DINING: LARCHMONT BUNGALOW

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LARCHMONT BUNGALOW

 

On a morning a couple of months ago, Mr. X and I were out at some meetings, and were finished earlier than anticipated. So, as I always do when we’re out at that hour, I suggested we go to breakfast. He usually is not a fan of restaurants, (he considers sitting someplace and eating to be a supreme waste of time,) but shockingly he said yes!

My mind quickly conjured-up my list of places I want to try, and I came up with Larchmont Bungalow, on one of my favorite streets in town. Larchmont, near Paramount Studio, is like a little out-of-town village to me, but, sadly, I make it there about only once or twice a year.

Part of the interior, looking towards the front door. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Part of the interior, looking towards the front door. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The Bungalow was good enough, and worked in a pinch, but was far from the fabulosity I expected. Nothing was bad, but outside of the uber-pleasant personnel, nothing was great, either.

Going in order of the experience, as my linear-thinking mind always does, I was happy when I saw the cute exterior. But the interior was a completely different story. It was totally shoddy-looking everywhere you looked! I did appreciate that they had good multiple seating areas, (sidewalk, two other patios, and three inside rooms,) but it was all too broken-down for my tastes. (And, trust me, as a former circus performer, I can get down and dirty. I just don’t like that atmosphere in my eateries!) It was a tad country-esque, but far from the cozy it’s portrayed to be.

As we entered, we were surprised that you have to order at a counter, which is a little strange for full breakfasts and hearty meals. Usually when there’s a major menu involved, a restaurant has waiter service.

But, we went with the program, and were happy that the woman taking our order was very nice and enthusiastic.

In looking around for a place to sit, we settled on the room that had a couch and a fireplace, which was a fun touch, especially on that dreary day that we visited. But strangely, there were two tables with open laptop computers on them, complete with cords plugged in, and no one sitting there. The lovely guy behind the coffee bean bar told me that they had some people who leave their stuff, go out for the day, and come back in whenever they want to. There’s just something creepy about that. And how does a computer not get stolen?! It would serve those people right if it did. You can’t reserve the two prime tables at a café for the whole day! That’s just rude. (It’s great that they have free wi-fi, though.)

The "Best of Both Worlds."  Photo by Mr. X.

The “Best of Both Worlds.” Photo by Mr. X.

Now let’s talk about the sucko breakfast. It’s supposed to be their specialty, but even I, who is as far from being a gourmet chef as humanly possible, make pancakes that are a zillion times better than those at Larchmont Bungalow! I’ve been making them on most mornings recently, and even Mr. X (who once called my lasagna “coat,” and my chicken dish “belt,” [well, at least I made a complete ensemble!,]) said that the ones we had that day cannot compare to mine, which just have a basic mix as their base. Not exactly a glowing review of theirs.

I had every intention of ordering the red and blue velvet pancakes, which is what this place is most known for. I saw a picture of them hanging above the cash register, and my mouth was literally watering. I asked the woman about them, and she extolled their virtues, including the “dollop of cream cheese” that came “on top.” I asked if the cream cheese was also in the center, as portrayed in the pix, and she told me it was not. I said that I would need more than just a drop on top, so I inquired after the LB French Toast, which the menu said is “stuffed with Nutella and plantains, then topped with toasted hazelnuts, and served with a hazelnut syrup.” She assured me that it was wonderful, so that’s the one I went with.

The LB French Toast.  Photo by Mr. X.

The LB French Toast. Photo by Mr. X.

Let me tell you–it was close to horrible! The bread itself had no taste, was way too wet on the inside, and almost stale-tasting on the outside. There was just a drop of Nutella inside, and plantains are always sort-of tart, not like the sweet bananas people are often tricked into thinking they are. There were maybe four hazelnuts, and the syrup could not have tasted weirder. I barely choked-down a fourth of the dish, and that’s just because I was so hungry. I tried it again at home, and my opinion was the same—it basically sucked.

Mr. X had the “Best of Both Worlds,” which is pancakes and french toast, and said it was edible, but that’s it. And his fresh-squeezed OJ was bitter. It was the worst I ever tasted.

And this mediocre fare doesn’t come cheap! For the two breakfasts, an OJ, and a milk, it was almost $40!!! For not good food and unattractive surroundings! I could not have been more disappointed if I tried.

Proof of this rude woman's actions.  Did you even think for one second that I had it wrong???  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Proof of this rude woman’s actions. Did you even think for one second that I had it wrong??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

One last note, that’s not the fault of the place: a woman plopped herself down on the couch in front of the fireplace, feet on the seat and all, took out her laptop, and chatted away on her phone!!! And without so much as a coffee!!! As shameful as that is of her to do, the manager should have kicked her out. Along with those laptop-table-holding guys.

It’s no skin off my nose because I never plan to go there again, even though I do still sort-of want to try those velvet pancakes.

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