KAREN’S THOUGHTS: PRINCE HARRY’S ROYAL WEDDING

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PRINCE HARRY’S ROYAL WEDDING

The trio of headlines on this one are: 1) I didn’t even come close to shedding a tear. And I cry at commercials! 2) And why, when every single bride looks her best on her wedding day, did Meghan Markle look her worst?  3) Most importantly, as Mr. X pointed-out, it was totally devoid of magic.

Portent of things to come in this article--this is part of our tea re-dux the following afternoon. Photo by Mr. X.

Portent of things to come in this article–this is part of our tea re-dux the following afternoon. Photo by Mr. X.

I’ll discuss those topics in a moment, (along with a little bit of everything about the big day,) but first I must say that, even with my dislike of the bride, I really wanted the Royal Wedding to be classy and elegant, with decorum, as Kate and William’s was. But, sadly, it was not.

[Note: Speaking of classy and elegant and Kate, I didn’t think I could respect her more than I already did, but that’s just what happened with this wedding. That darling girl showed-up in a very bland outfit that she’s already worn several times over the past few years, just to not take even one moment’s notice away from the bride. And she came in with the children at the end, too, being just a mom, as opposed to the most famous Duchess of all. That is a wonderful woman!]

Now back to the actual wedding. What is wrong with everyone? It seems that people are scared to say a bad word about both this inane wedding ceremony nor the coupling itself for fear of being branded a racist! As I hope you all know by now, I’m the furthest thing from prejudiced against anyone’s ethnic situation—I just don’t trust this girl.

Kate Middleton, in the lowkey cream-colored coat-dress, walking her children into the wedding. (Look at how adorable Prince George is on the far left.)

Kate Middleton, in the lowkey cream-colored coat-dress, walking her children into the wedding. (Look at how adorable Prince George is on the far left.)

And neither does Mr. X. He very rarely says a word against anyone, but when he does, he’s usually correct. He was absolutely right about the few former friends of mine he didn’t like. (Hence, the word “former.”) And when he had a bad feeling about someone’s husband, bingo again.

I asked a very young couple I met on the eve of the royal nuptials if they were planning to watch the wedding. They had to think for a minute about what I meant, and when they did, the girl said matter-of-factly about Meghan, “She’s untrustworthy.” And the guy agreed. They both said they couldn’t put their fingers on it, but that’s the feeling they have. And I totally agree. There’s just something so slick and conniving and manipulative and calculating about her. During the ceremony, I kept thinking of Gene Tierney’s character in Leave Her To Heaven. (Only not good-loping like that.) For Harry’s sake, I hope that my gut is wrong this time.

MR. X AND MY PRIVATE WEDDING “PARTY”

Before I critique the goony, classless wedding itself, I have to tell you about how Mr. X and lived it, which is where all the fun was. Sadly, both of us were suffering from the after-effects of the flu that we had suffered through the week before, so I wasn’t planning to do anything special for us this Royal Wedding go-round. But then I read my own tips for watching it, (which you can still read here: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/karens-tips-tips-on-watching-this-latest-2018-royal-wedding,) and realized how disappointed I would be with myself if I didn’t at least put in a bit of effort.

The tea sandwiches and scones. Photo by Mr. X.

The tea sandwiches and scones. Photo by Mr. X.

And even Mr. X was amazed and pleased with the results! I actually pulled it all together just that day. And night! I did a tad of grocery shopping for the occasion that afternoon, and then made the entire repast in under two hours that night…when I got home from reviewing a play, with a reception afterwards!!! And still coughing my guts out, while being drowsy from the cough medicine. What a woman, if I do say so myself! (Maybe Harry should have married me! After all, he’s obviously into older women.) I got it all together in under two hours, including whipping-up (figuratively and literally!,) my own clotted cream! (The stores I had shopped at didn’t carry it, and I had no time to go anywhere else when I discovered that dearth.)

Our repast, from above. Photo by Mr. X.

Our repast, from above. Photo by Mr. X.

So, this was our Royal-Wedding-watching menu: A flowering green tea in a glass pot, honey for it, (of course,) finger sandwiches of pineapple cream cheese and walnuts on cinnamon-raisin bread, mini blueberry scones (which were store-bought, but I doctored them up, and they were perf) with my homemade clotted cream and blackberry jam, and giant strawberries, which we also dipped in the cream. Yu-um!!! (I had angel food cake and chocolate-covered shortbreads on-hand for dessert, but we were too full to have them, both times! That’s right—we did it all again that afternoon when we finally arose for the day, at Mr. X’s request! And that time, I added little caprese sandwiches to the whole shebang.)

