RECENT MIA FARROW NONSENSE

 

Ever since the report last week that Mia Farrow told Vanity Fair that her weirdo son, Ronan Farrow, might “possibly” be the son of her ex-husband, Frank Sinatra, rather than of her boyfriend-at-the-time-of-Ronan’s-birth, Woody Allen, the internet has been going crazy. Almost as crazy as Mia herself, in my opinion.

Mr. X still sticks up for Mia, I think because of her fragile appearance, but I’m afraid that I cannot. I think it’s lovely that she has adopted so many children, especially the special needs ones, but hat’s where my admiration of her ends.

For those of you who weren’t around during the horrible Mia Farrow-Woody Allen break-up about twenty years ago, here’s a quick background on it:

The actress and director had been a couple for about a dozen years, although they never lived together; I believe they actually lived across town from each other, in Manhattan. She lived with her children, both biological and adopted; Mia had given birth to, and adopted several with, second husband Andre Previn, and adopted two with Woody, and gave birth to their biological son, Ronan, who was actually named Satchel at the time. (Woody, a major baseball fan, named his only biological child after the great Satchel Paige of the Negro Leagues.)

Then, after twelve years together, she discovered naked pictures of her adopted daughter, Soon-Yi Previn, (one of the children she had adopted with Andre,) at Woody’s apartment. Of course, I absolutely don’t blame her for going ballistic; I think everyone would! There was so much wrong about the situation, but shockingly, I’m not against Woody and Soon-Yi. This is why: she was not his daughter, nor even his stepdaughter. She was the adopted daughter of his non-live-in girlfriend. And she was already nineteen or twenty-years-old; not a child at all. And none of us know exactly what his relationship with Mia consisted of. Maybe he had been unhappy with her for quite some time. Or maybe they never even had sex. None of us knows.

So, the only thing I do blame Woody for is that, as soon as he realized that he was in love with Soon-Yi, he should have broken-up with Mia. You can’t help whom you love. And the fact that he and Soon-Yi have been together for two decades now proves that they were meant to be. And they themselves adopted two children.

So I stick-up for Woody in that sense. (I also don’t mind the age difference, nor should that be any concern of Mia’s; while Woody is about thirty-six years older then Soon-Yi, Mia’s first husband, Frank Sinatra, was three decades older than she. Almost the same difference.)

I’m going to get to my thoughts on the latest controversy about who Ronan’s father really is in a second. But first, as I do with all my pals, I’m going to tell you a little parable that might make it easier for all of us to understand why Woody and Soon-Yi did what they did.

Several years ago, I had a friend whom I’ll call Nina, and she had a husband I’ll call Sam, and a best friend I’ll call Rowena. Nina was very busy building her career in show business, and Rowena’s husband had just died. So Sam seemed to be kind enough to spend a lot of time with Rowena. She was very chunky, and looked kind-of like Miss Piggy, but Nina kept sticking up for Rowena, always telling me how sexy she was, which she got from Sam saying it all the time. At every event I was at with that trio, my friends thought that Sam and Rowena were the couple, not Sam and Nina.

Of course, Sam wound-up leaving Nina for Rowena, and we were all sick about it. But, outside of being upset about the pain that Nina was being put through, I knew that the new coupling was the correct one. The duo has been together for over twenty years now, and have a couple of kids. They’re very happily married, and even Nina realizes that it’s the way it’s supposed to be. So, as I said, you can’t help whom you love, no matter how you meet them. (And no one seems to remember this, but Sting left his first wife for Trudie Styler, who was that first wife’s very best friend! And look at how those two were meant to be.) It’s really none of our business anyhow.

Now to Mia’s recent stupidity:

So, after the fuss she made about Woody cheating on her, (and seems to continue to do so to this day,) she now claims that, although she and Frank Sinatra divorced in 1968, after just two years of marriage, they “never really split-up” after all. So, it was all right for her to be sleeping with her long-ago ex-husband the whole time that Woody Allen was her boyfriend, but it wasn’t okay for him to fall in love with someone else? Do I have that right?

And she was having sex with Frank so regularly, and at the same time that she was sleeping with her boyfriend Woody, that she doesn’t even know who the father of her son is? Give me a break! She claims that Frank is “possibly” Ronan’s biological father, so why didn’t she have a DNA test done in Ronan’s twenty-five years of life? Wouldn’t she like to know who the father is? And doesn’t she think her son would like to know? Here’s a newsflash for you, Mia –we’d all like to know!

And Ronan, who’s a certified genius, tweeted this about the controversy: “Listen, we’re all *possibly* Frank Sinatra’s son.” This, from a Rhodes Scholar! Does he really think that that statement is true?! I, for one, despite my own fabulous blue eyes, am absolutely positive that Frank Sinatra is not my father. If only he were! What a really dumb statement for Ronan so make.

And as to the blue eyes being some stupid people’s clue to Ronan being Frank’s son: I’m the only person in my family with blue eyes. Not just my immediate family either—my extended family. Plus, I look nothing like anybody I’m related to. So, for a lot of my life I thought I was adopted. Until I took basic biology in seventh grade. Like everybody else, I learned that blue eyes are the recessive gene, and two brown-eyed parents can easily have a blue-eyed child, as long as even one ancestor on both sides had blue eyes. It bothers me that there are so many people in cyberspace who never learned that basic biology lesson, and keep insisting that Ronan has to be Frank’s son because of the eyes. And Mia herself has very blue eyes, so why are so few people getting the basic science of it?

Personally, I think Ronan Farrow looks kind-of scary, like the kid who blows up a school in a psychological drama film. His face, while almost handsome, is devoid of any of the charm that Frank Sinatra’s visage possessed.

So, Mia, either have a DNA test and show it to the world, or keep crazy pronouncements like this one to yourself. And move on from the Woody Allen drama of the ’90s. He obviously has, even if you and your children can’t.