PETER PAN REVIEW–PART I—SO DID I PREDICT IT CORRECTLY YESTERDAY?

I know I’m biased because of my love of the original live broadcast of the Broadway musical version of Peter Pan, but I did keep an open mind to this one, despite the pre-conceived notions I published yesterday. (You really should read it, as a companion piece to this: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/televisionkarens-rant-the-ruination-of-peter-pan-by-nbc.)

But this new one was so bad that Mr. X and I just could not even watch the whole three hours in one sitting! I know I said yesterday that I was going to wait until next week to review it, after my opinions had marinated a bit, but I have to get it off my chest now, before SNL does. (Which I did predict yesterday, also.)

I was totally correct about much of what I previewed, but wrong about some aspects. So let’s just get to it all!!! (And remember—this is the review of only the first endless hour and a half.) I’m going in order of the show. (And I left some notes as is, in the present tense, as I jotted them down during the telecast, and changed some to the past tense, when I edited this morning. My money’s on you guys to figure it all out!)

One important note first: I was actually down on Cathy Rigby doing the iconic role after Mary Martin, back in the day, but once she started singing and doing her great physical moves, I acknowledged her goodness. And I admired her. So, I figured that I have to give Allison Williams that same chance now. How’d she do? More on her in a second.

I’m actually sad to say this, but the whole production was utterly devoid of charm. That’s so unfair to do to this generation.

I was shocked to see how bad the little boy was, (who played Michael.) He was trying way too hard, which might be due to the directing, which appeared to be weak all over.

But the older boy, (who played John,) was so much better than I thought he’d be.

The mother thinks a ball of light had a shadow??? Who wrote these stupid bits that weren’t in the original?!

I hate to say this, because I’ve liked him since Legally Blonde, The Musical, but Christian Borle was terrible as the father! (He shouldn’t have been playing that part to begin with!!! But I just realized that it may not have been because, as I posited yesterday, Christopher Walken refused to do double duty as Hook and the dad, as the play is written to be, but perhaps because he’d look like the great-grandfather, rather than the father!)

At least Kelli O’Hara was good enough as the mother, and sounded proper. But, trust me on this, she’s no Margalo Gillmore! That woman’s voice sold the original mother’s pain and worry.

Why are they changing the charming dialogue to this tripe???

OMG–They just put up a Shazam sign!!! I couldn’t be more depressed if I tried.

Allison Williams trying to get her shadow to stick, which was our first impression of her acting abilities, (or lack thereof,) was like an object exercise in Acting 101. Awful. (And she only got worse.)

All the extra crap they threw in was really passing me off, by this point.

Why was Williams talking like Emma Thompson??? If only she had channeled Emma’s excellent acting. But least we don’t notice how nasal she is with this awful fake accent.

She said, (as Peter,) “Nothing can hurt me.” And at the same time, Mr. X and I said, “Except the reviews.”

Is she going to hold any notes??? At all? Ever?

She’s halfway through her first song, and she’s out of breath!!!

She is 100% graceless.

I almost want to stop reviewing her now because I feel so bad for her.

At least she has no boobs, so she looks like a boy. And props (the only ones I can give out, actually, except for Wendy,) to the make-up people for not making her wear girl make-up, ala Yentl.

Williams cannot sing. Nor dance.

The girl playing Wendy definitely gave it her all, though. I didn’t write it yesterday, but I totally expected her to be awful, from the Making Of show. But, by the end of the first half, she was the only one who was portraying her character right, and not over- or under-doing it.

What was that inanity of Peter and Wendy walking through the corridor? And why did they open a door to show what looked like a dead housekeepr? It was apparently to show her napping, but for no reason whatsoever.

When the pirates sang their first number, Mr. X said that it was like a college production!

Wendy asked, “How do you get to Neverland?” And Peter’s answer was, “You follow the golden arrows.” What?????????

Why are we seeing the wires in 2014?

I’m offended that they CGIed the fairy dust!!!

The flying should have been so much more joyful.  It even bordered on tedious.

It was actually shocking how awful Christopher Walken’s portrayal of Captain Hook was!!! I erroneously told everyone he’d be the best one. It’s like he was walking through a very early rehearsal.

That whole new pirate song was dreadful. Except for Chris’ tap dancing.

So, let me get this straight–it’s okay to play the Ugg-a-wugg music, but not sing the words?

And the powers-that-be over there deemed that classic song by the Indians to be offensive, but having blacks and Asians dress naked with stripes isn’t???

I must again comment on how old these Lost “Boys” are. Please refer back to my preview for those notes, that I was spot-on about! (It’s towards the end of this piece: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/televisionkarens-rant-the-ruination-of-peter-pan-by-nbc.)

I predict that SNL will have a field day with this tomorrow night!!!

Christopher Walken’s performance was like someone on SNL doing a parody of Christopher Walken playing Hook.

Hmm–I wonder if Walken will make an appearance on SNL tomorrow night, spoofing himself. He’s already in New York. I just can’t decide if NBC would love that, or hate it.

Who cast these boys??? Actually, half of the entire production is mis-cast, including the leads! (Except for Wendy.)

Make a house for Wendy??? Are they trying to give me a stroke???? Let me explain, for those who don’t know. The song goes, “…and build a lovely little house for Wendy.” Get it? It’s supposed to be “build,” not “make.” Instead of the charming and creative building of the house on-stage, they just swept the floor of the one they have!!! Perhaps they meant to be doing Annie. (I actually muted the sound on the mopping dance they were doing, and sang Hard Knock Life under it, and it totally worked! It you still have it on DVD, try it. Yeah, I realize by telling you this trick, someone will do it and then YouTube it before the day is done, and get the creative credit, but I have no time for that myself.)

Horrible casting pretty much from top to bottom.

This is why you don’t re-do a classic.

Allison is so hunched-over. That’s so unattractive.

What is this stupid “diplomacy” bit they keep talking about??? Are they kidding me?!

I look at some people in show business, and marvel at what they know how to do. (Like Meryl Streep, JLaw, JLo, Bette Midler, Angelina Jolie, Robert De Niro, Adam Lambert.) But this Williams woman is so uncreative. She’s adding nothing to the portrayal of Peter Pan; she’s actually making it a mess.

I’d love to see the casting sheet for this show. I bet it was, “Looking for a girl in her twenties, with very little talent, and no boobs, whose father is our network’s news anchor.”

This whole show is so much worse than I thought it would be.

That’s it for Part I of my Peter Pan review. Part II will be up on Monday, after I’ve had the week-end to watch the second half of the show. And calm down a bit!