SUPERBOWL 50

For this milestone, I have to break-out one of my old buds’ famous questions to me. Nancy and I used to model together. The girl was great-looking and artistic, and we had fun together. But she was perhaps not the brightest bulb in the drawer. (Fill-in that last word yourself, if you like, but that’s where we keep our bulbs!) One day, out of the blue, she lazily asked me, “What’s this Superbowl you’re always taking about?” I nearly fell over. I didn’t think there was a person in America who didn’t know what it was, even if they weren’t interested in sports! And I know she had a father who was a horseman, so wouldn’t he have mentioned it once in her twenty-something years?!

So, anyway, that brings me to the fifty years of this event happening! It’s been interesting to see it grow into such a major event, but, during this game, I realized that I hate football because of the physical danger to these guys. I feel that it’s practically a gladiator sport—these guys are beating each other up for the audience’s amusement. Not really what I call a great situation.

That being said, I’m thrilled that the Denver Broncos won Superbowl 50, (over the Carolina Panthers.) I started the day not knowing for whom to root because I like both teams.  And, originally I rooted for the great Peyton Manning because he’s old and he’s most likely retiring. (How undramatic of a denouement would it be if he decided to stay in the game?) And I rooted for Cam Newton (of the Panthers) because he’s Cam. He began the day as a hero in my eyes, and a near-perfect athlete. (But he ended the day as a totally different person, one I did not see coming, an assessment I’m sure I’m not alone in making. Let’s put it this way, in honor of his teammate, Michael Oher—I was blindsided. More on Cam’s post-game behavior in a bit.)

But then, I felt myself hoping that Peyton would take it home. What a great career-ender that would be! (I had just recently found-out that he’s a major Republican, and a friend of the creepy Papa John’s owner. But I decided to not allow those facts to sway me to root against him. How big a person am I?! But later, I read about his “sexual assault” of a female trainer when he was in college, and now I don’t know what to think. He didn’t rape her, but it was pretty awful. If the incident really did happen, and it does appear it’s true, I’ll be glad he’s out of the game, so I don’t make the mistake of ever rooting for him again.)

I watched all the coverage, morning, noon, and night, (as I always do,) but surprisingly, nothing really got to me, except a super sad story about Zaevion Dobson, the young high school football player who died saving his female pals from bullets coming their way for no reason. Even Brandon Marshall, the New York Jet who was commentating for the day, was almost crying while reporting it.

I also was moved during the tribute to all the past Superbowl MVPs, who received one more day in the sun. (Only one had passed away, and two older gents waved to us from their homes.) And I especially loved that Tom Brady, despite winning the award three times, is the one man who got booed! You rock, stadium crowd!

Here are the rest of my Superbowl thoughts. I’m beginning with the now-controversial halftime show, even though I originally thought I had only a sentence or two to say about it. I’m sure that you’ll be happy to hear that I now have tons to say on the topic!

HALTIME AND OPENING MUSIC

First, just one note about Lady Gaga’s very dramatic and self-serving rendition of the National Anthem: I know many of you loved it, but it just didn’t cut it for me. But I super-appreciated her red, white, and blue outfit, especially the flag shoes (which we could barely see) and her sparkly red eyeshadow.

Leading up to halftime, they kept announcing that the show’s theme is “past, present, and future.”  What did that even mean? The acts are all of the present!  And have been around since the past, and will be here in the future.  But that’s all Superbowl half-time acts! So why keep mentioning it? (And why even give it a theme to begin with, especially a stupid one?)

I’m glad I waited several hours to weigh-in because now I have so much more to say on the subject. My initial feeling was that it was an excellent, happy halftime show.   On the surface, (because I can never understand Beyonce’s words,) I thought there was no message, no one was trying to be profound or controversial or earth-shattering. They were simply desiring to entertain us.  I even wrote the note: “Great job.”

But now I’ve seen some of the internet meanness, belittling Coldplay and Chris Martin’s involvement in the presentation, and those peeps are all sooo wrong! In recent years, the Superbowl show has always had one big act, and then one or two other big acts to be the “guests.” This year, the “others” were Bruno Mars and Beyonce. So, now people are making like Coldplay’s involvement was an afterthought, an assessment I hardly agree with. I thought that Chris was generous to include the other two.

During the halftime show, I had a major revelation; I realized that I’m so bored with Beyonce. Doesn’t it always look like she’s just performing Crazy In Love (or Single Lady—they’re interchangeable) over and over again? It’s the same old steps, the music is so loud that you can’t distinguish the tune, and her words are beyond unintelligible.

Much worse than the tedium of her performance this time was this: it was very rude of her to make her portion a “black power” piece. That’s not what the Superbowl is about. Or should have allowed. How vilified would Chris Martin have been if he had made his songs some “white power” situation? I don’t even want to think about what would have happened in that case! [Note: If you don’t know what Beyonce did, it was threefold, and too long to explain here. Just google it.]

Just wondering—the Superbowl peeps had their panties in a knot when we saw Janet Jackson’s pasty-covered breast several years ago. But Beyonce can sing a whole song against white people??? How is that not hurting people so much more than seeing part of a breast, the unveiling of which was at least exciting in it’s shock value?!

