had always thought of her as somewhat sour, seeing her on TV. (Well, she actually was a pretty bad sport when she lost the Olympics to the very deserving Oksana Baiul. But that was over twenty years ago! At this point, we have to give the girl another chance, don’t you think?) She was actually quite refreshing on this show! But I forgot how sort-of klutzy and graceless she is, even on the ice. I hope she gets more weeks here, though. It would be interesting to see if she grows. (And, on an even shallower note than a review of a frivolous competition show already is, how does a woman who has had three kids still be flat-chested? I don’t get it. But good for her for not getting implants! I hate those phony things!)

David Ross and Lindsay Arnold—Another one I had no idea about! And baseball is my favorite sport! So, yeah, he’s a retired baseballer, who’s actually won two World Series! Even though one of those was with my most-hated Boston Red Sox, he does seem like a nice guy. The judges just told him he was so much better than he was. But he’s paired with Mr. X’s favorite girl, so, for the sake of my man, I hope they stay around for a bit. (How not jealous of a girlfriend am I?! Even I’m surprised by that!)

Nick Viall and Peta Murgatroyd—I cannot get over how beautiful Peta looks! Maybe there is some truth to how pretty new mothers are. I understand that she’s considered to be in the good-looking category, anyway, but to me, she always looked just like Beavis! (Of …and Butthead fame.) But, someone has to tell her to stop saying that she’s there to “defend” her Season 22 title—you’re not defending it if someone won the next one! Oh, wait—I almost forgot to comment on this pairing! I’ve never watched The Bachelor, (because I’m not a lowlife or idiot,) so I had never seen this guy. I had read that he was not popular, though, and that people thought he was creepy. But he did a pretty good dance the other night, and seemed entertaining enough. The judges marked him way too low for what he did. Maybe they marked on reputation, as they often do, both ways.

Charo, on the left, (as if you couldn't figure it out,) being her crazy self.

Charo, on the left, (as if you couldn’t figure it out,) being her crazy self.

Charo and Keo Motsepe—This pair actually made us laugh the most. Charo is a lunatic, but I hope that we get to see her play guitar. She is really talented in that area. But she’s a nut. Poor Keo never gets anyone normal. I used to really dislike him on the show, and then I met him, and he was very charming and uber-polite, and I realized that he had just been too honest on the show. That actually made me go back and like him in retrospect! I can’t even begin to figure out if anyone will vote for them. (And by the way, I looked-up her age, and guess what? There’s no getting to the bottom of it! She’s changed it so many times! I think she’s really seventy-six, but it appears she’s taken ten off that. This is the one time host Tom Bergeron is not going to keep announcing an oldster’s age!)

Mr. T and Kym Johnson (I’m sorry, but I refuse to call her by her stupid married name, which I’m sure she took professionally to appease the gazillionaire new husband!)–I actually got to interview Mr. T on my show, Karen’s Restaurant Revue, many years ago, when I was very young, and he was very scary. But he was fun. So, I am rooting for him. He just isn’t a very good dancer, so I don’t know how long he’ll last on there. (And let’s face it—Kym does not need the money she would receive for staying on the show for awhile.)

Bonner Bolton and Sharna Burgess—I had no idea who this was. (Turns-out, I still don’t! He’s a bull-rider, so how is that a “star???”) I always root for Sharna, and as soon as I saw him, I felt awful for her to again have a non-contender. But she seems thrilled with him! And it’s far from because of his dancing, if you get my drift. But he really needs to get voted off really soon.

Witney and Chris.

Witney and Chris.

Chris Kattan and Witney Carson—Poor Chris, of Saturday Night Live fame. He was on top of the world then, which makes it extra-sad to see him all broken-down like he is now. According to the internet, it’s because of alcohol, which I believe. So, it’s great that he’s trying now. I just hope that he gets another couple of weeks on there. But I’m afraid he may be the first one to go home, even though it should really be the creep below.

Erika Jayne and Gleb Savchenko—WHO??? We had less than no idea who this weirdo is. I guessed that she was some washed-up pro wrestler. Turns-out, it’s one of the pathetic reality rich housewives. She just may be the most unlikable one on there ever. Her dancing is awful and her attitude is even worse. So, of course, nauseating Erin Andrews was kissing her big butt. Disgusting duo. And poor adorable Gleb is in the middle of it. Ugh. I wish she could have been eliminated the first night, but, since the show doesn’t work like that, let’s hope that her time comes next Monday.

And that’s it! Can’t wait to see how the season plays out. Hope I’m right, about it all!

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