AWARDS SHOWS/TELEVISION: EMMY AWARDS 2015 TELECAST

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EMMY AWARDS 2015 TELECAST

Yesterday was almost a pleasure for me; it was the first day in over a week that I got to just stay in the house, and not have to get dolled-up to go out to an Emmys event!

But I still worked hard, of course! I hope you got to follow along as I live-tweeted the Emmys. And the arrivals, too, of course. If you missed my bon mots, it’s not too late–you can still read my thoughts @MajorCelebrity.

Thanks to everyone who followed along, especially to those of you who re-tweeted, favorited, or replied. I really appreciate it. And I loved getting favorited by CBS TV Studios!!! That was a first!

Kyle Chandler.  I just wanted to put a picture of a handsome guy at the top here! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kyle Chandler. I just wanted to put a picture of a handsome guy at the top here! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m sorry my tweets weren’t more plentiful and snarky as usual for awards shows, but I just felt too bad for everyone in that horrid heat; I felt I had to go a bit easy on them. And much of the truth I spoke at home, no matter how funny yet honest, was just too mean to put out there. I couldn’t bring myself to share it with the public.

But there were many comments I had, both snark, and props, that I reserved for today, so here are the rest of my thoughts on all the proceedings.

[Note: I decided to separate the actual telecast from the arrivals notes because otherwise this column would have been way too long and overwhelming.  Try as I might to quiet my inner bi-atch, I  just could not stop myself from having strong opinions on almost everyone and everything. So, because the show itself is the more important of the two, I’m discussing it today, and the arrivals, on two channels, tomorrow.  Just in time for Yom Kippur, (which begins tomorrow night,) when I can atone for my snarky behavior!  Whew.]

Here we go, with my thoughts on the actual show:

I’ll go in order in a second, but first I must tell you that my overall impression of this year’s Emmy Awards is that the whole thing was so bad, I couldn’t even be mean to them.  I felt for the whole of show business! The show was pathetic from start to blessed finish! (At least it ended on time. That’s because no one had any personality.) I laughed maybe three times, and cried not at all, which is a first for me! I cry during Budweiser commercials!!!

I have an idea, Emmys producers—how about getting James Corden to host next year?! Then the show has at least a shot!!! (I know, I know—it has to be on CBS for him to be hired. Fingers crossed that it is!)

Now, let’s start at the top:

– During the inane opening bit, about Andy Samberg watching every show, (which I didn’t laugh once at, by the way,)  Mr. X asked when Justin is coming on.  Then, in almost the first sentence of the monolog, Andy said, “Justin Timberlake is not coming.” Guess what? He should have! The show needed him! They needed anybody funny!

– Andy’s monologue was brutal.  Hardly anyone in the audience was laughing. It was more like occasional nervous giggles. (And every subsequent bit he did was just sophomoric. Very unbecoming of what television bills as their most important show of the year! It was all straight out of fifth grade!)

Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer, and Allison Janney all looking far from glam!  And this is on stage! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer, and Allison Janney all looking far from glam! And this is on stage! Photo by Karen Salkin.

– I think I should have lived in more glamorous days because I just can’t abide seeing women in show business look this raggy.  I know looks aren’t everything, but can these actresses can at least try!!! Most all of them looked awful! (I know they were outside in that heat, but there are hair and make-up people backstage. So, these women started-out from their homes and hotels looking awful!)

– Boy, did that Lorne Michael’s bit (done by Andy Samberg and Seth Myers) fizzle out.

– Seth actually looked kind-of handsome there, but I seriously think it was just because he was standing next to Andy. (I’m not saying anything bad—funny guys are usually not the good-looking ones. It’s no biggie. It’s hard to find someone with both great looks and super wit.) (See them in the picture at the top to see what I mean.)

Poor Lisa Kudrow. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Poor Lisa Kudrow. Photo by Karen Salkin.

– I hate to say it, but Lisa Kudrow looked like a crazy old lady.  I was looking away when they cut to her, and when I looked-up, I actually let out a frightened little scream. Sad.

– Conversely, Julia Louis-Dreyfus looked fabulous! Her best ever!

– James Corden played his bit, about the accountants, perfectly! I can’t believe the highlight of the entire three-hour telecast was the introduction of the Ernst and Young peeps! I love James now!

Frances McDormand. How does a movie star leave her house looking like that?! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Frances McDormand. How does a movie star leave her house looking like that?! Photo by Karen Salkin.

– I thought that Frances McDormand was a mental patient when I saw her walk on-stage with dirty gray hair, no make-up, and dressed like an Amish person; then her weird acceptance speech confirmed it for me.

– The best speech, by far, was that of the Daily Show director, Chuck O’Neil.

– What a lackluster show, host, cast, and audience.  There was not even been any cheering! (At least we were spared all the phony standing ovations that these shows usually have.)

– It was so bad that I didn’t even have the heart to tweet much snark.  Please forgive me.

Jaime Lee Curtis.  Why would she wear a backless dress? Doesn't she have a stylist?  A friend?  A husband??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Jaime Lee Curtis. Why would she wear a backless dress? Doesn’t she have a stylist? A friend? A husband??? Photo by Karen Salkin.

–The only emotional speech was from Uzo Aduba, the woman who won for Orange is the New Black. Good job on her part.

– I know she’s thin, but why would Jaime Lee Curtis wear a backless dress, to feature her wrinkly back fat??? (I really feel awful saying that about someone who was a fan of mine. I once overheard her telling her pal that some girl had the “best show in the history of television!” And guess what—it was me she was talking about!!! She came over to tell me, instead of just saying that compliment to her friend, which I super-appreciated, of course!)

– I was never a Tina Fey fan, but I really like that she’s just herself.  She’s the only one who wore her glasses to see. Good for her!

— I never, ever cared about Kyle Chandler, (actually, I didn’t even know who he is,) but I realized last tonight that he’s a really handsome guy.

It was hard to capture Sofia Vergara dropping the food out of her mouth, in a still, but if you look closely, you can see it there. Photo by Karen Salkin.

It was hard to capture Sofia Vergara dropping the food out of her mouth, in a still, but if you look closely, you can see it there. Photo by Karen Salkin.

— On my Twitter (@MajorCelebrity) I posted my first GIF because this warranted it: As they were announcing the nominees for Leading Actor in a Drama Series, (or whatever the heck they call it,) in the background of one of the men was Sofia Vergara eating in the audience.  And she even dropped some as it was going into her mouth!!! OMG! Even though it looked bad, I’ve been in that Emmys audience and I applaud her for bringing a snack.  I only wish I had thought of it when I used to sit there! [Note: The GIF is still up on my twitter, if you want to see it.]

– Jon Hamm looks like a guilty serial killer, doesn’t he? And what was that bit with him going up on stage by lying on the floor instead of using the steps? Was he drunk? Or did he erroneously think that was funny?

Doesn't Jon Hamm look crazy here? Or at least  frightening?  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Doesn’t Jon Hamm look crazy here? Or at least frightening? Photo by Karen Salkin.

— Is Jon Hamm short? I never saw him act, and don’t much about him, but he appeared to be short last night.

And there you have it! Deathly boring show, boring host, boring presenters, rightfully bored audience.

Tomorrow, I discuss the arrivals. And I’m much harder on everyone than I was today! I’m actually even harder on them than even the heat was!!!

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