Karen Salkin featuring her pale pink Royal Wedding nails and crazy makeshift fascinator. Photo by Mr. X.

Karen Salkin featuring her pale pink Royal Wedding nails and crazy makeshift fascinator. Photo by Mr. X.

We were too sick and exhausted to go with full-on festive wardrobe, but I did polish my nails a pale pink for the occasion.  I rarely have such genteel-looking fingernails, so that was an interesting change for me.  I have a few gorgeous fascinators to my name, but didn’t have the time, or energy, to find one before that night, but I loved the makeshift substitute I did wear all night.  (Really all night—it was so light that I forgot I had it on and wore it to bed!)  A star on the end of a point scared me in the middle of the night, (rather, the morning, because we went to sleep after 6AM,) because when I saw it move in the dim light of dawn, I thought it was a bug on my pillow!!!  Oh, what was it already?  It was a patriotic scrunchie that had chiffon tentacles emanating from it, with red, white, and blue stars on the points.  I attached it to the top of my head with a big clip. And it was adorbs!!!

So, I guess you can see why I forgot to live-tweet much that morning, which I wholeheartedly apologize for.  Between the food coma, and the weird hours, (we watched every second of the coverage from 1-6AM, west coast time,) I was just too lazy to get on the computer much. (And I hate tweeting from my phone—I don’t know how anyone can do that!  Those people are all going to wind-up cross-eyed and hunched-over, with arthritic fingers!  Mark my words.)

Now let’s get to my impressions of the proceedings.

CEREMONY AND COVERAGE

If I had heard one more time that Meghan had “given up so much,” I was going to puke! Even the idiot commentators couldn’t come up with anything that she actually gave up other than “social media.” That is nothing to “give up”!!! She gave up nothing. No-thing!!! She got exactly what she wanted and doesn’t have to work another day in her life. And charity work is not work—it’s a privilege! She will have every single thing done for her from here on out. (Now, if they would just hire someone to wash her hair and face, and show her how to wear her hair so she doesn’t look like she’s just doing housework, that would be great.)

Notice the woman in the middle taking a nap, right in the middle of that American pastor's self-absorbtion.

Notice the woman in the middle taking a nap, right in the middle of that American pastor’s self-absorbtion.

I did switch around the channels a bit, but chose a station where there was little to no commentary during the actual ceremony.  But I knew that as soon as it was all over, not one of them would be telling the truth about what they had just seen.  And, boy, was I right!  Human and touching???  Personal???  Powerful???  Were they watching the same fiasco that Mr. X and I were??? They really spun that boring nonsense.

That creepy American pastor was beyond unnecessary. And totally inappropriate for the occasion.  If the purpose was to add some “color” to the proceedings, (which I’m sure it was,) they should have invited Meghan’s relatives!  He went on and on for about twenty minutes. People were literally nodding-off during his self-involved rant. Even Harry and Meghan were making crazy eye moves to try to stay awake. Prince Phillip was wishing the man would shut up already because he wanted to make it to ninety-seven next week!!! (When I asked just who chose this blowhard, Mr. X opined, “Oprah.” Touche.)

MEGHAN’S PHONY “KINDNESS”

Meghan pretends that “kindness” is so important to her, but she’s awful to her own family!!!  How could she leave them out, but invite total strangers, who are celebrities, (of course)?  And Serena Williams got to bring not just her husband, but her agent, as well!!! I cannot even portray how disgusting and offensive that was! I’m sure that Meghan is very close with Serena’s agent. Not.

[Note: This is what her brother had to say about her, in case you’re interested: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5683559/Meghan-Markles-brother-warns-Prince-Harry-biggest-mistake-royal-wedding-history.html.]

On ABC, Andrew Morton noted early on that none of Markle’s family, outside of her mother, was there, and that that was the elephant in the room. So host Robin Roberts quickly tried to make it like Meghan’s friends are her family.  Yes, we all say that our friends are our family, but it’s a tad strange that none of hers were there! It’s like she was trying to deny their existence. (Hey, listen, I’m related to some creeps myself, but even so, I would not leave them out of this major occasion.)