But on the topic of Coldplay’s minimalization in the show, despite having star billing, I say the people who are saying that are wrong. All three acts were featured, (with Coldplay, the headliners, a bit moreso,) and they even flashed DJ Mark Ronson’s name on the screen, to include his participation in the credits, as well. Mr. X (and I’m sure millions of other viewers) thought that Coldplay was wonderful, and could not have been better.

My favorite part was Bruno, by far. Uptown Funk is my favorite song. And each time he and his posse perform it, they come up with a different presentation, which I so appreciate it. That song is just about being upbeat and having fun, and was perfect for the occasion.

All that being said, it was a tad strange of them to recycle recent halftime acts. Bruno did it just two years ago, and Beyonce three. Are there no other big acts to book? That’s just crazy! (And I’m not “In Love” without the concept, if you get my drift.)

I think the best part of the whole show was the gorgeous colors displayed in the dancing part, on the field. That was all so gorgeous. I jus hope that none of that was racist! (I know that some people took it as a sign of support for gay people. Can’t something beautiful just be something beautiful these days? I can’t stand all the craziness!)

Oh, I do give Beyonce a lot of credit for one thing—her facial work is great! It’s hardly noticeable, but, of course, it is, just a bit.  I want the name of her plastic surgeon!

And the one good thing that came of the halftime show–at least we can now put the pregnancy rumors to rest.

THE ADS

I saw only two good commercials, (where was the new baby Clydesdale?–Maybe I spaced-out during it, if there was one with him,) so here are some very quick thoughts on that duo, followed by some of the worst:

The Honda ad, offering everyone a free Uber ride that day, was very useful. And a good reminder to not drink and drive.

And the PSA showing texts between female pals was a chilling way to say that we really need to do everything we can to stop domestic violence. I just hope that people got that subtle-yet-effective message.

And now to the worst, of which there were too many to mention here: I’ve never seen so many unappetizing commercials, like the one with NFL legends discussing toenail fungus! Or the “special kind of constipation” one! I could have vomited from them. I hope you weren’t trying to enjoy your Superbowl party tidbits during them!

The Doritos one with the baby popping-out prematurely was disgusting. And low-class.

Mr. X said the winner for “creepiest” is the “puppy monkey baby” one. It was downright sickening.  I don’t even know what it was for!

Why are there so many creepy animated animals commercials this year?

I absolutely detested the Prius commercial with the car chase!  Who thought of this?  They want to be associated with evil?  Really? (I was just about to break-down and just buy a Prius because I so need a new car, and now, just because of those stupid commercials, supporting violence on the streets, I nixed it.)

Speaking of car commercials, there were way too many of them. (And I even wrote that note in just the first quarter!) And they were for all different makes, which sort-of cancels each other out, doesn’t it?

I hate to say it because these were the NFL’s own promos, but those “Superbowl Babies” ads were downright tasteless!  Were the execs all unaware that children watch this game?  They don’t want to think about their parents having sex if their team wins.  Or wonder if that’s how they were conceived to begin with.  Or even wonder what it all means, and ask their worried parents about it! Sex should not come into the topic of the Superbowl at all. I needed a shower after each one of those ads that they continuously bombarded us with. (And didn’t they sort-of remind you of those fake SNL ones? That’s where they actually belonged.)

AND FINALLY THE GAME! (AND AFTERMATH BECAUSE THERE’S NOT MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THE GAME ITSELF)

This is the first Superbowl, to me, where the commercials were basically nothing, and the game was everything, even though not much scoring took place in it.

The game finally got exciting with less than seven minutes to go in the first quarter.

I feel that the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year Award (which recognizes a player for his excellence both on and, more importantly, off the field) is the most important part of the sport. So, major props to this years’ recipient, Anquan Boldin, (who’s a wide receiver with the San Francisco 49ers, so it was a bonus that he received the award at his home stadium!)

I was so verklempt that the Broncos won. Mr. X and I really did not think it would happen. (Good thing we’re not bettors!)

Peyton Manning didn’t play a brilliant game, but he didn’t need to.

At the end, I found myself hoping that the Panthers would win next year, (if my Giants or Jets aren’t in it.)

But then, because of the horrible sore-loser-ness of losing Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, I don’t want them to be back there next year!

As good a sport as his coach, Ron Rivera, was, that’s how bad Cam was in his press conference.  I’m so disappointed because I had been a fan of his.

And he’s the MVP of the league! The powers-that-be over there must be so embarrassed by his classless, so unsportsman-like behavior, as well they should be.

Commentator (and, of course, football legend, and, the best-looking guy there, including the fit of his suit!,) Steve Young, and his co-horts, looked so disappointed after Cam’s press conference.  And they said as much. After Cam walked out of his mostly one-word-answers conference, and they cut back to Steve and Len Berman and Tom Jackson, the three of them really did look in shock. They all let out a long breath, and actually sat back, in unison. They even said that Cam should have taken that opportunity to be classy.  (I’m paraphrasing.)

Cam’s presser was the worst one I’ve ever seen. (And remember—I watch a lot of sports!) It was a big downer way to close-out the coverage to the most major event in sports all year. So, kids out there, let that be a lesson to you—don’t emulate Cam Newton. Look to the great sports, like LeBron James and Doc Rivers and Ron Rivera, to show you how to handle defeat. It’s what will happen most to you in sports, so you need to come through it with your head held high.

And a big major congrats to Superbowl 50 MVP, Von Miller! It’s great to see a little boy who embraced having to wear glasses be so victorious! Let that be a lesson to you kids, too!