At the risk of some of you thinking I’m crazy, I do feel that I have to put in my two cents on the Mel Gibson tapes. I’m not as aghast at them as most strangers seem to be, especially after hearing just the first one, where he tells his girlfriend how gross her implants are.

This photo kind-of says it all.

I’m totally not defending Mel–he’s a complete and utter scumbag in every form. And he should be locked-up for the physical abuse alone, if those allegations are proven to be true. But I just want the hypocrites of the world to think about this: what would your angry fights sound like to the outside world?

I’m from Brooklyn. Everyone there yells that they’re going to kill someone! Strangers have yelled it at me, and I’m sure that I have as well. It’s just ranting and raving. I even have one friend from there who tells everyone he’s “gonna hit” them “over the head with a phone.” In his case, we just laugh. Mel’s is rage, so it’s not to be taken lightly, which I’m not–I’m just pointing out that some relationships are so awful that they can drive someone to lunacy, as this one seems to have done. But we’re not in it, so we don’t know what actually went on, outside of the calls taped by one side of the equation.

Since the woman is the one who taped these calls, she had the upper hand in the conversations. She knew how she should sound. And I have a feeling she knew that Mel would go off on her. Only she knows what plan she had.

I know a tiny drop what fighting with a mate can be like because, both being from the east coast, Mr. X and I can be hot-headed with each other. Once, when a Brooklyn pal of mine who knew that we used to fight a lot, heard us yelling at each other, she said, in her thick Brooklyn accent, “You guys aren’t even fighting–you’re just cursing each other out!” We both shrugged and said, “Yeah? And?” It was just our east coast way of venting. There was really nothing wrong with it. But then again, we never maligned other ethnic groups, let alone our own.

On that same topic, I once asked Mr. X if he had ever had phone sex. To my shock, he answered, “All the time.” I demanded to know, “With whom???” He said, “With you.” He explained that when we’re fighting on the phone, every other sentence is “FU” and we tell each other to go blank ourselves. Very funny. Unfortunately, Mel Gibson’s situation is not light-hearted like ours is.

I agree that most of what crazy, sick Mel said was beyond offensive. But, really, I thought there was nothing wrong with telling her that her breast implants were disgusting and that she looked trampy. Who among us hadn’t thought that when we first saw pictures of the younger woman he was leaving his long-term marriage for? It would have been horrible if he had been yelling at her to get implants, not that she shouldn’t have them!

And here’s one curious thing: when I heard the first one that was released, I told Mr. X that the woman’s part was added later. I made him listen to it over and over because it sounded like a bad acting job, like when re-enactments of situations are done on magazine shows. It sounded like she was totally acting (and not well) when she did the speech that began with “What man does this?” (Or some words like that.)

I just figured that whomever was releasing the tapes had had Oksana re-create her dialog because it was either hard to hear or understand, or had some offensive words in it. But I was positive that her part had been recorded separately. So, when Mel’s lawyers announced that the tapes are edited, I went, “Of course! That’s why Oksana’s parts sound so unnatural!”

Again, I have no interest in this situation: I just wanted to break it down for y’all. I’m really not into this whole spectacle of the crazy drama of a couple of strangers–it’s just not our business. (And haven’t we all had to listen to friends tell us of their relationship histrionics at some point in our lives?) And it’s not exactly news, either, that Mel Gibson is a lunatic. I couldn’t believe that anyone let him work in the business after the “Jew” debacle.

My only interest in the tapes is because I’m always into being a detective. [And would still love to be one, professionally, actually. I have a proposed partner and the name of the agency all picked-out.] And that I want to remind everyone: the next time you’re arguing with someone, make sure that they’re not taping it, or you, too, may sound just as crazy. Just tell yourself not to “Mel Gibson it.”



  1. I have to say that this column has been the only voice of reason concerning the Mel Gibson tapes. Without defending him, you wrote what most people are thinking but are afraid to say: That no one would want an argument with his/her partner to be recorded and heard by the public! Even the nicest people say things in the heat of the moment that they would not usually say. And even nice people threaten their partners with violence, unfortunately. That doesn’t make it right, but it happens. Of course, if Mel hit his girlfriend, he should be charged with assault. But we don’t know for sure what happened. From the pictures that Oksana has released, it looks like she had been hit. But as far as the recorded telephone arguments, let’s not be so self-righteous about them. Unfortuantely, many people’s private conversations, especially during an argument, would not put them in the best light if they were released to the public.

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