The Beckhams arriving at the wedding.

The Beckhams arriving at the wedding.

A British commenter on a site wrote this, with which I totally concur: “So her Mum attended the wedding but she managed to rub out the rest of her entire family from the guest list and replaced them with strangers who are celebrities. Very ‘humanitarian!’ ”

Here’s another sign of a selfish girl—she didn’t even have a maid of honor to share her big moment with! Who does that??? How about the person who introduced you to Prince Harry in the first place?! Doesn’t that seem like a great friend?!

On top of that, the only friends she seemed to have there at all are co-stars or more-famous-than-she actresses! Think about it.

One last thing about her insincere kindness, which has bothered me ever since I first heard her speak, at their engagement interview. In it, she phonily said that, when they were set-up, she knew nothing about Prince Harry. Yeah, right. Like that calculating woman had not studied everything about him before she set her sights on him! She said she asked the matchmaker just one question, “Is he nice?,” because, “If he wasn’t kind,” that would have been a dealbreaker. Any moron with half a brain has known of Harry’s kindness forever!!! That’s the one and only reason she makes believe that trait is important to her!!! I hate that he hasn’t seen right through her.

WEDDING LOOK FAILS

Meghan Markle's messy hair and make-up.  She actually looked even worse than this--my camera softened the lighting a lot! Who looks this bad on her own wedding day???  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Meghan Markle’s messy hair and make-up. She actually looked even worse than this–my camera softened the lighting a lot! Who looks this bad on her own wedding day??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

If I were Jessica Alba, I would not be bragging that her company’s people did Meghan’s make-up! That was the worst make-up job I’ve ever seen!!!  Meghan looked the same that she always does, but worse.  There was no glow or dreaminess to her look.  Her skin looked downright dreadful, her eye make-up was all smudged under her eyes, (and not in a good, sexy, smoky eye way,) and she was in desperate need of lipstick!  (No one loves a nude lip more than I do, but there’s a time and place for it.) And, let me be the only one with guts enough to point this out—how did no one remove her moustache for her big day???

Her hair was in that messy bun that she thinks is so attractive when it’s far from it.  Even if it was, it’s not appropriate for any wedding, even as a guest, and definitely not when you’re the bride, and…it’s a Royal Wedding!!!  That was a “style,” with those dirty pieces falling down, that one would wear while cleaning the house! She looked like she had had a hard night and hadn’t even gotten into the shower yet!

And that wedding gown looked like a sack dress that was made at the last minute from a bolt of basic fabric that was lying around. Especially compared to Kate’s stunner seven years ago! I’m sure the fault lies not with the designer but with manipulative Meghan; she seems to be married not to Harry but to that stupid neckline! And that washwoman hair.

Speaking of her tresses again, the Queen must have fainted to see that gorgeous tiara, which is a very valuable family heirloom, sitting atop that greasy mess of hair!

EXTRAS

Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry's ex-girlfriend.  Doesn't she look so much more genuine, and fun, than his phony bride?!

Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend. Doesn’t she look so much more genuine, and fun, than his phony bride?!

Here’s my own little story that this whole situation reminded me of. Years ago, I had a boyfriend whom I’ll call Calvin. I was super-close with his family, and still am, even after we broke-up. After me, when I was already with Mr. X, Cal had an adorable girlfriend, and the four of us were all good. But when they broke-up, he got together with his future wife, whom none of us liked. When their wedding was upon us, his teen-age nephew called me, and begged me to break it up! He said, “Karen, if you care about our family, you have to go to the chapel in a wedding dress, and tell him that you’ll marry him instead!” It was flattering that he thought that would work, but, of course I wasn’t going to do that. And when Mr. X and I saw that woman’s fabulous wedding gown coming down the aisle, we both chuckled that even sacrificing myself might not have worked.

But, as great as the bride looked, none of us trusted her. And that’s the feeling we have with Meghan Markle. Mr. X kept saying that there was still time for Harry to bail, right up to the vows, but even his former main squeeze, Chelsea Davy, in a wedding dress, would not have stopped this one. I just hope it goes better for Harry than that marriage did for Calvin! (Don’t ask.)

I had nowhere else to insert this funny cartoon, so I just put it here.

I had nowhere else to insert this funny cartoon, so I just put it here.

Here’s an interesting note: During the wedding of William and Kate, seven short years ago, idiotic Piers Morgan stated emphatically that “we’ll never see a royal wedding again in our lifetime.”  I guess that he was either planning to die soon then, or totally forgot about appropriate-marriage-age Harry.  At that point, I think that we all assumed he would probably be marrying within at least the next decade.

There’s so much more I have to say on this subject, because things keep occurring to me about it, but I have to leave it here so that it gets published while they’re still together!

WRAP-UP

Prince Harry and Prince William entering the wedding chapel.

Prince Harry and Prince William entering the wedding chapel.

So here’s my prediction on the future of this relationship: Meghan will very soon start speaking with that phony Madonna-Oprah-Linda Mccartney English accent. She’ll get preggers right away (so that he’ll be tied to her for life,) the baby will come out way too dark-skinned which will eventually cause them to have a fight over race, calling out each other’s parentage. Then they’ll split up in about two to three years, so that she can go back to “acting,” and be famous this time!!!  And poor Harry will be miserable, just like Prince Andrew has always seemed to be since his split with Sarah Ferguson.

But maybe he’ll wind-up with his true love, Chelsy Davy, later in life, as his father did with Camilla. How lovely would that be?! And fame-seeker Meghan will have still achieved her goal because she was never in love with Harry to begin with! And their child will be the scourge of the Royal Family! There you have it!

But the cello playing was beautiful. And the kids were adorable!

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4 Comments

  1. it is SERIOUSLY bothering me that she showed no emotion…………didn’t even look like she had any tears in her at all!
    C’mon – YOU’RE MARRYING A FRIGGIN’ PRINCE! REALLY? You won’t have to work another day in your life woman! I’d be crying happy tears at that alone!!
    I cry at Hallmark commercials. I cry when my kid calls “just to say hi” I cry when my dog is sick. NOT A TEAR? Harry looked emotional. Like any normal person would.
    And her hair. Ever hear of hair spray and maybe a bobbi pin or two to keep those pieces in place? You’re so right – her hair was perfect for cleaning the house or going to the gym. Wait. I make sure my hair doesn’t get in my face when I’m at the gym. Take that one back.

  2. I agree with everything you said, Karen! And I always learn something from you – I didn’t even realize that Meghan didn’t have a Maid of Honor until I read this column. I, too, was disappointed in Meghan’s hair and makeup. You’re right – her makeup looked the same as it does on any other day. And her hair looked like mine does when I clean the bathroom! Her wedding gown was nice enough but it didn’t fit correctly. I can’t put my finger on it; maybe it was just too big. I loved her second gown (the Stella McCartney one) but, again, it didn’t fit correctly – it was too big. In fairness to Stella, I think all Meghan’s clothes look big on her. Maybe she loses weight easily. Maybe it’s nerves. Strange, and kind of sad, that Meghan had no family at her wedding. Plenty of celebs, though. Are she and Harry really that close with the Clooneys, the Beckhams, Oprah, etc.? The best part of the wedding was her mom, Doria. She has a very pretty smile, she looked lovely, was dressed appropriately, and carried herself with dignity. But why wasn’t she sitting in the same pew as Charles and Camilla? She was the mother of the bride, for goodness’ sake! I wish Meghan and Harry the best, but I wasn’t impressed with the wedding.

  3. Methinks you don’t have a wee bit of like for the wench!

    Actually, I was never crazy about her as Rachel on Suits, but I have no special feelings about her as a person one way or the other. I was just happy that they each found someone they feel is their soulmate. I always liked Harry and felt sorry for his having to live in his brother’s shadow. But maybe that’s just me being a middle child! I didn’t stay up to watch the wedding (it was 4:00 a.m. although the ceremony could have been at a reasonable time for US watching), but I did catch snippets during the day. I thought the dress was much overrated – it was a nothing dress except for the veil – but the woman who introduced them, who would have been her matron of honor, was busy watching the kids as hers were in the wedding party as well. I thought it was strange that Charles walked her down the aisle instead of her mother. I saw the guy who did her hair and heard him saying that with that type of neckline, she should wear her hair up with tendrils falling down. As for the reverend and the music from the US, when Zach was about 12 we went to an interfaith service that our temple had twice a year with an area Methodist church. It was probably an AME church, but who remembers; however, Zach said that maybe if temple services were like that (musically and pastorally alive), he might not mind going so much. So maybe it gave the milky-white British crowd something to think about. Just sayin…

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